Any Woman That WON’T Ride On Top Is NOT Wife-Material

Most men have encountered at least one woman who he was locked in heavy foreplay with, kissing all over over her neck and collarbone and doing everything necessary to get her wet enough to want him to slide it in deep. And just as she is dripping wet and he is harder than advanced calculus, he lies down on the bed on his back and softly cups her ass to motion her towards the bed so he can position her to get on top and go cowgirl-crazy until she stops DEAD in her tracks and says: “No…I don’t like being on top…”

The first time that ever happened to me I was filled with the innate desire to tell her to put her clothes on and take her monkey-ass out of my house, but seeing as there was little-to-no blood in my brain at the time, I think I just rode it out missionary style with a deep sense of disappointment and regret in the back of my mind. At first I thought I needed to STOP being so hard on the poor girl because the reality is we ALL have certain sexual quirks about us that make us LOVE certain acts and positions, and HATE others. Maybe she just didn’t LOVE being on top, because backshots or missionary was the best way to make her cum hard.

But then I realized WHY I was so vex – and it wasn’t as much about getting the Reverse Cowgirl as it was about the fact that she KNEW I liked to be rode, but decided she didn’t want to do it mainly because of the EFFORT involved.

Men, make no mistake about it, when a woman says she doesn’t like riding on top, there’s a certain LAZINESS behind it, whether it’s the desire to not sweat their weave out or if it’s the desire to not even want to TRY to rhythmically please you. I don’t wanna hear the she’s “self-concious” about her gut or post-baby breastesses argument, because the reality is she had that SAME gut and floppy t*tties all throughout foreplay and the OTHER positions where she just had to lay back and take the D. And if she can be THAT selfish during sex, that she CAN’T let you sit back and let your heartbeat slowdown from all the pounding and heavy lifting you were just doing while you watch her make it clap on your richard, then chances are she will have that SAME selfishness throughout the course of your relationship.

There’s a certain misguided sense of entitlement behind making someone bust their WHOLE ass during sex while you sit back and do sh*t all, and that extends to men too. I know A LOT Alfie-like dudes who will make a girl do all the work, while they just sit back and take it, and I will contend that those dudes are sloppy husband-material too. Some dudes will make a girl give them head until her jaw feels like she got a cheapshot from Mayweather and when she turns around and asks for some head or even sex in a position where she can lay back and enjoy it, he’s like HELL NAW – with his selfish, punk ass.

So I;m not saying to read TOO DEEP into sexual-positional-preferences, but I AM saying to be mindful of the IDIOTS who want you to bust their ass in bed for them, while they don’t do a DAMN thing – because I bet you that behaviour will carry OUTSIDE the bedroom too.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. Nic

    12/18/2016 at 11:21 AM

    I think you’re wrong to say that a woman dislikes being on top due to laziness. It is usually about self-consciousness of her body. When on top, all is there for display and can feel quite unflattering! When laying down flat, a woman doesn’t feel so exposed and tummy rolls don’t rear their ugly heads! I love the feeling of being on top, but bouts of feeling super exposed can make being on top feel like a daunting task instead of an enjoyable one…..just saying….

  2. LiSyao

    12/31/2016 at 2:40 PM

    So… You’re saying we should ditch people who don’t like all the same things we like in bed? Everyone has to have the same preferences as you? You’re too immature to be looking for “wife material.” Especially with the way you take it so personally when they don’t share your likes. If you like a position that is painful for her, uncomfortable, unstimulating, pounds her in the cervix, etc, you’ll act like a preteen boy about it and take it as an insult.