Why Black Men Date Fat, Ugly, White Girls [The REMIX]

Some of the SMARTEST & REALEST things I read all week [hell, all month] were posted yesterday on VerySmartBrothas [http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/a-final-word-on-this-tyler-perrylove-jones-mess/] by a very talented brother named The Champ, who wrote: 1st) The prevalence of [dumb]-ass n*ggas — people who either can’t or just refuse to actually read — has become pandemic, then 2nd) “Black people” and “satire” just don’t seem to mix very well, followed by 3rd) Seriously, how the f*ck can anyone read that and think it was real??? All those points above have led me to rehash a guest post I made on a site a few weeks back that had damn near every DUMB-B*TCH trolling across the Black Blogosphere going nuts and proving they don’t have any humour OR common-f*^king sense.

Here is the post I wrote:

There are 3 types of men in the world now: Breast men, A*s men and Black men. Breast men are always looking for a succulent pair of tittays to sink their teeth into. A*s men are always looking for that perfect bubble enhanced by the curvature of a woman’s lower back and how it connects to her gluteal fold (Google anyone?). But, Black men differ from the other two types of men because its not just about T Or A individually: We want it ALL.

While white and asian culture exalts their skinny to slim girls and keeps the voluptuous ones on the outskirts of attractiveness, Blacks are the complete opposite. We drool over the Melyssa Ford’s, Tahiry’s, Esther Baxter’s and whichever video h0e is hot in the streets this week (whatever happened to that trick from Drake’s “Find your Love” video?) And give sweet yet nuanced compliments to skinny girls who have cute faces but lack the thickness we like such as Zoe Saldana and Thandie Newton. Black men LOVE themselves a lot of woman – and when many of us hear you can get these women WITHOUT much effort or having to put up with too attitude JUST by crossing over the border and dating white women, n*ggas is getting their Usain Bolt on regardless of whether or not she looks paler and chubbier than an actress who had to audition for a role in Twilight and The Biggest Loser back to back.

Allow me to sum up my thesis in 5 distinct points:

1. Who Said We Know The Difference Between Thick & Fat In The First Place?

Most Black men don’t even think their Outside Linebacker of a girlfriend is even that fat anyways. In the Black community, how many times have we debated over the difference between thick and fat? It’s an ongoing debate with no resolution in sight. Sometimes when you see a brother walking with a girl looking like Kevin Love, he probably just thinks she “thick as hell” even though she looks like a pregnant Polar bear to the rest of us. Plus even if he thinks she’s overweight, it doesn’t faze him because…

2. Let’s Be Honest – Most White Women Weren’t Just Born With Knee Pads – They Were Born With NHL GOALIE Pads

Look it’s 2011 and oral sex is an understood and accepted part of sex. The Beenie Man “Crazy Notion” days are DONE and brothers want some head – and Fat, White girls are serving that on the menu quicker than any other women. While other women may have to tap out because their Jaw feels like it’s been in a Cain Velasquez fight, Fat White Girls fight through the pain (and their gag reflex) to please their man in any way he wants because…

3. You Haven’t Met Anything With Lower Self-Esteem Than A Fat, White Girl

I have a lot of white guys for friends and they are some damn STICKLER’S for weight. White boys will call a girl fat over some damn “muffin-top” and a few extra pounds, while Brothers look at the same girl like “N*gga, she slim!” Fat white women are constantly ostracized, insulted and lampooned (and harpooned) in the white community, but can actually find a semblance of acceptance and appreciation amongst men in the Black community who characterize them as SEXY instead of beached whales. That boost in self-esteem will play itself out in the bedroom, leading to Black men wanting to keep them around, especially when…

4. You Haven’t Met Anything With MORE Ignorance Than A Black Woman

Why deal with a woman of any race or culture who is too argumentative, independent, combative and likely to CUSS your monkey-a*s out when you can get the physical love from a fat White woman without all that? Well the reality is…

5. Some Black Men Are Just Too P*ssy To Handle A Real Woman

And the fat, white girl has nothing to do with what he likes, but moreso is a representation of what he’s running from. Because there are a LOT of bad, feisty, sexy, smart white girls out there and these same brothers made a point of ignoring them just as much as they do all Black women.

