"TELL MY FRIEND EVERY MAN YOU SLEPT WITH!"
There’s a video that Lincoln posted in his Facebook group a week or two ago that I’ve been meaning to comment on, and NOW is the time:
Now that it’s Valentine’s day, a lot of couples will be going through the good times of being in a relationship where it’s all sex, love, romantic dinners and (if you’re lucky) shopping spree’s…but there are also going to be very trying times and there is nothing more trying than the inevitable Nani-Interrogation…
I don’t know WHY you ridiculous men think that this is such a necessary step in determining if you are dating “wife-material” but interrogating your woman about her sexual past is nothing more than a potential FAIL!! In fact men, I will give you a clue that it will be a potential FAIL!!: She will look you dead in your face and tell you straight up “Don’t ask me a question you don’t wanna hear the answer to!”
MEN, (LISTEN CAREFULLY PLEASE AND THANK YOU) If you hear your woman tell you that, you probably want to abandon that conversation as fast as humanly possible because it’s only going to go down hill! AND mostly because the reason you want to hear it, is to justify your corny male ego that states “I am the conquerer of this new land and no other flags will be tolerated!!” But the fact is your woman, YES YOUR WOMAN, has been with others, some of who were bigger, some of who were better and some of are unbelievably embarrassing to remember…
Chris Rock said it best: “just be glad you’re getting it now!” because hearing her tell you ANYTHING except she’s a virgin, will only make you disgusted at her…and really for no good reason either!!
Men, we women don’t ask you because we know we don’t wanna hear about your past and we are honest enough to know we can’t handle it…I suggest you exercise the same honesty with yourselves and save yourselves the drama of knowing more about her than you ever really wanted to, and save us the drama of having to sit there and be looked down upon while we recount our past horror stories with gross guys we were trying to forget! (And great hook-ups that you better HOPE we forget!)
The easiest sign to tell a man isn’t “husband-material” is he always stresses over the past…if he’s always stuck in the past, he can’t focus on how to please you in the present to build towards a better future!
65 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe That ANY Good Can Be Derived By Interrogating Your Partner About Their Past?
Feb 14th, 2012
BADDEST
Heres the simple answer ….Interrogation = no place in any kind of mature relationship…..NONE….that goes both ways
Feb 14th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
True. True
But me personally I have no problems inquiring about your bodycount and/or past because I am willing to divulge mine if asked.
Feb 14th, 2012
Vicky
If you are both mature and can handle the truth then yes. BUT if one is a little less mature, it can ruin the relationship
Feb 14th, 2012
msjordan11
Great Post!
I think most men ask so they can make some sort of judgement call on how "loosey goosey" a woman is. And for that reason…I dont' like to answer. Whether I've been with 1 or 100… my past is just that…my past. If I had one partner, all of a sudden I'm made to "wifey material" or listed a "good girl". Heck, could even be possibly even labeled " inexperienced" or "frigid". If I had 100…I'm a straight "whore" who will bang any dude with a woody.
I may ask a question or two about a man's past, but regarding sexual history…I don't bother. I could care less knowing the amount of women he casually slept with. As long as he gets regular annual check ups…I'm good. And trust me men…RARELY do women say the truth. I know a FEW women who will flat out LIE to their partner and pretend that some situations "didn't count".
"Well I didn't cum so that didn't count"
"Well we stopped in the middle b/c he went soft…so that didn't count"
"Sigh…it was sooooo bad and he was soooo quick…so that didn't count"
You'd be amazed at how a woman's past 13 previous partners will be widdled down to 3 in no time.
And Ladies…Listen, from when penis enters vagina…even for 2 seconds…you have officially had sexual intercourse. But ain't noone gotta know your "number" but your damn self.
Feb 14th, 2012
Dig Brown Bick
Here's the thing when it comes down to finding wifey, tho:
Men don't have to settle down. Women will keep giving us their chocolate pie until the day we die with no commitment (sometimes without us even saying thank you.) So when we make the choice to be with only one woman for the rest of our lives. We want someone special- not ran through like the Lincoln tunnel. I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS RIGHT OR FAIR, but it is true to life.
p.s. We also don't want to be staring at our children 10 years down the road trying to figure out, who the fuck they look like.
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
if a woman is posing like an ingenue, or wounded little dove, and trying to get a man to do all sort of tricks to get in, then he finds out that she sex down the whole of mississauga, the man has every right to be pissed.
oh and for those LIARS who say 'my past is my past it doesn't matter where i've been' – or some variation thereof, i hope you are BRAVE enough to tell that to a prospective employer when you hand him/her a blank resume, lol.
if you put 'my-past-is-my-past' on a resume you'll be unemployed, or have the worst kinds of jobs.
a similar thing applies in relationships.
conventional logic is: if you were a 'slew ting' or 'jump-off' for ALL the other men who came before me, why would i want to wife you? on one level it's ego. on a next, it is GOOD SENSE, what in your `serial monogamy' tells me that you are capable of a long-term, sexually exclusive relationship?
the whole, my-past-is-my-past thing is always suspicious. it is like an uneven paint job on a ride, proof that it ha been in a couple accidents and scrape ups. that doesn't mean that you aren't getting a decent whip, but be mindful of a seller trying to get more than market value for it.
caveat emptor, nephews!
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
interesting.
Feb 14th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Giggling Out Loud at the last 2 paragraphs cuz this is the whole truth and NOTHING BUT the truth. *smhl*
My homegirl the other day was like….. "He only last 3 minutes — shit I ain't counting that" o__o
But ummmm MsJordan??!! Imma need you to back away from the vault please… #SecurityBreach
lol
Feb 14th, 2012
ChloeRayne56
Agreed because this is how I feel in regards to a man having a shady/seedy past as well, Yes, grant it that it would be expected of him to have a higher body count and more sexual escapades than me that is why I rate *cough* JUDGE *cough* based on my level of acceptance mental scale.
Men need to realize just how you want the Creme de la Creme of a virtous woman when you ready to wife up some chick we or should I say some of us want that as well but the problem is that men are not held accountable for their past as much as women are.
Feb 14th, 2012
Paul B.
True, some women can whittle those numbers down real quick when other criteria such as that enters the equation.
Feb 14th, 2012
msjordan11
lol yes, the damn truth. Lots and lots of women lie about this. And unless he's doing a private investigation search and asking every dude who may know her, he won't ever know.
I do think it's important to talk about previous history to a degree. I mean if someone cheated on thier past 3 relationships…yes, that's mad suspect and chances are he/she'd probably cheat on you. However, when getting info from someone you are courting or in a relationship with, lots of times they are painted as the victim and their past lover was the one who was "crazy". They are showing their "representative" which is usually some kind of good boy/girl act.
We don't ever know the WHOLE truth about how a relationship was ruined. So it's best to judge someone based on common sense, character and that sometimes that good ol' intuition.
Feb 14th, 2012
msjordan11
I don't get it. Does it make them look in the mirror and say " Well I only had 3 so I'm not that bad" when in reality they had 13??!! I don't understand lying to yourself. Not everyone has to know your business, but lots of women just pretend it didn't happen so they can feel they are still a "virtuous woman". It's really very lame.
Feb 14th, 2012
Paul B.
*Waits for it*
Feb 14th, 2012
NurseJilly
I agree with you. I want to know if there is any weird shit not an actuall body count. I've always been comfortable telling if I'm asked but I'm sure if I had a higher number then I may not be as quick to.
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
most women look at a guy who hasn't had a bunch of women as less of a man. generally, as a man, the more women you've had, generally, the more you will get. no woman wants a man who isn't wanted.
and if that guy is experienced with women of a 'higher quality' than she, that woman gets insecure and sabotagy. women need to sort out that catch-22 individually and collectively so as to be open to more and better options. also, it is those conflicting – tension producing – values than allow men to be less accountable for their pasts.
Feb 14th, 2012
ChloeRayne56
Me too, don't have a problem either, actually it's funny to see their reaction once they realize their assumption of me and mental number they perceived that I may have had was wayyyy off base.
*NeverJudgeABookByIt'sCover*
Feb 14th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
The only problem I see here is the interrogation of it. If you don't hold it as an interrogation youre more inclined to get an honest answer. But i think if it's more than 5 ppl forget someone, dont count bad experiences or short experiences etc so you still may need to round up lol. But I feel like your past is your past. If someone can't take it keep it moving. If the number is real high and the person cant look past it, it's simply a preference. Keep it moving. But to me the number doesn't matter much it simply shows how you view sex. So that is what ppl sometimes have differing opinions about.
But I agree, if you can't take it don't ask. And if you got to hide it, don't do it. I don't have a problem asking or answering those questions. I think timespan is also very important and number of unprotected partners.
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
LOL I have a friend who said she doesn't count how the men she stopped halfway with. LOL
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
so where does forgiveness come into the equation? Just because a woman/man slept with a buttload of folks, doesn't mean anything in the context of your relationship. It doesn't make her/him a cheater any more than the person who was a virgin when they met you.
I would love a real concrete reason why the sex number actually matters if both parties are clean and in a relationship. Caring about the number causes mistrust in a relationship where there previously was none. My number is no one's business but if I'm comfortable with my partner, his won't matter either.
Plus, there's always deductive reasoning.
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
your past affects your present and your future. we accept this basic truth in every single aspect of life, usually.
if a person in the past has gotten fired from or left every single job they've had with in a month, is this person a good hire? nope.
if a man has a criminal record – or even if he has just been arrested – he can be a reformed, good guy and still have travel and work options limited. pardon or no.
why is it that when sexual history is involved there's this sudden all bets are off attittude? sus.
your past is a pattern of behavior. the fact that you want to bury it, suggests that you might have plenty of things you aren't proud of or what to sell a person on false pretenses. this doesn't determines one's present, but certainly influences it.
some men are silly and immature about their partners' pasts; and want to feel like they are breaking a hymen. don't mess with a dude like that, i'd suggest. but i question a person who's sense of self depends on a selective amnesia or obfuscation.
i don't know what there is to forgive, just realize that if that person – male or female – can't be transparent and honest about their past, they are controlling information in a way beneficial to them and you are taking a bit of a risk.
it might still be worth it, but it is a risk certainly. know that going in, so no crying coming out.
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
In relationships, there are always risks. I don't think sleeping around when one is single should be indicative of their behavior when in relationships. We see opposites daily: folks who never get laid, get in a relationship, and cheat non-stop and hoes becoming housewives.
You can keep your stance but I'm pretty sure all these women folks ARE lying about their sexual past with that "I've never done this before…" So, why even ask?
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
whos mature enough to handle knowing who their wife or husband boned?? thats not maturity thats being a simp!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
real damn talk right hurr!!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
since when??????!?!?!
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
yeah, but you don't know that they were sleeping around while single. and that's not as concerning as the women's who's had 15 'boyfriends'. she treats relationships like a joke.
what heightens the body count tension is the fact that women dangle sex in order to get a ltcr. if you have i history of fuggin everybody, but are trying to dangle and lead, clearly you think dude is a heediot.
there are exceptions and people are able to change, but if i have some landmines in my past, i don't tell you, i'm deceiving you. i might see some things and choose to look the other way, but that's different from it being covered up, entirely. and that what 'the-past-is-the-past' does.
not all people are in situations with totally anonymous sex histories. it is possible in some contexts to know where a person's been – or make some reasonable extrapolations. on top of that, not all women lie. not all feel they need too. some women put their cards on the table from early. if you want to build instead of jim screech your way to 'love' that's the best way. you never have to worry or hide, that person accepts you for who you are.
as for why ask? elementary. sometimes you ask a question not to get the truth, but to SEE HOW A PERSON LIES. if they are really good, they might be a keeper, but it might be better if they are really bad at it.
further, asking the question establishes a base-line. i ask, and she says '3'. i'm like 'cool'. i get to know her, go out a bit and you come to find out it is between '35 and 80'. i know that she lies about important things. she's a person who's either trying to get over; doesn't have the social skills to own what she's done and live in the reality of her choices; doesn't know to pick a guy who's not so concerned about 'body count' or doesn't feel confident in her ability to show that she's emotionally prepared for what she's demanding of others.
not ltcr material. that's why you ask.
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
too much truth right here!! someone gotta do a post on when sex starts!!!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
nigga just share yo damn opinion!
Feb 14th, 2012
Vicky
You don't need to know the finer details but if you are going to start asking, be prepared to hear of a past – just like how you men have them, so do we women. It does take a mature adult to see and accept that
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
its best to have a friend who knows that bitch from before yall met!!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
so whats your number??! we gonna be married someday anyway so share woman!!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
what kinda shit is that!!??
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
some real talk here too!!
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
lol. keep reading.
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
how is number of unprotected partners important if theyre clean???
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
folks who never get laid, get in a relationship, and cheat non-stop and hoes becoming housewives?? when have you ever seen that??
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
thank you for saying that!! the reason women dont ask is because yall prefer to believe he's a manwhore!!
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
Son, act like hoes ain't winning in these streets. I know 4 hoes. AND REAL TIME HOES who are engaged. I know many a man who was having difficulty in the dating scene then once got a girlfriend have been sleeping around.
Act like these mofos ain't roaming around.
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
On both sides of gender and sexual orientation, no one actually wants a hoe because they deem this person to be unsavory and stupid. That being said, if you like this person and they've done no wrong, why let a number get in the way of something great?
The way you make it sound is as if their sex numbers will completely end the relationship… I'm confused why you and others even really want to know. Let single people be single.
If an unsavory number comes up after dating 2 years, you gonna dump her/him? Isn't there a statute of limitations?
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
Shit is wild. One, I don't understand NOT counting that dude. Two, what the eff makes someone stop in earnest?
I at least try it to the end.
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
it takes a mature adult to accept they have a past and just leave it at that!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
its womens fault mostly!!
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
hoes are usually hoes before they get into relationships tho!!
Feb 14th, 2012
Vicky
Agreed! I don't think my past is relevant however I have had guys in the past ask
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
Yup. exactly my point. actions prior to relationships don't dictate how they'll be in relationships. I know a reformed hoe who settled down, married a good christian man and has kids with him. You'd NEVER know she was a hoe.. I do. But he would never think she was.
Feb 14th, 2012
grandgryph
no one wants a 'hoe'? how do they get to be hoes if not by, at least in some capacity being, wanted?
and, by 'hoe' i presume you mean a promiscuous person, not one who tries to benefit materially or socially from sex, like 'independent woman/whore'. promiscuous people can be very intelligent, desirable and have `good relationship qualities'.
most `nymphomanics' i've met are really nice cheery women and capable of love. they are fun to have around, but might not work so well in a traditionally structured relationship; she's probably going to f*ck a lot of people who aren't you. if that bothers you as a man, don't wife her. you don't have to degrade her by calling her a 'hoe' either.
i didn't say that a person should let number get in the way of a good relationship at all. it is just that the person should get to make a decision about it. LYING or keeping a person in the dark about your past is simply unfair, and bad foundation upon which to build an ltcr.
again, whatever you said, apply that to a work situation. if you don't have a past that shows an ability and willingness to work at relationship (body count being one of the factors, and not necessarily the most important one) then that certainly affects things going forward.
not necessarily. but if this person in that two years has shown that they lie or evade responsibility and accountability, the fact that they lied at jump could be the straw that broke the camel's back.
generally, just be honest from jump. you might not get what you want at first, but you will land with someone who accepts you for you.
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
Meh! It's funny as she started saying all the different ways women lie about numbers. I paused and looked at her… LOL. Seriously?! I wonder how many other folks think like that.
Feb 14th, 2012
@craziijnell
Ok I'll admit… there is one guy that I couldn't feel at ALL. When I was young, I worried about myself and my ladyparts… now that I am an adult I am not sure he actually put it in. He isn't counted at all.
Feb 14th, 2012
The_Mad_HATER
and what did you tell em???
Feb 14th, 2012
Vicky
The truth, I have nothing to hide because I am comfortable enough with my past that I can speak of it openly
Feb 14th, 2012
Concrete_Rose
Because I'd want to see if they're just getting by or with how many ppl they risk it like that with.
Feb 14th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Since always, cuz I'm just curious like that.
Feb 14th, 2012
@_LastOfMyBreed
I will ask based on situation. If she's 30 something, I'm not asking. I already know it will be something bad smh. If it pops up in conversation, I would like to know. I won't interrogate, but I would like to know.
Past is the past? Yes…but don't act like a person's past means nothing to you at all. If it did, then the selection process for a potential wife/husband would be a lot easier for people. I think females that want to hide, not count experiences into full body count, or get angry when asked the question just have big numbers or numbers they are embarrassed about. I've found that girls that are proud of their numbers are more likely to tell without someone even asking them.
Feb 14th, 2012
dddd
i dont know whats worse… how many people you find out they slept with, or WHO they chose to sleep with…. its a close call for me… but i think id rather hear the guy i was with slept with a bag of women rather than hear he slept with that one wack leggobeast b*tch up the road.
Feb 14th, 2012
MistaHarsh
sometimes you ask a question not to get the truth, but to SEE HOW A PERSON LIES
True statement
Feb 14th, 2012
MistaHarsh
But are u a hoe if ur discreet? I mean isnt that the essence of the saying "freak in the bed lady in the streets"?
Feb 14th, 2012
Paul B.
