Double Standard Alert: Women The Longer You’re Single, The More You Look Like A H0E

What we THINK single women are doing: Staying wet and ready...

So Ladies, You Found A Man You Thought Was Good, You Gave Him Your Heart, He Didn’t Know How To Handle It With Care And Broke It, So You Packed Your Bags (Or Threw His On The Lawn) And You Have Entered Into The World Of Dating, Far Away From Happiness & Joy Of Relationship-Land. Now Besides The Bitter, Lonely And Sad Single Women, There Are Actually A Few Who Are HAPPY BEING SINGLE. They Love Their Independence And The Fact That They Don’t Need To Answer To Anybody. This Is A Common Scenario That Most Women Go Through, Unfortunately Though As A Single Woman HAPPY To Be Unnattached It Comes With One Major Problem:

If You Are SINGLE & LOVING IT For TOO Long, People Are Going To Start Thinking You Are Now A Career H0E.

This Is A Really Unfortunate Double-Standard In This Sense: When Men Say They Are Single And Loving It, The Assumption is They Are Getting So Much Booty That Of COURSE They Should Be Loving It. They Are Racking Up Wilt Chamberlain Numbers On Their Bed Posts And Having All The Freaky One-Night Threesome Sex Their Heart’s Desire. When Women Say They Are Single And Loving It We Think THE SAME EXACT THING, Which Means She’s Really A Skank.

Why Do We Think Worse Of Women? Because The Conservative Part Of Our Community (i.e. Our Parents/Grand-Parents) Still Believe That It Is Indented Into The Female Psyche That She Should WANT & NEED A Husband, Kids & A Certain Amount Of Dependency (Like They Did) And If A Woman Does NOT Want That Then She Is A LOST CHILD Who Likes Wandering In And Out Of Different Men’s Bedrooms.

The Funny Thing About This Double Standard Is That Single Men Will Play Up To It Even When They AREN’T Getting Any Action Because They Feel It Elevates Their Alpha-Male Status. Women On The Other Hand Who Aren’t Getting Any Action Either, Rarely Even Have The Chance To Defend Themselves Because What People Say About Her Sex Life Is Usually Said Behind Her Back.

What most single women are ACTUALLY doing...

But I Have A Saying Ladies: “Never Waste Time Trying To Pull People Out Of The Darkness Of Ignorance, When They Can’t Stand The Light Of Knowledge.”

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

48 Comments

  1. Ms Jordan

    04/12/2010 at 11:32 AM

    Well, I'm a single woman so I have no choice but to respond…

    These sort of comments only leave me to believe that there really are not many men with much sense in knowing what a woman thinks nor feels.

    I am someone who is enjoying the single life for these many reasons:

    -Finally I can concentrate on my happiness alone for one
    -I've been taken advantage of and took for granted many times as I naturally am a giving person when I care about someone
    -having a relationship for someone who is naturally giving can be a distraction should they call you if they need help
    -I need some alone time before I bring emotional baggage from a past relatonship into a new one
    -I can be careless if I want as I have no one to answer to. No one to call and inform about my wherabouts nor feel guilty for having a good time with my girlfriends.

    My apologies to men who are short-sighted in believing that I am a ho as I'm enjoying my single life. Whether i've been single for 1 month or 3 years. With age comes wisdom. I don't plan to rush into a next relationship. One shouldn't feel as if they need to run into a committment with a man as they will be labeled a ho. And I'm sure not going to live my life in fear of what a man gossips about behind my back.

    Most likely he wasn't man enough to say it to my face.

  2. Bernisha Thomas

    04/12/2010 at 12:34 PM

    I'm single, I have moments where I do and moments where I don't enjoy it. But like Susan says, that's not going to make me rush into another relationship. If men want to label me on account of the fact that I can't seem to find one who is ambitious enough to want to have his ish together and depict himself as someone that I can have a progressive relationship with, who am I to force the issue? I know from personal experience, momentary gratification is not worth the long-term damage that a bad relationship leaves behind as a parting gift.

  3. lincolnanthonyblades

    03/19/2012 at 8:32 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree That Being Single For A Long Period Of Time Can Negatively Effect Society's View Of A Woman? Is This A Fair Or BS Depiction?

    Ladies, Have You Seen And/Or Experienced This Double Standard First Hand?