Now we’re not going to talk about this topic, because any non-homotional p*ssy can clearly see it was a joke – but I would rather focus on the reactions to it – by uptight, stupid-a*s and obnoxiously self-righteous LOSERS who constantly feel the need to put down others in a vain attempt to legitimize their own frail sense of intelligence. Though I have to shout out the many people who LOL’D at the post and kept it moving, This post initiated such “well-read” and “witty” comments such as:

“Sounds like you need an excuse to cross over …that shit is just tired. It is all about attitude and personality yes some women are sassy but they should be. Why do you want to be with a door mat. Is the ego so bloated? Can you not handle someone with an opinion and not go for the okie doke every time?”

and

“i’m a black woman. happy 90% of the time, not angry at life, not downtrodden, not apt to “cuss your monkey arse out” (i’ve never called anyone a “monkey arse” in life”

and..

“This Nigga is a true Nigga. The only ignorant thing here brotha is you. “

and even..

“but you know what, if you dont want me – im fine with that.. just dont be on twitter/gchat/email asking for my pictures if this is how you feel about black women.
yes.
shots
fired.
*drops mic”

I hate to sound like a self-aggrandizing prick and I usually don’t rate my own writing, but that was FUNNY. But with that said, if you didn’t find that humorous, that’s cool because we all have different senses of humour and some people won’t find a satirical, humorous commentary funny – usually because of a case of rampant douchebaggery which keeps them trapped in a maze of ahumerous . So feel free NOT to laugh – but if you got OFFENDED at that and your name is NOT Roseanne Barr or Rosie O-Donnell – you simply are a F*^king LOSER.

And I KNOW you LOSERS all too well: You sit behind your laptop, create a “witty” yet wholly unrealistic and arrogant handle like Muze [when you’re deep and brooding sensibilities couldn’t fill the shallow tip of a condom] or SmartFoxGirl [when your IQ really rivals Ed O’Bannon’s NBA career scoring average and you’re really as foxy as Danny Glover in an adult sized latex onesie]. You are the same pretentious, condescending faux-intellectuals who feel it’s your duty to police the humour, thoughts and opinions of others on the internet, and fervently register your b*tch-a*s complaints when something offends your delicate sensibilities – unless it was written specifically by someone at VSB, in which case you will proceed to open your mouth wide and deep-throat your mouse wishing it really was ‘Panama’s canal.’

You BORE me. Mainly because you aren’t intellectual, or smart, or intelligent, or brooding – but mostly because you’re corny and unoriginal. One girl even wrote:

“#1-4 makes sense. The #5 is simply to throw the sisters a bone and to let them feel better after reading the rest of the post.”

yeah and the smart women figured this out.

NO, YOU DIDN’T – and that’s why I CONSTANTLY speak out against proclaiming yourself to be an intellectual when you REALLY AREN’T. The “Smart women” weren’t even “smart” enough to decipher any semblance of my real feelings in this comedic post, even though they were succinctly stated in ONE sentence, but if you’re SO smart, I’m sure you can guess, right?

Today marks the one year anniversary of when I BOUGHT this domain name (didn’t actually start the site until April 1st, so clearly I don’t know A LOT about blogging, but I do know it’s predicated on insightful entertainment. You write to have your readers experience different emotions [including laughter] and If you think writing a blog, or commenting on one essentially elevates you to the highest levels of the cerebral intelligentsia, not only are you WRONG but you’re nothing more than a self-interested r*sshole with unfortunate delusions of grandeur.

Simply put: Go F*^K yourselves.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

97 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    03/01/2011 at 3:34 AM

    What Say YOU Good Posters? Do Black People Tend To Overreact Sometimes Or Are You A [Douche] Person Who Thinks We Need To Keep Being Constantly Oversensitive And B*TCH-MADE Because Of Past Prejudice And Racial Slights?

  2. Belle Nocturnal

    03/01/2011 at 9:18 AM

    Yes. I completely agree. black people (I'm black) tend to overact quite frequently. This became extremely evident to me in the recent controversy over Beyonce in blackface. Omg. "Inappropriate" "Embarassing" "This takes us back 100 years."

    Get your life. There are bills to pay. Gas prices rising. Children to feed. Lol. Things are not that serious.

  3. ATLienSince82

    03/01/2011 at 11:32 AM

    I gotta be honest…I think most blogs are lame as fuck…the only reason I come here is cause the writing isn't on some soft-ass steve harvey shit and its all just real talk without some idiots walking around like they are so smart..

  4. Independent Woman

    03/01/2011 at 11:38 AM

    Any black woman that would raise her blood pressure off of something like that is a complete IDIOT!

    I don't find mass generalizations funny, but I'm smart enough to choose my battles…the problem is some women think they are progressing our cause by defending every stupid little issue from State Farm to Pepsi commercials…while black women are being raped, abused and mistreated everyday..

    We need to get some perspective ladies….it's a fucking BLOG..

  5. MzDebbieFields

    03/01/2011 at 11:43 AM

    As a white woman I can see how other white women would find this very offensive!

