The most beautiful and self-prevailing feeling that a woman can have, is to know herself. There is something exhilarating and a feeling of true freedom that will wash over you, once you’ve realized that you really know who you are as a woman, what you stand for, and exactly what you want out of life. That’s when things tend to fall into place. Believe me – IT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING.
Over the last two-years Linc has done an excellent job of schooling us about all of the behaviors and traits that will help us prevail in love and have successful relationships. I must say over the last three weeks he’s hit the ball out of the park, especially with FYI: Nice Guys/Successful Men – Women Don’t OWE Your Punk-Ass ANY P*ssy; The One Trait EVERY Man DESPERATELY Looks For In A WIFE; And “Bad B*tches Come In FIRST, H0ES Come In Second & Good Girls Finish LAST”. However, his advice means NOTHING if you are wandering through life having a severe case of uncertainty, low self-esteem or unrealistic ideals of yourself.
I am fortunate to have a diverse group of very close girlfriends who come from all walks of life. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve been subjected to the “almighty list.” Yes, “the LIST!” You all know exactly what I am talking about. The list is often equated with happiness and revolves around finding love. It ranks physical attributes at the top, then financial/career requirements and is closely followed by material possessions (ie. house in a certain neighborhood, certain car, etc). I really hate “the list” and find it to be a symbol of immaturity, because women require a man to have characteristics (I’ll let Linc address that at a later time) that they themselves lack. I have girlfriends who get the guy, but their uncertainty and lack of self-awareness leads to random insecurities, then I get the phones calls of “why this or why that.” These women simply have no clue who the hell they are. They’ve equated happiness with shallow and unrealistic requirements or they’ve begun to create rules from a playbook that simply doesn’t exist. Let’s fix this.
Pause. Take a moment to dig deep down inside and find out who you really are, so that you are attractive to men for the right reasons.
Here’s a few steps you can take….
Set aside a designated period of time where you focus exclusively on you. Evaluate your past and existing relationships – parents, friends and colleagues. Are you the type of woman who has maintained long-term relationships or short-term relationships? How is your relationship with your mother and/or father? For women, many believe that our relationships with our fathers play a major role in our relationships with men. Take the time to evaluate your relationship with your father and try to understand its strengths and weaknesses. You can learn a lot about yourself by understanding your friendships. What do your friends mean to you? What have your friends contributed to your life and what have you contributed to theirs? Using myself as an example – I’ve had the same best friend since I was 6-years old and have friends in my life from every stage; childhood, high school, college, and my post graduate/career years. If you have a similar pattern of friendships, look closely at how you’ve maintained those friendships. Look at your professional network and alliances. What does that network say about you and the company you keep, versus the qualities you are looking for in a man?
Dig deep inside and ask yourself the very important questions – Who Am I? What Do I Want Out Of Life? How Am I Perceived? Before we ask ourselves these questions, we think we already know the answers. We really don’t! Stop focusing on personal gain and concentrate on the things that will make you a better person. You’ll begin to understand your purpose on a deeper level, and understand that as an individual “you” control your path. Ambition is born out of that understanding.
Of course we can’t forget the outer portion of our shell – our physical bodies. We all know that men are physical creatures – appease them! However, do so from the mind frame of a woman who knows herself and is comfortable in her own skin. Exercise strengthens us physically and stimulates us mentally as well. Get some running shoes and make it happen. Confidence (not arrogance or cockiness) is key and will lead to additional positive attributes. Please add brainpower. Smart women rule! Pick up a book or turn on the news. Information is power and it enriches us. This falls in line with Linc’s versatility trait. Men dig a woman who can converse on multiple subjects.
Bring your “A” game to life. I repeat, Bring-Your- “A”- Game- to- Life! Concentrate on the aspects of your life that you can control. That’s when your best you will emerge and you will truly know yourself. No Lists, No Drama, No Nonsense. To know you is to define yourself. Life and love are so much easier, I promise.
This Is Your Conscience
GrandCentral is a blogger with The Urban Politico. She is NOT a relationship expert, just a single 29 year-old, living in New York City dishing out advice to friends.