    • ChloeRayne516

      03/19/2012 at 11:14 AM

      "Do You Agree That Being Single For A Long Period Of Time Can Negatively Effect Society's View Of A Woman?"

      Yes, I believe it just for the simple fact that society had names for women who were still single after a certain age…. *Old Maid* and not for nothing MEN as well tend to view a women as such "An Old Maid or Pass her Prime" if she is single and/or never been married after a certain age which I think is a totally unfair depiction especially in the 21st century.

      Do you know how many times I had to explain my reason for my singledom after hearing things like "Why are you still single" or "I'm surprised no one snatched you off the market yet" with one of those worried/cynical looks *smh*

      • HerCommonSense

        03/19/2012 at 2:50 PM

        What do you tell them so they will shut up and never ask you again?

        • ChloeRayne516

          03/20/2012 at 11:33 AM

          The Truth.. "that I was married for over a decade and now newly single I am taking my time"

  4. Smilez_920

    03/19/2012 at 9:00 AM

    Damn if you do damn if you don’t. It’s funny if you’re single for too long you’re a whore but if you go from relationship to relationship your clingy or searching for validation. Let us live man. The same men calling single women hoe’s when their single to long are the same ones who complain when “women” always want a relationship/why can’t we just have fun.

    • Piscean

      03/19/2012 at 9:39 AM

      Amen Smilez! We are damned if we do and damned if we don't. So check this…everyone just do what the heck you wanna do and don't worry about what everyone is thinking. Chances are you will be labeled as SOMETHING regardless of whether it's true or not.

      I myself haven't found anybody to settle down with. I have dated here and there and the ones that I was interested in, weren't looking for a relationship, and the ones who were…I wasn't interested in pursuing one with them.

      People will talk regardless.

      • HerCommonSense

        03/19/2012 at 2:51 PM

        Great advice…I think the main thing people need to do is understand that their romantic journey is life is one they can only make alone

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:50 PM

      This!

  5. Paul B.

    03/19/2012 at 9:02 AM

    I believe that from an overall perspective, yes it can be perceived as such, since society itself won't take the time to get to know the individual in each scenario. Are some h0es? Yep. Are all h0es? Nothing could be further from the truth. Some are taking the time to heal from those bad decisions in their past, some are trying to learn who they really are themselves, but some are single because they literally have no business in a relationship whatsoever.

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:53 PM

      Absolutely agree on the last sentence! Sometimes we act as if all women are built to be in a long term relationship. Some women need time to grow, heal and become better people.

      • Paul B.

        03/20/2012 at 12:49 PM

        And the truth is that it's a lie that all women are built to be in a relationship. The irony is that some of the women that claim they want to be in one aren't presently built to be in them.

  6. Lady Ma

    03/19/2012 at 9:32 AM

    I think this is such bullshit,

    I've went through periods where I was single for 4+ years and in that time I wasn't sleeping with anyone…it used to be a running joke with my family and friends that I had cobwebs down there…not all women who are single are hoes and I hate this assumption with a passion

    It's disgusting….society stay trying to control and define women smh

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:52 PM

      Unfortunately while this is true for you, there's not enough women standing up and defending ourselves when these accusations are made..

  7. J. A. Johnson

    03/19/2012 at 9:41 AM

    Is there a double standard in the sexual realm for women? Yes. But there are way mote double standards for men in our society. Why is it we only talk about the hoe factor like men don't get the short end of the stick so very often? Female hits man…its ok. Female defends herself from man…support her. Man hits female…he's in the wrong. Man defends himself from female….he's still in the wrong. Both parties claim independence…yet the man is the most likely to have to front the bill. Female has no job and staying at home (but being progressive)…its ok. Man has no job and staying at home…he can expect her to leave him in x amount of time. Female wants a guy with aspects that she doesn't even have…its ok. Man wants a woman with aspects he doesn't have…he's trying to date out of his league.

    This stuff goes on and on.

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:54 PM

      So whats the double standard for men in this particular scenario?

    • theoneash20

      03/19/2012 at 8:32 PM

      No woman wants to touch the DS when it benefits the woman…

      #Fail

  8. Mystery

    03/19/2012 at 9:42 AM

    I'm just venting:
    I've been with this girl for 3 years now. People always used to tell me she was a heaux and I defended it (as any man would). Now I pretty much know what I have to do but I feel so stupid. My friends probably look at me like an idiot because I was unknowingly defending her promiscuity (before our relationship). I really had no idea until a few acquaintances told me. All my friends now probably look at me like a low-life. I think I was the only one not to know. I just had to vent. 