    But why a black woman would get upset is beyond me?? Sounds like most are mad that interracial dating is a fact…and you guys call me a racist! #Hypocrites

  6. The_Mad_HATER

    03/01/2011 at 11:53 AM

    those bitches sound hurt as fuck! and for what??

    probably went home and punched a hole through their bachelor apartments where they live alone with their cats!! lol

  7. Kizzy

    03/01/2011 at 11:56 AM

    Wowww….I found that post hilarious! Wasn't this posted on SBM?! I tried to link to it the other day and couldn't find it…was it really taken down??

    SMH

  8. maxfab

    03/01/2011 at 12:16 PM

    Linc you already know I thought your post was hilarious. I can't see any reason why anyone should be offended, unless you're a fat white woman and even then I think you should be able to take a joke.

  9. delectabledar

    03/01/2011 at 12:30 PM

    This is my first time commenting on your blog and its only to request more compacted page addys. I ask because your blog is real and enjoyable and I would like to share with my friends BUT twitter only has 140characters and bbm less. Thanks :)

  10. Kam

    03/01/2011 at 12:53 PM

    I actually found the post funny but the comments funnier. And the white girls are thick too picture disturbing. All in all great post.

  11. pauliebrooks

    03/01/2011 at 12:55 PM

    While reading this i just kept visualizing those black men who get fat and unattractive white girls pregnant, walking around scarborough towncenter looking sad as a puppy dog because they done fucked up and got locked in.____Its actually a scary though to tell really defensive black women to chill out because they're likely to spazz on a brotha or anyone else in the warpath. I can't lie though, angry black women turn me on. I like some anger in 'em, white, black, or purple.____Seriously though? Danny Glover in a latex onesie? You got some real issues brother, but i love it.

  12. keisha brown

    03/01/2011 at 1:31 PM

    um.. whoa.
    1st of all.. my quote wasn't directed at your post but to a particular dude who was yaymening all about the place about white girls being the best WHILE trying to holla at me on the side.

    2nd – your thing is to say what others supposedly dont. i get it. i somewhat respect it. i dont always like it and dont always agree with it. but such is life.

    3rd – i hate that people who dont laugh and take your words with a grain of salt are constantly disrespected as stupid humourless fools (or worse based on your insults of muze and sfg).
    as i said on a recent sbm post – respect the reader and the reader will respect the writer.

    there are different types of humour in the world – some like chris rock, others like dane cook. am i a loser for thinking the hangover wasn't funny? no, because frat-boy slapstick comedy isn't funny to me.

    at the end of the day, you are entitled to your opinion. and to express it via this blog. i presume the reason why you write is to be read. why insult those that do so? and you calling me a loser is an insult. and please dont say..it's just the internet/im just calling it as i see it because that's even MORE insulting.

  13. Dr. J

    03/01/2011 at 2:39 PM

    Lincoln,

    You disappointed me in this article because you let them win. You let naysayers win by validating and affirming them. If you truly believe in what you do and what you say, then never validate a hater, especially one who you do not think has the same mental capacity as you. Simply put, remember when Jay-Z was battling Jim Jones? It was stupid and nonsensical, why allow someone who's not on your level to be on your level by acknowledging their presence.

    Broseph, there's not a single writer on SBM who is attacked as much as me. I do guest posts on other sites and i'm attacked there too. I've found that unless i'm writing a post called, "100 Reasons Why Black Women are Fly and Black Men ain't sh*t," I won't get a single positive comment. So yes, i've had people write dissertations in comment sections in disagreement with my posts. I've even received hate mail too. This is before i published my email on the internet. I'd say that the majority of my posts are to make you laugh, make you think, and then you move on with something new on your day.

  14. Dr. J

    03/01/2011 at 2:40 PM

    (cont'd)

    This is not to say the people who comment on your site aren't important, or to be encouraged. Discourse is always encouraged. You and I both read NC-17, if it wasn't for his preface on his site, most people would roast him on the regular too. But you are the Creator of your material, but your readers are the life. Without them there was no point. This new type of blogging where people actually care how many people read their blog is totally dependent on comments. If not, we'd all still have our private blogs and not care that anyone ever read. With that said, you can't possibly comment on SBM or your personal blog and not expect some negative responses. Facebook is the only place where you only get a "like" button.

    I commend you for your candor. However, in my experience as a blogger, posts like this only make you look uber-emotional. I've dealt with that, I know that i'm the Kanye of blogging because i'm always going off about some ish I just don't like in other writers, readers or critics.

