Ladies, Here’s How You Deal With A Man Who Has Trust Issues: RUN [As FAST As You Can]

"This b*tch was on her goddamn phone all Sunday but Imma find out who she creepin' wit!"

"Bitch! You f*^kin' a nigga named Rev Jackie?! What kinda name is Rev for a nigga anyways?! Ohhh..it's your Reverend...my bad baby, love you!"

There’s a very large notable difference between dating a woman with trust issues and dating a man with trust issues: Typically, dating a woman with trust issues will lead to non-stop annoyance and frustration, constantly having to answer questions that you don’t want to and engage in arguments that aren’t even anger-worthy. It gets frustrating constantly having to reassure her you’re committed and equally frustrating having to always prove your character just because she dated a DOUCHE in the past who acted the damn fool. But, typically, dealing with a man with trust issues is EXPONENTIALLY more dangerous to a woman’s mental, emotional and physical health.

In our modern western society, there are three types of grown-ass adults you will run into on the dating scene: 1) The Trusting [unfortunately a very small percentage], (2) The Realist [a weird combination of pessimism and optimism] and (3) The insecure, distrusting Lunatic. As much as we all would like to be in a relationship with The Trusting person who gives us all benefit of the doubt until we prove we don’t deserve it, the fact is many of us don’t deserve to date that person, because so many of us are NOT that person our damn selves.

But what you don’t want to do is confuse The Realist and The Lunatic, because they are very different in their own ways despite the few similarities. See, The Realist is the person who doesn’t overcommit in one way or the other, because they know and understand the reality of cheating, so they hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The Lunatic, on the other hand, is incredibly insane because they really feel like they can CONTROL the cheating from ever happening [where The Realist resigns themselves to the fact it can happen no matter what they do], but even worse, people with trust issues are severely unequipped with dealing with the mere IDEA that cheating is going on – and when MEN act like this to their women, they can be EXTREMELY VOLATILE.

So, ladies, do NOT try and put up with men with trust issues – just RUNand here’s a few reasons WHY:

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, You Are ONE Step Away From Getting Your ASS Beat

Insecure men are not good at handling emotional pain and mental disappointment. When a man gets his heart broken by finding out HIS woman let another man slide between her thighs, it leaves him emotionally destroyed – and the worst part about being wrecked that way is there is NO real way to return the pain in-kind. These men become insecure and when YOUR happy ass comes strolling along full of sunshine, flowers and lollipops and lures his heart into the zone he thought he would never go again [LOVE] he will go CRAZY at the idea you may be cheating. And that pain and disrespect that he CANNOT return in-kind emotionally, will become something he will want to return PHYSICALLY with his wannabe Anderson Silva punk-ass.

"I knew your bougie high-yella ass was triflin' as hell.."

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, Understand He Is Not OVER or PAST His Ex

I wrote THIS article on this site a while back to explain how someone’s feeling for their ex can affect their current relationship EVEN if they no longer want to be with that person anymore. Ladies, a man with severe trust issues has NOT let go of his past and there’s not a DAMN thing you can do to help him. You can be as loyal and as faithful as you want, but he will ALWAYS feel like you are up to something. You can spend 23 hours in one day with him and spend 1 hour going to Shoppers Drug Mart or Walgreens to buy condoms for HIM to use on YOU, and he will STILL want to check your phone like “so….who keeps texting you?!”

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, Accept That He’s PROBABLY Cheating On You RIGHT NOW

Here’s the funniest thing about dudes with trust issues and insecurities: Even though he has NOT caught you in the act, the mere fact that he has allowed crazy ideas of infidelity to infiltrate his mind has given him JUST CAUSE to go out and get NEW NANI. This is his method of self-defence for his potentially shattered-ego: ‘Show that b*tch that I can get some ratchet p*ssy too!’ In fact, here’s ANOTHER funny thing about dudes with trust issues: Some dudes who CONSTANTLY cheat on their women [regardless of whether they thought she was cheating or not] will start to not trust their girl simply because THEY are doing wrong sh*t.

