FYI Ladies: Men In “Happy” Relationships Cheat Too

A few days, ago a young lady emailed me asking the one question I receive FAR too much: “Why do men cheat?” But before giving me the chance to respond, she answered her own question in the very same e-mail and stated “Yes, I know the reason most men cheat is because they are unhappy in the relationship.” It was at that point I had to stop reading and start replying – because she was 100% incorrect. One major misnomer about male-cheating is that it originates from a place of displeasure with their woman, and it’s that ignorant ideology that allows SOME women to start taking the blame for being cheated on which a woman [or a man too for that matter] should NEVER do.

For those of you who DON’T know, the reason why men cheat is simple: New vagina will ALWAYS be greater than old vagina. That is the BASIS behind why men continue to chase and/or accept nani different than the one they are suppose to be committed to. But to take that concept a step further, the reason why men cheat is because many of us are opportunistic and weak-willed when it comes to p*ssy – and any man who isn’t willing to admit that is probably a well-trained LIAR. But the reality of cheating that most people don’t understand is this: Most women never find out how loyal their man really is, because they never find out how weak willed and opportunistic he is – and they never find out how weak willed and opportunistic he is [when it comes to p*ssy] because most men are never TRULY tested when it comes to being faithful.

The idea that men cheat because they are unhappy is an ideology that was propagated by a b*tch-ass, half-a-man who had NO business speaking for the male gender at large. And worse, it promotes the idea that a woman can possibly be guilty by proxy of NOT keeping her man happy enough to be faithful, when his douchebag behaviour should reflect him and him alone. So understand, happy men cheat too – and their satisfaction with their relationship is NOT the problem -it’s their shaky ability to be resolute in their faithfulness.

Look, you can give me TEN high-quality, happy and amazing men who are completely enthralled with their women – then give me Paula Patton in a matching lace bra and thong – and put each and every one of those dudes in a room alone with her and see what happens. I guarantee at least 7 of those happy-men end up deep inside her guts. Why? Because ALL men love new nani [whether they are willing to go through with getting it or not] and most men have never REALLY had their loyalty tested in a SERIOUS manner.

The same dudes bragging about being “good guys” because they never cheated before, are also the same guys knocking dudes like Tiger Woods for what he did, but they absent-mindedly forget one simple fact: The difference between THEM and the dudes they are condescendingly looking down on is the access, opportunity and quality of the nani they have to turn down. There’s old dudes I know who stay bragging about their consistent level of incorruptible reliability, which they loudly state is due to their high level of class.

Let’s just understand one simple point: When a man decides to beat up new nani, it rarely has to do with his woman’s shortcomings – as much as it has to do with his own selfishness and greed. So, with that said, let’s stop perpetuating the idea that most men cheat because they are unhappy and let’s just start remembering that most men cheat because they are d*ckheads.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

58 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/31/2012 at 6:30 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think Men Being Unhappy Is A Big Reason Why Men Cheat?

    • Piscean

      05/31/2012 at 6:26 PM

      As Paul said, it's b/c they are unhappy with themselves. And this goes for women too. Before people start pointing the finger outwards as to WHY they are unhappy in their relationship they need to start looking inward and focusing on what they truly want. The problem is that most people are so damn impatient that they will settle for something that doesn't fit into their wants b/c they are lonely and want some regular ass and companionship.

      If we start focusing on what we truly want and wait for that to commit to someone, than and only than will we probably be on the right path. There ARE open-minded people who are into sex parties, menage a trois and freaky deakiness so if someone is judging you on what you WANT…than don't settle and meet someone who IS into that. But noone is perfect, so that means you will need to accept them for the other stuff that isn't that great either. This is why I'm stressing to focus on what is important to you in your relationship and stop getting vex when people don't fit the criteria for a piece to the puzzle that doesn't belong.

      If you are unhappy with yourself…do something about it and make a change without decieving someone else. People need to start being accountable for their own happiness.

