“ANY Woman That’s Ever Been In A Gang-Bang Was RAPED”

She may LOOK like she's having fun, but APPARENTLY she's being RAPED

Honestly speaking, if I didn’t have such an eclectic and diverse group of friends to argue and debate with, I don’t think I would have this blog. I actually have one close feminist friend that I go back and forth with ALL the time – not because I have an issue with supporting women, but because I have a general distaste for people who align themselves with particular stances without even gauging the issue from an individualistic standpoint first. Basically, I hate to see people refrain from looking at an issue based on its own merits just to support their own “clan” [read my ABOUT TIYC link above]. It’s THIS point of view that I have that sparked a HUGE debate this past weekend.

As some of you may know, I am starting a podcast on May 13th called R&B: Relationships & Bullsh*t, and one major part of my pre-show duties is scouring the net to find nice songs and sick instrumentals which I do mostly on Youtube. Like anyone who surfs Youtube [especially late at night] knows, is that searching for one video can quickly become browsing through different videos for HOURS. I went from listening to Xscape and Aaliyah to “somehow” viewing Rosa Acosta booty-clapping videos. From there my laptop turned from RAP CITY to BET UNCUT and I couldn’t contain my laughter at reminiscing over these old-freaky-ass videos and the scallywags doing frowsy, scallywagish behaviour [simulating public oral sex, running trains, etc.] all throughout. When my feminist-homegirl called and heard me laughing, she asked me what the big joke was, and when I told her she got EXTREMELY offended. Why you ask?

Well in her words: “Any woman that has ever been in a ‘gang-bang’ was RAPED! And any woman that has had her body sexually-disrespected by a man has been RAPED! And you shouldn’t be laughing because these women are VICTIMS of a male-dominated, socio-pathetic, misogynistic society that treats women like sh*t!”

And my response: “Give me a F*^KING break.”

If there’s one thing I truly HATE, it’s when people use inflammatory rhetoric and broad generalizations to try and drive home their judgemental point of view. In her mind, there’s ACCEPTABLE sex and UNACCEPTABLE sex, and any woman who engages in what my friend deems to be UNACCEPTABLE sex, does so NOT of her own free will [like she does when she has ACCEPTABLE sex] but does so out of social conditioning in a male-dominated society. What’s the problem with this theory you ask? The fact that each individual woman who supports this theory has a different definition of what’s UNACCEPTABLE and NONE address the issue of ‘what constitutes a sexual desire?’

Because my feminist friend thinks Gang Bangs are degrading, she therefore finds them repulsive and can not understand or fathom why any woman would participate in one, hence her arriving at the idea that she must be mentally coerced by the men in the scenario OR be mentally beat down by men in society. On the other hand, she sees nothing wrong with public sex, as she feels the fact that women feel “free and comfortable” enough to have sex outdoors is an indicator of social progression from DECADES ago, when women by in-large would NOT participate in those acts at the risk of being called a hussy or a floozy. The problem with her argument is that she set the boundaries of acceptability and essentially applied mental conditions to women at random. She leaves absolutely NO room for the fact, that there ARE women out there that actually ENJOY having multiple penises at one time.

There ARE women out there that enjoy being spanked, choked, using whips and chains, urinating and sh*tting and all other types of freaky sh*t. YOU may not be into it, but just because YOU aren’t into it, doesn’t mean you can pretend to know that people who engage in THAT type of sex are mentally abused. In fact, that’s the same type of mentality that leads people to believe that Gays and Lesbians are “that way” because they are screwed in the head.

Now understand, I am NOT wholly discounting her entire premise as a complete falsehood, as there ARE women in the world whose sexual desires may be a manifestation of mental, emotional and physical abuse. But I have a LARGE problem with making the broad generalization that ALL women who participate in certain sexual acts are VICTIMS, especially when no one has taken the time to do a psychological assessment of her true state of mind. The fact is, there are some women out here who simply have sexual desires OUTSIDE of the accepted societal norms, and just because they do, it doesn’t mean they are “screwed in the head”, it just means their sexual appetite is riskier than the norm.

Look, if there is ONE thing we really should try not to over-politicize it is our intrinsic sexual desires. That is one of the few parts of our modern human nature that is still purely authentic. As much as NONE of us likes to admit it, we ALL have freaky-ass tendencies that would cross over MOST people’s UNACCEPTABLE lines – but that doesn’t mean we are ALL mentally and physically damaged.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

30 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    04/16/2012 at 3:08 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe That Women Who Participate In Gang Bangs [Or Other "Riskier" Sex Acts] Are Actually VICTIMS Or Women Who Simply Made A Choice?!

    Is There A Middle Ground To This Debate That Most Of Us Are Missing?!

