If there’s one thing I hate about break-ups and divorces I TRULY hate to see, it’s how messy things get when CHILDREN are involved. Although there are great parents out there who can get their Bruce WIllis & Demi Moore on after a break-up and remain close, be civil and remain equal partners in parenting regardless of who they are dating, there are also FAR too many cases of parents turning into D. Wade and [his CRAZY-ASS ex-wfe] Siohvaughn, where all civility gets thrown out the window and grown adults come seconds away from throwing ‘bows like a Worldstar flick.
The reason sh*t typically gets out of hand is either due to one parent being excessively controlling or compulsively absent. In this post we are going to address the excessively controlling lot. And PLEASE don’t let the title fool you, B*TCH is being used in a multisex manner, because the actions of negatively controlling a child and using them against the other parent are NOT specific to any gender – but it’s DEFINITELY specific to immature, childish and corny B*TCH-ASS parents.
Let me share 2 stories for y’all that gave me the inspiration to write this post today:
Scenario 1:
My boy has a daughter and he is on-and-off with the mother [around the time of this story they were OFF and in shaky water] but he loves his daughter so much he wants to show her off to every one of his friends and family members whenever he can [she's a cute, funny, precocious young girl]. Well this Chistmas, his family flew in from out of town to visit him at his house with gifts for the little girl who they haven’t seen IN YEARS – BUT, she wasn’t there, she was at her mother’s house. So, he got in his car and went to the mother’s house to pick up his little girl and take her to see her family.
Now even though they are not on the BEST terms, they BOTH mutually agreed on NOT establishing a formal, legal visitation schedule and decided to just be adults about where their daughter will stay. Now the mother and daughter were home, doing NOTHING, so when he got there to pick up his daughter, the mother [who was already mad about something else] flipped out and physically restrained the little girl from leaving with her dad, while his daughter cried and grabbed for her daddy. She said “you ain’t taking my kid any-damn-where!” And he didn’t. He got in his car, drove back to the house and announced to his family that they won’t be able to see her or give her the presents they bought.
Scenario 2:
My homegirl just got recently divorced and their kids have a biweekly rotation with the children – BUT, that is about to get WAY more complicated because her ex-husband has decided that because he makes more money, he wants his children to go to a private school the mother can’t afford to pay on her own – across the country. Now, understand that he is SELF-employed so working remotely is NOTHING for him, and making the move will be an easy transition. He’s basically saying to her:
But she works 50 hours a week on the opposite coast, so letting the children go to that school will mean she will give up seeing them as often as she does now. Her ex realizes this, and although he can enrol them in a private school of an equal level in the SAME city, he’s basically telling her “go f*^k yourself, these are MY kids and I will decide what’s best for them, REGARDLESS of how it impacts YOU!”
Now there’s a lot of classy, verbose and eloquent retorts that can be used to amply justify and explain your emotions and point of view – but F*^K it – all they need to say is “B*TCH, they are OUR kids!” If both parents are equally emotionally and mentally invested in raising their kids, there should NEVER be a SOLE voice of reason and command. Good parenting, whether in a relationship or not, requires BOTH people to put forth DUAL effort so both parties should have an EQUAL voice in raising THEIR kids.
This Is Your Conscience
18 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies & Gentlemen, In Scenario 1, Do You Think The Mother Was Justified For Not Giving Up Her Daughter Upon The Fathers Unscheduled Appearance Or Was She Out Of Line?
Also, In Scenario 2, Is The Father Justified For Wanting To Move With Hi Children Across The Country Or Is He Just Acting Like A DOUCHE?
Feb 10th, 2012
Paul B.
The motivation for the first situation makes her a douchebag clearly. She's angry due to an inability to exercise control over a particular situation and she had to act like a douche in this situation to make somebody else hurt and reassure herself of a measure of control.
I'm inclined to say homeboy is a douche as well, simply for the same reasons.
Feb 10th, 2012
Lady Ngo
Scenario 1: Thats why you have that schedule in place. Granted she wasn't doing anything and from your description acted like an immature @$$ child in the situation, had there been something in place, this kind of thing would happen less often and have repercussions. If you and the baby mama/daddy aren't on good terms (hell, even if you are) i think that things like this, at least for like holiday rotations and such need to scheduled out. And just to play devil's advocate- why didn't dude set this up in advance? Its not like his people flying out was a surprise (i assume).
Scenario 2: is that even possible? If they legally have joint custody of the kids ona weekly basis, how can he move them anywhere? A certainly not without her okaying it. I don't know how this stuff works and i hope i'm never in a position to have to find out.
Feb 10th, 2012
ATLienSince82
I don't wanna sound like a jerk but I need more info about that second situation before I come to a conclusion…
Feb 10th, 2012
ATLienSince82
That's what I'm wondering…what state these folks live in??
Feb 10th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Scenario 1 SHes definitely in the wrong! Though they are not together, the little girls family is her family, and she's depriving her of that. And the way she went about it is awful, and memories like that stick. Not cool.
Scenario 2. He's also in the wrong. It seems as if he's doing that to spite his ex wife instead of really for the kids. If there is another private school in the same city, I think that is he most reasonable thing to do. I don't like when ppl use the kids to get back at eachother
Feb 10th, 2012
ATLienSince82
You got any kids?
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
How is she a douchebag?? You need to get more facts my dear!
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
Exactly my thoughts on Scenario 1…that's why you get a schedule in place to avoid these situations!
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
It's up to him to give more advance notice than just showing up last minute telling her to put her coat on…c'mon!
Feb 10th, 2012
MistaHarsh
I personally don't know any split parents who are both actively involved with their child that get along without court supervision. People break up for a reason so until the child can speak up for themselves the parents will impose their will on them and that's usually where parents disagree. When you look at it from the perspective of what's best for the child it seems like a reasonable common ground. The problem is what's best for the child is subjective.
If split parents get along its usually because one parent has a laissez-faire approach to parenting.
Feb 10th, 2012
MistaHarsh
She is in the wrong for how she handled the situation. If there's no legal supervision schedule there's nothing wrong with him asking to take his daughter for the day. However I do feel if it becomes a habit of him just walking in whenever he wants, he's clearly not respecting her time with their child that they originally agreed on. I smell a court order coming in that situation…
Feb 10th, 2012
MistaHarsh
Keep in mind though that its easy to be the fun parent when you come and go as you please and arrive to scoop up your child to give them gifts. We don't know the whole story but clearly they don't see eye to eye on the visitation schedule…..here comes the courts, child supports, and illegal off the books activities just to get by…
"Before we had a kid, we should've had a clue" – Phonte Coleman
Feb 10th, 2012
Paul B.
Read situation 1 again. Based on what we are presented with, how is she anything other than that? It was just petty on her part.
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
The fact is that he didn't respect her so he deserved what he got…
Feb 10th, 2012
Kizzy
She was spending time with her child and he comes barging through the door making last minute demands??? Hell to the naw!
Feb 10th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
No
Feb 10th, 2012
Kam
"Well this Chistmas, his family flew in from out of town to visit him at his house with gifts for the little girl who they haven’t seen IN YEARS"
This was obviously not a spur of the moment trip it was planned. Why did he not take the intuitive to tell the mother (regardless if they don't have a set visitation schedule) that his family would be visiting and would like to see his daughter. I think he should take her to court and have a visitation rights set up. If not events like this will occur again.
I don't respect any parent that keeps a child away from their parent due to their own selfish reasons.
Feb 11th, 2012
Reply to “Um, B*tch, They’re Not YOUR Kids, They’re OUR Kids”