  15. Dr. J

    03/01/2011 at 2:40 PM

    Understand that you put something out there and people will critique it. They are in a position where they respond to what you put out there, you're exposed, they have the perfect position. Most of the negative readers, don't have their own blogs, don't even have the dedication/capacity to write their own blog. So feel sorry for them, I know I do at times.

    But I still love them. I love all the readers at SBM and beyond. I think that their feedback only helps you to be a better writer. And it may also help you to learn to "accept those things which you cannot change." Yes, I just don't think negative people can be changed. I commend your post, encourage to harness your energy in the future on posts with new material. Hey, someone pissed me off one time and I decided to stop posting about relationships for 4 months, another time, I did a month on a Black relationships site, on dating Latinas… my point is, I harnessed my energy and put it back into my work.

    Regards. Dr. J

  16. Streetz

    03/01/2011 at 5:04 PM

    I concur with my blogging bretheren on this.

    Lincoln, you know how we do with posts. We take all views into account and post accordingly. Check my post on "Opinions and assholes" you'll see that we have similar views.

    Keep doing what you do fam. If everyone agreed with you it would be boring right?

  17. Shantae

    03/01/2011 at 6:46 PM

    In blogging you must be smart enough to know that there will be people who disagree with you, who will possibly be offended by what you say and how you think. Perhaps they are not truly intellectual…I mean, your blog is not limited to the "intellectual types" only. You must know that. But, why is it that when someone disagrees with you they are considered a dumb f*ck? and when you offend people, they are considered sensitive. Do you not believe that "somehow" on gods green earth; there are people who are intellectual, well read, and well experienced that don't see the world as black and white as you do? Some of the things that you write are offensive, how can you deny that? And yes, you can say "well if i offend you, don't read my blog" but isn't one of the great things about your blog the fact that it spurs conversation and opinions? Can't a person perhaps as "intellectual" as you have as strong of an opinion as you and voice these opinions just as you do. Blunt and abrasively? Not that there is anything wrong with being blunt and abrasive but i find it rather odd that you are in fact offended by people who voice their opinions in the same manner as you do. You say in your article above, "But with that said, if you didn’t find that humorous, that’s cool because we all have different senses of humour and some people won’t find a satirical, humorous commentary funny – usually because of a case of rampant douchebaggery which keeps them trapped in a maze of ahumerous". Someone who doesn't find you funny is a douchbag???? I get it, your "trying to be funny" and the "ahumerous people" are f*cking up the show, but questioning the intellect of others because of their difference in humor or view on the world is petty. Intellectuals, enlighten even when the "dense" try to cast a shadow. I say your intellect is up for questioning when a difference in opinion erks you to the point of lashing out and being even more offensive than you had been in the first place. Why, Mr. Intellect does it erks you so to have your views questioned in the same manner you dished it?

  18. imakesense

    03/01/2011 at 6:46 PM

    The post wasn't funny. I understood the satire of it, but the generalizations are kind of played out. This is just my opinion.

    Then again satire isn't that funny to me anyways, but you achieved the point of it.

    satire ( ) n. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, sarcasm or ridicule

    Keep it up and don't let the insulting critiques get you down.

  19. SmartFoxGirl

    03/01/2011 at 9:48 PM

    I’m not even going to address what you said about me. I’m going to let you think I’m unintelligent and look like Danny Glover. Lol that’s cute. What I am curious about is where you saw me make any comment about you? I commented on SBM that day saying I knew it was a joke but I didn’t find it funny. I thought the post was ridiculous but I’m entitled to my opinion. I didn’t say shit about you but if I did then so what? Who the fuck are you? Loser? Lmao now THAT’S funny. You’re just mad cause A LOT of people didn’t like your post. You’re just mad cause it got pulled. What you worried about me for? I must be that important to you. Good to know you’re thinking about Muze and I. Muze wanted to comment too but she sends her love. She’s too busy winning. I gotta get back to my fabo life too. We’ll send you autographed pictures and panties to help you release. Toodles.

  20. Gee

    03/01/2011 at 11:26 PM

    Smartfoxgirl

    You’ve got to be kidding? Are you 12? If he response to your rubbish post I think he ought to stop blogging lol some of you try so hard to come off as smart. When you are there’s no trying involved. You just are!! Good grief.

  21. RudeAntix

    03/03/2011 at 1:45 PM

    This was one of the best thing's I've read so far today. Bredrin, you rock!

  22. Eri

    03/03/2011 at 11:44 PM

    This is my first time on here..you are a talented writer. I "LOL-ed" quite a bit while reading this…looking forward to reading more.