    • Vicky

      04/16/2012 at 10:12 AM

      Linc, does your home girl even know the definition of rape?? Last time I checked it's any sexual act that is not consensual!

      Like any other topic in life, a woman can chose to do what they damn please with their bodies, does not mean that because she chooses to participate in "riskier sex act" doesn't mean that she is getting raped. If she didn't agree to it then yes, I would agree. But if she agrees to run 10-20-30 guys in and out of her in one night, then she chose to and "rape" is not considered.

      • Independent Woman

        04/16/2012 at 2:21 PM

        Coercion is a form of rape…

        • Vicky

          04/16/2012 at 3:49 PM

          What exactly does this have to do with my point? I didn't mention it? Coercion is a form of bullying – threatening an individual to do what you want them to do. I get it, but if someone is robbing you at gun point, that's armed robbery not rape!

          Now if someone put a gun to the woman's head and say "you are f*cking all of us", yes, it's coercion but that topic wasn't even mentioned

          • Paul B.

            04/16/2012 at 10:46 PM

            You didn't, Vicky. It's a red herring as usual.

  2. Dyce Jones

    04/16/2012 at 3:44 AM

    Fucking on point! Loving this post! Keep it going mate! We see you over here in South Africa , Cape Town. Keep the blog going! All the best!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/16/2012 at 3:58 AM

      Thanks Dyce! I Appreciate It

  3. Pingback: Most Men Cannot Accept A Woman Who Makes More Money… « From Ashy to Classy

  4. uncle gryph

    04/16/2012 at 10:10 AM

    good post linc. you definitely have a swath of people (kool-aid drinkers) who use the shock and outrage generated by a faux morality to project and 'substantiate' their own narrow self-serving views (oh and by the way, we ALL know you're talking about `independent woman' lol).

    it is unfortunate because rape is a VERY serious issue. it is political. those women who self-servingly politicize it are little different from those women who cry rape when not actually raped and do a great disservice to real victims of sexual violence.

    that being said though, society – and male culture – has to do a much better job of being rape negative. but the idea that EVERY gangbang is a rape is preposterous. but then some `feminists' believe that every act of coitus is rape. so we have to really question the source. a lot of opportunists take up the feminist mantle.

    • Vicky

      04/16/2012 at 10:28 AM

      Sadly, I though he was having that conversation with her too! SMH

      • krystllyght

        04/16/2012 at 11:08 AM

        Idk, I remember her saying she did a threesome or something like that. I don't think she considered that rape. Whatever logic brought her to having the threesome on her own terms then, the same logic can bring you to having a gangbang in my opinion. I'm not trying to put words in her mouth but that's my take on it.

        • grandgryph

          04/16/2012 at 1:44 PM

          you are her aren't you krystll?

          • krystllyght

            04/16/2012 at 2:34 PM

            LMAO! Was just noticing a contradiction…..

    • Independent Woman

      04/16/2012 at 2:24 PM

      Um, no, this was not about me thank you very much.

      A society that inundates women into believing they must perform certain acts to be wanted and/or loved is a form of mental and physical abuse. Simply put for a neanderthal like you to understand.

      • pat

        10/13/2012 at 9:20 AM

        I totalyl agree with you

        Even if a woman choses to participate in gang bang I don't think her choice is fully conscious.

        Even if we are in 2012 women are still brought up, formatted to have low self esteem and to submissive to men trough education from early ages.

        Women are still not given the choice, no the right, to be treated as human beings and not as men's sex toys. Behind the choice of participating a gang bang there are years and years of degradation, education, formatting, woking in the subconscient.

        A very simple example : if you tell your son years after years he is stupid and a looser, when he will be an adult he will be convinced to be that. Chocking isn't it ?

        But for women it's perfectly normal in today's patriarchal society that women are taught to have low self-esteem and to be submissive to men.

        Just look at girls section in a toy's shop. This is a very nice example on how you can format women… sadly.

  5. Smilez_920

    04/16/2012 at 10:45 AM

    Clearly she doesn’t know the definition of the word rape. It doesn’t matter if the sexual act is/was disrespectful to the women’s body; if she consented to it happening then it’s not rape, maybe a case of bad judgment but not Rape.

    • Independent Woman

      04/16/2012 at 2:26 PM

      There is a grey zone to consent that no one is talking about…

      Little girls and little boys are molested everyday without saying no or stop or crying…coercion is and always will be a form of rape

      • Smilez_920

        04/17/2012 at 8:09 AM

        There’s no grey zone it’s either yes or no. As long as the person is not under any drug/alcohol influence or mentally ill (by law/state standards) yes means yes and no means no. If that’s the case mean could use the grey area argument in rape cases. Also there’s a difference between a child being molested and not saying no and an adult having sex.

