Every night I come home after work, step out of my dress clothes into something more comfortable (a pink sweatsuit for the pervy men reading this!), and check my PVR to see what good shows I missed during my 12-hour workday. But, inevitably around this same time, my friends realize that I’m home so they take the opportunity to release all their inner problems, trials and tribulations to me, and I will gladly accept their call and be a shoulder to lean on…except when the conversation switches to how trifling their (or our) other friends are…that’s when they wil be finishing the conversation with Mrs. Dial Tone!
I am not a rude or heartless person by nature to my friends, but I do NOT have time for the madness…and women with constant ‘Girlfriend Issues’ makes me upset, frustrated and disappointed. It makes me upset because it’s usually over some trivial and pointless crap like men, menial amounts of money or teenage-style ratchet drama; It makes me frustrated because I hate having my peaceful time interrupted to hear about the crap; And it disappoints me because I KEEP having to hear the same pointless crap time in and time out!
Ladies, it’s time we step our own games up and do better! In 2012 and beyond, we need to identify which girlfriends are worth keeping and which ones are just holding us back. As much as I “go in” on men, I am very envious of their relationships with each other. Sometimes I see my brother and his friends hang out and their connections are so uncomplicated and simplistic! They watch the game, grunt at each other, laugh at some stupid crap, make obscene gestures and then head out to the club and do madness! But no where in there is a long 30 minute shouting match over how much cab fare should they bring or who is going to watch the purses when everyone else is dancing!
I use to think that those debates were just a simple part of friendship, but as I get older I’m starting to realize that I have lowered my expectations in what I deserve from my girls…and ladies, I want you to evaluate that too!! Friends should build you up more than they knock you down…Friends should be willing to look out for you even before themselves sometimes….Friends should respect you so much that you never even have to argue about basic respect…and friends should be willing to do everything for you, that you are willing to do for them!
Girl, if you are letting some chick constantly keep you in salty moods with her constant bitching and moaning, just remember that life is hard enough already, and cut her behind loose…you already have 99 problems, and a b*tch shouldn’t be one!
IW
35 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies, Do You Agree With IW On This Piece? Do YOU Have Friends You Feel Need To Be CUT Out Of Your Lives?
Gentlemen, DO You Agree That Our Friendships Are Really Simplistic?? (I'm Not Sure If That's A Compliment Or An Insult…)
Jan 17th, 2012
minty
Love this. I hate having that friend that can't stop talking about herself and her own issues because sometimes I can be so sensitive to empathy. Plus that freind won't let me breathe or speak if it's about my own personal shitty problems. But I've done well because she's out of my life like mj said.
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
I do agree that our friendships are simplistic to a degree… or is it we just don’t waste so much emotion on what another male did or said. Maybe we rather talk about important things like sports, money, politics, or women. I have never had another male call me to complain about another friend… well not in the context women do. I have been in a conversation like… “I can’t take that fool with me no where, he cant handle his alcohol”…… “Yeah, I stopped taking him out with me long time ago”. Conversation done…. and its not gossip because when we see this fool we would laugh at him and tell him about the conversation, no deceit, no treachery, just friends being friends. I think we avoid all that other drama because we are candid and truthful with each other. “Can I borrow 20 dollars?’….. “Naw fool, you ain’t give me the ten from last time so you will be sippin the same beer tonight”… A women would have given it then talked about the friend to another, feel me…
Jan 17th, 2012
MistaHarsh
and its not gossip because when we see this fool we would laugh at him and tell him about the conversation, no deceit, no treachery, just friends being friends. I think we avoid all that other drama because we are candid and truthful with each other.
100%
That sums up the difference we'll crack jokes with each other, confront each other, sometimes coming close to physical altercations but at the end of the day we know where we stand with each other.
Jan 17th, 2012
Paul B.
I'm inclined to think our friendships are easier and simplistic because we generally surround ourselves with people we actually think are cool to be around. If a dude begins to bring drama around or try to cramp our style, they have to go. Women will often keep that woman around who's known for doing shady stuff (even within the circle) around, even after they've shown themselves to be shady, yet will complain about them being shady.
Jan 17th, 2012
NurseJilly
I completely agree with cutting negative people out of your life, male or female. I am lucky to have a group of girlfriends who feel the same way. That’s not to say none of us ever feel down or a bit negative but we don’t trash each other ever. I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and we got really close again. I was even part of her wedding last year. I couldn’t remember why we ever lost touch until recently when all the negativity and self-pity started to appear. I have a daily email I send out to a small group of people, it’s usually a short quote or thought meant to inspire and this girl always has some miserable response to everything. She has since been cut from the list and I keep her @ a distance. I have zero tolerance for people feeling sorry for themselves. My motto is this:
You won’t drag me down with you, miserable bitch….
Jan 17th, 2012
imakesense
"Women will often keep that woman around who's known for doing shady stuff (even within the circle) around, even after they've shown themselves to be shady, yet will complain about them being shady. "
THIS!!! LMAO
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
True, dude only can get me over once and he is on that "I don't fuck with him no more" list.
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
* fuck me over.
Jan 17th, 2012
Vicky
This is one of the many reasons why I had more guy friends than girl friends growing up
Jan 17th, 2012
Derrick
Had to cut certain friends. Keep my circle tight. A few I keep at a distance cuz I know what they're about and I don't want to involve myself in their mess.
Jan 17th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Was She The Only One Though??
