Although I am creeping up slowly on the age of 30 [not there YET] I do NOT have any kids yet, but most of my friends do, so it’s not uncommon for us to discuss their kids regularly during our conversations. I actually love hearing about the joys, trials and tribulations of parenthood as I feel like it’s helping me prepare for being a father [whenever that comes about]. What I DON’T love about those conversations is how they always seem to end up becoming a grand inquisition into why I don’t have any kids yet.
Well, the other day I was chopping it up with my homegirl and she brought up the kids thing, and then she said something to me that really got me thinking:
“I think you are waiting too long to have kids! You’re a good man and I bet you would be a good dad…unlike a lot of these musty-ass men out here impregnating anything with two legs. We need more men to be good male role models to these young girls so they can develop soundproof ratchet-radars and avoid these worthless men out here. If you had a daughter at least she could have a good man to look up to and set her dating standards to so she could find someone just like you! I mean, wouldn’t you be proud if your daughter dated a man exactly like you?!”
And that question made me b*tch-up. For as opinionated as I am, I got quiet on the phone and couldn’t verbalize a coherent answer because I simply had too many thoughts floating around my head. It made me instantly think of the new Nas song “Daughters” and the real life sh*t you can go through raising a young woman:
So, first I will provide you with the short answer of whether or not I would be PROUD of her for dating a man EXACTLY like me – and it’s a strong, firm MAYBE. Now let me explain.
I, like most men, represent a dichotomy of dating wants and needs. On one hand, men would LOVE to be paired up with the woman of their dreams and start a life and family with her. On the other hand, men LOVE their independence and ability to freely chase as much nani as they want. But the struggle between those two extremes greatly varies in each man, depending on variables such as age, emotional security, financial independence and dating experience. So essentially, men DO want relationships AND sex but whichever way they are leaning towards depends greatly on his individual circumstance at that time. And it’s being able to accurately perceive where that man is leaning that will let a woman know what she can and can NOT expect from their interaction [whether its a full blown relationship or just a booty call].
With that said, I would be proud of her for dating a man like me in terms of dating someone is educated, motivated, has common sense and treats people with respect. I would be proud of her for finding a man who is honest yet tactful, straight-forward yet polite and is strong-willed enough to stick to their convictions [watch me pat myself on the back].
But at the same damn time, I wouldn’t be proud of her dating a man that could shut off emotionally to her at the flick of a switch. I wouldn’t be proud of her dating someone who can be selfish, inconsiderate, spiteful and put other things before her [dating me is DEFINITELY not any picnic].
But what I WOULD be proud of her for is being able to meet a man like me, getting to know him, and then accurately assessing what he TRULY wants from her. I, like MOST men, have dated women because we truly wanted to walk down the path of potential LOVE with her, and we have also dated women we just wanted to smash one time and BOUNCE. I would hope if my daughter met a man like how I was five years ago, she would RUN from his frowsy-ass. But if she met a man like how I am TODAY, I would hope she would be able to tell how serious he is about wanting a life-partner instead of just scattered ass, and then take things slow and see how DETERMINED he is to treat her like a queen [if at all].
Basically, I would react positively if my daughter dated a man exactly like me IF she understood what I TRULY wanted with her and what was REALLY in my heart.
This Is Your Conscience