If You Had Kids By ACCIDENT You Are In No Position To Tell Me I’m Taking Too Long

If you have children, consider yourself blessed. Not everyone gets the chance to experience the joy of child birth and how amazing it is to watch first-hand as this small, unknowing and innocent baby grows into a big, mature and sensible being with the capability of intelligent speech, recognition and forethought. Those of us who don’t have children really DON’T understand the joys and pains that you go through with your kids. If you are like me, the majority of people you know who have children are results of unplanned pregnancies where the parent(s) stepped up to the plate and decided to handle their newfound responsibility like adults and are still maintaining to this very day. With that said, that DOES NOT entitle you to look at ME like I’m a LOOSEBALL just because I don’t have any kids.

First off, we all know how much you love your kid(s) but please don’t FRONT and act like you were begging for children BEFORE you found out you were pregnant. Also, please don’t FRONT and act like when you found out you were pregnant you immediately started doing Beenie Man’s “World Dance” in the middle of your living room because you were so happy. Chances are, you went through A LOT of negative emotions before finally deciding to keep it and letting the happiness rain down.

So then why do YOU feel the need to look down on me? Why does every birthday I have really need to be accompanied by someone with kids saying “Another year and still NO KIDS? What you waiting for son?” DUDE, I am the same as YOU, I’m just the Pull-Out-Before-It’s-Too-Late Version.

Also, many of the people I know in their late twenties to late thirties who DON’T have children simply have not found the right person to procreate with. Many of us are looking for true love, a life partner and someone who is suitable to build a family with. Unfortunately good pickings are HARD to find out in these streets, and many women want to make sure she doesn’t end up being impregnated by some LOSER like:


And men are trying to avoid getting some ol’ skeezer pregnant before we end up on Maury like:

So in the interim, we are wearing condoms and practicing SAFE SEX so we don’t end up in an adverse situation.

I want children one day, as I’m sure most young professionals do as well, but right now I’m happy just having to take care of myself, and to be honest, I don’t mind if I have a large age-gap between myself and my kids because I’m There To Be A Great Father Not Their Best-Friend.

If you have children, I genuinely respect you immensely for being responsible, but PLEASE don’t go around preaching to us childless folk about how we NEED To “Get Off The Bench And Get In The Game” when the MAIN reason you got in the “game” wasn’t even your initial choice.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

59 Comments

  1. Billie

    04/14/2010 at 11:34 AM

    I had my boys young as much as I love being a mother my advice to people without kids is wait!! Till your 75 if you want. The later the better.

  2. Tessa

    04/14/2010 at 1:44 PM

    I have children and I agree…. the later the better, but who are these people who feel the need to go and preech to others about "Get off the bencn and get in the game"? Just cause the person has no children! You honestly think I give a damm that you have not started to plant ur history on this earth?? puh-leeese.. I have my family, I am very happy and content with no regrets… but to care that you are childless? nope… sorry thats not my issue!

  3. sara

    04/15/2010 at 7:35 PM

    i would say wait, but not too long-more chance of medical problems the older the woman is BUT i will not tell you to have them. to each their own on this one.

  4. artculturemusiclove

    06/21/2010 at 10:46 PM

    I agree Lincoln Anthony Blades. Good advice!

  5. Mike

    06/21/2010 at 11:11 PM

    Recently I've been hearing a lot of information about the medical complications after 30…glad I'm not a woman

  6. just a question

    06/22/2010 at 11:29 PM

    " I Don’t Mind If I Have A Large Age-Gap Between My Kids Because I’m There To Be A Father Not Their Best-Friend."

    So are you trying to say that ppl that don't have a large age difference between their kids are not a father / mother and act as their best friend??

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/23/2010 at 12:46 AM

      I'm Saying MY Friends Who Are 18,19,20 Years Older Than Their Children, Always Tell Me How BAD It Is To Have Kids When You're Old, Because You Wont Be Able To "Relate" To Them..

      Personally That's Not A Fear Of Mine

  7. lincolnanthonyblades

    03/16/2012 at 9:07 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think It's Better To Have Children Younger Or Older, Or Does Age Generally Not Matter?!

