Every Woman’s WORST Nightmare: The Spoiler

She will wash his bathroom, kitchen AND balls ALL in a single bound..

Last summer I wrote a blog about the P*ssy-Ruiner [http://www.thisisyourconscience.com/2011/07/06/the-pssy-ruiner-the-best-worst-sex-partner-ever/] and how this bastard is simultaneously the best thing to ever happen to a woman AND the worst. Basically, a p*ssy ruiner is a man [or woman] that takes a woman to such extreme levels of freakiness and Earth-shattering, squirtastic orgasms, that any man who comes after just can’t measure up – leaving her p*ssy forever ruined [until she runs into that person again]. Well, the reality about the Nani-Ruiner is that there is a female equivalent: The Spoiler.

But here’s the crazy thing about The Spoiler: It doesn’t have as MUCH to do with sex as it has to do with the ENTIRETY of the relationship. The Spoiler is a woman who does the MOST for a man without getting or even expecting to receive the MOST from him. This is a woman who will give a dude full-blown wifey treatment, while he treats her like Diddy treats Kim Porter. She is faithful – even though he doesn’t have to be, attentive to all his needs – even though he doesn’t have to be regarding hers, and fully committed to satisfying all of his physical and emotional desires – even though he doesn’t come close to doing this for her. Why is she every woman’s worst nightmare: Because her actions allow sorry-ass dudes to think that their interactions are indicative of a normal relationship.

See, The Spoiler makes half-ass-effort-giving men EXPECT to receive KING treatment while not simultaneously treating his woman like a QUEEN and that becomes his concept of normative behaviour in a relationship. And after having The Spoiler as an ex, when the dude meets a woman with sense who believes in fair and equitable treatment between both parties, he will STRUGGLE to act right, because at the end of the day he believes SHE is being a HARD-ASS when she is just acting with common sense.

Dudes who have dated Spoilers in the past, will expect things like being pampered ALL the time, even when his ass was home all day not doing a DAMN thing. He will expect a half-hour blow job right as she walks through the door after she worked a 10 hour shift like THAT’S not an excessive and wild request. They will even bust on your work clothes and expect YOU to go wash it, dry it and iron it right after.

Can a man who has been with a Spoiler change into a better spouse? That, I’m not sure of. But I know TRYING to change him is the easiest way to lose your damn mind. I will say this though: Life would be a LOT easier for ALL parties if Spoilers realized their true worth from the start and simply ceased to exist. That way, a lot of men would stop losing GOOD women because they were too damn spoiled by an accommodating-ass ex.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/24/2012 at 6:15 AM

    Ladies, Have You Ever Dated A Dude Who Had A SPOILER For An Ex? Have YOU Ever Been A SPOILER At Any Point In Your Life? Hell, Are You One RIght Now?

    Gentlemen, Have You Ever Dated A SPOILER?! Do You Think It's Possible For A MAN To OVERLY Spoil A Woman To The Point It Negatively Impacts Her Future Relationships?!

    • ChloeRayne516

      05/24/2012 at 9:08 AM

      I've dated one for a short time awhile back and it was a struggle because I was used to being treated like a queen and he was used to chicks going above and beyond all the while they know he was ho*ing around so when I came along he couldn't understand for the life of him WHY I wasn't even tryin to cook him a meal on the regular and such especially now him being such a good man (his words) now. I told him from jump certain things are hubby privileges and I will NOT be performing those duties.

      Ladies, this is why men feel NO NEED to put a ring on it because we are giving them everything UPFRONT without him having to earn it. #Stopit!!!

      • A Grown Ass Man

        05/24/2012 at 11:19 AM

        It kind of sounds like both of you were use to being the privileged one in the relationship

        • ChloeRayne516

          05/24/2012 at 11:31 AM



  2. DR.CwL

    05/24/2012 at 6:43 AM

    thank you very much for writing this cuz i know alot of guys who need this wake up call. They want everything for nothing. And thenget mad at ladies like myself who don't have time to deal with their bullshit. And have the balls to call me name, like dude either grow up and be a man or go back with your ex mama/girlfriend.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/24/2012 at 6:52 AM

      Just Trying To Help These Dudes Out…And A Woman Or Two Too..

  3. Sheila

    05/24/2012 at 8:42 AM

    I hate to admit it but I have been a spoiler in several relationships but I learned from my mistakes and have come to realize that a man must earn the royal treatment I so love to give!

    • MzDebbieFields

      05/24/2012 at 11:25 AM

      You didn't learn that after the first one??! #SmartenUp

  4. mz_mimi

    05/24/2012 at 8:49 AM

    I agree 100%! But the saddest part is that the females do these things with the purest intentions. They want to show these men that they can and will be the perfect woman and is potential wife material in the hopes that the men will make a commitment to them. But ladies, you can't go in "day 1" of dating like this. You have to make him earn this sort of treatment and you have to demand that it is reciprocated.

    • ChloeRayne516

      05/24/2012 at 9:12 AM


      And men are hip to this because they know she wants to get CHOSE so he will dangle that proverbial carrot (relationship/ring/commitment) in front of her face and watch her go HAM for it.


