Ladies, If You Want To Talk MORE With Your Man, Start Talking AT Him LESS

"I dunno anymore heffa! You tell me what you wanna hear dammit!"

If there is one concept that MOST women are intimately familiar with, it’s the ideology that COMMUNICATION is the most important part of a relationship. Women who believe this KNOW the key to a successful relationship – unfortunately very few women know how to PRACTICE it.

When it comes to communication in general, you can either talk WITH someone or talk AT them. Talking with someone involves an open two-way dialogue where both people come in with a clear, open mind and are actively listening to one another so that the conversation can progress to a greater point. This is the type of communication a relationship NEEDS to be successful.

On the other hand though, you have talking AT someone which involves delivering either an open-ended monologue or a series of leading questions used to trap a dude in a convoluted maze of confusion and circular logic. This is the type of communication that is most commonly used in relationships and this is why so many women have men that can’t STAND the sound of their damn voice. These dudes would choose taking a shower in the state pen covered in Cookies N’ Creme body wash with the BOOTY-WARRIOR behind them, rather than hear the words “We need to talk..” from their girls.

Why you ask? Because most women use those words to touch off a conversation based solely on some sh*t that HE’S f*^king up on – and it’s never a question, unless it’s a leading question in which she already has the answer and just wants to see if you admit whatever she thinks you did wrong. Basically, too many women talk AT men and then when he doesn’t acquiesce to having the discussion, y’all women will turn around and BLAME HIM for not wanting to “open up.”

Ladies, believe it or not, any man that decides to call you his girlfriend, fiancé or wife, actually has a high base level of respect for you on a mental and emotional level. He DOES want to talk with you, share with you and converse with you, but the KEY to the communication working starts with YOU adjusting the way you receive, react and request these talks.


Men are NOT about the long-talking and dramatic pauses when a conversation needs to be brought up, nor are we apt to kamikaze style sneak attacks as soon as we get home from work and haven’t even got a second to adjust our balls in our briefs before you’re up in our face. Men actually DO love to talk, but the more casual and “safe” the atmosphere, the more we are willing to open up. Lose the “we need to talk” BS.


ASK QUESTIONS DAMMIT – and by questions I don’t mean LEADING, FBI-interrogation style questions, but just questions that allow us to continue our point without feeling like theres some horrible emotion you’re holding back and waiting to unleash on us at any minute. Men HATE leading questions AND leading statements:

Him: “Baby it was crazy ish that went down in the office today! Ol Big Booty Judy got fired and went CRAY!”
Her: “Who gave her the name Big Booty? You nigga..”
Him: *thinking* [uh-oh, where’s THIS sh*t going?!]


Let me reiterate my point from before: We require a SAFE environment to share. FYI Ladies: The phrase “just tell me, I won’t get mad..” does NOT make us feel safe – it’s menacing and threatening and makes us instinctively cover our ball sacks from being bent like Beckham. Ladies, this means controlling your emotions will help you in controlling your reactions to what he’s saying so you don’t always find the “gotcha’ moment!” in the conversation.


Ladies, your men are DYING to talk to you RIGHT NOW, but if you stay getting in his ass and constantly trying to MINDF*^K him, eventually he’s gonna shut down like a dusty Nintendo.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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