  2. Paul B.

    05/31/2012 at 7:09 AM

    Being unhappy? Yes. Being unhappy with his woman? Not as much. Yes, it happens in those situations too, but truth be told, that woman ultimately isn't responsible for his happiness in where he is in life; he is. A problem is that his definition of happy may not be the same as her's. She can be doing everything that she knows how to and is willing to do, but if he's not happy with himself, it won't matter. Unfortunately some men tie their personal validation to the acquisition of sex from as many women as possible to show how much of a "man" they are (faulty programming from a variety of sources), and the scary part is that quite a few men get into relationships and get married and operate under that flawed programming. Being married, having children together and having a life together can't fix an internal issue like that. Only being healed, restored, and delivered spiritually can do that. In summation, yes he's unhappy, but I say it's moreso with himself, than not his woman in some cases.

    • NurseJilly

      05/31/2012 at 10:41 AM

      Well said Paul!!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/31/2012 at 12:49 PM

      Real. Talk.

    • Celestial

      05/31/2012 at 2:08 PM

      Very well said!

    • Potion

      08/07/2012 at 2:36 PM

      Marry me :-)

      • Paul B.

        11/12/2012 at 7:53 AM

        Lol

  3. Sabretooth

    05/31/2012 at 8:13 AM

    Hmmm, while this was a well-stated and good read, as a friend of mine would say, I'm gonna have to call shananigans on this one. Obviously this is your opinion, however, I don't think you speak for MOST men. Some of what you stated is true and fairly obvious…I don't know any man who does like getting new nani from time to time. However, I've known too many people and seen too many situations involving cheating and believe me, most of the people I know whom have cheated (both men and women) did it because they were not getting something from that other person. Some people (both men and women) are just straight up cheaters, no if's, and's, or but's about it. But this article is written as though to imply ALL (or like you said MOST) men are like this…and I stress MEN because that seemed to be your primary focus here. I don't know your identity, so I don't know for sure if you are a man or a woman. I don't think a man would say the things you are saying, but then again, I don't know. I ask this…if most men cheat because they want new nani, then why do most women cheat? Because new d**k is better than old d**k? Most of the women I know stated they've cheated because…1.) They were not happy…2.) Just not into him anymore…3.)Bored with the relationship and just wanted something new. Funny thing is that's what many of the guys I know said about their relationships as well.

    • Lady Ngo

      05/31/2012 at 10:20 AM

      Not getting what you want at home is the biggest load of crap i've ever heard. True, that might lead to disappointment and unhappiness. But lack of maturity (particularly to confront the situation at hand or leave the situation altogether if its at that point) coupled with being a d*ckhead is why people cheat. Last time i checked, f*cking the next chick/dude never solved the issue of getting what you want out of your significant other.

      • NurseJilly

        05/31/2012 at 10:35 AM

        Thank you!!!

        That exactly what I am thinking. Being "unhappy" @ home or with your current mate is a lame ass excuse to look elsewhere. Its something that I think assholes that cheat (men or women) tell themselves to ease their own guilt about the situation. If you aren't happy fix it!! If it can't be fixed move the F on… End of discussion, it doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

      • Paul B.

        05/31/2012 at 12:10 PM

        But it's true, just not in the way we might think though. What that dude wanted was another chick besides the one he had at home. In his mind, he wants a harem, and he knows he's not about to get that in a relationship through means on the up and up, because he knows his woman isn't into that. I'm sure if/when we get down to the honest truth about what we as people want, that'll change some things.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        05/31/2012 at 12:54 PM

        Co-Sign

    • NurseJilly

      05/31/2012 at 10:40 AM

      If people are honest with themselves they know that being "unhappy with their relationship" is a lie whether you are telling your partner that after you get busted or whether you are telling your self that. Any one of the three scenarios you point out are straight bullshit in my opinion. If any of those feeling are present in your relationship its time to either deal with the reasons you are feeling that way or move on.

      • Paul B.

        05/31/2012 at 12:11 PM

        And that's the thing: People don't want to be that honest because it leaves them vulnerable and open to being judged, or rejected because of it and I doubt they're willing to expose that part of them if they don't have to. It's sad, really.

      • The_Mad_HATER

        05/31/2012 at 1:47 PM

        thank you jill!!! exactly my damn point!