This is where the contradiction comes in: quite a few ladies are good for posturing with comments like "If he can't handle my past, then he ain't the one for me. He can just kick rocks" and all that jazz, yet these same ones are telling lies trying to get those numbers down, or trying to guilt men into not asking about their sexual past. Bottom line is that for all that braggadocio about not being ashamed about their past, they're still afraid that it may disqualify them from being seen a particular way hence the hopes of trying to get men to change their standards when it comes to it. The only ones who consistently complain about a standard are the ones who can't meet it.
Feb 15th, 2012
dddd
exactly. how are you going to complain about a standard even existing, and then act guilty when its your turn to present the data. its either you dont care about your past and talk up, or, you respect the "standard" and keep your crotches more closed than open as you go through life. as far as im concerned, if theres nothing to hide then any question can be asked and receive an answer. *shrugs
Feb 15th, 2012
@craziijnell
I don't think you can relate work behavior and relationship/sex behavior. If someone hoed as a single person, that's their single persona. If someone is constantly late to work, doesn't mean they'll be late to a volunteer position or to give their grandma meds. It's apples to oranges in that sense. They are different facets of life.
I only keep track of numbers for my own sake and really for the giggle fest I have with my friends. other than that, I don't think it's anyone's business whether it's 5 or 25. It doesn't dictate who I am in my relationship. It's not something that adults should even be asking of each other.
But.. as you can see (i hope), I am not a man therefore these numbers aren't as big of a deal to me.
Feb 15th, 2012
@craziijnell
If a tree falls in a forest….
Same shit.
Feb 15th, 2012
grandgryph
as i might know i question the whole system that commodifies sex and 'love'. i think we'd be better served by something else.
BUT most people DO use commercial and labor ideas and strategies in their love relationships. it's a social norm. if you oppose it when i use it to explain things, i trust that you'll be a woman of principal and challenge those attitudes when they are expressed elsewhere, particularly by 'good women' like 'independent whore'
what someone does while single, would be listed under 'hobbies and interests' on a res. if you have hobbies and interests that counter to the company's profitability -like say, `stealing things' – you can bet they aren't hiring you.
further, if you put 'n/a' under hobbies and references, give a partial work experience, claim to have a ph.d when you did a semester at devry, claim to speak several languages when you can only speak pig latin, they aren't going to keep you there, even if you are a pretty good worker.
further, you are assuming that 'history' has to do with just `single' life – that not always the case at all. her number might very well conflict with other stories she's fed you, and so expose her to be manipulative with her relationships in a way that allow her to have many, many partners (which is how most women do their 'promiscuity', not just random casual partners, but under the guise of 'relationships').
that's your opinion and you are of course entitled to it. you opinion however takes decision-making power from anyone you might be in a relationship with. because you don't necessarily know what they consider important for them in a ltcr. that's not `good faith negotiation' or 'transparent'. cozy though.
not a big deal? quizzical. didn't you say no one wants a 'hoe'. now numbers don't matter to you? which one is it? lol
look all this number don't matter and the-past-is-the-past stuff just makes it easier for one person to perpetrate a FRAUD on another. i'm just telling you what a reasonably intelligent person might hear when that old nonsense starts up. they want the catfax. you coming up with all sort of reason why its not important just says, 'lots of miles, plenty accidents'.
people can change, and i don't think people should base love on those things, but when we subscribe to a commodified view of relationships, that's the kind of thinking that underwrites things usually.
Feb 15th, 2012
Shaun
If someone loves you and wants to make it work long-term they will divulge all the pertinent information without fear of being judged. Besides when sexual health/history is being discussed that may come up naturally.
Feb 15th, 2012
Will
I can so respect that.
The last thing I really want is to be told by a third party that she hooked up with someone she didn't tell me about. It's happened to me and it was the guy she had a O.N.S. with years ago. I appreciate a girl like you that can just lay it out in the beginning, so I don't have to deal with it as a surprise years later. Things just are what they are!! If you cant handle it then that is not the girl/guy for you.
Mar 12th, 2012
Shawn
It's a complex subject. I think that the number of previous partners does matter — not only because it can give an indication of her views in intimacy and psychological state, but also because I just dont want to have to deal with the mental image of my girlfriend having been dicked down by dozens of cocks. I recently bought this guide over at http://www.SheWasASlut.com, and it was the first time I've ever read a complete and accurate description of what we go through, why we go through it and how to deal with it.
May 10th, 2012
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