Bruh, THIS Is What You Need To Seriously Consider Before Deciding To Smash A BIG GIRL

She looks like big fluffy fun - but sh*t can go bad FAST...

If there’s thing I CONSTANTLY see dudes doing nowadays, it’s inaccurately calling the wrong women THICK. I’ve heard dudes dramatically OVERSTATE which women they think are thick [anyone calling Alicia Keys thick deserves to be falcon punched in the esophagus], but more often than not the issue is that dudes dramatically UNDERSTATE who they call thick [the only thing “thick” on Precious is her eyelids, nigga she’s built like a Ford F150]. The problem with this mass confusion is the fact that dudes are always on some “I’LL HIT THAT” type-sh*t with women they THINK are THICK that are actually BIG GIRLS [a combination of thick with a little extra cute fluffiness to her] – and getting it in with big girls is no SMALL feat.

Bruh, here’s the FIRST thing you need to seriously consider: “Can I HANDLE all dat?”

The thing about seeing massive breastesses and a big ol’ booty is you gonna be so stuck on imagining it shake, wiggle and roll, that you don’t realize a BIG GIRLS curves are DEADLY. There’s no pointy knees and elbows like some boney girls who will make you feel like you’re laying in a bed full of butter knives. Big girls have bodies that FLOW and because there’s so much of HER, there’s so much more you need to be attentive to. HUGE breasts have so much land mass that you actually need to put in some work to find the right spot to kiss and caress and if she asks you to slap her ass you can’t just give it a little tap – nigga you need to swing like you’re in a wordstarhiphop fight, which brings me to point two:

Bruh, here’s the SECOND thing you need to seriously consider: “Is my sex game even up to PAR?”

The truth is, anyone can get it in with a small slim chick who you can fling around the room and make yourself feel like a pr0n-star – but dealing with a big girl presents some unique challenges that will TEST how good you REALLY are in the bedroom. Unless you got a solid health plan, forget trying to fling her all over the room, you will need to rely on excellent positioning. Do you know where to place the pillows underneath her while you’re hitting it from the back so she feels it deep? Do you know how to position her knees while she’s on top so it’s comfortable for you BOTH? If not, you’re NOT ready for a big girl yet bruh.

Bruh, here’s the THIRD thing you need to seriously consider: “Do I need some Extended Pleasure condoms?”

Dude, you REALLY need to understand what you are getting yourself into when you smash a big girl. For those of you who have NEVER been inside big girl nani, the reality is this: It’s typically very tight, shallow and wet – which all can add up to you busting a nut before the chorus of the first song on your sex-mixtape. Many men who have smashed big girls expected the nani to be big, and when they find out its Supermax security tight and Rain Forest moist, the sugar walls end up DOMINATING them. And don’t even get those dudes started on the head – it’ll bring a damn TEAR to your eye.

Bruh, here’s the FINAL thing you need to seriously consider: “Did you eat your Wheaties this morning?”

If you luckily find yourself in the midst of a multi-orgasmic big girl – you better have a serious weight-training background because you will be in for a ride like never before. If she’s on top and she’s cumming – HARD – she will grind the LIFE and SOUL out of you while you slide back and forth all over the bed trying to hold on to the headboard for dear life. Some women LOVE to be held tightly and gripped closely when they cum, so when she needs a bear hug, don’t give her some soft-ass Cub Cuddle.

So here’s my tip to you fellas: The NEXT time you see a big beautiful girl and you feel the need to remark out loud “I’ll HIT that!”, take a second to go over the above list in your head. If you can NOT confidently assure yourself that you can manage satisfying her the way she DESERVES to be, then save your breath, but more importantly, save her from wasting any of her precious time on your weak-back, amateur-hour sex game.

This Is Your Conscience

p.s. Dear, Curvy women, please understand you are in HIGH demand – and if you are looking for some insight into finding love, make sure you check this book out:

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/03/2012 at 6:33 AM

    Big Ladies, Do You Agree With The Questions Dudes Should Ask Themselves Above? Do You Have Any That Need To Be Added?

    Ladies [Of ANY size], What OTHER Questions Should ALL Men Be Asking Themselves Before Sleeping With ANY Woman Period?!