    • @_LastOfMyBreed

      03/16/2012 at 9:22 AM

      I say it's best to have kids when you're older, wiser, had more positive experiences in your life, and more likely to be financially stable.

      I get told by my friends that had kids at a young age that I'm suppose to do it while I'm still young. But just like this post says….they weren't planning their kid. It just happened and with someone they probably didn't think about being with for life. Sorry if I rather hold out for the right person to have a baby with and instead of calling her my "baby mama", I'll call her my wife.

      • ChloeRayne516

        03/16/2012 at 11:32 AM

        "Sorry if I rather hold out for the right person to have a baby with and instead of calling her my "baby mama", I'll call her my wife."

        All. Of. This…^^^^^^^ Love It.

      • Kizzy

        03/16/2012 at 11:34 AM

        How old are you? Because you sound very young..

        • @_LastOfMyBreed

          03/16/2012 at 11:38 AM

          What exactly sounds young about me? And I'm 24.

          • Kizzy

            03/16/2012 at 12:01 PM

            About what I thought…

            I wasn't aiming that question at you as an insult…I just thought your tone read like you still have a lot of growing up to do before you settle down

        • Piscean

          03/18/2012 at 2:02 PM

          You have a lot of nerve saying he sounds young. I've been reading your responses and they sound quite naive about the trials and tribulations that come along with becoming a parent. For those who have kids, God Bless You, but take into consideration those who are not ready to have children or may not want them at all.

    • Vicky

      03/16/2012 at 2:15 PM

      Age should not matter however everyone has their own opinions about this subject.

      Some people like the thought of growing up with their kids, others want to wait until they are financially ready, some may want to work on their careers before they do so. Or for the people who have one child out of wedlock or a failed marriage when they are going to give their child a sibling….MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. Whatever excuse/reason people may have, in the end it's no ones concern or business to ask when YOU are going to have one.

      You don't know that person's struggle, how do you know that they can have children? What if they have tried, failed and have attempted everything possible and still nothing?

    • Piscean

      03/18/2012 at 2:05 PM

      I would prefer to be married before I have children. If I did get pregnant accidentally than I would have the baby but I'm taking all precautions to avoid that from happening. I do not want to be someone's baby mama and would prefer to have a husband or deep committed partner who will help share the load and is ready for that responsibility. To each their own, I don't believe that good parenting comes with age, but for myself, I know I would be a better mother after I've lived my life and enjoyed by youth.

  8. Paul B.

    03/16/2012 at 10:58 AM

    Is there anything more annoying than a person asking "when you gonna have kids" to a newlywed couple, especially when they themselves aren't even married, but they have kids though.

    • Kizzy

      03/16/2012 at 11:08 AM

      How exactly is that annoying? Sounds like you are being quite judgemental

      • Jason H

        03/16/2012 at 11:16 AM

        Maybe they do not want kids?

        • Kizzy

          03/16/2012 at 11:34 AM

          So how is it annoying for me to ask if I have no prior knowledge of them not wanting kids?

        • Paul B.

          03/17/2012 at 1:11 AM

          Or maybe they want to take the time to really enjoy just each other for a bit before having to make another huge adjustment in life that accompanies having children.

      • Vicky

        03/16/2012 at 2:00 PM

        It's annoying because it's no ones business when you are going to have kids. Different people have different priorities and goals in life. I don't have any kids yet, but I have a few goals that I want to accomplish with my husband before we do

        • Kizzy

          03/16/2012 at 3:23 PM

          I don't know who you are referring to, but most people I know aren't asking from a mean spirited place! Most people ask because they love and care about the couple and would love to see them have a beautiful child…

      • Paul B.

        03/17/2012 at 1:04 AM

        It's annoying because 1) it ain't their d*mn business in the first place. 2) if /when that couple has the child(ren), when the couple wants to go out or take a trip, nine times out of ten the same folks who were badgering them about having children aren't going to step up and babysit so they can go do what they wanted. 3) They are quite often the same ones complaining about not being able to do this or that because of their kids.

