“Men Don’t HEAL, We HOE”

F*^K a groundhog, if you want to TRULY know how fast spring is gonna be here, just take a look at how many relationships around you are quickly crumbling. THAT is the true sign of how long/short winter is gonna be. But I digress, as I start to see relationships all around me end in spectacular fashion, I’m also noticing one of the more consistent themes of the post-relationship war is how women NEGATIVELY view men’s newly-single coping techniques. There is ONE thing that women seem to NOT understand about men: We don’t HEAL – we HOE.

That brilliant sentiment is the title of a book written by Steven James Dixon, and he’s RIGHT on point with that reality. The truth is, men don’t fully know how to deal with the end of a relationship while women mourn the end of love with a disorganized grace that we as men can truly learn from. Women will go from rage to remorse to regret to reconsidering to rebounding and then eventually to recovering, all with the help of their homegirls, French Vanilla ice cream and Mary J. Blige albums. But mostly women allow themselves to publicly and privately run a FULL gamut of emotions to get it all out and move on. But us men, well, not so much.

Whether it’s society’s external pressure or our own internal constraints, us men simply do NOT allow ourselves to embrace our emotions the way women do regardless of how cathartic it could actually be. We still abide by the old school ideology that real men don’t cry [especially not over some “b*tch”] which makes us act aloof and unemotional towards her. But mostly because we simply don’t wanna look like this:

So what do we do instead? We H0E. We believe the best way to get OVER our old girl is to get UNDER a NEW girl and for the most part that is complete BULLSH*T. No matter how MUCH nani we get, no matter how GREAT it is and no matter how MUCH she can deep throat and swallow, there’s no amount of sexual gratification in new p*ssy that can fill the emotional void inside of us after losing a woman we love. No doubt it helps build our confidence back and helps ingratiate us back into the dating scene and how to be single again, but it offers NO long term solution to the pain we are going through [which unemotional and BAD sex makes terribly obvious].

So ladies, this is the REALITY of why your new-ex boyfriend/husband is running all up in some new chick just after you guys break up. Also, this is why your new man may even be talking to you in the first place. He’s not ready to be with anyone, but he believes YOUR nani is the first giant step towards emotional recovery. He may look happy [and a few of them may actually be] but no amount of hoeing is gonna help him, so you may want to avoid being this dude’s rebound and avoid giving a damn about how your ex chooses to rebound.

The MANLY rebound..

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    02/27/2012 at 3:22 AM

    Gentlemen, Do You Agree That We Don't Heal As Well As Women Do After A Relationship For The Most Part? Is Hoeing Around A Decent Recovery Technique For Some Men, Or Is It Terrible For All Women?

    Ladies, Have You Witnessed Any Of Your Ex's Hoeing Instead Of Healing? Also, Are Women Guilty Of This Too?

  2. Mimi

    02/27/2012 at 7:12 AM

    i recently realized that most of the men that are hoeing around and acting all bad and i dont care, are the ones that are emotionally damaged…!!
    And it takes a long hoeing around for them to recover.. till they like accidently fall for 1 of their 1 night stands.

  3. Candice

    02/27/2012 at 10:43 AM

    "Ultimately, NO one should hoe around, just deal with your sh*t and move on but reality is everyone wants everything pronto without really working for it."


  4. A Grown Ass Man

    02/27/2012 at 12:17 PM

    Call me crazy but I think men are incapable of dealing with our emotional problems therefore getting new women is actually the smart thing to do

    The question we need to ask ourselves is are grown men even capable of healing properly? Maybe we need to give up on this generation of men and start grooming more boys who are aware of their sensitivity

  5. dddd

    02/27/2012 at 6:08 PM

    hoeing around is hilarious to me "sleep around with randoms to make yourself feel better.. accidentally get the 1 night stand pregnant/get std… life is now over… proceed to commit suicide… all for one night of forgetting the pain" …..you get out of one situation only to risk getting into a worse one for no benefit other than a sexual one… i find that jokes

    then again i've never really supported casual sex.. so anything revolving around that and its unnecessary risks is jokes to me.

    ive personally never done the post-breakup "hoeing" thing.. not the physical aspect of it anyway moreso emotional hoeing if you will… by that i mean i find that more females emotionally hoe by seeking the emotional support and confirmation of many men, to build back their self esteem after a break up… however there are those who do both..

  6. amber

    10/16/2012 at 2:56 PM

    wow this is sooo crazy, im actually going through this situation now. My bf and I met 5 years ago it ended after 2 years. AS of 2 months ago we hooked back up after 3 years. Hes been sleeping with random women i found out for the past year and a half . We were talking of marriage last year and I backed out completely. Its my fault but wondered if i hurt em to the point of hoeing and him not caring for the other person he s shaking the sheets with. Crazy how true this is. Men really do hoe to erase the pain

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