Dear Lesbians: There’s A Question I’ve Been Meaning To Ask You…

First, let me start off by saying I have nothing but love for any human being that can not resist the eloquent beauty, wondrous curves and just downright let-me-stick-my-tongue-in-your-mouth sexiness that women all over the world have, whether man OR woman. I support lesbians (though I will admit I like Bi girls a little better for obvious reasons) but I have always been puzzled as to why women turn to other women, who frankly, look like MEN.

Now I understand that this particular blog post might have a very quizzical gaze, but I do not mean to seem derisive or divisive, because this is an earnest question, so here goes: What exactly is the attraction of dating STUDS or DYKES that strongly resemble, act and carry themselves like men?

Now I can understand lesbian up to a point. For starters, I think this is what ALL men envision [and LOVE] when they think about the L-word:

Two beautiful, gorgeous and sexy Femmes who are SUCH dimepieces its HARD to fault them for NOT hooking up with one another, instead of some frowsy-richard dude. I get that they have the same attraction to the opposite sex that I do, and in my own mind I can comprehend the attraction.

Then, beyond that you get into another class of Lesbian, who fit the more stereotypical PGA-Golfer archetype of Gay women such as:

Rachel Maddow

And Ellen Degeneres

Both women I can see where another woman can find them very attractive and even boyishly-handsome in a sense. But  after that, we get into a part of the lesbian world that I simply can’t process: The Femme attraction to the overtly manly Dyke/Stud, such as:

And what’s even MORE interesting about the whole dynamic of Studs & Femmes, is the fact that some studs almost EXCLUSIVELY smash their girlfriend with a STRAP-ON. And Not just that plastic rocket, but the realistic dild0 with the veins and anatomically correct glans and texture. There are even studs who take TESTOSTERONE to help them lower their voice, and give them a more manly essence altogether.

When it comes to sexual attraction I believe to each his own, but in this case I would honestly like some real insight into that choice. I am honest enough to admit I have very little understanding of human attraction that does not fall in line with my own, so I would like some helpful insights.

So Lesbians, I ask you: When it comes to studs, how do you differentiate sexual attractiveness from a man, when the stud is flawlessly replicating a man? In other words, how do you choose to get it in with Snoop with a strap on, as opposed to just dating him?

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. MzDebbieFields

    02/04/2011 at 11:27 AM

    I could never understand this either…is there really a difference between a dude and a dyke?!

    Me personally I like sexy women so give me Ciara over Queen Latifah any day of the week LOL

    • Independent Woman

      02/04/2011 at 11:33 AM's called a vagina SMH

      • The_Mad_HATER

        02/04/2011 at 11:50 AM

        that dont excuse them from dating a woman that looks like john goodman!

  2. Independent Woman

    02/04/2011 at 11:34 AM

    Lesbians definitely don't deserve to have their sexual tastes be put on trial as if they did something wrong. Maybe everyone should grow up and just accept that different people have different tastes.

    Smh @ all of you

    • ATLienSince82

      02/04/2011 at 11:41 AM

      GTFOH wit that,…we put everyone's taste on blast on this site from dudes who like big girls, to women who date white dudes and all that…just because you're lesbian doesnt mean you cant get talked to like everyone else..

      Smh @ you!

      • @TAARenaissance

        02/04/2011 at 2:19 PM

        IW, stop the bitchassness… Trust me the sistahood does not like it when I talk about how I prefer a white girl over them…

        & plus Lincoln is coming from a place of curiosity, not hate…

        • ATLienSince82

          02/04/2011 at 2:28 PM

          Real talk fam

    • 500

      02/04/2011 at 8:48 PM 2011 why do ppl still care about what or whom turns the next person on?

      • alejandro

        02/05/2011 at 9:07 PM

        Its called human curiousity….

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          02/07/2011 at 12:37 AM

          Exactly. Sex Is An Interesting And Important Topic To Us, So To Ask "Who Cares" About What The Next Person Does Is Ignorant..

  3. ATLienSince82

    02/04/2011 at 11:39 AM

    Mayne, last year I was rudely awaken to the reality of what Lesbians really look like…they ain't all fit pornstar like models…some of them are just regular size 14 heffa's who aint all that cute..

    I thought these two dudes were fighting at the ball court and i was about to step in and intervene and saw it was two girls just messing around and kissing and shit…they sure looked like they played for the Hawks tho..


    • The_Mad_HATER

      02/04/2011 at 11:50 AM

      lol!! looked like they played for the hawks or the falcons?!?!