Jan 17th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
That Reminds Me Of A Blog I Read on VSB When They Talked About The Difference Between Men And Women Being The Fact That Men Were Actually Capable Of Blaming Things On Their Friends To Their Faces…Hilarious!
Jan 17th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Real. Talk.
Jan 17th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
So What's The Line Between Acceptable Bitching & Being Cut-Worthy?
Jan 17th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
I Feel You On This
Jan 17th, 2012
Amanda Scott
OMG! I was the same way growing up!
Jan 17th, 2012
NurseJilly
For me the difference is the person’s general demeanor and outlook on life. Everyone, myself included has those days where nothing seems to be going right and you are a miserable bastard for a little while. I am happy to hear from a friend @ the end of a hard day saying fml… My day sucked lets hook up for a drink tonight. We will get together and I’ll listen to her problems and offer advice or just sit back and let her vent. But I refuse to hear the same depressing sob story day after day about the same shit that she is not willing to change. If you want your life to be better then you have to get off your ass and make it better. No one ever made it to the top crying and complaining the whole way. My number one pet peeve in life is greeting someone with a “good morning, how are you” and hearing the same negative, woe is me response. Just say fine thanks, how are you? and keep your miserable ass moving… (sorry for the rant but I’m passionate about this.)
Jan 17th, 2012
Derrick
my pet peeve too. I try to get people to see that there are people in worse situations but some people just don't get it. It's really frustrating because they keep coming with the same story time after time even after I said my two cents. Sorry, my pet peeve too.
Jan 17th, 2012
Derrick
Actually I'm pretty lenient. I generally let the first two slide but then on the third time of blatant disrespect I'll cut them off. No apology.
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
I have a friend just like this; actually I think she reads here now, but oh well… Jilly could not be more dead on with her scenario. I went home and decided to pay her a visit and as soon as I walked in the house I dreaded my choice. I am in town for 5 fucking days and you want to waste my time complaining about everything from the mailman’s delivery practice to her employment. You have not seen me in four years and this is the topic of conversation for the 20 minutes I was able to endure before saying I had to get to other people…. Never again I say, told her she was the female Charlie Brown and I had enough. Little off topic but…. I’m always a little off topic.
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
Feel him on this also, seemed natural to me… I am sure I been but, and other times I held the axe. I have family members that I have to keep at a distance because their hands are always dirty, chose I had to make and they understand for the most part.
Jan 17th, 2012
NurseJilly
I like how you think Derrick!! So how are you? lol….
Jan 17th, 2012
NurseJilly
At least you have a good excuse to get the hell out of there. Enjoy the rest of your vacation:)
Jan 17th, 2012
Paul B.
I try to do that, but with one difference: I try to show them that they have the power to change their situation, or at least their outlook.
Jan 17th, 2012
Derrick
do I know you? or at least how do I go about getting to know you?
Jan 17th, 2012
Candice
I agree with IW. I have my close girlfriends from elementary/high school and other friends I'ven met over the years. I keep people in my circle that keep me grounded and make me feel good. I don't have time for friends ,male or female, that are gonna drag me down and frustrate me 'til no end. For women, if these foolish friends in your life are causing drama, cut the fat and keep it moving.
Jan 17th, 2012
Janet
lol. funny you made this post.
I recently had a coworker call me up the other day complaining. I'm pretty much in the same situation but the complaining really gets to me. I don't mind lending my ear for someone to vent but when it gets excessive all I start saying is "yeah" hoping that they get the point.Some people don't know how good they really have it. hate this trait.
Jan 17th, 2012
NurseJilly
lol.. No I don't think we know each other:) Where is your pic??
Jan 17th, 2012
Derrick
The pic of the things I want to do you stays in my mind. It's not for the world to see
Jan 17th, 2012
Jason
Better man then me…. I commend you.
Jan 18th, 2012
Janet
Since your'e talking of pet peeves: one I can't stand is someone who likes to follow. Nothing wrong with going with the flow, but to think one way and then switch your mind for no other reason than because everyone else is doing it really irks me! Sorry had to vent.
Jan 19th, 2012
Tudor
one of my pp: I can’t stand is when ppl blame the world for their problems. I don’t have qualms about you not being where you want to be if you’re happy where you are but don’t blame the world for your problems. The problem is you! After I tell them what it takes to go get it they don’t even bother to get off their ass to go get it. If you want to get to three but aren’t willing to do one and two how do you expect to get anywhere? Even if I have a link and I see you’re not putting out the effort I am not going to give it up. It doesn’t matter how well I know you. It’s only going to look bad on me and I don’t tarnish my name for ANYONE.
Jan 19th, 2012
Mabl
How do you get rid of people? I stopped flat out kicking people out of my life because I realized as I got older that I missed people and sometimes regretted the decisions. Now I accept each person I chose to be friends with as they are and just filter how much of my time and mental space they are allowed . . . I think part of it, the older I get, is knowing before developing emotional attachments or getting to really like someone what kind of person is worth my time and energy on and what kind of person is going to be just a drain. Deciding right in the beginning means less editing later, I learned that from my best friend.
Jan 19th, 2012
Mabl
Does anyone love a "misery chick"? I give kudos to those that try to at least point out the off putting aroma of 24/7 miserable. That's admirable, I think in future I will make note of what is sending me away instead of just fading into the background . . . Maybe that is how women end up in so many slightly false relationships (friend or otherwise), being to polite. Just say what you mean and keep it moving.
Jan 19th, 2012
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