Is Being A Virgin Still Important In Relationships? A Woman’s Perspective [By: Filsan A]

You don’t hear much talk about virgins anymore since sex is so ubiquitous in our hyper-sexualized society. If everyone’s doing it, who the hell cares about virgins? I read somewhere that to find a virgin today is like stumbling across a historic artifact or a unicorn—they are that elusive.

It’s no surprise therefore, that a person’s virginity is considered so valuable. In 2008, pseudonymous Natalie Dylen offered her virginity for sale to the highest bidder. She received offers of up to $3.8 million dollars. In conservative Nations like Egypt, where premarital sex is forbidden due to religious beliefs and traditions, “selling virginity” to women (who practice sex before marriage) in the form of blood-squirting hymen, has become a lucrative business. And more recently, an Australian filmmaker is documenting auctioning off virgins and paying each virgin a hefty $20, 000. In our society where sex sells, virgins are very much like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They’re as valuable as the coins in the pot and just as mythical. Is this the case in the world of dating and relationships—does it matter if a woman’s a virgin or not?

In the past when premarital sex was still considered taboo in most places, including the most liberal countries, it was normal to remain a virgin for a long period of time. Nowadays, most 40-year-old virgins are the butt of every joke. Sad and ironic, but also very true. It is well known that no one likes a newbie when it comes to sex. In the bedroom, the more you know, the more attractive you are– you get bonus points for your sexual prowess. Given that knowledge between the sheets is what counts as valuable, compatibility on all levels (especially a physical level) can lead to a fulfilling relationship.

On the other hand, it’s almost every man’s fantasy taking a girl’s virginity. There’s some pride that comes from knowing you were her first. The act can be messy (there is a chance of bleeding), but some men like to know that no other man was there before him. Therefore the whole “purity” myth factors into it. This is probably one of the reasons why the more religious men prefer to marry women that are virgins. Also, based on the recent rise in vaginal rejuvenation surgery- where women “re-virginize” themselves, some would argue that these women undergo such procedures because “tighter vaginas” help increase the levels of excitement in their sex lives. Thus, from this angle, one can argue that sex with a virgin equals great sex.

It is worth noting, however, that when arguing the two sides of this question, there is the chance of reducing important issues into binary oppositions like the ‘slut/virgin’ or ‘good girl/ bad girl’ complex, where one side is given more salience than the other.

A woman’s sexuality should not matter. What should, is how our society encourages abstinence and promotes promiscuity. That is something that needs to change.

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. The_Mad_HATER

    06/06/2010 at 12:25 AM

    Virgins are not hot in the streets! I get more pride knowing I beat it up better than the rest!!

    • Miss Muffin

      06/07/2010 at 4:55 AM

      LMAOOOOO don't kill me

  2. Adrian

    06/07/2010 at 2:19 AM

    Virgins are inexperienced and seem to require me to take much resposibility. I would also feel guilty, almost as if I was contaminating her purity by taking her v-card! lol. I think I'll pass, I need an experienced freak in the sheets ;D

  3. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/07/2010 at 5:05 AM

    I Think In Modern Western Civilization, Taking A Woman's Virginity Is Only What's Hot Up Until A Certain Age…It Was Great To Do it In Our Teens, But After Age 22 It Is Just NOT What Guys Want..

    I Think That Theory ONLY Applies To The West, Because Men In Other Cultures Really Put A Prize On Virginal Women Even When They Are Much Older As The Article States

  4. Obie

    01/15/2013 at 4:12 PM

    Look, I'm 16, a girl and I live in Australia. And I'm not a virgin. My friends have different views then me but I absolutely hate the fact that virgins can be considered a 'prize'. Also, why do women have to be the virgins? Maybe the females could take control and virgin men, if so be, can be the 'prize'. It's just a whole another way to say sexism towards women still exists. Yeah, I could be considered a slut because I've had sex early because of my views, but, I thought guys wanted to make virgins a 'prize' so whoever had taken my 'v-card' won the prize, right? The whole idea of being 'pure' is total utter bullshit. If guys had something like girls do (the hymen) their 'virginity' would increase as a 'prize' by a huge amount. It's just another Bad Eve, Good Adam story. The guy I had sex with first was technically a friend but we were both the most sexual in our group and he didn't care at all whether I was a virgin or not. And that's probably because he was too. He was confident talking to me, but when it came to the actual thing he was shy cause he didn't know what to do. Look, all I'm saying is that guys actually care about their virginity as well and that virgin girls aren't helpless when it comes to 'in-between-the-sheets'.
    Thanks for listening.

    • Addi

      08/01/2014 at 11:20 PM

      Hi Dear its addi here,You should contact me i can help you.


  5. oke

    08/24/2014 at 12:05 AM

    thanks for the good article. Permission listen only

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *