Sex? Naw it's cool baby, I'm going H.A.M. on this snugglefest!
You B*tchmade, manicured-eyebrow having, Twilight trilogy DVD-buying, Kenny G CD-listening, nani-whipped MANGINA – how DARE you succumb to being a CUDDLE-BUDDY. Do you not realize that your actions do not just affect you alone, but have dire rippling repercussions on men WORLDWIDE? If you were born with male genitalia and you think being a cuddle buddy is OK, you need to get b*tch-slapped in the face with Michael Jackson’s rhinestone glove because you F*^KING it up for the rest of the good dudes who are out here trying to get LAID.
Well now that I got THAT out of the way, I actually heard TWO disturbing stories last night which have rocked me to my core. First, one of my close homegirls told me:
Her: “Oh, my date with Jerrod was really nice! It was our seventh date in two weeks and we finally did IT – he spent the entire night and it was AMAZING!”
Me: “He must’ve really tore your sh*t up then huh?”
Her: “Ew! Whatchu talkin’ bout?! We CUDDLED! We were on the couch watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and then he..”
Me: 
And then last weekend during the Super Bowl, one of my close boys admitted to me and my other friends that him and this girl he’s been trying to holla at for 3 months have agreed to “take it slow” which means she has anointed him her “First-in-line cuddle buddy.” I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds like a synonym for B*TCHASS. We and more boys were laughing so hard at his non-nani getting ass that we all FELL out around the house looking like we caught the Holy Ghost.
It wasn’t until after that we REALLY took in what he was admitting to us, that our laughs turned to disgust and subsequently HOPE – hope that he gets a woman who is actually interested in him and stops wasting his time and emotions for a woman who clearly wants nothing SEXUAL to happen with him.
We said a group prayer and then revoked his Playa-card.
Now there are some women reading this who will try to say “Just because he’s her CUDDLE-buddy, doesn’t mean she doesn’t actually LIKE him!” to which I will simply reply: BULL-SH*T.
See, many people seem to forget where Cuddle-Buddy originates from. It’s a PG version of F*^K-buddy that was invented by chaste young adults as an alternative to getting affection WITHOUT having to go the full way. But much like F*^K buddies are NOT in relationships, either are Cuddle-buddies, simply because they are NOT worth any more than that [because if they were they would not have that limited title]. Cuddle buddies are NOT on the right path to getting LAID, they are on the path to getting PLAYED and it starts with a woman abusing his blue balls by not giving him the nani but using FALSE PRETENCES to make him believe that all his accumulated hours of snuggling and spooning will eventually turn into SEX – but the horrible truth is that it never WILL.
The reason you were deemed a cuddle-buddy is simply because she does NOT want to smash YOU, even though she DOES want male attention and she decided YOU were the safest, most non-threatening option to spend time with her. You might as well be an intimate object or a pet at that point. Although Ive heard the term before, I always thought that sh*t was a big JOKE – but now I see that it’s REAL, and I am thoroughly disgusted. Dudes stop allowing someone to USE you and go find everything you want in another woman who actually has some semblance of RESPECT for you.
Trust me dude, the satisfaction you get from hearing your cuddle buddy snore PALES in comparison to the satisfaction you get from some Grade-A nani that will have you doing the Lex Steele scream:
This Is Your Conscience
56 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies, Please Tell Me You've Never Made A Dude A Cuddle Buddy? In Fact, What Are The Benefits To Even Having A Cuddle Buddy?
Gentlemen, If You Have Ever Been A Cuddle Buddy Please Testify And Repent In This Comment Section.
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
While cuddling is something I really miss about my ex… Damn him!! lol.. To be honest I thought when I heard the term it was just women not wanting to admit they have a f@#k buddy. If I'm even remotely interested in you there is no damn way we are cuddling all night long. Men if you are cuddling in hopes of eventually getting some good luck. I'm all about cuddling after sex not instead of sex… #FAIL
Feb 7th, 2012
grandgryph
pure unadulterated truth.
Feb 7th, 2012
Paul B.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Feb 7th, 2012
@craziijnell
I love cuddling. I love having cuddle buddies. I think like Jilly said, I've mainly heard women use this term if they aren't willing to admit they are in a sexual relationship. Now, I've never heard a man admit he is *just* a cuddle buddy.
Where are those guys at? It's still cold in NYC.
Feb 7th, 2012
@craziijnell
Warmth, intimacy without necessarily giving it (and more) up… Cuddle buddies also make good handymen and movers.
yup.
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
I don't see anything wrong with this. I mean some guys can make you so weak and are so …what's the word TALENTED, that you can't help but give in. BUT, I respect a man who can keep his desire in even though he might be releasing cannon balls in his pants. I made a dude wait a yr and a half before he ever got some. I consider My shit exclusive, so I can't have every dude I'm dating for just 2 months running in and out! Just gotta watch out that he doesn't try to get you pregnant after making him wait so long on some "take my shit" ( I say this seriously though lol)
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
Can I just say that baby captioning "Lawd" made me LOL for real!
Feb 7th, 2012
Vicky
Cuddle-Buddies???? Really??