    Gentlemen, Do You Find There's A Notable Difference Between Being With Slim And Big Girls?!

  2. Dyce

    05/03/2012 at 6:42 AM

    OMG! You so correct!! I have experienced this! And have fallen hard in some cases! Good article!

  3. Kizzy

    05/03/2012 at 6:48 AM

    As a certified Full-Figured-Freak, I would like to add that we have all reason to be size queens (women who prefer men with a hard nine, not a soft six as T.I. says)…there's a lot of extra meat to work around so if you can't "reach" the right spot we won't be fully satisfied..

  4. @IamSomethngElse

    05/03/2012 at 6:49 AM

    I absolutely LOVE this entry!! Everything you said is true except the shallow nani part. Never heard that one. One bit of advice, if you know ur "manhood" is on the small side, anything less than 7 inches typically, please don't waste everybody's time. Men need to know this, thank you for shedding some positive light on us big girls.

  5. Crystals_Back

    05/03/2012 at 7:31 AM

    Wait when did 7 inches become small? YIKES!

  6. MzDebbieFields

    05/03/2012 at 7:48 AM

    I'm a woman and I think that girl in the second pic can get it! LMAOOOO

  7. krystllyght

    05/03/2012 at 8:08 AM

    "…some boney girls who will make you feel like you’re laying in a bed full of butter knives."

    You're killing me bro…

    That chick in the second pic has legs for days!

  8. Panamena

    05/03/2012 at 9:34 AM

    "The problem with this mass confusion is the fact that dudes are always on some “I’LL HIT THAT” type-sh*t with women they THINK are THICK that are actually BIG GIRLS [a combination of thick with a little extra cute fluffiness to her]"

    PREACH! Some people really don't understand what thick is.

  9. pe.riche.

    05/03/2012 at 9:56 AM

    Think another point that's important to make, is that he can't be afraid to get in there! Being with a big girl requires some level of dominance, and he can't be timid or coy.

  10. Nadine

    05/03/2012 at 10:18 AM

    OMG where do you come up with this stuff??? I spilled my beloved morning coffee all over my WHITE shirt!!!

    I can imagine its not too different for a woman with a BIG guy!! lol

  11. Candice

    05/03/2012 at 11:02 AM

    I was ready to hear some kind of offensive, insulting commentary about big girls, but I was pleasantly surprised. Kudos to you Lincoln!! All of this is very true for me, especially us big girls being tighter. I had one guy say that I was tighter than his ex girlfriend, who was 100 lbs and 5'2".

  12. ChloeRayne516

    05/03/2012 at 11:08 AM

    You a fool for this post..

    You Killin Me Right Now.

    [the only thing "thick" on Precious is her eyelids, nigga she's built like a Ford F150].


    "if she asks you to slap her ass you can’t just give it a little tap – nigga you need to swing like you’re in a wordstarhiphop fight,"

    Dead-n Buried

  13. Quita

    05/03/2012 at 12:33 PM

    RIP Mia Amber Davis (First "thick" girl photo)

  14. MistaHarsh

    05/03/2012 at 2:35 PM

    I was waiting for the punchline at the end. Funny…Big girls are definitely a different experience and you can get hooked on them – but you have to have ample curves. Its a little upsetting if a big girl lacks upfront. But thats me

  15. ATLienSince82

    05/03/2012 at 2:53 PM

    Y'all up north ninjas is on some BS! We been loving big females down hurr in tha south since forever and yawl called us bamas cause we like our women deep fried thick lol

  16. A Grown Ass Man

    05/03/2012 at 3:09 PM

    So here's the million dollar question to the ladies out there: Do you seriously love dealing with BIG GUYS?

    If so, why? And if no, why not??

  17. Vicky

    05/03/2012 at 3:28 PM

    There is NO way in hell I can deal with a skinny dude – I will break him with my curves!!!!

