The “Surprise Sex Test” Is The WORST Way To Tell If Your Man Is Cheating

If you've been fighting with your girl all week and she greets you at the door like for. your. life.

OK TIYC people, it’s time for me to help expand your dating/relationship/ratchet vernacular by adding a term many of you should be VERY familiar with [not because you’ve heard it before, but because you’ve either been the victim or the instigator of said act]. The term is Surprise Sex Test.

What does it mean you ask? Well, this is when a woman randomly plans to give her man some nani [SURPRISE SEX!] because she believes there’s a chance he has been cheating on her. She doesn’t want to give him nani as a pleasurable interaction between two people who love each other because its nothing more than a TEST – a TEST to see if his ball sack can muster enough cum to produce a hard-ass erection and sustain a good long session of sex. She doesn’t REALLY want to give him any, but she slightly wants him to turn down the nani [which she figures is impossible for a loyal man to do ] so she can determine that his PUNK ASS was JUST out cheating and she caught him red-handed. Ladies, you can scoff at this all you want, but the fact is MANY women believe this is a credible and reliable method of determining whether or not their man is being faithful to them – which unfortunately is a load of complete bullsh*t.

Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the ingenuity that goes behind an act THIS devious. It’s an elaborately indirect way to catch a cheating man in a lie, but here’s why the method is mostly BS and ineffective: Because the simple fact that you are going to such extreme lengths to find a reason to END the relationship means that the relationship is in peril – and THAT’S what is mostly causing him to avoid sleeping with you. It has nothing to do with your ideas that he just got finished busting a nut in his secretary, and more to do with the fact that he simply can’t STAND your ass right now.

One remarkable fallacy that women still have about men is that we don’t need to be “in the mood” to get it in. Nothing could be further from the truth. The FACT is men can be so turned off by our women’s attitudes and actions that being presented with sex doesn’t get us hype at all – hell, the thought alone can just exacerbate the intensity of our unresolved issues.

So let me just simply put it like this: Ladies, don’t use the surprise sex test to gauge whether or not your man is cheating on you. Your best bet is your intuition [assuming the honesty route doesn’t work]. If you and your man are beefing, it’s not the [real or imagined] h0eish side chick that has him not wanting to sleep with you, it’s the fact that he simply can’t STAND your ass right now. And always remember, if you have to resort to mind games in your relationship, that’s probably someone you can do WITHOUT.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.