I"m not going to knock it but WTF? Since when?
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
@msjordan11
random question: would you be willing to give up social media for a guy who was willing to do the same?
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
What do you mean give up social media? Like give up twitter, facebook, etc IF a guy wanted to do the same? I would need to know what the purpose and reasoning for this would be?
Feb 7th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Yes and Yes!!!!
Although if I have no desire to EVER EVER let you sniff this then 9 times outta 10 you won't be a cuddle buddy either, because if I am feeilng you we are smashing at some point, and we can CUDDLE afterwards.
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
yeah twitter, blogs, tumblr, etc. Would you be willing to give it up if he had a good reason?
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
I can't give a response to something I have no example to refer to. I would need to be in the situation. And b/c I can't think of a logical reason as to why he's asking…than I can't give an honest answer.
Feb 7th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
This entire post had me hollerin!!!! but as a woman I have to say to the men out there willingly cuddling with chicks FULLY CLOTHED affter a certain period of time… You need to kill yoself!! because my brotha you are getting played to the Left Hardbody, she ain't feeling you dawg. *smhl* and you never gonna get it because we (women) know within a few minutes upon meeting a dude if we are going to let him sniff the draws some time in the near future and ain't no amount of cuddle time is going to alter her decision if she already deemed you UNWORTHY of the skivvies. #RealDamnTalk
lol
Feb 7th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
"I made a dude wait a yr and a half before he ever got some"
Can I say I highly doubt he wasn't getting any AT ALL, yes he may have not been getting none from you for a year and a half (damn girl how you do it, I respect your willpower though *smhl*) but he damn sure was getting it in somewhere else.
Fellas, Am I lying???
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
would you ever share anything that a friend told you in confidence with someone else? maybe for a book or something of that nature?
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
Why do you ask?
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
cause I think someone is doing that to me
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
I was writing a book with 2 other partners. It was based on true-story dating horror stories. The girls who submitted some of thier stories gave consent to do so. Regarding the men we referenced, we used different names to protect identities.
If I write a response on a blog about something that I've witnessed, I'm not gonna call out my friend's name so everyone can know who I'm referencing. And depending on the situation, I may not say anything about it all. Some things should be left confidential.
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
ok.
any girl I've been with knows that "I AM NOT A MUSE FOR YOUR BOOK!!!"
whether they protect my identity or not!
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
Well obviously not if you think that's what they are doing. Isn't that what you said?
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
If your name is not used I don't think you can stop someone from writing a book. Whats the reason for your strong objection?
Feb 7th, 2012
@craziijnell
As a lady, I have to agree. I don't have the willpower to wait so I must also assume C_R had a side too…
If not, I have to re-evaluate what i consider "waiting". It ain't even close to a year and a half, a year, 6 months….. etc. lol
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
Right!!! Well said Chloe
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
100% agree with you on this. That guy may not have been getting any from her but I'm sure he was getting it somewhere.
Feb 7th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Thanks, NJ!!!
Feb 7th, 2012
Paul B.
Sad but true. I may give her the first one free, but the rest will cost. Lol It's one thing cuddle on a couch watching TV (which I'll do with my woman), to expect to take it to the bed, and spoon, knowing "he" is going to wake up and expect me to be cool with that? Hell naw, lady. It's one thing to deal with that from my woman, but there's no way in hell I'm going to be somebody's stand-in, or anything like that. I'm grabbing a titty or getting something out of it.
Not trying to be crass, but I'm not playing the fool either.
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
No I hear you, I don't put anything past anyone. But at the same time we were dating at that time and not officially together. So I wouldn't have gone ape sh*t
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
You're right I can't but I told that person in confidence things that I haven't told anyone, so I keep those things close to my chest. It's really up to them though. I don't really put trust in people and to find out they revealed those things even if they disguise my name or the like it would definitely mess with my head.
Feb 7th, 2012
sonicmel
great post!
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
I hear you. It's not cool to out people and any personal info they tell you in confidence. If its just tales of your dating history with that person then unfortunately I think thats fair game.
Feb 7th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
But There's A Difference Between Abstaining From Sex During Dating And What I'm Talking About Here….Cuddle Buddies, As Been Explained To Me, NEVER Get ANYTHING…And The Woman's Intent Was To Keep Him There Even Though She KNEW He Wasn't Gonna Get Anything, By Making Him THINK Something Was Coming On The Horizon..
Isn't That Essentially Leading Him On?
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
Well said Paul
Feb 7th, 2012
NurseJilly
So during that year and a half were you sleeping with someone other than the guy with the blue balls? lol
Feb 7th, 2012
@craziijnell
Cuddle Buddies are under the umbrella of "Friend Zoned". Under Friend Zone, there are cuddle buddies and boyfriends without benefits. For me, a cuddle buddy MAY get it because of the closeness and intimacy. The boyfriend without benefits just helps me move, talks to me about my problems, but has never touched me and he won't ever either.