    • Piscean

      03/19/2012 at 10:40 AM

      Well, you live and learn Mystery.

      You gotta make choices for yourself and not what everyone thinks. If you learned the hard way in this situation…all you can do is make choices going forward and use past experiences as a guide to help you in the future.

      • Mystery

        03/19/2012 at 12:13 PM

        I don't really care what people think, never have. But when I speak I like to think that my words carry weight and are somewhat truthful. It was definitely my fault for not finding out the truth.

        You're right though. You live and you learn.

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:54 PM

      Are you considering dumping her? Did I read this wrong?

      • Mystery

        03/19/2012 at 10:36 PM

        No, I meant that I had to ask her if what I heard was true.

    • adebelle

      03/31/2012 at 6:03 PM

      but what role does her promiscuity before your relationship play into the demise of your relationship? you were with her for 3 years so obviously she was doing something right. unless she stepped out on you repeatedly i'm not seeing the correlation…

  9. BADDEST_1

    03/19/2012 at 9:44 AM

    my absolute favorite is when women who are getting married, getting engaged, or having a baby try to IMPOSE pity on me…." oh Im sorry Im talking about this…" like the mere mention of their happiness is supposed to send me into a depression….and i often dont have the heart to tell them that my actual opinion on their situations would send them into a depression…or how their intense desire not to be part of the lower rung in this caste system we call "dating" has them settling left right and center for bullshit men under bullshit circumstances….like that last sentence says…__“Never Waste Time Trying To Pull People Out Of The Darkness Of Ignorance, When They Can’t Stand The Light Of Knowledge.” ____….beautiful saying

    • Piscean

      03/19/2012 at 10:47 AM

      WTH?!!

      They actually SAY "Oh I'm sorry about talking about this"…implying that you are sad??!! What is wrong with people??!!

      I agree with you on this. There are people I know who got knocked up by a worthless baby father who aint' contributing a damn, they have to go on welfare and are trying to sue this baby daddy to help pay for diapers. There are women who get pregnant and married to validate their self worth. "I want to get married and have kids before I'm 30". So said, so done. Than when they hit 30 and their husbands are being accused of having affairs, their body isn't back to what it was, and they realize the house they live in isn't as prestine as the white-picket fenced one they day dreamed about…they start talking about wanting to go out to clubs to re-live their youth.

      Yes, I'm single…no, I don't have kids. Did I picture this for myself when I was 19? No. However, these are the cards I'm dealt with and seeing some of the options that came my way these past years, I'd have to say I made a good decision by not getting married or having kids with these potential partners.

      • BADDEST_1

        03/19/2012 at 11:28 AM

        oh yeah it happens often,….the reason is that im a 30 yr old divorcee….married for close to10 years..didnt work out…for all the standard reasons…so i feel you on the did i see myself here when i was 19 thing….it makes me laugh really…because im caught between a rock and hard place…i put these people in their places and without a doubt im the bitter divorcee who is still in pain, I deny the imposed pity and Im "more messed up than they thought"…I go on about how theres a part of me terrified to enter into a new relationship and my "untouchable" status is solidified forever…..lol…at the end of the day i console myself with the knowledge that no matter what they think now they will eventually learn that cliches and all the bullshit that happens to almost everyone in todays relationship world is mostly because life is HARD and NOTHING is PROMISED…….til then im amused ;)

      • NurseJilly

        03/19/2012 at 12:12 PM

        Agree.

      • @iCh3ryl

        03/22/2012 at 1:09 PM

        Lol preeeeach!

    • HerCommonSense

      03/19/2012 at 2:55 PM

      Your friends actually say that to you?? How do you respond??

      • BADDEST_1

        03/19/2012 at 4:24 PM

        a subtle smile, slow head nod….and then the thought…."man i need new friends"
        but its not even ill intended from them for the most part, and i must say this shit never comes from my male friends…..its the arrogance of women who havent gone through the milestones that define our ability to see the bigger picture
        as far as my opinion on men thinking women who are single are hoes…..all i have to say is that sure aint a man i want to know either way….*shrugs

  10. Lady Ngo

    03/19/2012 at 9:44 AM

    Hmmm, i've never in all my days heard anyone even allude to a woman being a "career ho" because she's been single for a minute or is old and unwed. This is news to me. If anything, i'd assume that this is the mindset society has about men (although calling a man a ho means next to nothing).

