Is A Relationship That Begins With ANY Form Of LYING DOOMED To Eventually FAIL?!

As of tomorrow, Friday, April 20th, damn near everyone I know will be going out to see the film ‘Think Like A Man’ and I would be lying if I said I’m not MORE than a little intrigued to see how this movie plays out [especially since I write a blog with A LOT of sex and relationship content]. So as I watched the trailer again last night, there was one particular relationship-interaction that REALLY caught my eye and intrigued me: The relationship between Taraji P. Henson and Michael Ealy [with his ol' lying self]. What I wonder is this: Can a relationship initiated with ANY form of lying, still have any chance at being successful after the truth comes out?

Here’s the trailer for anyone who HASN’T seen it yet:

So from what I can gather, Ealy’s character portrays himself to be a baller on Taraji’s level and eventually ends up getting exposed and trying to start over anew by being completely honest and keeping it real. And as much as I love providing relationship insights, this is one topic that I really am stuck on: After you discover someone was dishonest about themselves from the moment you started dating them, can you rebuild the relationship after the truth comes out?

It’s an interesting dichotomy because the beginning of the dating process should lend itself to the MOST honest interaction you can have with someone. You owe that person NOTHING plus you don’t really know them so you shouldn’t really care what they think of you. BUT, on the other hand we are ALL somewhat dishonest about ourselves during the initial dating period [hence why we have OUR REPRESENTATIVE that we bring out on our first few dates]. Let’s keep it real, there’s a LOT of things we aren’t 100% honest about even with our CURRENT partners RIGHT NOW – but can that be overcome? Does it depend on the size of the lie?

So I pose this question to you: Can a relationship initiated in dishonesty SURVIVE after the truth comes out [because ALL relationships are like that to an extent] or is it doomed to FAIL?

I’m gonna go see this movie on Friday and I hope you all do too, because I’m gonna write a follow-up to this post and we can all CONTINUE to debate on whether or not a relationship like this can survive.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

40 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    04/19/2012 at 2:07 PM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think A Relationship Can Overcome Initial Dishonesty?!

  2. The_Mad_HATER

    04/19/2012 at 2:52 PM

    hell naw its not doomed to fail!! when i meet a woman she usually got fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, a bunch of make up,and even fake teeth and i dont even meet the real version of a woman until months after the first date!! then she gonna complain about a little white lie i told??! is she crazy??!

    • ATLienSince82

      04/19/2012 at 3:25 PM

      Damn! He goin in doe..LOL

    • Real Talking

      04/19/2012 at 3:52 PM

      But to be fair, on that very same date men tell women everything they want to hear! Women are tired of hearing brothers talk about how much they love to travel, love kids, and want to get married only to find out when they are actually together that all those words were lies!

      • A Grown Ass Man

        04/19/2012 at 7:07 PM

        Very true as well

    • A Grown Ass Man

      04/19/2012 at 7:08 PM

      This can be said about both sexes tho

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/19/2012 at 10:26 PM

      Hilarious

  3. krystllyght

    04/19/2012 at 3:17 PM

    I think it really depends on the type of lie and the motivation for the lie for a person to feel like they can move pass it and still be with you.

    • ATLienSince82

      04/19/2012 at 3:23 PM

      What lie did you tell your dude when yawl first started dating?? And don't say NONE!

      • krystllyght

        04/19/2012 at 3:28 PM

        LMAO! No lies! For some reason though, he did think I was some sweet little innocent angel so fragile as a rose petal. I have no clue what gave him that impression but I'm tougher than I look! I wasn't a bad girl by any means but I think in his mind he built me up to be something I couldn't live up to.

        • Real Talking

          04/19/2012 at 3:48 PM

          Awww I don't know if I can believe all that…you didn't say one dishonest thing to him ever during the start??!?! Even like 'I wanna be a doctor when I grow up' when you knew you wanted to star in ludacris videos or something like that??

          • krystllyght

            04/19/2012 at 4:05 PM

            LMAO! Honestly, if I did, I don't remember it. That was TWELVE years ago! When we first met, I thought there was a little spark there but I was talking to somebody else so it didn't cross my mind to lie about anything. I didn't have any designs on him but somehow it's like I knew we'd end up with each other. I could imagine dating him but I didn't imagine marriage. Plus, I was only sixteen. What is there to lie about?