  5. cclincoln

    05/24/2012 at 10:03 AM

    I swear you must have done research in Lincoln, Nebraska to write this blog! There is a sea of spoilers here that have tainted a whole layer of the dating pool, I have been there myself but learned from my mistakes but so many girls keep doing this with men over and over. I have a theory on this, many of the ladies here grew up in small towns, are taught to he polite and motherly and giving but also to be responsible. Young, mostly white, females move here usually for college, meet a charming, good looking black man usually transplanted from a larger city and the game is on! She treats him, wants him to feel special, she works, attends to school, he plays video games all day etc. She thinks the more she gives him the more he will want to stay with her, until she gets tired of it and he bounces to the next girl who will treat him to all the good things. I was the girl in one of these relationships and it would be embarrassing to tell all the things I did for this guy, but not only was I ruining him, he ruined me, the next guy I dated, I would lose it if he asked me to buy him a $1.50 soda! I changed but not every girl does, they let themselves do this every time.

    • A Grown Ass Man

      05/24/2012 at 11:21 AM

      This happens in big cities a lot too, but I think it's more due to competition than anything else

    • MzDebbieFields

      05/24/2012 at 11:26 AM

      There's black people in Lincoln, Nebraska?! LMAO

    • Adrian

      05/24/2012 at 2:13 PM

      I'll tell you one thing, as I type this I'm packing by bags and online-purchasing a one way ticket to Lincoln, Nebraska. P*ssy Spoilers, your jungle-fevered handsom prince is coming!!!! #multitasking

      • MzDebbieFields

        05/24/2012 at 5:26 PM


      • NurseJilly

        05/25/2012 at 11:48 AM

        LMAO.. That was hilarious

  6. A Grown Ass Man

    05/24/2012 at 11:22 AM

    I have dated a spoiler but I did at a very young age

    Some of the men who meet these women are not to blame the way you all are making it out to appear…some just honestly don't know better

    • cclincoln

      05/24/2012 at 1:10 PM

      I don't think it's all the fault of the men, after a while if your girl was always trying to give you things and do things for you, you would be a fool not to accept and then it just gets easier and easier to live that life. The same thing can happen to women who get spoiled by men, that just seems more acceptable to most people.

  7. ChloeRayne516

    05/24/2012 at 11:35 AM

    "Do You Think It's Possible For A MAN To OVERLY Spoil A Woman To The Point It Negatively Impacts Her Future Relationships?!"



    • NurseJilly

      05/24/2012 at 1:14 PM

      lol @ yes, walking testament

      I agree, you can be too "taken care of" in a relationship male or female.

    • MzDebbieFields

      05/24/2012 at 5:26 PM

      What did he do to you???

    • Jaycee

      08/11/2014 at 11:33 PM

      We’ve arievrd at the end of the line and I have what I need!

    • insurance car classic

      11/11/2014 at 11:58 AM

      It’s always a relief when someone with obvious expertise answers. Thanks!

  8. Nia

    05/26/2012 at 2:42 PM

    So much truth!
    I went through the exact same issue. I knew better than to try and accommodate his problems, and so I quickly ran before things got too deep. lol
    Needless to say, I've moved on and he STILL goes back to his 'spoiler-ex' as nobody else is willing to tolerate/ enable him.

  9. @FeministaJones

    06/03/2012 at 8:02 PM

    I've been a spoiler once.
    I walked away. He pulled me back. Then he walked away.
    Yeah, I was a dumb ass. Won't ever happen again though LOL

    However, I think that I've been more of the type to do all of those things to dudes who weren't exactly half-assed, but things just didn't work out for us. I often left the situations for my own reasons. They will hit me up months, sometimes years later like "Damn, no one does it like you". I am who I am, doesn't matter the person.

    That's part of why I encourage women to put their best foot forward, all of the time, for men who deserve it. All it takes is giving 110% to a shiftless bastard to turn a spoiler into a straight up "fuck everything about you, your mama, and your dog" bitch. Damned shame when dudes have such amazing women, they aren't motivated to step up and do right by her and keep her. I wouldn't say the next woman has more "sense"; refusing to take care of your man isn't exactly sensical. Chances are, the next woman was once a spoiler, and wasted her energy on the same kind of shiftless fuckwad and learned a hard lesson. Now, she's a cold bitch and the cycle continues.

    Lesson: appreciate what you have and be a man about it. Or…walk away before you ruin a spoiler that the next worthy man can benefit from having in his life.


  10. glamsquad

    07/08/2012 at 5:53 PM

    Finally spoilers get called out. It sure as hell took me a long time to figure out that was my biggest issue. We also can never, ever forget how much someone's childhood plays into who they become. My mother is an out and out, no doubt about it, spoiler. My dad has it very very good in our house, but he does love her and he's not a deadbeat, so it's not a destructive relationship. Daughters of mothers like mine learn that kind of behaviour and translate it to men they date, whether the men earn it or not.

    In addition, a lot of men who grew up in homes where the mama is a spoiler (and usually these mamas spoil their sons too) learn that it's the only way. One of the most well adjusted, intelligent and non-mysoginistic male friends I have comes from the home of a single mother and 3 sisters. Yes, he got taken care of and spoiled, but they never let him forget it. They never let him think he was entitled to it.

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