Your Man Is NOT Too Emotionally Damaged To Love Yet – He Just Doesn’t Want YOU

I’ve noticed a prevailing ideology amongst women today, from the stories I hear from my female friends, who keep telling me about the harsh realities of dating frowsy dudes in 2011. One of the most common complaints I keep hearing is that the dudes they are dating are failing [in their actions] to prove how serious they are about being with these women, even though they constantly, verbally reassure them that they want to be with them. What they are doing is getting into relationships with these women, and then NOT treating them with adequate love, care or respect, incorrectly leading the women to believe that the man has lingering emotional problems with love when the truth is much more simple [yet horrifying] than that: He just doesn’t want to give his all TO YOU.

Now I fully agree with the sentiment that men DO take much more time to recover from heartbreak than women do, and we tend to be much more emotionally devastated after a tough break-up than women as we are the more emotionally fragile sex. Men don’t want to hear that sh*t, but it’s simply the truth. Now, even with that out there, we as humans are all capable of rebounding from a bad love experience and learning how to deal with being in a relationship again, so please STOP trying to give terrible boyfriends the EXCUSE that there’s simply an icebox where his heart use to be – but even MORE importantly, ladies stop thinking the remedy is you TRYING harder.

Women who deal with men they consider to be emotionally detached or unavailable, are like men who date women who have never had an orgasm before: They are determined to be the one person to make them feel what everyone else can’t. Call it hubris, ignorance or a selfish pursuit of achievement, but the diagnosis is based on simply misreading their partner – because they can achieve the feeling, just not WITH you.

First off, if you are in a relationship with a man who is emotionally distant, you are acting like an IDIOT, because you have no business even being with that man.

Secondly, if you are going to ignore my first point and KEEP pursuing a relationship with his frowsy ass, while he fails to be a better man to you, don’t make excuses for his behavior. He rarely calls you, rarely makes time for you and rarely takes your feelings into account, not because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing – it’s because he doesn’t care about doing it FOR YOU.

Third, as emotionally wrecked as a man can be, we will treat the right woman the right way. I knew a woman who tried her DAMNEDEST to convince me that her man was simply NOT the caring type which is why he never did anything particularly romantic or thoughtful for her. She really had me believing that BS – until I saw pics of him a year later on Facebook hugged up in his profile picture with some big-head chick in matching t-shirts with kool-aid grins. And the reality is, that’s not about maturity or rebounding well or any of that BULLSH*T – it’s just that he finally found a woman he felt was “worthy” of his 100%.

Some women really need to understand that the first step to finding happiness is establishing a clear and finite level of respect that she DEMANDS any man treat her with and sticking to it no matter what. Not only will that help her avoid even getting into relationships with frowsy dudes, but it will help her avoid co-signing the behaviour of weak men as simple by-products of their personality and see it for what it truly is: A man who ultimately is not “WORTHY” of one minute of HER time.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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