But the main take away from all of this boils down to one simple ideology: You can NOT change a man with trust issues no matter HOW “good” you act. Some men will eventually grow out of it and some won’t, but your best bet is waiting to see how he turns out – just NOT together.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

31 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/09/2012 at 3:39 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think It's Possible To Turn Around Someone With Trust Issues Or Is It Something They Have To Achieve On Their Own?

  2. krystllyght

    05/09/2012 at 7:59 AM

    I think there are ways you can help a person through their trust issues but for the most part, it's up to them, they have to be willing to consciously look at the brighter side of things. Plus, I think the need to run away from an untrusting person should really be based off of why they are untrusting. Say, dude was cheated on by his last eight girlfriends, stay away but if it was something that went down when they were a kid, I don't think running is necessary.

    • pe.riche.

      05/09/2012 at 8:13 AM

      I have to agree with Linc with this one. I briefly dated a guy with trust issues, and right off the bat he exhibited said behaviors listed above.

      Men who have trust issues have severe emotional and psychological issues that cannot be helped by the woman he is dating. In fact, when they are in relationships is where their issues take flight. HE must decided to deal with those issues, and nothing the woman does can change hin or cure him.

      And running is indeed necessary, because these men also tend to be physically abusive and emotional bullies.

      • krystllyght

        05/09/2012 at 8:54 AM

        I don't think another person can change it but I know they can help. As in most things I think it just depends on the circumstances.

        • KYLE

          05/09/2012 at 9:11 AM

          At the rate women are going these days, having eight girlfriends cheat on a dude will soon become a norm…

          • MzDebbieFields

            05/09/2012 at 2:17 PM

            Oh please and men are any better?! #Realitycheck

    • happy2beme

      05/09/2012 at 9:09 AM

      I agree Krystlyght. When I first met my husband he was very untrusting (and I was a virgin…lol) Turns out he grew up from the age of 6 watching his parents cheat on each other. Don't get me wrong I couldn't love him back to wholeness on my own, but I was patient with him while he went through counseling. Today we have been married for 16 years and have three very happy and healthy children. I'm so glad I did not walk away from the bestthing that ever happend to me.
      Moral of the story: it might not hurt to ask him about his trust issues. If he won't open up it may be a lost cost, but if he's willing to work through it, if you love each other it may be worth the investment.

      • A Grown Ass Man

        05/09/2012 at 10:42 AM

        He sounds like he was more of a Realist than a Lunatic.

      • krystllyght

        05/09/2012 at 2:24 PM

        Congrats on 16 years honey! A lot of people run at the first sight of difficulty and look if you'd have done that, you'd have missed out on something amazing!

    • A Grown Ass Man

      05/09/2012 at 10:41 AM

      I think we need to identify whether he has real trust issues or just a pessimistic attitude.

      A lot of people may lose faith in the opposite sex, but that does not mean they are totally broken like people with trust issues.

      • NurseJilly

        05/09/2012 at 11:04 AM

        Good point. Being burned doesn't leave everyone with "trust" issues. Some people may just have lost a little faith in the whole dating process and that can definately be worked through.

        • Crystals_Back

          05/09/2012 at 11:48 AM

          Exactly what I was gonna write Jill!

          I think we should make sure not to confuse crazy men with men who are just a little bitter

      • krystllyght

        05/09/2012 at 12:57 PM

        I know he has trust issues, he'll even admit it himself. When he was a kid something traumatic happened in his life and that caused him to have a general distrust of all people, not just women. I think he's more of a realist I guess because it seems like he worked for a relationship in spite of it.

        • MzDebbieFields

          05/09/2012 at 2:18 PM

          In todays world who isn't a little bitter and jaded???!

  3. pe.riche.

    05/09/2012 at 8:17 AM

    Linc thank you for this post! I wish I read this a few years ago!

    I dated a guy just like this. Initially he seemed okay, but slowly and surely, he began to question my whereabouts, and my committment to him. He would call me at 3am knowing I had to get up for work at 5am just to "see what I was doing".