Feb 7th, 2012
MistaHarsh
I have never been a cuddle buddy but I've been in a situation back in the day where we're in the bed rolling around semi naked and just before I can put the tip in she wanted to hold off. For the sake of not being rude and mess up my chance for later I stayed the night and after some mins of seduction she gave it up in the middle of the night.
That was as a youngin. Now as a grown ass man there's only 2 reasons to be in the bed with a woman:
1.To have sex
2. To sleep AFTER you have sex
I think some of these dudes think the girls are testing to see if they're really into them or if its just a hit and run. But these dudes need to know that the battle is won before you hit the sheets. If you're in the sheets before you plant the flag it can only end in blue balls or blue uniforms handcuffing your confused ass.
Feb 7th, 2012
Paul B.
Yes it is, or playing him.
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Damnn hot seat! When we started dating I was dating someone else. So for the 1st maybe 4 or 5 months I was still sleeping with that guy. (so he also wasnt up to any good) and then as my things started to get deeper between me and new guy I had to cut things off with old guy. Well let's say 6 months cause I had a stumble or 2 after. But then it was just about him kept dating
Feb 7th, 2012
Adrian
The GIFs and the audio clip had me laughing hysetrically!!!
I was once a victim of the cuddle buddy thing back in my tender, lame-ass, inexperienced days, but I learned quick and hastily removed myself from the situation, never to look back. "Cuddle-Buddies" is for suckers! Men DO NOT allow these women to use and abuse you like that. Blue Balls is NOT what's hot in these streets!
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Oooo ok I got it confused then. I was abstaining until we were in a relationship.
. Cuddle buddies it's like you're here to serve this purpose and only that. And it is leading on bc the other person always thinks there could be more. And if there not getting what they want you end up keeping them at just he right distance that they think it could be more, but always still forward and expressing that you don't want anything serious, so you don't trip over your words. And in that sense it's not fully leading someone on if they tell you what it is and they end up thinking they could be the one to change that.
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Is the boyfriend without benefits really your boyfriend?
Feb 7th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
She was testing you to see if you would wig out and chuck the deuces or stay – YOU PASSED HER TEST- she already had in her mind she was gonna let you hit – that is why she gave in during the middle of the night, but she wanted to see where your head (NO PAUSE) was at before she decided to let you have some.
Some men get all in their feelings if a chick don't give in on the 1st try and end up ruining it for themselves instead of falling back and letting nature take its course, this is where i say we separate the MEN from BOYS!!!
Feb 7th, 2012
MistaHarsh
Craziijnell bring up a good which C_R failed to answer, maybe it was overlooked. So I'll rephrase it:
During that 1 and 1/2 years that you made dude wait, were you giving Jerome the green light flight?
Feb 7th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Green light for what?
Of that time I was straight for a yr. I let him know that things weren't going to be going down Btwn us if we werent in a relationship. Technically we were dating and not in a relationship so both of us could choose to be fucking with other ppl. I know I stopped. But we went through a lot together so it really felt like we were together without the title. It's hard to explain.
Feb 7th, 2012
MistaHarsh
boyfriends without benefits?
what the hell is that? Do you mean a male friend? All these terms….
Feb 7th, 2012
MistaHarsh
Agreed but when do these MEN cross the thin line from passing a test to not even being enrolled in the course?
Also to be honest if I didn't try again and had been more "respectful" I wouldn't have gotten any and just like that ….she would've placed me in the friend zone
Feb 7th, 2012
MistaHarsh
ok. What I was trying to find out(and you answered it with your response to Jilly I just didn't see it) was if the same rules applied to the OTHER dude(s) you were dating but not in a relationship with.
Feb 7th, 2012
Lady Ngo
Why exactly is the assumption here that you must be getting played or led on if a lady deems you a cuddle-buddy? Unless it was explicitly stated that she wanted to smash at a later date, i don't see what the problem is. Any dumb assumptions are your own fault and your own business. Just because someone wants to snuggle doesn't give you automatic coochie privileges in the near or distant future. IJS
*this is coming from someone who's never had a cuddle buddy and probably never will lol*
Feb 7th, 2012
Paul B.
Pretty much
Feb 7th, 2012
geturfundageup
Last question: would you agree to allowing someone hack the computer or Facebook of someone you know for the purpose of gaining information?
Feb 7th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Thanks sonicmel
Feb 7th, 2012
Whahapn
This had me wetting myself, and those GIFs were brilliant and brilliantly placed to stress your reactions to the more horrific parts of the story.
LMAO!
Oh my days.
I'm sorry but this is a horror story out of the dark ages when ya had to get married to get any nani relief.
On the other hand it could be that he didn't try anything because he was lulling her into a false sense of his honourable intentions with a view to softening her up for later exploitation.
LMAO!
Know the game.
Feb 7th, 2012
msjordan11
Um…no. That is completely stalkerish and invasive. When you look for something…you WILL find something.
Feb 7th, 2012
@craziijnell
Nope! He's a guy who does everything but doesn't get bf privileges.
Feb 8th, 2012
grandgryph
quite true chloe and you've just exposed the counter-productive ego moralist delusion that is i'm a 'make him wait.'
Feb 8th, 2012
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