Things DOUCHEBAG Dudes Say: “I’m Not Like Other Guys!”

"Baby I feel sorry for guys who only think about nani all day...I'm different!"

So I posted this Facebook status yesterday:

“Ladies, Next Sunday Is Your Opportunity To Show Your Man How Much You Love Him: Give Him QUIET During The Games, A Strip Show During The Commercials And HEAD During Half Time…He Will MORE Than Make It Up To You Mon-Sat”

Many people [men and women] laughed, a few liked the status and replied, and INEVITABLY there were the few dudes who decided to put on their Handiman capes and run to the false-rescue of womankind and declare that not only was I some kind of misspoken male representative, but they also felt the NEED to infuse the point that they are NOTHING like me and most other men – when they know damn well they are completely full of SH*T.

Ladies, if a man every utters the phrase to you “I’m not like other guys” there’s an extremely high chance that he is EXACTLY like other guys. The same disgusting, ignorant, offensive thoughts that the majority of men have, he ALSO has with the same amount of intensity and frequency, but he just subscribes to the “Tell them what they want to hear” ideology which means he is apt to LYING like a beeyotch to lure women into a false sense of security which essentially just makes his game a lot easier to run.

Ladies, I KEEP telling y’all that men are the same for the most part, and I will forever stand by that comment. What makes one man different from the next is not just simple superficial inclinations like how much he thinks about sex, and how useful he thinks the play “Vagina Monologues” is. The difference man-to-man is in contained in deeper thoughts and feelings that are not even apparent to each other as men. So if we as men can’t even realistically analyze what differentiates us in the innermost parts of our souls from other men, it’s safe to say that us thinking we are so vastly different then the majority of men out there is a played out ploy to attract more nani our way by playing the ultra-sensitive and caring cards.

Like all men, I have no real clue whether I am like other men or not, but I have an idea that on many issues most of us are the same. The fact that some b*tchass dudes had the GALL to knock getting head during the half time of a football game is so obviously ridiculous that any woman who even hears or reads a dude coming to that conclusion should instantly let him know that he actually is NOT like other guys in truth – because apparently he traded in his nutsack for a fully functioning vagina.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.