  4. Kizzy

    02/04/2011 at 11:45 AM

    This is an interesting question, because I seem to get hit on a lot by bulldykes and I'm not sure why because I don't look like them at all…I think it's probably the combination of looking and having the swagger of a man but still have that feminine tenderness that men lack.

  5. Carmelita Jones

    02/04/2011 at 12:57 PM

    I believe it's because no matter what she looks like on the outside or what silicone she straps on her front a woman is a woman is a woman. I once dated a woman who had never been penetrated in her life: not the Ob-Gyn, not a feminine product, finger, nothing and did not desire it. (Being with her was not much work for me, lol) So even though she looked male-ish & carried herself in a masculine way there was no denying that she was a woman & she never pretended to be anything else (although she was mistaken as a guy a few times.) I guess it's more personal preference than anything but the bottom line is that a woman who wants bulldykes still wants a woman. If (or when) she wants a real man she will get one.

  6. Connie Guess

    02/04/2011 at 1:25 PM

    First, let me just make sure to everybody that this is just from what I have learned from different topics that I am involved with.
    I am a femme (the female or bottom as some call us) my woman is a stud (not a dyke or a bull.. a woman that is a top ). Now the difference is that she is ALL woman in every way but wears boy swag. She is the dominant one in the bed room and does the 'giving' and I the 'receiving' . She will allow the femme to touch her in every way she touches her woman but not penetrate. (strap) There are many 'labels' put on lesbians and I could probably list about 50 off the rip (but I won't) Once the clothes come off they are both women getting what they each prefer from the other. We are women that are emotional, caring and natural nurturers and these traits we do not get from men. Some women that dress 'like' men are actually attracted to other women that dress 'like' men, just like some femmes prefer femmes. I could go deeper into this topic, but for the sake of not confusing the 'straight' folks, I won't. Just remember that the human race is a complicated species and no one person has all the answers. Have you ever asked yourself why gay men are attracted to ………… (the many different labels that they suffer through!)

    • iLoveMyStudChiCk

      06/22/2011 at 7:20 PM

      ^ I love this answer & Completely agree.

    • Jaeda

      05/10/2016 at 8:40 PM

      The perfect answer

  7. imakesense

    02/04/2011 at 7:15 PM

    O wow I was stuck in that hair post and missed this! I'm a lesbian magnet and love it :)

    "I have always been puzzled as to why women turn to other women, who frankly, look like MEN."

    I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THIS. In the case of fems, I chalked it up to them just liking the look outwardly, but not the male mentality or dick. I don't think true lesbians use strap ons

  8. HawnGrl

    02/07/2011 at 1:41 AM

    This is an interesting subject because I have a friend who recently turned lesbian… and it was after she was raped. I can see, in her situation, how she is attracted to boyish girls but is afraid of guys now.

    • ATLienSince82

      02/07/2011 at 7:00 PM

      Wow I ain't heard of something like that in my life..

  9. Carmen

    02/18/2011 at 6:29 PM

    This is a very good topic because I to would like to know what exactly it is that would attract a woman to another woman, sexually that is. I mean I can say there are attractive women, I can even say if I was a guy ya id hit that but as a woman to actually have sex with another woman uh NO. It’s the same body parts as mine and frankly a dildo or strap on cant do what the real thing does, the joy or pleasure of simply having a penis in your hand and feeling it pulsate and grow while your hand strokes it to me is far more fascinating than a vagina. So what is it?

    • iLoveMyStudChiCk

      06/22/2011 at 7:31 PM

      I'd have to agree, a stap-on cannot do what the real thing does.. It's better. Imagine the best dick you've ever had in your life or the best dick you WANT in your life (lol), imagine it never getting soft or never having any problems getting up & lasting foreverrrr. It's a different feeling with a woman in general. You'd have to be emotionally interested in women to understand the physical attraction to women. Of course, if you have no desire to ever want to get with a woman in that way, you'd never understand. We fall in-love with a woman exactly how you'd fall in love with a man. Majority of us, are lesbians who like dildo's & are emotionally interested in women. So being able to have both, being able to lay back & get penetrated , WHILE your chick is on top being able to kiss you & hold you at the same time.. it's double rewarding to us haha & at the end of the day, we all still get to lick the pussy which we looove so much! LOL