  18. OOhnana

    05/05/2012 at 4:58 PM

    I am a big girl 5'5, size 16, and I love my tall skinny man. He knows how to handle all of dis…lol

  19. short n sexxy

    05/07/2012 at 5:07 PM

    Im 4'11 size 15/16

  20. lashundria johnson

    05/07/2012 at 9:51 PM

    i a thick girllllllll

  21. World Peace

    05/15/2012 at 6:19 PM

    Most big gurls vagina are not deep…most 95% of big gurls i had cant take it

  22. MochaLette

    05/15/2012 at 10:17 PM

    I LOVED THIS ARTICLE!! ROFLMAO!! <3 *big and sexy*

  23. Snake

    05/16/2012 at 10:22 PM

    You know what, not being amongst the heavily endowed I love making love to thick girls. Some women need 8, 9 or more inches and I can't help them. A thick girl that wants someone to make love to her are the girls I look for. Some women, regardless of their size need a "big one". happy for you sister girl and sorry I can't help. Thick girls that treasure intimacy and love making as opposed to sexing are the best because when they wrap their big arms and legs around you and quiver with pleasure it's like Xmas morning. I say you've never made love umtil you've been enveloped in the arms of a big girl.

  24. Bobby M

    05/18/2012 at 11:07 AM

    Maybe it's me, but I don't understand what the problem is? The size of a woman on the outside means nothing to me, it's the size of her heart that turns me on….this might be an out-dated idea, but it works for me.

  25. fine thicklikeGumbo

    05/18/2012 at 1:13 PM

    Giggles I'm LOVING IT!!!! BIG FINEASS BB

  26. PrettyNatuREAL

    05/18/2012 at 1:23 PM

    I soooooo agree with this article. I stand 6' tall, and have never been (nor care to be) a skinny chick! My question is, why can't these men talking live in Oklahoma. We need men who can handle all of this love! LOL

  27. Epiphany77718

    05/19/2012 at 6:29 AM

    Loved this article. I was dying the whole way thru. Too funny, but so true.

  28. Roberto Raymon

    05/23/2012 at 1:10 PM

    Alicia Keys (before the baby) was thick as hell. Don't be fooled by music videos and performances of her at that damn Piano… She's small from the waist up, but from the hips down to them damn ankles… she's thick as shit!! Like 12-14 THYCK!!

  29. Shemmi

    05/23/2012 at 1:59 PM

    I have a question….so what size is considered BBW and what size would be considered THICK?? I really need to know this from the guys….now some of the ladies tell me its sz 14 and up for a BBW and between a 10-12 for a THICK woman…..I am a size 12-14….i am small up top and very curvy in the hips, ass and legs department….sooo fellas tell me something, cuz i need to know! Please and thank ya!! :-)

  30. Shemmi

    05/23/2012 at 2:02 PM

    Roberto, that is what I am, I am in no ways a skinny chic, or even small (except in height…lol), I am just trying to figure this one out….lol…I do not want to associate the wrong size with the wrong person, I like to address and be addressed correctly…lol

  31. Romeo D Knight aka Lateef

    05/23/2012 at 9:20 PM

    I love ’em thick and shapely, curvy and busty

  32. Leggs

    05/24/2012 at 4:49 PM

    dern, i need to gain weight then!

  33. cool

    05/24/2012 at 7:48 PM

    Preach to who you can reach lol

  34. Naomi

    05/27/2012 at 2:17 AM

    I'm a bit offended by this article. I personally am sick of the debate over "THICK". It seems like "thick" is the acceptable term for those that definitely do no qualify as skinny but there some cut off point that graduates a person to FAT. I'm like, "So what FAT, does that not qualify for loving and being viewed as SEXY"?

    If you read the dictionary the definition of thick is "anything NOT thin" so therefore this WOULD include Precious! Labels are sickening when used for the pure purpose of discriminating, period point blank. I am a BIG girl, not thick by the definition put forth in this article but I'm a sexy mf **like Prince** I'm 5'11"" and definitely tip the scale way over 200 lbs.

    I have never desired, nor do I EVER aspire to being skinny. I like being BIG. When I say I'm FAT I mean it positively as meaning it's TRUE. The men I've dated always felt a need to correct that description by saying, "Naw you not FAT, you're THICK" As, though THICK was somehow a better label than FAT. As if FAT falls in the category of being undeserved of love and lust or sexy. I call it what it is. BUCK THAT! I'm sexy and I KNOW IT!