          • HerCommonSense

            04/19/2012 at 4:12 PM

            I think for most people, maybe not in your scenario, there is a tendency to try to be something you're not when you meet someone truly special, just to "ensure" they will like you, which causes some people to not be completely honest

          • krystllyght

            04/19/2012 at 4:25 PM

            I realize that. If I were grown and got into a relationship I'd have to know the motivation behind the lie in order to get passed it. Like, if he lied about his job to impress me because I'm the CEO of some fortune 500 company. Then maybe I can understand a little bit but I'd also be a little insulted. I guess that's a different topic though.

          • A Grown Ass Man

            04/19/2012 at 7:09 PM

            Why would you be insulted? Because he tried to deceive you or because he misread your level of materialism?

          • NurseJilly

            04/19/2012 at 4:13 PM

            LMAO @ I wanna be a doctor when I grow up' when you knew you wanted to star in ludacris videos..

            Hilarious

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            04/19/2012 at 10:26 PM

            Hysterical

        • NurseJilly

          04/19/2012 at 4:34 PM

          I hear that. My ex kinda thought the same about me when we got together.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            04/19/2012 at 10:25 PM

            Really?? What Led Him To Believe That?!

          • NurseJilly

            04/19/2012 at 11:09 PM

            I think its because I was very sexually inexperienced when we got together. Thats the only explanation I can think of.

  4. ATLienSince82

    04/19/2012 at 3:24 PM

    To me, the only way it can work is if both people come out and put their lies on the table…If only one person does it, the other person still gonna look down on them like they ain't shit

    • A Grown Ass Man

      04/19/2012 at 7:09 PM

      Unfortunately not something I think would happen in the real world

  5. Real Talking

    04/19/2012 at 3:50 PM

    Yeah I'm gonna check this film out tomorrow!

    In my opinion a relationship can survive if the lie doesn't impact the future of the relationship. Like it's cool if you lie about your exact job title, but if you lie about being employed that's a whole next thing..

    • HerCommonSense

      04/19/2012 at 4:12 PM

      Agreed. The size of the lie is the important thing.

    • A Grown Ass Man

      04/19/2012 at 7:10 PM

      I actually think this movie will be good. Great cast of comedians and beautiful women with non-ratchet roles

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        04/19/2012 at 10:25 PM

        I Think Romany Malco Is The Underrated Star Of This Movie – But I Will Confirm It After I See It

  6. HerCommonSense

    04/19/2012 at 4:14 PM

    I think the thing we need to discuss is the difference between lying and holding back some truth. I will not lie about anything when I meet a man, but I also will not tell him everything about me from the moment we meet either..

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/19/2012 at 10:24 PM

      Good Point.

  7. krystllyght

    04/19/2012 at 4:35 PM

    Did ya'll see them itty bitty shorts on Metta World Peace/ Ron Artest? Hilarious!

    • A Grown Ass Man

      04/19/2012 at 7:11 PM

      I was dying at that! Something tells me the producers didn't even ask him to do that either lol

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/19/2012 at 10:24 PM

      Like Grown Man Said I Bet He Brought Them Bastards RIght From His House

  8. Your Printable PDF

    04/19/2012 at 5:46 PM

    Lies in the beginning foretell the end! Save yourself the drama and be honest!

    • A Grown Ass Man

      04/19/2012 at 7:10 PM

      THIS!

    • Paul B.

      04/19/2012 at 7:33 PM

      THIS!!

      It's hard to overcome a lie when you've represented yourself as being grown and having nothing to lie about. How can you be respected as real when you haven't been that? Even worse is when you volunteer a lie. There's a lot that doesn't add up. If you'll lie when there isn"t that much on the line (the beginning), how can you be trusted moving forward? It's possible, but people aren't usually willing to put in the work needed to restore credibility after the trust is damaged.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        04/19/2012 at 10:23 PM

        Very True…Volunteering A Lie Is The WORST

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/19/2012 at 10:23 PM

      Co-Sign!

  9. @wegotkidz

    04/19/2012 at 9:25 PM

    [...]the beginning of the dating process should lend itself to the MOST honest interaction you can have with someone[...] This statement (although lovely) is pretty idealistic. lol. I think everyone – especially black people – tend to begin relationships under false pretenses. It's just a fact. As you get to know the person you're dating, walls begin to fall and that's when bonds are made and/or broken.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      04/19/2012 at 10:23 PM

      I Realize My Statement Is Idealistic, But It's Definitely A Lot Less Stressful In The Long Run.

  10. kathrynfkoopman

    04/20/2012 at 6:31 AM

    Thsi si a big question where people will have their own opinion or reaction, However, for me, relationship is something which we all should not take for granted because we never know what may happen in the future.

  11. Pingback: Five Reason You May Want to See “Think Like A Man”?? « From Ashy to Classy

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