      • Shane

        08/18/2015 at 4:05 AM

        Hell yea ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

  10. Anonymus

    08/27/2011 at 2:30 AM

    they must be closet straights

  11. bina

    09/16/2011 at 7:24 PM

    I see it like this I been talking to girls since I was little, im 20 now but I've been bi sexual till this year,so if a stud don't like to be penetrated by a strap why does a femme lesbian if she's a full lesbian? I am a full blown lesbian I got stud tendencies, but I am a femme but don't like to be penetrated by finger or strap, its feels like a male, that's gay to me, but when I talked to my first stud I was attracted cause she looked like a man, but still liked the private areas, I just think the femme lesbians who ONLY like studs, are confused, and want a man physically, so therefore they want a man, a stud is a women when the clothes come off, but who goes n talks to a stud and picture her naked? Lol I only messed wit one stud, yuk! I love my femmes

  12. jack_boy

    01/02/2012 at 4:44 AM

    i wanna know…. how do studs get orgasms by topping their partner with a strap on?

  13. Tabitha

    09/25/2012 at 11:16 AM

    Ima sexy ass stud that pulls sexy ass femmes. Ion care why or how they attracted to me just as long as get get what I prefer (pussy)

  14. lee

    09/26/2012 at 2:14 PM


  15. Rya

    10/13/2012 at 1:35 PM

    I'm a femme who is attracted to femmes, and I'm confused in the same way, but this article is disrespectful… Especially with the part about loving bi girls and using lesbians as fap-fodder. we're humans too, not just sex toys.

  16. Anita

    12/21/2012 at 6:32 AM

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  17. @LeAfrique

    10/03/2014 at 3:00 PM

    Why is it assumed that womyn who like being penetrated secretly want men? Anyone consider they just enjoy penetration but are attracted to womyn. My hetero friends don't like men bc they have penises and can penetrate them, lol…they like men bc they simply do, everything about them. If you flip this question and pose it to hetero womyn it will make sense…why do they like Emos, Metrosexual, Hood, Babdboys, Preps, Country, Rugged…etc. types of guys, certain things attract certain ppl. Every womyn who looks manly isn't always…that just demeanor, she may be getting strapped by the femme behind closed doors. I know numerous AG/Stud non fem womyn who are bisexual or attracted to non fem womyn. There are AG/Studs that love MTF trans womyn…FTMs who date only men or MTF…sexuality is fluid I suppose. I am an AG/Stud identified womyn and I like attractive womyn regardless of clothes but I veer more towards femmes most often. I am appreciative of attractive ppl in general but not sexually excited or disgusted by men, not moved in any direction. What do we make of straight men who like prostate stimulation…some by men, some by womyn or both? Men in jail who sleep with other men but don't consider themselves gay? Took me a long time to figure out the DL guys who identify as hetero but I get it…they like booty and prefer dudes for sex, they have prostates and the experience won't be the same with a womyn…purely sexual, not intimate or exchange of emotions. Umm…yes I've gone somewhere else but ish happens, lol. When the clothes come off we are womyn at the end of the day…some wielding straps satisfying our partners. Fir the question about how do we get pleasure from wearing the strap…position it just right and you get stimulation too. I still don't get the touch me not AG/Studs…riddle me that batman. I can only surmise that they have yet to get fully comfortable with their bodies/sexuality. And in closing I think gender bending, androgynous, gender queers give eyegasms ie. Prince, Boy George, B. Scott, Grace Jones, AZ Marie, Chiified Igbo.

  18. Gay Dating

    06/13/2015 at 10:17 PM

    Interesting post. I would say "To each his own." It boils down to having individual preference and taste. Thanks for sharing this article!

  19. Alexis

    09/21/2015 at 1:55 PM

    valid question. people getting butthurt over this are ridiculous because you're just asking out of curiosity and are being polite and civil about it. i'm a bi who's always been attracted to dykes, ranging from androgynous to full-blown out masculine. and i have NO idea why. i can't explain it. show me two pictures of two equally good-looking people with masculine attributes, and if you tell me one is a woman, i'll find that person so much more attractive. even i find myself weird for thinking that o_0 the best reasoning i can give is that some people find androgyny very charming and are specifically drawn to that mix of male and female qualities

  20. Kdogg

    01/13/2016 at 7:33 AM

    I'm a a stud if your. Girl is a. Bottom as in her pussy is a bottom sits closest to her ass hole that's a bottom and I'm a top my pussy sits closest to my belly button how would the sex work for us??? Sometimesz it gets complicating. And she get Fed up and we don't have sex and its killing us lol can yall answer. Our question

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