      • Sabretooth

        05/31/2012 at 9:06 PM

        Easier said than done in most case, Jill and to whomever felt the need to agree. But sounds like a little bit of resentment in all of these replies, though.

      • Sabretooth

        05/31/2012 at 9:10 PM

        It's only bullshit to you because it seems like you feel the need to defend something. You sound like some of the women I know who fail to acknowledge certain things. I call shannagins on what you posted as well.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 1:46 PM

      men and women dont cheat under the same circumstances so i cant agree with this!! women need all kinds of emotional and mental issues while men just need a fat enough ass!1 we are different!!

      • Sabretooth

        05/31/2012 at 9:07 PM

        Sounds like both sides are screwed mentally, if we go off of your statement, HATER. :) I'm just saying.

    • Sabretooth

      05/31/2012 at 9:05 PM

      After reading some of the replies (by females no less), I see some of you have no clue about psychology or the human condition. Honestly, you can all say what you want, but it's a different story when you are on either side of the coin. But it's just some much easier to blame this on men instead of your own fickle decision making. I stand by what I said, in my opinion, the three reasons mostly anybody cheats are outline in my above post.

  4. Paul B.

    05/31/2012 at 8:45 AM

    There is no universal answer for this, and a lot of the problems and confusion results from people trying to lump everybody else into one category and then gets confused when a situation arises that doesn't fit into that supposed norm.

    • Vicky

      05/31/2012 at 9:14 AM

      Agreed!

      One guy may cheat cause he isn't happy (which is too broad in it self), another may simply has no control on keeping is d**k in his pants, another may….you get the point.

      The only way you will know why men cheat is to ask a man why he cheated and hope you will get a straight and honest answer (note: this does not apply to a man who has cheated on you….you cannot ask them and expect a truthful answer. Ask your brother, a good friend, someone who you have not bee romantically linked too)

      • NurseJilly

        05/31/2012 at 9:45 AM

        LMAO @ the disclaimer…"note: this does not apply to a man who has cheated on you."

        • Paul B.

          05/31/2012 at 12:07 PM

          True, you have to take some things with a grain of salt especially from a cheater or liar. Not saying they won't tell the truth from time to time, but at the same time, there's a conflict of interest. They would tend to make everybody else out to be as bad or worse to lessen their own terrible actions.

      • The_Mad_HATER

        05/31/2012 at 1:45 PM

        it sounds like yall are letting men influence you with their bs reasons!!

        • Vicky

          05/31/2012 at 1:49 PM

          Who's getting influenced? It is what it is….there isn't a solid reason why men (or women) cheat. It's a personal decision that no one can explain but the "cheater"

          • The_Mad_HATER

            05/31/2012 at 1:52 PM

            thats bs!! any reason a man has to cheat is the same reason he could get up and walk his ass out the relationship!! if he doesnt do that he just wants to get puss while still being in the relationship!

          • Vicky

            05/31/2012 at 2:00 PM

            Ok so you mean to tell me that the excuse (not saying it's valid) "I wanted to see if I still got it" was just a mere excuse that he can't walk out the relationship? Cause I see it as he is trying to satisfy his own ego/self confidence/esteem. Not saying his wifey doesn't make him happy, but he isn't happy within himself

          • The_Mad_HATER

            05/31/2012 at 2:03 PM

            a cheater is a liar so i have no use in listening to what one says!! he got new puss because he wanted to and didnt care about her feelings!! if he wanted new ass so badly tell your girl you need a new break like donned jones in where i wanna be!!!

          • Vicky

            05/31/2012 at 2:08 PM

            Just hit the "play" button as a previous post!

            If I was in that situation, I agree – there is no way I'm letting a man back into my life if he chose to stick it in another nani or even try to convince me that I should keep him.

            But theoretically, we are trying to figure out why people cheat and there are multiple reasons – that's all I'm saying

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 1:44 PM

      there is a universal answer! men just want to have their cake and eat it too! a lot of men are unhappy in relationships but they leave not cheat! cheating isn't as complicated as yall make it out to be!