    Once I picked up on his controlling and crazy behavior, I called a few of my male cousins, and made sure he got the message that it was over. Men like this are never safe, and telling a woman to RUN is the best advice if thery are unable to avoid those type of men in the first place.

    • A Grown Ass Man

      05/09/2012 at 10:40 AM

      Sorry to be intrusive, but was he abusive?

      • pe.riche.

        05/09/2012 at 10:51 AM

        Yes, he was.

        • NurseJilly

          05/09/2012 at 11:02 AM

          Damn.. Thats my biggest fear.

          I'm sorry you had to experience that:(

          I am quick to walk away from men when I see even an glimpse of crazy or controlling behaviour. I'm sure I've let some good people walk out of my life because of this but I grew up with an abusive step father and I am so cautious of falling victim to that.

          • Crystals_Back

            05/09/2012 at 11:49 AM

            How do you figure you let good guys get away if you sensed they were controlling??

          • NurseJilly

            05/09/2012 at 12:47 PM

            Looking back I may have been a bit hyper sensitive at times. I had my own little checklist of things I didn't want like no drinking. That was something I was not cool with until I met people that could drink a little and actually have fun. Before that I always equated men drinking with aggression and abuse.

        • A Grown Ass Man

          05/09/2012 at 11:46 AM

          Sorry to hear that.

          I think sometimes we don't really take into account how serious distrustful men are until the shit really hits the fan.

          I'm glad that you came out alive.

        • MzDebbieFields

          05/09/2012 at 2:18 PM

          Ummm, why is he still breathing????

  4. Crystals_Back

    05/09/2012 at 11:51 AM

    I think the control aspect needs to be highlighted more as well…these men love to make sure the women in their lives have no ability to be independent, and eventually try to cut them off from their friends and family..

    These are the men we women need to avoid having children with because it makes life a million times harder

  5. petersburgh

    05/09/2012 at 7:04 PM

    I think you can be supportive of the person but to actually turn them around? No because trust is almost infinitely personal and only that person can turn that around.

  6. Micon

    05/09/2012 at 7:44 PM

    Well said

    • petersburgh

      05/09/2012 at 8:05 PM

      Yeah thanks, it's how I feel. I am currently writing a topic on trust and it's right up that alley

  7. hersiderocketmail

    05/11/2012 at 8:03 PM

    I dated a man with trust issues. He was fine for almost the first year – although he always talked about how his ex-wife from YEARS ago cheated on him, ran off with his kids, etc. The first time he hit me out of the blue, he said "I always wanted to do that to her and never did." WTF?

    He became and angrier, more violent drunk and it didn't matter how good I was to him. He managed to accuse me of cheating when I was with him 24/7. If I wasn't with him, I was at work down the street and he called 100x a day.

    He's in jail right now… His last drunken blackout was the last straw. I wish I had walked away and stopped having faith that he could come around 4 years ago…

  8. Jade

    06/18/2012 at 2:10 PM

    insecuirty and trust issues go hand in hand and they are a VERY volatile combination. It usually never ends well. That person has to get help for their issues all by themselves. NO, YOU CAN NOT FIX THEM! On;ly they can do that and until they do…… despite the fact that in their own way, they do actually love you, or their version of it anyway, your life with them will be full of frustration, fighting, control, lonliness and varying forms of abuse no matter how much effort you put forth.

  9. Megan

    12/08/2014 at 9:48 PM

    Men's with trust issues about woman is a man that has been brain washed !!! These mans will Never trust any woman until the day they die . They would Trust anybody but you !!! No matter what you do they will Investigate , research , and doubt you !!! You will see yourself justifying , clarifying , and trying to prove your innocencence blue to your face , and waste your time . They are not good husbands or boyfriends because they will Betray you in a heart beat . They are Not supportive or protective of you !!! Trust me … You're better of finding a man that can Trust , Love , Support , Protect you then wasting your time with a Fuck up .

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