      • SID

        03/29/2012 at 9:55 AM

        Kizzy – its annoying cos its NONE OF THEIR F****** BUSINESS!!!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!!!!!!!!! OR ARE YOU ONE OF THE ANNOYING ONES WHO KEEP ASKING FOLK, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH LIFE THAN BREED!!!!

    • ChloeRayne516

      03/16/2012 at 11:33 AM

      *lol* Your response should be "As soon as you get married"

      • Paul B.

        03/17/2012 at 1:09 AM

        Oh, you know I wish a mutha—– would ask me some mess like that. People need to learn to mind their own business sometimes, especially when all they're going to do is just talk about somebody else's.

  9. Kizzy

    03/16/2012 at 11:07 AM

    I don't see what's wrong with wanting people to be fruitful and multiple?

    SMH @ this entire blog

    • ChloeRayne516

      03/16/2012 at 11:42 AM

      Kizzy,

      There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be fruitful and multiply but it just ain't for everybody some people just don't want kids and some choose to wait later in life and not for nothing in my own personal experience the ones that were usually pushing for me to have more kids USUALLY were either miserable with their situation/struggling to take care of the kids they had/No man/single, etc. I'm sorry but those were not very good incentives for me to procreate again. I'm Good……..

      • Kizzy

        03/16/2012 at 12:02 PM

        But what we are talking about is the people who do want to have kids but feel like they should wait until God returns to have them.. I think those people should really consider and take stock of what is truly important in life..

        • ChloeRayne516

          03/16/2012 at 4:53 PM

          "I think those people should really consider and take stock of what is truly important in life.. '

          Which isssss……..'HAPPINESS" right??!! So by someone choosing NOT to have kids or choosing TO WAIT LATER ON to have kids usually goes along the lines of THEY ARE HAPPY WHERE THEIR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW, and with whatever choice they chose to make.

        • SID

          03/29/2012 at 9:58 AM

          KIZZY!!!! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. WHY ARE KIDS THE ONLY THING THAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE. PEOPLE KILL, MAIM, ABUSE, GIVE THEIR KIDS AWAY. THEY OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T THINK THE WAY YOU DO. GET REAL OR GO AWAY!!!!!!!

    • BADDEST_1

      03/16/2012 at 1:19 PM

      overpopulation?…just sayin

      • Abu Husain

        03/16/2012 at 1:58 PM

        Same thing I was thinking. Bringing children into the world is nothing new… Homo sapiens have been doing it for 200,000+ years. I'm def not calling for China's one-child policy, but there are consequences for people popping out kids left and right… With a population of 7 billion plus and strained resources, don't people think it's somewhat selfish to have tons of kids?

        I just think people should think out these things before they act.

        • BADDEST_1

          03/16/2012 at 2:20 PM

          i hear ya…..what we think about people having to pass competency tests for prior to being parents? lol…

      • Kizzy

        03/16/2012 at 3:25 PM

        No offence but my decision to have children will not be based on what everyone else is doing…why would I deprive myself of the love of a child because of overpopulation? I don't get it…

        • Robert

          03/17/2012 at 6:57 AM

          sorry bt are u really serious in this conversation? are you saying u don't know or don't care about the effects of overpopulation?

          • Shaun

            03/19/2012 at 10:10 PM

            I personally don't believe in overpopulation. What we have is UNEQUAL distribution of resources and wealth.

        • SID

          03/29/2012 at 10:01 AM

          TOO RIGHT YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU DON'T SEEM TO GET MUCH. CAN'T YOU SEE THE CONTRADICTIONS IN YOUR STATEMENTS??? YOUR DECISION WILL NOT BE BASED ON WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, YET YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK WHY OTHERS DON'T HAVE KIDS. GET TO SCHOOL AND LEARN TO THINK GIRL….

  10. ChloeRayne516

    03/16/2012 at 11:31 AM

    I had my daughter when i was 23yrs old – she was planned NOT an "Oh shyte the Condom broke" or "Oh Shyte, baby here drink this warm Guiness quickly and then cough and go pee" baby) *smhl* … We were ready for her.

