Just Because You’re In A Relationship Doesn’t Mean You’re Relationship-Material

As some of you might not have heard me when I said it the 1st time, Ms. Tea’s “Tea Party” event was EPIC and full of intelligent, hilarious and real conversation such as a moment that helped me derive the idea for this particular post today. One moment that sticks out in my mind from that event, was when a young woman stated she doesn’t believe in “relationship rules” [such as the ones provided in Sherry Argov’s book “Why Men Marry B*tches”]. Her rationale was that she believes everyone should just be themselves, as opposed to adhering to someone else’s ideology of what they ‘should’ do to maintain a healthy relationship – which of course, I COMPLETELY disagreed with.

I didn’t agree with her based on the points I made HERE, and after I asked her “do you think you’re relationship material?” to which she replied “well, I’m married” which she said with a Charlie Sheen “Duh, Winning” face. At that point, the entire room erupted in laughter as if she truly showed me out by stating she’s married – but with a deadpan face, I sat and asked the question again “do you think you’re relationship material?” I guess what she, and many other people in the room, did NOT quite understand, is that having the ability to enter into a relationship or marriage, doesn’t automatically make you relationship or marriage material.

To be relationship material means you possess the adequate mental and emotional attributes to facilitate and foster a healthy and positive relationship with another person. To have the dating status of being “In A Relationship” takes nothing more than desperation, fear of dying alone, a dowry, being a beggar and not a chooser, kids, or just plain ol’ SETTLING. The fact is ANYONE can be in a relationship – hell, ANYONE can be in a LONG-TERM relationship, but that doesn’t mean they are relationship material.

Ask yourself seriously, how many people do you know in HEALTHY and TRULY HAPPY relationships? I don’t mean CONTENT or just SOMEWHAT SATISFIED, I mean they are really doing the damn thing when it comes to being a great boyfriend/girlfriend/husband or wife and understand the ideas of giving and taking to create a harmonious match. Now obviously, not everyone is going to be happy EVERY moment of EVERY day in their relationship, but the point is to zero in on the people who you know that are GOOD in their relationship – and the people that are FROWSY as HELL matched up in a horrible piece of TRASH union.

I bet you probably know A LOT of people who have NO business attempting to BRAG about being in a serious relationship as they presently are because they don’t possess the adequate traits needed to be in a successful relationship. Why, you ask? Because too many people see being in a relationship [married or dating] as the END or GOAL, instead of seeing it for what it truly is – THE START.

Starting a relationship or getting married is just the beginning of fine tuning your abilities to be a good mate for someone, not an example of how great of a partner you ALREADY are, and you should be committed to improving yourself everyday, not patting yourself on the back because you don’t have to go hunting for men like the 48 year old dancehall queen doing the splits in a pink tutu in the video light at some frowsy banquet hall to impress the young dudes there. Or being so content you’re not the old man in the club trying to rake in under-aged nani with your skin-tight, sack-hugging leather pants and Rick James Jheri cul shag, that you feel you don’t have to TRY to be a better man.

The fact is YES, you can be in a relationship and NOT be relationship material. BUT, you can counteract that by doing one simple thing: Treating everyday with your significant other as a new opportunity to be BETTER than you were yesterday.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.