The #1 Reason Women CAN’T Have Booty-Calls: Because HE’S Gonna Want More

I might be aging myself by saying this, but I come from a much simpler time when back in the days, the concept of a booty-call was not exactly framed as a mutually beneficial endeavour. In fact, Booty Calls were basically seen as a thing really clever, attractive and charismatic guys “got away with” by persuading women to give up the nani without any commitment of a relationship. Well now in 2011, you would think that things would be equal by now and that men and women could mutually enjoy the benefits of the Booty Call but even THAT’S not true anymore – because if you’re a smart, attractive and emotionally stable woman, HE will be the one who will get uptight about giving up non-relationship richard.

Ladies, I am particularly aiming this piece at the [small] percentage of you who are smart, cute and/or sexy, and far from crazy. You women stand NO chance at having a successful lustfully engaging, Booty-Call-pseudo-relationship because you women don’t seem to understand how RARE you are and in how much HIGH DEMAND you are as well. And don’t be offended by the fact that I say there are FEW of you, because there are VERY FEW sane, attractive and intelligent men out there as well – basically, 90% of the population is frowsy, musty and undateable. But with the current crop of crazy-ass women out there now, it’s damn near IMPOSSIBLE for a man to find a proper “wife-material” type woman, and when he does he will break the Booty-Call ‘Code of Conduct’ because he will recognize you CAN’T be passed up.

See Ladies, the best type of woman to have for a booty-call is a woman EXTREMELY devoid of damn near all the positive mental and emotional qualities a man looks for in a woman. Typically, the woman the man makes his jumpoff is the chick, who every time she opens her mouth to speak, he would rather stick a syringe from Courtney Love’s house directly into his testicles rather than listen to her. Men compartmentalize our emotions very far from our richard which is why we can so easily have emotionless sex, and part of compartmentalizing is identifying all the flaws this waterhead-chick has and constantly using them as a reminder as to why you will NEVER get serious with her. But ENTER the girl without those painfully obvious flaws – well, that’s where he’s F*^KED.

Because so many women are crazy as hell [7.8 out of 10], now women who are just regularly sane are starting to look like Goddesses to dudes out here and after months of getting it in, he’s gonna start to make ALL the moves leading up to him eventually deciding you are TOO GOOD to pass up.

Step 1: The Fake Check-Up

No Booty-Call should be texting you at 7 AM ’bout “Good Morning, hope you had a good sleep?” or 7 PM ’bout “Hey just giving you a shout to see how work was.” Booty call shouldn’t be texting until Booty Call-hours. The reason he’s texting is because he is doing the “Fake Check Up” where he ACTS like he’s genuinely interested in seeing what you’re doing, but he’s actually just genuinely interested in knowing if you’re with ANOTHER guy, which leads to the next step..

Step 2:The Monogamous F*^k-Buddy

This is a WEIRD-ASS relationship that is very indicative of MANY relationships nowadays. The monogamous F-Buddy is the relationship that is pretty much just sex and a casual outing here and there – but with an understanding that you both are only doing that with each other even though you’re NOT in a real relationship. Your dude will try to lure you into this, because when he recognizes all that you have to offer, he’s gonna become slightly possessive, but he will be that way QUIETLY so he doesn’t LOOK like he’s breaking the Booty Call ‘Code of Conduct’..

Step 3: The Switch-Up

This is the OBVIOUS sign that all women know – this is when he starts doing things for you he never did before, or starts talking to you in a way he never did before. He will seem more appreciative, caring and even loving – because he’s preparing to offer you a contract he hopes you will sign to bring your free-agent ass off the market.

But it all comes down to this: Beautiful, intelligent women, you are a RARE breed and when you combine that with these New dudes intrinsic softness, we now have a complete gender paradigm shift where MEN are not trying to let WOMEN stay free and single. So Ladies, if you are planning on having a booty-call this summer, give it a definitive END DATE and watch out for the signs before you start having that haunting Laura Winslow feeling because your Stephon transformed into soft-ass Steven Urkel.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

27 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/07/2011 at 4:52 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Is It Just Me Or is Anyone Else Noticing That Men Are Starting To Pressure Women More About Being In Relationships Than Women Pressure Men??

  2. Smilez_920

    06/07/2011 at 9:05 AM

    I don’t think that many women are crazy lol. I just think certain situations bring out certain emotions. A majority of women who end up in casual booty call situation ships end up there because they want to be on the team so bad they'll sign whatever contract is put in front of them. So a lady might actually like a young man , but he clearly doesn’t see her as his relationship type but she's so into him she'll take whatever piece of him she can get, then starts acting crazy like she didn’t know what the situation was when she stepped into it. How many women do u know who want a relationship who are dating a guy right now that says he's not ready for a serious relationship right now.

  3. Danni

    06/07/2011 at 1:36 PM

    LOL hell no! Just. friends.

  4. The_Mad_HATER

    06/07/2011 at 2:29 PM

    there is so much wrong with that story i dont know where to start! but you shouldnt have fed him the first time tho that was your fault!!

  5. The_Mad_HATER

    06/07/2011 at 2:30 PM

    so basically you saying nothing changed except dudes got more possessive?!!

  6. MistaHarsh

    06/07/2011 at 2:39 PM

    DANG! that's Harsh. Dude just wanted to perform well on a full stomach. Give a brotha a snack

    That's like saying "Nah beeyotch you gotta wash up at Mcdonalds" the bathroom is for fam only

  7. ATLienSince82

    06/07/2011 at 3:05 PM

    Real. Shit.

  8. @craziijnell

    06/07/2011 at 3:17 PM

    I believe that. I think that need for control is exactly how ex-boyfriends can always sense my new happiness. Then they drop the "what up…long time no see" call/text/facebook. Always wanting control.

  9. chloerayne516

    06/07/2011 at 11:20 PM

    Damn… You Ruff!!!

    *lmaoh*

    i'm so mad I missed out on this post today.

  10. JusMe

    06/08/2011 at 9:04 AM

    I am definitely in this situation. Sooo…. now tell me how to ease out without doing the infamous disappearing act….

  11. max

    06/08/2011 at 11:03 AM

    Yup!
    That's all I'm gonna say.

  12. Gordan

    06/08/2011 at 9:50 PM

    Funny thing is. U seem so emotionless, that I actually would wanna be involved just to show you who gives less of a fuck. (figuritively) and make u emotional.

  13. keishabrown

    06/12/2011 at 1:32 AM

    hmmm…..

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