  11. imakesense

    03/19/2012 at 10:00 AM

    It honestly depends what your doing when single to give people that view of you.

    We all know those career minded bare faced girls with amazing natural beauty, in uni making education and their future life their top priority. They are single because they are smart enough not to settle. People will most definitely not view this type as a hoe.

    As well as the Christian/Muslim/traditional girls waiting to have sex when they are married. Not many men these days like that idea, further prolonging them being single. We can for obvious reasons see why they would not be perceived as a hoe.

    Now if your in the club making it clap when the dj yells all my single ladies on the other hand…

    • Piscean

      03/19/2012 at 10:49 AM

      Very much agree!

    • NurseJilly

      03/19/2012 at 12:12 PM

      So true!!

  12. madeupname

    03/19/2012 at 10:37 AM

    My latest project has been to work with single women who are looking to get back into the dating world after being so comfortable and happy to be single for years. I have the complete opposite experience with these women, some being out of a relationship for 1-10 years, and the thought of casual sex has not even entered their mind.

    Women can date multiple men at a time, but being intimate is a completely different level that many of these women do not want to or are afraid to explore.

    In fact, the more experienced women are realizing most men have no idea as to how to please her, so they just stop.

  13. grandgryph

    03/19/2012 at 11:20 AM

    i'm sorry how does a pic of the damaged and tragic presidential `jump-off' marylin munroe who was passed around circles of power more than a crate of cubans support the idea that single women aren't who-ares? was it her looking pretty and counting all that money? fie.

    i'm actually going to have to agree with sense on this one. i don't think at all that men hear 'single lady' and think promiscuous or what ever. a lot more can be going on for them. it all depends where her mind is at. and even if she's 'whoring' herself. who cares really. that's her business.

  14. DDS

    03/19/2012 at 12:20 PM

    Hmmm, yeah, I'm going to have to agree with sense and grandgryph on this one as well. I've met women whom have been single for 5 – 8 years and it never dawn on me once that they could be hoe'ing around. One wanted to focus entirely on her career goals. Another had terrible relationships, had two kids because of them, and wanted to focus on her life and her kids life before getting involved with someone else. I know someone right now who has been single for about 4 years and has decided to wait until marriage because of religion and how badly her relationships turned out when she gave up her stuff to these guys. There can be a lot of things said about how these women handle being single, but being a hoe is definitely not one of them.

  15. MistaHarsh

    03/19/2012 at 1:16 PM

    I don't know if a picture of Marilyn Monroe counting money is the right picture to use in defense of single women who deal with this double standard.

    I don't think men view women as hoe-ish based on the length of time single. We start to assume something is wrong with you personality wise and the concern increases as you get older, esp once you're over 30 and single.

    Only if you've made it known that you've been single for 10 yrs but have not shortage of sexually activity because you always find the time to still get it in, will I start to question you.

    A lot of women take breaks from relationships for years due to a bad break up but they also take a sexual break as well. I have no problem with that.

    Also men do get questioned it they are still single at a certain age. The questions are different. We have to deal with allegations of being gay or what not simply because we have no kids or havent found a wife yet. So it all evens out in the end.

    end of ramble

  16. KASH

    03/19/2012 at 1:30 PM

    Can anyone tell me what the definition of a hoe is? I don't like how loosely (pardon the pun) we throw that word around.

    As a man I am guilty of being less attracted to women with a high amount sexual partners. Its because I have been with tight women and women with who its like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. And I have made the assumption that its because they have too many partners. Believe you me women, if our penis' started to get softer the more women we slept with, then you would be complaining about male hoes.

    That being said, if a woman has been single for a while it doesn't mean she's a hoe. It could mean a whole lot of things. Some positive some negative. Get it straight if you are on hoe status, its usually earned. And let it be known that its WOMEN who do most of the name calling and disrespecting to girls with high sexual appetites. Men don't diss hoes unless they try and settle down with you with their saggy beat up… vagina.

    I will be damned if I treat a hoe the same way I treat a lady. Guys who don't follow this rule, live miserable lives.

