Your Man Is NOT Too Emotionally Damaged To Love Yet – He Just Doesn’t Want YOU

I’ve noticed a prevailing ideology amongst women today, from the stories I hear from my female friends, who keep telling me about the harsh realities of dating frowsy dudes in 2011. One of the most common complaints I keep hearing is that the dudes they are dating are failing [in their actions] to prove how serious they are about being with these women, even though they constantly, verbally reassure them that they want to be with them. What they are doing is getting into relationships with these women, and then NOT treating them with adequate love, care or respect, incorrectly leading the women to believe that the man has lingering emotional problems with love when the truth is much more simple [yet horrifying] than that: He just doesn’t want to give his all TO YOU.

Now I fully agree with the sentiment that men DO take much more time to recover from heartbreak than women do, and we tend to be much more emotionally devastated after a tough break-up than women as we are the more emotionally fragile sex. Men don’t want to hear that sh*t, but it’s simply the truth. Now, even with that out there, we as humans are all capable of rebounding from a bad love experience and learning how to deal with being in a relationship again, so please STOP trying to give terrible boyfriends the EXCUSE that there’s simply an icebox where his heart use to be – but even MORE importantly, ladies stop thinking the remedy is you TRYING harder.

Women who deal with men they consider to be emotionally detached or unavailable, are like men who date women who have never had an orgasm before: They are determined to be the one person to make them feel what everyone else can’t. Call it hubris, ignorance or a selfish pursuit of achievement, but the diagnosis is based on simply misreading their partner – because they can achieve the feeling, just not WITH you.

First off, if you are in a relationship with a man who is emotionally distant, you are acting like an IDIOT, because you have no business even being with that man.

Secondly, if you are going to ignore my first point and KEEP pursuing a relationship with his frowsy ass, while he fails to be a better man to you, don’t make excuses for his behavior. He rarely calls you, rarely makes time for you and rarely takes your feelings into account, not because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing – it’s because he doesn’t care about doing it FOR YOU.

Third, as emotionally wrecked as a man can be, we will treat the right woman the right way. I knew a woman who tried her DAMNEDEST to convince me that her man was simply NOT the caring type which is why he never did anything particularly romantic or thoughtful for her. She really had me believing that BS – until I saw pics of him a year later on Facebook hugged up in his profile picture with some big-head chick in matching t-shirts with kool-aid grins. And the reality is, that’s not about maturity or rebounding well or any of that BULLSH*T – it’s just that he finally found a woman he felt was “worthy” of his 100%.

Some women really need to understand that the first step to finding happiness is establishing a clear and finite level of respect that she DEMANDS any man treat her with and sticking to it no matter what. Not only will that help her avoid even getting into relationships with frowsy dudes, but it will help her avoid co-signing the behaviour of weak men as simple by-products of their personality and see it for what it truly is: A man who ultimately is not “WORTHY” of one minute of HER time.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    11/07/2011 at 3:30 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe A Man Can Be FULLY In Love With A Woman Yet Be Somewhat Emotionally Distant At Times? How Long Should A Woman Give A Man To Snap ut Of It Before Choosing To Move On?

  2. Lady Ngo

    11/07/2011 at 4:22 AM

    if men kept it real more often, women wouldn't have as many issues telling the difference between "he's just not that into you" and the "emotional icebox".
    There are plenty of emotionally wrecked men who do not treat the right woman the right way and either have to spend a significant amount of time chasing her/beating himself up for being a d-bag or if he's lucky apologizing for the error of his ways after she decided to stick it out with him.

  3. Jason Howe

    11/07/2011 at 7:57 AM

    I think we have to break down emotionally distant a bit (to explain me)… for instance; I have no issue showing a woman I love her. I have no issue being the rock she needs in her time of need…. But, I pretty much never allow them to be my rock. When I am stressed or something of that nature that is when woman see my emotional distant side. I always just depended on myself to work through problems or issues going on in my life. I feel weak letting someone in… I know, I know, I am wrong for that and I have tried to change it over the years, however it still feels weird to unload my problems onto someone else. So, I don’t think a woman should ever put a time frame on when I am going to change since regardless of my mental state I am always there for her… Women just tend to get frustrated with me, or feel since I don’t “let them in” that I am not totally committed to the relationship or I don’t trust the, etc etc…. its not the case, just been raised up to believe big boys don’t cry. I think it's an insecurity on their part if they have issue with me being silent about my struggles, pain, etc… but as said, I know I know I have to change and I will continue trying to improve…

  4. ChloeRayne516

    11/07/2011 at 8:57 AM

    Emotionally distant at Times…. YES but to the point he is like this 24/7 NOPE, and a woman will be playing herself if she chooses to stick with that man because a man who wants YOU 100% will open up, eventually.

  5. NurseJilly

    11/07/2011 at 1:01 PM

    "How Long Should A Woman Give A Man To Snap ut Of It Before Choosing To Move On?"

    I think it depends on a few things. Does the man know and acknowledge that he has a difficult time opening up and is willing to make the effort to correct this? Is this someone you want a future with? If it is it may be worth the investment.

  6. HerCommonSense

    11/07/2011 at 3:57 PM

    I don't think the point here is defining exactly what men do to show thy care, but realizing that men do have the ability to care, and if you can't see that he does in your current relationship, then we as women need to be stronger in cutting things short faster.

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