  6. krystllyght

    04/16/2012 at 11:04 AM

    Nah. I don't think it's rape. I had a friend in high school who let some dudes run a train on her and she was BRAGGING about it. I think different people like different things that's all.
    If the woman consents to it, it isn't rape.

    AND when you just assume that they are being taken advantage of or are doing these acts under some sort of mental coercion or whatever, then aren't you being the mysogynistic one? I mean, to act like women can't do things, even a gangbang, of their own volition is to act like they can't think for themselves. I thought that mentality was played out. And I thought that was what feminists were trying to fight?

    • Paul B.

      04/16/2012 at 12:19 PM

      Sorry, but they're just pseudofeminists. If feminism is about giving women the right to choose, then great. But this brand nowadays seems to only focus on the choices when it appears to be beneficial to women and put the onus on men for everything else.

    • Independent Woman

      04/16/2012 at 2:29 PM

      SMH!

      A young child that goes around bragging about engaging in slutty activities does not indicate any signs of potential abuse to you?! Wow!

      Facts are facts, and facts nowadays are showing that society has been mentally manipulating women into believing they are sex objects since the beginning of time

      • krystllyght

        04/16/2012 at 2:39 PM

        I'm not certified to judge what the girl's behavior meant so I won't try to do so but yes, I do think there was something wrong there. What I do know that she wasn't raped because she chose to do it and with people her own age.

        Do you feel like you were mentally manipulated when you did the threesome you told us about?

        • Independent Woman

          04/16/2012 at 3:19 PM

          Theres a stark difference between three people deciding to have sex, and some poor girl being trapped in a room with 10 aggressive horny young men looking to ravish her at any means possible!

          • krystllyght

            04/16/2012 at 3:41 PM

            If you say so.

            I'm sure gangbang rapes happen but what happened to that girl was not a rape. She volunteered for it the same way you did and she was very proud of herself after the fact the same way you seem to be. So…… the number of people doesn't really matter, it could've been one or fifty-one. She willfully did it.

          • Paul B.

            04/17/2012 at 3:57 PM

            Thank you for breaking it down.

  7. imakesense

    04/16/2012 at 7:29 PM

    I disagree, but can see where she's coming from in arriving in that theory.

  8. DyronD

    04/17/2012 at 12:40 AM

    I know I'm a freak, and most of society would either laugh at or be turned off by my freaky. oddly enough non of it is nasty, just plain ole' weird. i told this one chick years back, i like a chick's poon shaven bald or close shaved and she replied, "I'm not that kid of woman". I'm still trying to figure out WTF that means. he response to that had me not tell her the really freaky shit I had cooking up.
    Ever put on a show for Airport parking lot folk? windows fogged up, car rockin hard, ppl breakin out the camera phones, one dude trying to see through the fogged up windows, then driving off like nothing happened. That welcome back hug was the sh*t.

  9. Petersburgh

    04/17/2012 at 7:12 PM

    Although I believe everyone is free to make their opinions known, I think this girl has a warped idea of rape. Enough said

  10. biglio

    05/03/2012 at 7:02 PM

    I tend to agree with your friend interpretation. I just come out of a terrifying experience where I was in love with a woman that was severely sexually abused by her partner who psychologically coerced her to give assent (through positive/negative reinforcement, psychological pressure, false love declarations, deception, etc.) to all kind of degrading sexual activities (she is chinese so for them is difficult to say NO explicitly), in addition he "groomed" her with constant sex so her body would have pleasure reflexes to sexual activities (pedophiles do the same).
    I admit my bias and I admit realizing there are women who consent to GBs and during them to double penetration, ass to mouth and whatever, but those are exceptions.
    I think for the sake of discussion a very good document to read is the FBI document "compliant victims of the sexual sadist", by special agent Roy Hazelwood, now that i touched with my hands one of those unfortunate victims i have a whole different view of a lot of things before I didn't even think about.

  11. Kristi

    10/10/2012 at 2:49 PM

    We have to tread lightly when making comments referring to rape. Many men get accused of this crime on a regular basis depending on what someone's definition of it means….if a woman agrees to have sex sex with one or more men, she has not been raped. Coercion is NOT rape, if she consented (not counting child sexual abuse). Is it wrong that we live in a sexist male dominated society that is capable of coercing women into complying with sex acts that they really aren't comfortable with? Yes. Is it wrong that there are women out there that will participate in a gang bang b/c they want to impress a man or attract attention from men, and not b/c it satisfies THEM sexually? Yes. Is a consentual gang bang always rape? Absolutely not. There are some women who actually enjoy it……

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