    Linc I feel you on shade people throw because you chose to wait, my situation used to be I would catch shade from female co-workers at my job who have 2+ kids telling me how my babygirl needs a sibling and I was being selfish because I didn't want anymore kids. WTF!!Really?? Okay Kate Plus 8 have a seat…. __/

    You know what they say though right — Misery Likes Company.

    • Kizzy

      03/16/2012 at 11:35 AM

      So you're done having kids now?

      • Vicky

        03/16/2012 at 4:43 PM

        With all due respect – That's none of your business Kizzy

        • ChloeRayne516

          03/16/2012 at 4:49 PM

          LOL @Vicky…. Girl it's okay I don't mind, but thanks for the e-support. *BigE-hug

        • Kizzy

          03/16/2012 at 5:23 PM

          Please relax yourself…the purpose of this comment section is to converse…I have not been rude to Chloe at all, we just have different beliefs and I would like to further understand hers..

      • ChloeRayne516

        03/16/2012 at 4:46 PM

        Yep!!! Babygirl got 2 toy breed dogs — she's good!!!! lol

        • Kizzy

          03/16/2012 at 5:24 PM

          If you met a man who you loved and who wanted to have a child with you would you reconsider?

          • sid

            03/29/2012 at 10:03 AM

            JEEEEZ!

    • BADDEST_1

      03/16/2012 at 1:18 PM

      "Linc I feel you on shade people throw because you chose to wait, my situation used to be I would catch shade from female co-workers at my job who have 2+ kids telling me how my babygirl needs a sibling and I was being selfish because I didn't want anymore kids. WTF!!Really?? Okay Kate Plus 8 have a seat…. __/ ____You know what they say though right — Misery Likes Company"

      my thoughts EXACTLY….i get this all the time….no one understand the one child thing, yet everyone wants to be a martyr about how much it cost to raise a child….

      As for people's opinion…like Chloe said…misery LOVES company….anyone shaming another about a life choice is just struggling with their own…

      • Paul B.

        03/17/2012 at 1:23 AM

        Point taken. The sad part is sometimes that shade comes from family and people that call themselves friends.

        • Shaun

          03/19/2012 at 10:13 PM

          Or married people with children. And I'm thinking to myself you waited till you were married to start a fam, why the fakk can't I?

  11. Kam

    03/16/2012 at 1:05 PM

    I agree if I were to have kids it would be later on when I'm established and settled down. I would want travel see the world and put me first before I take on the duty of caring for another life.

    I agree with lastofmybreed I want to be called wife not baby mama so marriage would have to come first and I'm not ready for that.

    • Candice

      03/16/2012 at 2:37 PM

      Co-sign Kam. I say this EVERYTIME people ask me why I don't have any kids :)

  12. Risse

    03/16/2012 at 6:37 PM

    "Many of us are looking for true love, a life partner and someone who is suitable to build a family with. Unfortunately good pickings are HARD to find out in these streets."

    Co-sign

    "PLEASE don’t go around preaching to us childless folk about how we NEED To “Get Off The Bench And Get In The Game” when the MAIN reason you got in the “game” wasn’t even your initial choice."

    Amen

    • Paul B.

      03/17/2012 at 9:58 PM

      Or even worse, you got in the game just to try and hold on to somebody else.

  13. Shaun

    03/19/2012 at 10:19 PM

    I simply tell them when I feel maternal, I get a cat. I don't think parenting is all sunshine and rainbows, so parents can miss me with that bs. As Linc indirectly said ppl stepped up because they had to, I want my stepping up to be a choice. I'm not naive to hold out for Mr. Right just to be in that mental and economic space. At the end of it all, as the mother the majority of responsibility will be at me, so I need to ensure I'm somewhat prepared as no-one is ever fully prepared for parenthood.

  14. kisha

    03/19/2012 at 11:42 PM

    My parents were happily married when I was born and 33 years later, they still are. If each generation should go further than the last, I feel as if I would be going backwards if I didn't give them the basic foundation of a committed, loving, and stable home. I believe that children thrive best, and hurt less, when they feel secure about mom and dads love for them and each other. I want to make sure that I give my children the father they deserve.

  15. Pingback: An Open Letter to My Unborn Child « From Ashy to Classy

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