“How Would You React If Your Daughter Dated A Man Exactly Like YOU?”

Although I am creeping up slowly on the age of 30 [not there YET] I do NOT have any kids yet, but most of my friends do, so it’s not uncommon for us to discuss their kids regularly during our conversations. I actually love hearing about the joys, trials and tribulations of parenthood as I feel like it’s helping me prepare for being a father [whenever that comes about]. What I DON’T love about those conversations is how they always seem to end up becoming a grand inquisition into why I don’t have any kids yet.

Well, the other day I was chopping it up with my homegirl and she brought up the kids thing, and then she said something to me that really got me thinking:

“I think you are waiting too long to have kids! You’re a good man and I bet you would be a good dad…unlike a lot of these musty-ass men out here impregnating anything with two legs. We need more men to be good male role models to these young girls so they can develop soundproof ratchet-radars and avoid these worthless men out here. If you had a daughter at least she could have a good man to look up to and set her dating standards to so she could find someone just like you! I mean, wouldn’t you be proud if your daughter dated a man exactly like you?!”

And that question made me b*tch-up. For as opinionated as I am, I got quiet on the phone and couldn’t verbalize a coherent answer because I simply had too many thoughts floating around my head. It made me instantly think of the new Nas song “Daughters” and the real life sh*t you can go through raising a young woman:

So, first I will provide you with the short answer of whether or not I would be PROUD of her for dating a man EXACTLY like me – and it’s a strong, firm MAYBE. Now let me explain.

I, like most men, represent a dichotomy of dating wants and needs. On one hand, men would LOVE to be paired up with the woman of their dreams and start a life and family with her. On the other hand, men LOVE their independence and ability to freely chase as much nani as they want. But the struggle between those two extremes greatly varies in each man, depending on variables such as age, emotional security, financial independence and dating experience. So essentially, men DO want relationships AND sex but whichever way they are leaning towards depends greatly on his individual circumstance at that time. And it’s being able to accurately perceive where that man is leaning that will let a woman know what she can and can NOT expect from their interaction [whether its a full blown relationship or just a booty call].

This thought also makes me want to be a MUCH better man, so I can help her HERE..

...Before she gets like this HERE

With that said, I would be proud of her for dating a man like me in terms of dating someone is educated, motivated, has common sense and treats people with respect. I would be proud of her for finding a man who is honest yet tactful, straight-forward yet polite and is strong-willed enough to stick to their convictions [watch me pat myself on the back].

But at the same damn time, I wouldn’t be proud of her dating a man that could shut off emotionally to her at the flick of a switch. I wouldn’t be proud of her dating someone who can be selfish, inconsiderate, spiteful and put other things before her [dating me is DEFINITELY not any picnic].

But what I WOULD be proud of her for is being able to meet a man like me, getting to know him, and then accurately assessing what he TRULY wants from her. I, like MOST men, have dated women because we truly wanted to walk down the path of potential LOVE with her, and we have also dated women we just wanted to smash one time and BOUNCE. I would hope if my daughter met a man like how I was five years ago, she would RUN from his frowsy-ass. But if she met a man like how I am TODAY, I would hope she would be able to tell how serious he is about wanting a life-partner instead of just scattered ass, and then take things slow and see how DETERMINED he is to treat her like a queen [if at all].

Basically, I would react positively if my daughter dated a man exactly like me IF she understood what I TRULY wanted with her and what was REALLY in my heart.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

20 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    04/27/2012 at 6:13 AM

    So Gentlemen, How Would You React If Your Daughter Dated A Dude EXACTLY Like How You Are RIGHT NOW?!

    Also Ladies, How Would You React If Your Son Dated A Woman EXACTLY Like How You Are RIGHT NOW?!

  2. Jason H

    04/27/2012 at 8:09 AM

    If she dated someone like me, the right now me, I would be more then happy for her. I have taught her the important qualities to find in a man; hopefully she takes heed to my teachings.

