Did she just MAKE LOVE or did she just F*^K?
I had a conversation with two of my homegirls the other day [let's call them Shanice & Jade (shoutout to 90's R&B)] and we were talking about falling in love TOO FAST. See, Shanice is getting married in April to a dude she met in August, and her best friend Jade wanted me to talk her out of it over the phone on three-way but I just couldn’t do it the way she wanted to. Frankly, I don’t think there’s a timetable to fall in love, but I do think women need to realistically evaluate whether they are in LOVE or in LUST.
When Jade was going IN on Shanice for being “stupid” and “rushing into marriage”, Shanice attempted to defend herself by passionately and thoroughly explaining her emotions for him. She said:
[This A Keys song was playing as she talked, and I'm not sure if this song was on before she started talking or if she started to play it to add effect, but I assume it's the latter]:
“Jade you don’t understand, and it’s hard for me to explain how much I love this man and how much he means to me in such a short period of time. Girl, you know this summer I swore off men and I got through all of June and July not dating or even entertaining any boys, but when he came into my life it was different. It just felt RIGHT. From the time he approached me at the beach, not tryin’ to holla at me like a piece of meat, but showing me respect and talking to me like a true gentleman, I could tell he was different. He never rushed me into bed, never pressured me or tried to “kick game” but he just kept it REAL, while also keeping it respectful.
But more than that, he’s a GREAT man. He’s motivated, successful, optimistic, family-oriented and obviously FINE AS HELL! And making love to him wasn’t just about the physical, it transcended into a spiritual experience too…Hey! Who laughed? Was that you Lincoln?! [Me: "Hell Naw! Just keep talking.." *It was me tho*] Anyways, before I was so RUDELY interrupted, even though I decided a year ago the next man I would sleep with would be my husband, I didn’t mind bending my rule for him, because from the second we first kissed to the minutes after we first came together, I KNEW It was love. I love him from his big mind all the way down to his big- [Me: "B*tch you remember I'm on the phone too?!"]“
Well, after hearing her pour her heart out like that to the soundtrack of Alicia Keys, I played a song for her, while I told her exactly this:
I don’t know what it takes for love to occur between to people and I definitely don’t know how long it takes to happen or how long it has to be sustained to be considered credible, but I do know that a thing called INFATUATION exists and all NEW relationships go through that phase. It’s a beautiful, majestic phase where you can’t get enough of being with that person physically and sexually. So what you need to ask yourself is “Am I experiencing a love greater than anything I’ve EVER encountered before because I’m truly ADDICTED to this person, flaws and all? OR, am I possibly in love, but deeply INFATUATED with this man and just heavily d*ckmatized?!”
Do you love HIM…
…or his Doggy-style?!
In the end, there is nothing wrong with relentlessly pursuing love and letting it take you wherever it decides to, but just make sure it’s actually real LOVE guiding you, and not just temporary intense LUST.
This Is Your Conscience
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think It's Cool To Fall In Love QUICKLY? Or Do You Believe There's A Certain Amount Of Time Or A Certain Point You Should Wait For Before Deciding To Get Married?
If You Believe In Timeframes, How Long Is An Acceptable Timeframe To Say You Are TRULY In Love?
Feb 10th, 2012
Lady Ngo
I think a lot of people confuse love, lust, and infatuation. I'm not saying that its impossible for someone to fall in love *snaps fingers* just like that, but i think we all owe it to ourselves and our partners to be sure first. Get past the "honeymoon phase" at least before you start swapping rings and affirmations of undying love and devotion! I don't necessarily think theres a specfic timeframe but i do think you should experience certain things and have certain conversations first before you decide to get married. And the level of honesty and openness that's required for those conversations and experiences to be worth anything requires time and growth as a couple.
Feb 10th, 2012
ATLienSince82
But when do you know for sure tho….I think some folk go through life never really knowing the difference between the 3
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
365 days.
That's how much time you should give someone before yo say you love them!
Feb 10th, 2012
Lady Ngo
Good question that i'm not sure anyone knows the real answer to lol. All i can say is again, i think growth and communication as a couple are key. In that first 6 months or so when we have our "mask" on and everything is good, its easy to "love" someone. But once you've given yourself that time to have disagreements, find out each other's quirks, accept the little things they do that get on your nerves, understand what their goals are and whether or not they align with your own…i don't really think you can love anyone before all that happens, because those are the things that make that person who they really are.
Feb 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
You know what, you right because it takes at least 4 – 8 months after the initial relationship before the newness and the fresh car smell starts to wear off – - So give and take another 3 4 months you got a whole year and if you are still feeling all tingly and warm and fuzzy inside then 9 times outta 10……..YOU IN LOVE -not- LUST
Feb 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Nah, I beg the differ because afterawhile Lust and Infatuation will eventually start to fade, depending on the individual it MAY NOT disappear altogether but it does definitely diminish somewhat and for some it goes away ALTOGETHER. i've been in lust before and infatuated but at that time you couldn't tell me it WASN'T LOVE until it began to fade and then the littlest things he did would have me ready to run him over with my car and so on. Now I am extra cautious not to get caught up in that stage again (lust/infuation).
Feb 10th, 2012
MistaHarsh
Just curious how does love making transcend into a spiritual experience? I must not be doing it right…
You can't put a timeframe on when to fall in love same as you cant put an expiry date for when your perfect relationship gets stale. Time will tell. When I look at shows like the bachelor it doesn't surprise me when the couples don't last. How can you keep up that type of excitement and fantasy once the cameras are gone? Those women are going to break out once they return to reality and have to do his laundry.
Feb 10th, 2012
cynicaloptmst81
"…then the littlest things he did would have me ready to run him over with my car and so on…"
We are >>>HERE<<<
LOL
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
Love at first sight is ridiculous!
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
This!!
Feb 10th, 2012
Fierce Bitch
Off topic question: what would you do if you felt like you've lost your soul mate?
Feb 21st, 2012
Reply to “The Intoxication Effect: Knowing The Difference Between Being Addicted & D*ckmatized”