Men Aren’t Reluctant To Be In Relationships – They Are Just Reluctant To Date YOU

Oh, you can do bad all by yourself? Well get ready to...

Ladies, allow me to introduce myself: I am Lincoln Anthony Blades and I’m a capricorn. I am Bajan-Canadian, I’m approaching 30 and I like to write and call people frowsy douchebags – oh, and contrary to your OWN opinion, I am NOT like every other man out there. While I may share many similarities with a lot of dudes, the fact is I am my OWN man who should NOT be pushed under some bullish*t generalization you have made of my entire gender because of YOUR perceived dating failures. But here’s the unfortunate news for you: Proclaiming dudes out here aren’t seripous about relationships because YOU haven’t met any is more a reflection of who YOU choose to date, than the dating pool at large.

That opening sentence is what 95% of men wish they could say to frowsy, bitter and angry chicks who love to make generalized statements about men’s commitment-inferiority, not because they have done an extensive study but because THEY haven’t found what they are looking for. I’m actually starting to believe that many women find solace in believing that most men can’t handle a serious relationship because that way they can ignore any role they played in contributing to the demise of their relationship. So bitter ladies, in 2012 and beyond, it’s time to DROP the BS about men sucking at relationships and own up to your own musty failures at love.

So why aren’t YOU in the long term and serious relationship that you crave so much? Oh, it’s because men don’t know how to appreciate a good woman? Or is it because men don’t have the capacity to be faithful and loyal? OR, is it because men are just too damn reluctant to be coupled up because they feel trapped and claustrophobic? I have an idea – how about Option D, that states ‘men as a whole are not hesitant to want to be in a loyal, faithful, committed and serious relationship – just the bum-ass niggas YOU run into.

What makes me sick is the fact that women can voice these over-generalizations and receive some measure of props for them, but the second a man even THINKS of uttering how all women are one way or the other, all kinds of flags are thrown on the field.

The simple reality of dating is that we are all intensely responsible for what happens in our relationships. Of course we have to take credit for how they end [no matter how horribly] because we exercised our own free will and choice to even date that person. So if you keep dating the same kind of frowsy ass loose ball, at some point you have to take responsibility for the [obvious] outcomes of your dates. And the reality is, men are NOT scared of being in serious relationships with good women, but if you are noticing you have NO good relationships with men, the issue is NOT them.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/30/2012 at 3:20 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think There's Some Truth To The Ideology That Men Are Less Comfortable With The Idea Of Being In A Relationship Than Women?

    • Crystal

      05/31/2012 at 12:24 AM

      Are you ok Mr. Blades? Why must we continue this discourse in the demise of the black family? I am quite sure you know some happily married, coupled people in the world, so can we spot light those people, to give hope to the not so frowsy women like myself. Just like in school, we give too much attention to the naughty kids, the good ones go bad. So…for a change can we spot light something nicer baby? When's the last time you read an article about good loving available singles?

  2. Adrian

    05/30/2012 at 3:33 AM

    Straight up, I'm sharing this article on my FB. I know waaaaaaay to many women who need to read this right now!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/30/2012 at 3:42 AM

      Me Too Fam!

    • Crystals_Back

      05/30/2012 at 2:37 PM

      I hope you planning on giving that to some men too!!

  3. @DoWuSem

    05/30/2012 at 3:39 AM

    The summary: ''… if you are noticing you have NO good relationships with men, the issue is NOT them.''

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/30/2012 at 3:41 AM


    • Crystals_Back

      05/30/2012 at 2:37 PM

      Not to beat a dead horse, but men need to hear this message about women too.

  4. GrandCentral

    05/30/2012 at 6:34 AM

    Accountability :) However this is not a simple one to beat out of people. I often find that people like this just have an overall blame the world and everyone else mentality. It's always everyone but them. These people really can't be saved. Be fair Mr. Blades, men do the same thing as well :)

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/30/2012 at 10:39 AM

      Very True…I Was Actually Gonna Get To The Frowsy "Money Over Bitches" Dudes Later This Week!

      • GrandCentral

        05/30/2012 at 6:36 PM

        Oh yes! The "Money Over Bitches" Dude – my favorite :) I could chew them up and spit them out. I look forward to hearing your two cents on them.

    • J. A. Johnson

      05/30/2012 at 11:36 AM

      Great word to use. I always say people don't want to take responsibility for their actions and choices in life, then blame it on others, but accountability is a great word to use for this!

      P.S. I endorse this post entirely. Females need to stop blaming men for all their problems and ask themselves why they're at the stage in life that they're currently at.

    • Crystals_Back

      05/30/2012 at 2:37 PM

      THANK YOU!!!

  5. ChloeRayne516

    05/30/2012 at 8:55 AM

    This sword cuts both ways!!

