Taking Back A Cheating Spouse Means You AGREE To Forget Their BS [So STOP Complaining]

"I know Becca blew Brad in '06 but it still chaps my ass!"

So the unthinkable ended up happening: The one person in the world who you loved, cared for and treasured more than anyone else; Who you shared deep feelings with, gave your entire mind, body and soul to, and exposed all your vulnerability to, broke your trust by smashing someone else. You were SHATTERED – BUT, somehow managed to put the pieces together enough to build back enough trust and love to give your significant other a second chance. Well that’s all good if it makes you happy, but understand this: The SECOND you agreed to take them back was also the very SAME second you agreed to leave what they did in the past – so SHUT THE HELL UP.

When you take back someone who cheated on you, you agreed to FORGIVE and FORGET whatever BULLSH*T they did to you before you got back together. YES, forgive AND forget. The whole point of getting back together is because you are looking to continue to build a qualitative life with that person and you believe that their cheating was a hurdle that wasn’t big enough to derail your love or your plans. So now that you have agreed to take them back, you essentially defaulted on your opportunity to throw what they did in their face everyday because you co-signed continuing the relationship.

Fact is, when your girlfriend decided to spread her legs for some new dude and let him climb inside her guts, or when your boyfriend unbuckled his jeans and let some skeezbag wrap her lips around his richard and swallow his kids, you [as the innocent victim in this scenario] were given an OUT. A free pass of sorts, which you COULD have used to extricate yourself from the relationship BLAME-FREE. You could have moved out the very same day, and had sloppy, angry, squirtastic rebound sex with a stranger from the bar THAT very night and no one in the world would blame you. You could have called your ex’s ass and cussed them out for being a frowsy-ass cheater and you would STILL be in the right.

But the second you took them back you forfeited ALL of that.

Now you are back together and one day your man comes up to you like “dammit woman, you can take the damn trash out sometimes too! You never wanna help out!” and you feel the uncontrollable urge to say “Why don’t you just call your wh0re Jessica, apparently she’s great at helping you out when I can’t please you!”BUT YOU CAN’T. At that moment you must PAUSE and realize one simple thing: YOU decided to take THAT person back into your life [probably against the advice of the closest people in your life] so now that you are both working towards a positive future, the BS that happened in the past can NOT be brought up anymore.

So forgive, forget and move on – and if you CAN’T forget, then maybe that’s a sign that you shouldn’t even be TRYING to continue that relationship.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

33 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/18/2011 at 2:45 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree The Couple Needs To Forgive & Forget, Or Do You Think The Innocent Victim Should Forgive But NEVER Forget?

  2. ChloeRayne516

    07/18/2011 at 8:49 AM

    I agree with all of this!! That's why I'm not built for handling infidility. That and besides the fact I don't get mad — I get even; sooooo…. #KanyeShrug

  3. KemaVA

    07/18/2011 at 9:10 AM

    "When you take back someone who cheated on you, you agreed to FORGIVE and FORGET whatever BULLSH*T they did to you before you got back together. "

    No…

    I dont think you forfeit your right to be upset about the situation when you get back together. Getting back together means you are willing to work on your problems and the cheating is one of them. So no we are not forgetting.

    However I do feel like there should be a time limit. Basically if I cheated I'm not trying to be 'punished' for more than a month or two. You do not get to revive your anger a year later to argue with me about the situation. If the tables were turned and I were the offended party I would still feel the same way.

  4. Konah Saye

    07/18/2011 at 11:17 AM

    I only found out about a girlfriend cheating once. It was her friend who told me. Guess who the next chic I took down.

  5. Paul

    07/18/2011 at 11:37 AM

    To a certain degree, you do forfeit that right to bring it up continually, or you make yourself a liar, whether implicitly or explicitly. If you chose to take them back after what they've done, you basically stated that what they did can not and will not stop the relationship from moving forward beyond that moment, so why stay stuck in that moment? I don't know if it's possible to truly forget, but it is very important to forgive and not be stuck in the pain of that moment. If all you want to do is keep them around so you can hurt them instead, there's something wrong with you too. Apparently there's two bad guys in the relationship.

  6. atribecalledx

    07/18/2011 at 11:38 AM

    *hand up in the air*

  7. imakesense

    07/18/2011 at 3:39 PM

    Haven't you wrote about this before?

  8. kjkjj

    07/21/2011 at 3:00 PM

    Going through this right now. It sucks how one mistake someone made can have such a profound effect on your whole attitude towards your life together. I chose to stay for a time being to see if it was really worth it, because i feel like my eyes are opened now whereas before i was probably putting him up on a pedestal. Building trust again is a hard, long vigerous process. Amazing how in the name of loving somone you will even forgive someone who cheated on you. Never thought i would ever forgive somone who cheated because its never happend before.

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