    Please women, stop bringing up F-d up babyfathers. I am getting tired of it. If he was so messed up, then why did you have his baby? Own your mistakes ladies and the bullshit that comes with it.( I KNOW I KNOW, JUST LOOK WITHIN AND SEE WHAT SIGNS YOU IGNORED, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE) There are plenty of guys out there getting dissed left right and center for being too nice or 'soft'. Those same guys with the soft heart would never diss their kids for nothing.

    When I was a young man we started realizing that we got more girls when we treated them like dirt… I honestly wish it wasn't true. I bring this up to make the point that ladies.

    What is blinding women to end up with these guys who don't want anything to do with their kids? I mean that is a really HUGE character flaw. I know I know, there are some fucked up boys in men clothing… so STOP HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH THEM! Or just don't complain about it.

    There are a lot of things that are unfair for men and for women. The fact is, the more men a women has been with, the less attractive she will be. I mean, why buy the cow?….

    • momo

      03/19/2012 at 8:43 PM

      What boggles my mind is the fact that a man wants a woman that can throw down and teach him a few things or keep up if he's actually good at what he does. How do you expect that to happen if she hasn't had sex with a few dudes? Don't get me wrong I'm sure most of what she learns will come from one good lover (could be relationship, could be jumpoff) but she would have more likely than not been with several men..

      In turn with that, what constitutes too many? Is it just from the size of her vaginal opening? Because many woman through vaginal exercise or sleeping with smaller penises may still be tight. And also some woman are just blessed with the fact that their opening has remaind tight after multiple partners. Do you take into account children in tightness? Or do you just rudely ask how many partners she's had and make a determination that a certain amount is too many?
      The hideous double standard that woman can't make a decision to be sexually liberatted is utter nonsense. And at what age and point does a woman have too many partners?

      And my next question: am I right to assume you would want to sample the goods of your woman prior to getting married? If so wouldn't you just add to her number if you decide the nanni isn't good enough for you? And where would that leave her in relation to the next man she encounters?

      These are just questions no shade or negativity I just want to understand your thought process..

      And I must ask one more thing: Have you ever based your decision on level of tightness due to her reaction during sex? I've heard of many men determining that she's too loose because she wasn't responding as aggressively while he was 'beating it up' which in turn was directly related to his inflated sense of both the size of his penis and abilities. Where for the woman she either didn't play into his beliefs by faking or he was just not well enough endowed to "beat it up" the way she likes or is used to.

  17. Jason H

    03/19/2012 at 5:47 PM

    I think this is just some mumbo jumbo created by males to have females feel like they are odd for not having a man, and of course its carried along by females who HATE other females… Sometimes its better to be by yourself than to have some bullshit in your life just to say you have a man, so if that is the alternative stay single.

  18. yea...

    03/19/2012 at 10:25 PM

    she's a hoe if she's single and on birth control pills or that implant thing. in my opinion. theres no need for that if you're single unless you're expecting random dk-downs.

    in any case.. just being single is a whatever thing, unless you know for sure she fks anything that walks on 2legs and has a piece.. including orangutangs when they're feeling brave.

    • Piscean

      03/22/2012 at 8:50 AM

      "she's a hoe if she's single and on birth control pills or that implant thing"

      Wow that's pretty ignorant. There were periods of my life where I was abstinent for almost a year and was still on the pill. Y'know why? B/c the pill has other positive side effects, like clearing up your complexion and making your menstrual cycle have a consistent shorter flow.

  19. Rite

    03/21/2012 at 8:46 AM

    they may not be sleeping together but doxies definitely be giving out bjs #samethinginmybooks

  20. dave

    03/30/2012 at 5:11 PM

    How come nobody talks about how the average guy must try very hard and usually be very lucky just to have sex with a decent looking woman without a commitment. Isn’t this a double standard? Why is it fair for women to have such easy access to sex whenever the want it but men can’t? Lol, women just act like this fact doesn’t exist and they go on complaining abou the big bad mean old “double standard”

  21. Eric

    07/09/2013 at 10:57 AM

    I can't believe nobody has addressed the fact that a man who is single for a long time is either a loser with no game or a player. Both are viewed negatively by women, and not all men think highly of players either. However, women are more likely to sleep with a player because he's in demand, while they are much less likely to date/sleep with the loser because if he's been single so long there must be something wrong with him. Women aren't the only ones facing unfair double standards and damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenarios.

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