    Anyway, Nasir’s daughter… you have a mom writing a book about the men she slept with. Your dad glorified tales of his conquest for the world to hear. And the way Jay tells the story; the little girl herself may have found condoms on her baby seat!!!!

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:00 PM

      yall guys say that but i dont believe that shit at all!!! you know your dark side!!

      • Jason H

        04/27/2012 at 5:22 PM

        Yup I do, but I have kept the beast contained for a bit now. Its not a matter of me not wanting to do certain things, its a matter of me realizing and actually caring about how my wants might hurt another.

  3. Piscean

    04/27/2012 at 9:24 AM

    I'd damn near skip for joy if my son dated a woman like me. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but this is something I will damn sure toot about…I KNOW I'm a great girlfriend and even a better friend to any of my boyfriends and the people who I love in my life. It's not about stupid ish like I believe my nani is platinum, it's b/c I was raised to have respect and morals. I've grown into a woman who has value for herself and believes in treating others how she would like to be treated. So, yes, I'd be happy for him. :)

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:01 PM

      get the hell outta here!! you know you got a crazy ass side you dont want your future daughter in law to have!!

      • Piscean

        04/27/2012 at 10:27 PM

        Only you Hater lol

  4. pe. riche.

    04/27/2012 at 10:46 AM

    If I had a son, and he dated a lady exactly like I am now, I wouldn't be very happy!

    Presently, the 24 year old me is only concerned with my career, and obtaining certain goals. Right now I have such tunnel vision that everyone else kind of takes a backseat in my life. Knowing this, a guy would never be the priority if I were to get into a relationship right now, because all of my time and attention are going to one person. ME.

    However, in my defense, I feel like this is EXACTLY what my 20's are for. I should be using this time to build the foundation for who I am, so when I get to be in my 30's I'll have something to show for it (emotional stability, wisdom, and financial security).

    I would hope that my future son would refrain from dating seriously in his 20's, and instead figure out who he is, the type of woman he wants, and how to note the difference between a young lady who is worth his time and one who isn't.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:01 PM

      thank you for keeping it real inline everyone else!!!

  5. krystllyght

    04/27/2012 at 11:08 AM

    I'd be flattered if my son wanted to marry somebody like me but that's kind of Oedipus Complex-ish isn't it? Anyway, I actually hope he marries somebody much better. Hopefully she can take over where I left off and help him become the man he aspires to be and needs to be, she'll support him in ways that I could not and she'll see in him what I'll never be able to see in him…. a man. No matter how old he gets and how successful he becomes, I will always see my sweet good little boy. Right now it's not hard to make him happy. Give him some mac and cheese and a ride on his bike and that's all he needs but when he's a man, I know his standards will be much higher but I want him to find a woman who can surpass them.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:02 PM

      you said exactly what i was gonna say!! i want my daughter to do much better than me!

  6. The_Mad_HATER

    04/27/2012 at 3:03 PM

    man some of yall are crazy!! i been reading about you and your crazy ass flaws for a year and more on this site now you talking about how much you hope they date someone like you>?? yall trippin!!

  7. MistaHarsh

    04/27/2012 at 3:16 PM

    I don't have a daughter but if I did I would only want her to date someone like me if she was ready for a long term relationship. I'd rather she not meet a guy like me(now that is) in her early 20's. I want her to be focused on her career and having that sense of "I can make it on my own" self worth. If she meets a man like me too early she might get side tracked and turned out into a mother and/or a wife with responsibilities.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:47 PM

      negro aint you beating up chicks left right and center???!

      • MistaHarsh

        04/27/2012 at 5:17 PM

        no, in a relationship. been that way for a good minute

        • imakesense

          04/30/2012 at 7:32 AM

          She better be Nigerian or else it aint going noowhere you know how west Africans be -__- LOL

  8. Abu Husain

    04/27/2012 at 3:24 PM

    I wouldn't recommend it. That is all.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      04/27/2012 at 3:47 PM

      real talk!!

  9. Pingback: A Few Things I Would Tell My Daugther About Life « From Ashy to Classy

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