“ANY Woman That’s Ever Been In A Gang-Bang Was RAPED”

She may LOOK like she's having fun, but APPARENTLY she's being RAPED

Honestly speaking, if I didn’t have such an eclectic and diverse group of friends to argue and debate with, I don’t think I would have this blog. I actually have one close feminist friend that I go back and forth with ALL the time – not because I have an issue with supporting women, but because I have a general distaste for people who align themselves with particular stances without even gauging the issue from an individualistic standpoint first. Basically, I hate to see people refrain from looking at an issue based on its own merits just to support their own “clan” [read my ABOUT TIYC link above]. It’s THIS point of view that I have that sparked a HUGE debate this past weekend.

As some of you may know, I am starting a podcast on May 13th called R&B: Relationships & Bullsh*t, and one major part of my pre-show duties is scouring the net to find nice songs and sick instrumentals which I do mostly on Youtube. Like anyone who surfs Youtube [especially late at night] knows, is that searching for one video can quickly become browsing through different videos for HOURS. I went from listening to Xscape and Aaliyah to “somehow” viewing Rosa Acosta booty-clapping videos. From there my laptop turned from RAP CITY to BET UNCUT and I couldn’t contain my laughter at reminiscing over these old-freaky-ass videos and the scallywags doing frowsy, scallywagish behaviour [simulating public oral sex, running trains, etc.] all throughout. When my feminist-homegirl called and heard me laughing, she asked me what the big joke was, and when I told her she got EXTREMELY offended. Why you ask?

Well in her words: “Any woman that has ever been in a ‘gang-bang’ was RAPED! And any woman that has had her body sexually-disrespected by a man has been RAPED! And you shouldn’t be laughing because these women are VICTIMS of a male-dominated, socio-pathetic, misogynistic society that treats women like sh*t!”

And my response: “Give me a F*^KING break.”

If there’s one thing I truly HATE, it’s when people use inflammatory rhetoric and broad generalizations to try and drive home their judgemental point of view. In her mind, there’s ACCEPTABLE sex and UNACCEPTABLE sex, and any woman who engages in what my friend deems to be UNACCEPTABLE sex, does so NOT of her own free will [like she does when she has ACCEPTABLE sex] but does so out of social conditioning in a male-dominated society. What’s the problem with this theory you ask? The fact that each individual woman who supports this theory has a different definition of what’s UNACCEPTABLE and NONE address the issue of ‘what constitutes a sexual desire?’

Because my feminist friend thinks Gang Bangs are degrading, she therefore finds them repulsive and can not understand or fathom why any woman would participate in one, hence her arriving at the idea that she must be mentally coerced by the men in the scenario OR be mentally beat down by men in society. On the other hand, she sees nothing wrong with public sex, as she feels the fact that women feel “free and comfortable” enough to have sex outdoors is an indicator of social progression from DECADES ago, when women by in-large would NOT participate in those acts at the risk of being called a hussy or a floozy. The problem with her argument is that she set the boundaries of acceptability and essentially applied mental conditions to women at random. She leaves absolutely NO room for the fact, that there ARE women out there that actually ENJOY having multiple penises at one time.

There ARE women out there that enjoy being spanked, choked, using whips and chains, urinating and sh*tting and all other types of freaky sh*t. YOU may not be into it, but just because YOU aren’t into it, doesn’t mean you can pretend to know that people who engage in THAT type of sex are mentally abused. In fact, that’s the same type of mentality that leads people to believe that Gays and Lesbians are “that way” because they are screwed in the head.

Now understand, I am NOT wholly discounting her entire premise as a complete falsehood, as there ARE women in the world whose sexual desires may be a manifestation of mental, emotional and physical abuse. But I have a LARGE problem with making the broad generalization that ALL women who participate in certain sexual acts are VICTIMS, especially when no one has taken the time to do a psychological assessment of her true state of mind. The fact is, there are some women out here who simply have sexual desires OUTSIDE of the accepted societal norms, and just because they do, it doesn’t mean they are “screwed in the head”, it just means their sexual appetite is riskier than the norm.

Look, if there is ONE thing we really should try not to over-politicize it is our intrinsic sexual desires. That is one of the few parts of our modern human nature that is still purely authentic. As much as NONE of us likes to admit it, we ALL have freaky-ass tendencies that would cross over MOST people’s UNACCEPTABLE lines – but that doesn’t mean we are ALL mentally and physically damaged.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

31 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    04/16/2012 at 3:08 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe That Women Who Participate In Gang Bangs [Or Other "Riskier" Sex Acts] Are Actually VICTIMS Or Women Who Simply Made A Choice?!

    Is There A Middle Ground To This Debate That Most Of Us Are Missing?!