  23. ddddddd

    03/06/2011 at 11:55 PM

    the original post was hilarious. a humorous take on why black men date fat white women. some people need to take some laxatives let loose because they're moving too constipated. lighten up, dayum. i dont even remember half the comments on that post but i know a ton of people were butt-hurt about it writin a whole bunch of "omg how dare you im going to go slit my wrists now" bs. its one thing not to find it funny, but to turn and say serious shit about the author when it was a humorous post is kinda overdoing it. yes everyone is entitled to their opinion nd feelings but when youre crying a river over a joke, that says more about your shortcomins than the authors… imo…

    im pretty confident that the author has enough sense to understand that some relationships form because the people involved actually have a genuine connection – even if they are from two different races… not everyyy black guy "chickens out and runs to the easy-to-get white girl" thought Some do… so all the people takin this post and running to the police with it need to chillll @_@

  24. Iwon'ttell

    06/25/2011 at 5:01 AM

    Wow, this is the most ignorant blog I've read thus far. I mean if she had been beautiful and had no overly developed curves. Then you idiots would complain that she "ain't got no ass." Give it a rest my fellow RACIST.

  25. Nuu

    02/13/2012 at 6:37 PM

    Heyy man :) my first time here so I haven't read the previous post or the comments so in turn, I had to fill in the blanks, but MY NIG lol you're funny :) definitely. I feel you about the "thick" thing though. Idk HOW many discussions I've had about the word "THICK." I recently got into a car accident (hit by a car) and unfortunately i can't walk now – though still have control over everything else. I even feel pain and temperature in my legs…just can't move them. But because of not being able to do much and having to recover, i had a lot of time to myself in the hospital. When i'd be online, id check out a couple sites and even some other social networks outside of Facebook. I was bored one day and signed up for match.

    B
    I
    G

    M
    I
    S
    T
    A
    K
    E

    Majority of the people on there are stuck up, but that's the good part. The fucked up part is how people describe themselves. People tend to give themselves higher visual marks, put up old pictures, and call themselves….THICK. Or more funny, BBW…which is a level above thick. Let me interrupt myself and give you my "thickness scale.' Each following term is a bigger body type. This scale is the REAL definitely of thick.

    skinny: Lucy Liu
    got some body: cameron diaz
    THICK: Kim kardashian, alexas texas, Pinky, Kelly Devine
    BBW: Devyn Devine
    Everything else: FAT…FAT………FAT

    Anyways, on match, they have a drop down menu for what you look like. I'd say there's approximately 10 options. Listen, 4-5 of them are for big girls and there's no fucking way to tell what's code for what. There's "curvy, voluptuous, stocky, few extra pounds, and heavyset." You know how easy it is for someone to plausibly deny how big they are? really fucking easy. And of course, if you point that out, apparently you don't like "curvy" or "thick" girls.

    Listen, ill make it simple. I have a titanium wheelchair and some carbon fiber on it. If i'm SCARED you're gonna BREAK my wheelchair when you sit on my lap, then sweetheart, you're fucking gigantic. It's as factual as I'm black (or brown if we wanna get technical). If you constantly take pictures at a downward angle, bitch you're gigantic. If you don't post ANY pics besides your face online….bitch, you GIGANTIC!!!! If you got bootydo (stomach sticks out more than your booty do…yeah you know), then most likely, BITCH YOU FUCKING GAWT-ZILLAAAAAAAA….HELP USSSS!!!! But seriously, i had to put in my profile that i'm fairly open up to a real BBW, but anything after that i'm just not having.

    Needless to say, i sincerely wish my fellow black people would leave the (genuinely) fat chicks alone (unless they're into that) only to mistake grade C cellulite, looking like a bag of un-returned blockbuster tapes as an "ass." i don't know where the fuck this phenomena came from, but im so tired of everyone thinking all black guys like fat chicks. I don't like it.

    I suppose i can't delineate the difference between a thick girl, or a fat girl well enough, but ill end my (probably) incoherent comment by saying: just because you're thick (for real), it DOES NOT mean you're fat, but just because you're fat, it DOES NOT mean you're thick. *bookmarks site*

  26. joshua_vanguard

    05/20/2012 at 9:12 PM

    seriously, all of y'all need jesus christ in your life!!! BADLY!!! GOD created all beings for this planet that we live on and we still havent learned how to share it. ridiculous!

  27. knight4444

    08/03/2012 at 2:03 PM

    Wow reading most of these incredibly ignorant and juvenile post I’m assuming I’m hoping their all by people under 20 years old. As a over 40 yr old black male who fights racism everyday it’s sad to read so many ignorant childish comments here! ! Even the author of this page can’t stop using profanity or saying N*GGA every other word! Bottom line you want racist people to have a change of heart? try respecting yourself first!

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