  5. Ganjababy

    05/31/2012 at 10:34 AM

    Also, some men cheat because they have the "Do her wrong before she does me wrong attitude". Fact of the matter is, if a person is going to cheat, you cannot stop them. You can ONLY control yourself and how you react to what they do. As a women, in a relationship, friends ask me all the time, what would you do if your man cheated? I say, He knows exactly what I would do, and if he is willing to take the risk to throw away everything that we have worked towards for the last 3yrs, then he is not worth my time in the first place. I am too old to worry about the what if's. Just keep doing you and stop giving so much control to your signifigant other. When you hand over control in a relationship, then your partner never respects you and does what ever the f–k they want. If you accept cheating, you will be cheated on. If you do not accept cheating, then you will weed out the bad eggs from the good.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 1:43 PM

      the reason why men cheat is because they want to feel new puss! its that simple! theres a million reasons why a man can be unhappy in a relationship but 999,999 of them don t explain why he wouldn't just leave instead of cheating!!

      • Ace

        05/31/2012 at 9:36 PM

        Sounds like a lot of insecurity, in my opinion. People cheat for the fact they rather run to anything just to avoid the issue by confronting their mate or check their emotions. He can have all the sex by 10000000 women but still feels that insecurity like an itch.

  6. pregnantanddating

    05/31/2012 at 12:03 PM

    I also think cheating is just another bad habit that has developed or has been passed down.. so just as someone can say why men cheat you can also ask why is my man fat, why is he an alcoholic, why is my man abusive, why is he addicted to drugs.. A man or any person can find security in a variety of things. getting new coochie and knowing you can get it and get away with it seems like a security blanket for some men or anyone who is a habitual cheater.. and I totally agree with the post!

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 1:41 PM

      cheating is not as bad as being an alcoholic or being abusive!! those things are against a mans nature but cheating is just a man being himself! monogamy is a social construct!!

  7. The_Mad_HATER

    05/31/2012 at 1:40 PM

    some of y'all women need to understand that there are men out here who love their girl and love sex with other women too!! the idea that a man cant love his girl and side pussy at the same time is a female thing! we can separate our feelings!

    • Lady Ngo

      05/31/2012 at 1:54 PM

      GTFOHWTBS!
      NO, some of us women don't need to understand anything. What some of ya'll men need to understand is once you CHOSE to enter into a monogamous relationship, monogamy is what is expected! Plain and simple. If you still wanna stick and move, then you either stay single or get with a woman/women who are cool with that.

      • The_Mad_HATER

        05/31/2012 at 2:06 PM

        you dont need to understand or agree with what i said and i really dont care because I'm not a woman!! you can either choose to understand how men think or not give a damn but its you who is affected in the end not us!!

        there are men out there who can get new ass and still go home and love their girl whether you like it or not!

        • Lady Ngo

          05/31/2012 at 4:03 PM

          First off, thats not how "men" think, thats how some men think. And trust, i will NEVER be hurt for kicking a dude to the curb because he decided he could still love me even when he was out smashin the homettes in what was supposed to be a monogamous relationship. Like i said, if thats what he wanted to do, he shoulda got with a chick who was down for that from jump.

    • ChloeRayne516

      05/31/2012 at 3:26 PM

      Sad to say but he's speaks the truth!!!

      Some men do think along this realm and some women actually do accept it just as long as he is discreet.

      • A Grown Ass Man

        05/31/2012 at 3:42 PM

        It's funny how many marriages actually work in that manner nowadays. It seems like some women would prefer to control their man's cheating in the context of their relationship as opposed to leaving him

        Guess the economy is no joke for single-income households

        • ChloeRayne516

          05/31/2012 at 4:56 PM

          Yep!! that and they don't want to disrupt the entire household/lifestyle especially if children are involved. I know 2 women personally who have said this. They know their husbands are creeping BUT they just him to be discreet — which by the way they are not. *smh*

      • Lady Ngo

        05/31/2012 at 3:59 PM

        You just further prove the point i was trying to make that Mad_Hater jejely skipped over in his angry response. I personally never argued that the phenomena doesn't happen, only that if you agree to be monogamous, then how are you gonna get mad when monogamy is what is expected. If thats the life dudes wanna live, don't try and saddle up with a chick who's not on the same page and further try and convince her that she needs to get with the program. Especially when there are in fact women who don't care that you cheat so long as your "respectful" about it.