  2. Dyce Jones

    04/16/2012 at 3:44 AM

    Fucking on point! Loving this post! Keep it going mate! We see you over here in South Africa , Cape Town. Keep the blog going! All the best!

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  4. uncle gryph

    04/16/2012 at 10:10 AM

    good post linc. you definitely have a swath of people (kool-aid drinkers) who use the shock and outrage generated by a faux morality to project and 'substantiate' their own narrow self-serving views (oh and by the way, we ALL know you're talking about `independent woman' lol).

    it is unfortunate because rape is a VERY serious issue. it is political. those women who self-servingly politicize it are little different from those women who cry rape when not actually raped and do a great disservice to real victims of sexual violence.

    that being said though, society – and male culture – has to do a much better job of being rape negative. but the idea that EVERY gangbang is a rape is preposterous. but then some `feminists' believe that every act of coitus is rape. so we have to really question the source. a lot of opportunists take up the feminist mantle.

  5. Smilez_920

    04/16/2012 at 10:45 AM

    Clearly she doesn’t know the definition of the word rape. It doesn’t matter if the sexual act is/was disrespectful to the women’s body; if she consented to it happening then it’s not rape, maybe a case of bad judgment but not Rape.

  6. krystllyght

    04/16/2012 at 11:04 AM

    Nah. I don't think it's rape. I had a friend in high school who let some dudes run a train on her and she was BRAGGING about it. I think different people like different things that's all.
    If the woman consents to it, it isn't rape.

    AND when you just assume that they are being taken advantage of or are doing these acts under some sort of mental coercion or whatever, then aren't you being the mysogynistic one? I mean, to act like women can't do things, even a gangbang, of their own volition is to act like they can't think for themselves. I thought that mentality was played out. And I thought that was what feminists were trying to fight?

  7. imakesense

    04/16/2012 at 7:29 PM

    I disagree, but can see where she's coming from in arriving in that theory.

  8. DyronD

    04/17/2012 at 12:40 AM

    I know I'm a freak, and most of society would either laugh at or be turned off by my freaky. oddly enough non of it is nasty, just plain ole' weird. i told this one chick years back, i like a chick's poon shaven bald or close shaved and she replied, "I'm not that kid of woman". I'm still trying to figure out WTF that means. he response to that had me not tell her the really freaky shit I had cooking up.
    Ever put on a show for Airport parking lot folk? windows fogged up, car rockin hard, ppl breakin out the camera phones, one dude trying to see through the fogged up windows, then driving off like nothing happened. That welcome back hug was the sh*t.

  9. Petersburgh

    04/17/2012 at 7:12 PM

    Although I believe everyone is free to make their opinions known, I think this girl has a warped idea of rape. Enough said

  10. biglio

    05/03/2012 at 7:02 PM

    I tend to agree with your friend interpretation. I just come out of a terrifying experience where I was in love with a woman that was severely sexually abused by her partner who psychologically coerced her to give assent (through positive/negative reinforcement, psychological pressure, false love declarations, deception, etc.) to all kind of degrading sexual activities (she is chinese so for them is difficult to say NO explicitly), in addition he "groomed" her with constant sex so her body would have pleasure reflexes to sexual activities (pedophiles do the same).
    I admit my bias and I admit realizing there are women who consent to GBs and during them to double penetration, ass to mouth and whatever, but those are exceptions.
    I think for the sake of discussion a very good document to read is the FBI document "compliant victims of the sexual sadist", by special agent Roy Hazelwood, now that i touched with my hands one of those unfortunate victims i have a whole different view of a lot of things before I didn't even think about.

  11. Kristi

    10/10/2012 at 2:49 PM

    We have to tread lightly when making comments referring to rape. Many men get accused of this crime on a regular basis depending on what someone's definition of it means….if a woman agrees to have sex sex with one or more men, she has not been raped. Coercion is NOT rape, if she consented (not counting child sexual abuse). Is it wrong that we live in a sexist male dominated society that is capable of coercing women into complying with sex acts that they really aren't comfortable with? Yes. Is it wrong that there are women out there that will participate in a gang bang b/c they want to impress a man or attract attention from men, and not b/c it satisfies THEM sexually? Yes. Is a consentual gang bang always rape? Absolutely not. There are some women who actually enjoy it……

  12. Traci

    12/17/2014 at 8:01 PM

    I think it depends. I did participate in a group thing – 5 guys and myself – that was not really planned and sort of pushed on me, BUT I was NOT forced. I did feel that it was ultimately my decision despite the pressure, and I NEVER said no. The guys were very cool, excited, and made sure that I felt very good. It was very intense, and I will admit the next day I felt embarrassed and ashamed a bit, and I told my husband (he was one of the five guys) that I did not want to have sex with others guys again. He totally understands. It was an experience but NOT a rape.

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