  35. BrownSugaBabe

    05/27/2012 at 2:39 PM

    This article deserves a STANDING OVATION!!! I was just having this discussion with my sister yesterday and this morning she found this article!!! Honey, I’m Big, Brown, Bold and Beautiful (and I’m a BEAST in the kitchen!!!) So glad I had the opportunity to read this….like my disclaimer states “This ain’t for the weak!! Go HARD or Go Tha Hell Home!!!”

    To all my BIG GIRLS: REPRESENT!!

  36. @FeministaJones

    05/30/2012 at 8:32 PM

    First… RIP Mia Amber, the model whose image you used. Might have been nice to add that…. she died rather suddenly and tragically and a lot of us were hurt by her passing.

    I weighed in on this last year on my blog, as a big woman myself.

    Interesting, I've never heard men actually own up to the fact that one of the main reasons they shy away from big girls is cuz they know their dicks can't handle us.

    Good job.

  37. aaron ford

    06/02/2012 at 8:34 PM

    i know for a fact that i love to fuck women with asses ranging from 60 inches or larger i havent experienced any tightness in their pussies yet im not doubting the fact that they are tight but i havent experienced it yet. for the most part ironically my women have been pretty limber which makes positioning a non-factor. one chick weighed 301 lbs and could hit a split.

  38. Sunshine

    06/14/2012 at 7:18 PM

    LOVE IT!

  39. SHARKY

    06/18/2012 at 1:53 PM

    Mann.. I've gotten two back surgeries n one shoulder..I'm still bringing it..u can't do that with them boney honey's..LOL! From (!) To (()) dasa big girl 4ya!

  40. tertle

    06/18/2012 at 5:12 PM

    Maybe next time use a model who did not succumb to fluffiness…

  41. Juwanda

    06/18/2012 at 9:40 PM

    Can you hold some seminars, because some of these men don’t k ow what to do with it!!

  42. Terry Wehr

    08/23/2012 at 9:50 PM

    I really wanted to read your article but the use of the "N" word really turned me off. No matter how you spell it, what you can say it means when you say it, it has but one meaning and was intended for one purpose and your making it happen. Please refrain from using the "N" word, thanks.

  43. Certified Gaboi

    08/25/2012 at 9:37 PM

    First & foremost I commend the author on bringing light to this subject.While also addding humor.I've always been in love with plus-size,thick,phat,fat or whoever you choose to put it.I stand 6 ft even & weigh a buck-65.After many years of trial & error,I'm fairly confident in my ability to handle my business..Truly the goal is to focus on taking your time & doing it right.At least thatz how its done in the South.XOXOXO…TO ALL THE QUEENS(NON-SKIINNY THAT IS)

  44. Kelly Glover

    09/27/2012 at 7:13 PM

    I love this and re-posted!

  45. Chantay

    10/04/2012 at 11:09 AM

    Highly entertaining and so true!!!

  46. BBWDiva7

    12/12/2012 at 11:27 PM

    You’re so on it. I’ve been lucky enough to be hooking up w/ a 1/2 Puerto Rican 6″5′ green eyed fit childhood friend for the past 6 months & clearly he read this article because this Caribbean mami is fully satisfied every time.

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  48. Ms.Q

    09/09/2013 at 7:58 PM

    This was an awesome article. Being a thick girl myself, this article was hit right on the head.

  49. Jamie

    02/17/2014 at 1:23 PM

    Maybe you guys should consider salad?

  50. InconvenientTruth

    02/17/2014 at 4:30 PM

    Here's the thing: there's a large difference between being built bigger and being seriously obese, and most of the girls that are calling themselves "curvy" are obese. Curvy women who are a larger size are still attractive. Women with three chins are not.

    All of the logistical problems you've talked about are caused by your severely unhealthy weight. The only reason guys are interested in obese women is because they have no other options. This trend of obesity acceptance is damaging to future generations and needs to stop.

    Get on a ketogenic diet and see how much better you feel after dropping that extra 100 pounds that you shouldn't be carrying. You'll thank me for it.

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