    Women; Men ain't tryin to settle down, they wannna have their cake and eat it too.

    Men: That chick is cray cray.

    So you see both parties have generalizations as to why they can't maintain a relationship although the common denominator may be his or herself.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/30/2012 at 10:40 AM

      I Will Say This Tho…A Bitter Male Walks Around Miserable – But A Bitter Female Walks Around Recruiting Company

      • Paul B.

        05/30/2012 at 12:13 PM


        • Crystals_Back

          05/30/2012 at 2:38 PM

          C'mon Paul really?! You believe that women recruit bitter friends more than men??

          • Paul B.

            05/31/2012 at 12:21 PM

            Yep. Dudes are more inclined to not entertain that crap from each other or distance themselves from dudes like that a little easier than some women are. And dudes aren't about to carry their friend's bitterness into their own relationship or let it interfere with what they have going, unlike quite a few women will. Men aren't going to take on another man's woman problems or let it cost them some sleep or nani.

      • GrandCentral

        05/30/2012 at 12:24 PM

        Lol! Recruiting? You know you wrong for this. Misery lives company :)

      • Dollabill

        06/01/2012 at 7:10 AM

        Co-Friggin Sign! +3

    • GrandCentral

      05/30/2012 at 6:38 PM

      Or it could simple be that that particular person is not for you. People often try to force it and it's not meant to be. Call me a wishful thinker, but I truly believe that we all have a soulmate out there whom we are meant to be with.

  6. Mystery

    05/30/2012 at 9:32 AM

    Thank you Mr. Blade for putting this out. I think if you have been single for a long time you need to look at yourself and look what your doing and what your expectations you have on the kind of person you want. Not saying you can't have high expectations but I think you need to have real obtainable expecations

    Soo many women fit this and all they will say is its not me its them.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/30/2012 at 10:41 AM

      Very True

  7. NurseJilly

    05/30/2012 at 11:17 AM

    I'll be completely honest I have had these thoughts and felt like there are no good men out there over the last year of being single. When I take a step back I see that the men I interact with are the problem. If I'm being honest I really haven't given any decent guys a chance I think partly because I don't feel ready to date yet. The few guys I have gone on dates with have been giant douches but I take full responsibility for that. I have seen the error of my ways and definitely have a renewed faith in the male species.

    • A Grown Ass Man

      05/30/2012 at 1:10 PM

      That's actually very interesting

      So when you dated men when you weren't really ready to date, you dated men who you knew you couldn't get serious with?

      That's like self-sabotage

      • NurseJilly

        05/30/2012 at 2:12 PM

        Self-sabotage is exactly right…

        I think I felt guilty giving a "good guy" a chance because I knew that I wasn't ready.

        • Crystals_Back

          05/30/2012 at 2:39 PM

          Jill…you are not alone! Been there too many times in the past!

  8. Starr

    05/30/2012 at 2:07 PM

    Thank you for this post! A positive is when a woman can look at her faults in a relationship and not become bitter but a better woman…wiser and ready for what is yet to come. I had to look at myself and figure out why I was choosing the same boys who I end up taking care of. I take full responsibility for my actions. Now single..I enjoy learning about myself more and knowing that when it is time I can choose a man who wants the same loving relationship as I do. Thanks Lincoln!

  9. Crystals_Back

    05/30/2012 at 2:40 PM

    I will admit that some women need to understand that bitterness makes you unattractive so wearing it on your sleeve is never a good look!

  10. petersburgh

    05/30/2012 at 6:43 PM

    Great post Lincoln. We all know it's a two way thing but since it was written from a man's point of view I will comment that way. Yes women say things like "I had all kinds of idiots in my life" to me and then wonder if all men like that. I usually tell them just all the ones you tend to hook up with. If you date 10 men and 9 are idiots, you should ask yourself if it isn't your choices that need checking.

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  12. diaryofanegress

    05/31/2012 at 12:45 PM

    If I may…
    Relationships, all of them, are about compromise and that is what's causing all the fuss. We humans are a weird bunch. We say we are starving and willing to eat anything but when someone gives you a plate of plain rice, you complain that you don't like it.

    Well that's kinda what's going on here. Selfishness on BOTH sides. And yes, you are correct, women can blame and taunt men but the other way around is not acceptable. One supposition is due to the fact that this is a male based society, men are given certain "free passes" to be bad. That isn't the case for women. We must be "proper".

    I enjoyed your post, sir.
    Please visit me at
    I talk quite frankly about all the ills of black and white society.

  13. Realist

    05/31/2012 at 2:39 PM

    Appreciate the info!

  14. Dude

    06/11/2012 at 8:48 AM

    88 unmarried men in US for every 100 unmarried women.

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