  8. alexxussknight

    05/31/2012 at 1:44 PM

    Here is what I believe the truth is. You are all right. Men cheat because they are un happy, and men cheat because they are a**holes but the third reason and equally as important is that they cheat because there is a woman out there willing to sleep with him. Yeah I said it! It takes two people to have an affair, now don't jump on me because I'm not talking about the women who are lied to (even though secretly I know you know this dude has a girl) I'm talking about the women who are fully aware of the wife or girlfriend and F*uck dude anyway. Let's keep this all the way 100. Cheating will end when people are mature enough to be honest about their unhappiness in their relationship, when men are mature enough to stay single and threrefore can sleep with whomever they want because they know their gonna step out on their girl anyway, and when women stop sleeping with other women's men! That's just my two cents!

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 1:54 PM

      i will switch it on you like this: most men don't cheat because there isn't a lot of women trying to give them the puss!! chris rock said it best that men are only as faithful as their options!! thats keeping it 100!!

  9. Ganjababy

    05/31/2012 at 1:49 PM

    Yeah but a man loving his girl but loving side puss too, puts her and him at the risk of STD's STI's and possible unwanted pregnanies. It is just not worth the risk and it is disrespectful to the relationship. Relationships are supposed to be exclusive. A man or woman cheating is just being a straight out pig and really doesnt deserve to be in a relationship in the first place, if they are do not have the mental capacity or maturity to stay committed. You are obviously still in your 20's to have this mindset.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      05/31/2012 at 2:07 PM

      obviously thats how men are suppose to think in our society but that doesnt mean thats how they do!! and cheating doesnt have any age and neither does maturity!!

  10. A Grown Ass Man

    05/31/2012 at 2:09 PM

    The one thing I always find interesting about these conversations is how butthurt some women get. Women seem to want all men out there to think and act alike, when the only thing that really matters is how your man thinks and act.

    I found this post interesting but I know I'm not a cheater so it's not applicable to me and my relationships.

    • Paul B.

      05/31/2012 at 2:34 PM

      And there you have it.

  11. STM2F

    05/31/2012 at 2:30 PM

    I think a man's unhappiness with himself can lead to cheating, or his lack of contentment with the onne-pussy lifestyle. In my experience, most of the men I've known to cheat have had serious self confidence issues. They were able to pretend that they thought highly of themselves, but their self worth was painfully low – I guess feeling attractive or interesting through the seduction of others temporarily alleviated their painful self doubts.
    The rest of the guys… Well, they just loved new pussy, almost as much as they loved their chicks. Their opinion generally seemed to be 'if she doesn't know who else I'm tapping it can't hurt her, and I see no reason to exercise my willpower when I can have my cake AND eat it'. It's a dick move, but I don't think it makes that person a dick – they just need to find themselves an open relationship and be done with it!

    I wonder if this article will be followed up with a 'why women cheat'…….

    • NurseJilly

      05/31/2012 at 3:09 PM

      Great idea! Maybe a female guest post is needed for "why women cheat".

      • A Grown Ass Man

        05/31/2012 at 3:41 PM

        Agreed

    • A Grown Ass Man

      05/31/2012 at 3:41 PM

      An article on why women cheat should be written by a woman and not a man in my opinion.

  12. mmmj

    05/31/2012 at 5:05 PM

    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. i think many women who have been cheated on or betrayed by the gentleman in their life at some point or another think that it is their sole fault, or they are the reason behind his unhappiness (solely speaking about hetero relationships). absolutely there is probably fault in both people as no one is perfect, HOWEVER, if he cheats he is a d*ckhead. i agree. this post made me incredibly happy :) obviously, it resonated with me. hah, thanks lincoln.

  13. petersburgh

    05/31/2012 at 7:52 PM

    I believe people on a whole cheat because they want to but they tend to mask it with things like being unhappy etc

  14. ATLienSince82

    05/31/2012 at 9:33 PM

    I don't wanna piss in nobody's cereal but whats up with this 'men cheating because they are unhappy with themselves thing'?? LOL

    Men who cheat definitely don't got problems loving themselves lol

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