Ladies, If You Want To Talk MORE With Your Man, Start Talking AT Him LESS

"I dunno anymore heffa! You tell me what you wanna hear dammit!"

If there is one concept that MOST women are intimately familiar with, it’s the ideology that COMMUNICATION is the most important part of a relationship. Women who believe this KNOW the key to a successful relationship – unfortunately very few women know how to PRACTICE it.

When it comes to communication in general, you can either talk WITH someone or talk AT them. Talking with someone involves an open two-way dialogue where both people come in with a clear, open mind and are actively listening to one another so that the conversation can progress to a greater point. This is the type of communication a relationship NEEDS to be successful.

On the other hand though, you have talking AT someone which involves delivering either an open-ended monologue or a series of leading questions used to trap a dude in a convoluted maze of confusion and circular logic. This is the type of communication that is most commonly used in relationships and this is why so many women have men that can’t STAND the sound of their damn voice. These dudes would choose taking a shower in the state pen covered in Cookies N’ Creme body wash with the BOOTY-WARRIOR behind them, rather than hear the words “We need to talk..” from their girls.

Why you ask? Because most women use those words to touch off a conversation based solely on some sh*t that HE’S f*^king up on – and it’s never a question, unless it’s a leading question in which she already has the answer and just wants to see if you admit whatever she thinks you did wrong. Basically, too many women talk AT men and then when he doesn’t acquiesce to having the discussion, y’all women will turn around and BLAME HIM for not wanting to “open up.”

Ladies, believe it or not, any man that decides to call you his girlfriend, fiancé or wife, actually has a high base level of respect for you on a mental and emotional level. He DOES want to talk with you, share with you and converse with you, but the KEY to the communication working starts with YOU adjusting the way you receive, react and request these talks.

REQUEST

Men are NOT about the long-talking and dramatic pauses when a conversation needs to be brought up, nor are we apt to kamikaze style sneak attacks as soon as we get home from work and haven’t even got a second to adjust our balls in our briefs before you’re up in our face. Men actually DO love to talk, but the more casual and “safe” the atmosphere, the more we are willing to open up. Lose the “we need to talk” BS.

RECEIVE

ASK QUESTIONS DAMMIT - and by questions I don’t mean LEADING, FBI-interrogation style questions, but just questions that allow us to continue our point without feeling like theres some horrible emotion you’re holding back and waiting to unleash on us at any minute. Men HATE leading questions AND leading statements:

Him: “Baby it was crazy ish that went down in the office today! Ol Big Booty Judy got fired and went CRAY!”
Her: “Who gave her the name Big Booty? You nigga..”
Him: *thinking* [uh-oh, where's THIS sh*t going?!]

REACT

Let me reiterate my point from before: We require a SAFE environment to share. FYI Ladies: The phrase “just tell me, I won’t get mad..” does NOT make us feel safe – it’s menacing and threatening and makes us instinctively cover our ball sacks from being bent like Beckham. Ladies, this means controlling your emotions will help you in controlling your reactions to what he’s saying so you don’t always find the “gotcha’ moment!” in the conversation.

“]

Ladies, your men are DYING to talk to you RIGHT NOW, but if you stay getting in his ass and constantly trying to MINDF*^K him, eventually he’s gonna shut down like a dusty Nintendo.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

15 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    02/09/2012 at 5:41 AM

    Ladies, Do You Think You Are [And Also MOST Women] Are Guilty Of Talking AT Men Too Much – Or Is It Really Just That Us Men Mostly Suck At Communicating And Try Hard To Avoid Real Talks?

    Gentlemen, Are Women Good At Conversing AND Actively LISTENING?

  2. AfrikanQueen

    02/09/2012 at 9:31 AM

    "Men are NOT about the long-talking and dramatic pauses when a conversation needs to be brought up, nor are we apt to kamikaze style sneak attacks as soon as we get home from work and haven’t even got a second to adjust our balls in our briefs before you’re up in our face." ROFLMAO all i could think about was Chris Rock's bigger and blacker standup.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQaLYD6E9Wk – see 2:21 mark. LOL!

    *waving* Hi yall!! It's been a while!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      02/09/2012 at 3:34 PM

      Hey! Where You Been??!

  3. msjordan11

    02/09/2012 at 9:35 AM

    I think it depends on the person. I won't lie…I've been guilty of the FBI questioning a time or two. But that's when their actions didn't line up with something they have told me. I have a memory like an elephant. And we all are accountable for our actions and I don't like being told something and than the story doesn't add up. But than there are guys I've had to try other tactics with to get them to open up b/c they WILL shut down depending on the approach.

    • J.P.

      02/09/2012 at 10:38 AM

      do you believe face-to-face contact is the best way to communicate?

      • msjordan11

        02/09/2012 at 10:46 AM

        Most Def! BBM and Text is the WORST! I prefer face to face so I can pick up on body language. Phone would be secondary so I can hear his tone and the way he responds.

  4. BADDEST

    02/09/2012 at 10:12 AM

    Yeah for sure women are pros at FBI style interrogation….hell, most are even guilty of sitting on shady factual information about their man and only bringing it out when "the time is right" or when " there no way hes got any excuses to get out of this one"……so theres really not much to defend here at all…Lincoln is right….
    BUT
    sometimes…..consider that your woman isnt trying to lead you anywhere other than a more intimate relationship or better you…..sometimes….what men interpret as "leading" or "trapping" is really an attempt at guidance through feelings that that man needs to explore…and as certified "feeling experts" isnt it a womens job to help men through that?

    • sonicmel

      02/09/2012 at 10:41 AM

      I have to admit I use REAL FBI tactics from time-to-time
      I know the guy didn't like it but I just had to

  5. Concrete_Rose

    02/09/2012 at 11:01 AM

    FBI tactics only come out if we smell a lie. And I think it's vice versa a lot of times! Shit I get superrrr uncomfortable when I get thAt text or voicemail saying we really gotta talk. I automatically start thinking damn did I do something in the wrong a d start retracing my steps.

    But when it's a serious convo that's needed there's no easy way of smoothing into it talking about some "weather was soo nice today baby"

    • J.P.

      02/09/2012 at 1:30 PM

      "FBI tactics only come out if we smell a lie."

      If you found out that you were wrong would you fess up and tell him or keep it to yourself?

      • Janet

        02/09/2012 at 5:05 PM

        Personally I would but that's just me. Everybody's different though.

      • Concrete_Rose

        02/09/2012 at 6:17 PM

        More than likely.. But asking isn't accusing. So if I take his answer as truth I might just leave it at that instead of telling him I was thinking thus, that , and the third. But I have no prob admitting when im wrong about things

  6. Paul B.

    02/09/2012 at 7:37 PM

    Um….short answer, I think it does matter based on the individual, but the cynic in me says no. It's not just a gender thing, it's more of the supposed hype surrounding the importance of communication coming from some of these women that can't live up to it themselves that bothered me. How is somebody going to tout the importance of communication in theory and suck in the practice of it?

  7. Adrian

    02/11/2012 at 9:50 PM

    LMAO @ Booty Warrior!!!
    Boondocks FTW!!

  8. BlackBerry79

    03/14/2014 at 12:14 AM

    My question is How do you feel about a woman who has kids with someone and she constantly comes around and we are engaged what should I do

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