So last night at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards, Beyonce decided during her red carpet walk to show the press, crowd, stans and hatin’ ass R&B chicks *cough* Keri Hilson *cough* that she is pregnant with Jay-Z’s child. I’m sure every blog in the world is gonna post about this so let me just say “Congratulations” to them and move on to the next topic at hand: Now that Beyonce’s ass is gonna be on R&B maternity leave, which R&B diva is next in line to sit on the throne as QUEEN of SOUL?
And whoever it is should have a good run, because having female singers having children in the middle of their careers tends to have the similar effect of athletes going to prison midway during their career: They lose a bit of their touch and come back as shells of their former selves. Basically for every Mike Vick, there’s 7 Mike Tyson’s and in R&B, for every there are Alicia Keys & Whitney Houston [Who both fell off after having children like lettuce on a project-Big Mac].
So let’s play a little game: We are going to analyze this current crop of singers and then comment on who we each thinks stands the BEST chance of becoming the next big singer on the scene:
1. Alicia Keys
Alicia “Homewrecker” Keys SHOULD be next in line to run sh*t like Beyonce is on WNBA-injured reserve. She is clearly the most talented of the bunch – but the biggest CON against her is the fact that Black women massively sided with Mashonda over the Swizz Beats man-stealing fiasco and now it’s hard for most women to take her seriously again.
Everyone LOVES Rihanna – but is it REALLY for her singing? I honestly believe 98.5% of women who like Rihanna secretly would love to lick oreo cookie shavings off her inner thigh and THAT’S the main basis for their attraction to her music. Hell, I honestly think most people would STRUGGLE to name 10 Rihanna songs off the TOP OF THEIR HEADS that they believe is a timeless classic. Her pr0n will ALWAYS do better numbers than any album she ever released could.
3. Kelly Rowland
Talented as all hell – but she is afflicted by Scottie-Pippen disease: Because we are so use to them being the sidekick to GREATNESS we will never take them as a serious threat to the throne. Even if she was to have a reign on top, we would all just be waiting for the day Beyonce came back, checked her and then relegated her back to Robin status [& not even the Robin in the passenger seat of the Batmobile, but the Robin sitting in the punk ass seat that attaches to the motorcycle, fitted for crackheads and midgets].
4. Jennifer Hudson
Since she actually stole the show from Beyonce in Dream Girls, she DOES have the opportunity to steal the crown. People like her and she’s talented – but I can’t understand for the life of me, why he singles are less anticipated than the unveiling of the Krispy Kreme burger. What gives?
5. Keyshia Cole
As much as we all like to think Beyonce’s family is slightly crazy and badmind, her mother isn’t grinding her nani in young boys faces at night clubs screaming MAN DOWN and her sister doesn’t look like a retired NFL Defensive Tackle. You need the FULL package to wear the crown.
6. Keri Hilson
Though she’s an excellent song-writer, most women would rather GET a yeast infection than support Keri. Guess she’s still a stranger.
People still trying to process how she managed to go from making it clap to being seen as an R&B diva. She’s another chick whose sex tape has a better chance of going platinum than her singing duets with Mary Magdalene on a Jesus produced track.
8. Teedra Moses
She needs a hit worse than Chris Rock in New Jack City. All the talent in the world, and if Rick Ross knows what the hell he’s doing she MAY blow up.
9. Whoever The HELL I Didn’t Mention
If your choice was NOT listed here, take some time to write in the comments which female R&B artist will take the crown over – even though she will be CRUSHED RUTHLESSLY by Beyonce once she comes back and gets her “Vick” on.
This Is Your Conscience