You Find Out He’s Perfect – So Why Are You Trying So Hard To Find Something Wrong?

Women today have been inundated with so many dating horror stories it’s not unusual to see bitter high school girls – YES, you heard me right – bitter HIGH SCHOOL girls. Now when women decide to undertake the seemingly massive responsibility of meeting a new guy, it seems the WORST thing that can happen is they have an instant and incredible spark.

Women today are so cynical, nervous and downright scared of being made a fool that the presence of instant perfection in a man can send her into full blown Inspector Gadget mode trying her damnedest to find out why he is single, sane and of seemingly  superlative quality. And what thought comes to her mind: it’s a trap.

Now before we continue, I want to define ‘Perfect’ because I don’t want my use of the word to be confused with the typical usage. A perfect person is one whose physical attractiveness, as well as their emotional and mental strengths and weaknesses, create an amalgamation of a person extremely suited to YOU. Perfect does NOT mean that they don’t have any faults, because no human being walking this world is absent of negative qualities. Every now and then, some of us are lucky enough to meet someone who we click immediately with as if we have known that person our whole lives – but we often MESS it up because we are too scared to love that fast, that hard.

Do not delude yourself into thinking this is merely just a small roadblock for the small population of insecure people in our society, because this is a lot larger of an issue than you think mainly that affects us all to some extent. Most men know exactly what it’s like to meet a woman, have an incredible connection right off the bat, and then deal with her emotional cynicism which eventually ends up destroying that beautiful connection you created. Similarly most women know what it’s like to have an awesome bond with a dude, just to start activating her “go-go Gadget arms” and reaching into the furthest depths of his personal life HOPING to find a blemish on his record so she can go back and say that his a*s is just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Women, this behaviour has got to STOP, because in the end the only person you are really hurting is yourself. Do you ladies have any CLUE how difficult it is to create a meaningful bond with someone nowadays? In our social networking world, we barely even know how to act around each other in person anymore, and with our microwave generation, we don’t believe in working at relationships anymore, just moving on to the next one over the slightest offense.

If your a*s is lucky enough to have an immediate and instantaneous connection with a man then consider yourself lucky. If you can have initial phone conversations that go on for hours without even one awkward pause, or you can enjoy the time you spend together without even knowing how many hours have passed and even right from when you first met, you both knew what each other was thinking and got each other’s sense of humour, then YOU WON THE DATING JACKPOT. So stop trying to take your ticket to every fraud-detection agency in town just to ‘find out its really a forgery.’

I will concede the point that sometimes a real connection can just be confused with intense infatuation that could be brought on by excessive loneliness and/or horny-ness. But I will always contend that it’s better to have loved someone worth it and lost, then to have wondered what could have been if you weren’t such a jaded skeptic.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. Ms. MusiQ

    09/10/2010 at 9:21 AM

    This post is soooo on point!

    “In our social networking world, we barely even know how to act around each other in person anymore, and with our microwave generation, we don’t believe in working at relationships anymore, just moving on to the next one over the slightest offense.” <——— The saaaaaaaaddd truth!

    • DatchikMalix

      09/10/2010 at 9:57 AM


      how does one get over this though.
      i have a lot of girlfriends that tell me about scenerios like this and i try to tell him to stop trying to find a flaw, most of them will say they've been burned somany times they have to take precaution (and i can't blame them!!!)….so the question is should a women get over that and accept the man for his "perfect" ways and enjoy the ride?

      (at least now i can bring something back to em' and not have this look " 😐 "

      • Queen Erudite

        09/10/2010 at 1:05 PM

        That's a very difficult question. How does an empress realize she has found the man of her dreams and differentiate him between, as the article says, a wolf in sheep's clothing?

        I would be interested in hearing that as well

      • cynicaloptmst81

        05/08/2012 at 10:07 AM

        Depending on how bad it is, therapy.

        The sad truth is that the man can't win in these situations. No matter what he does, she'll never truly trust him because her ability to trust has been damaged severely. The woman has to choose to work on/fix the issue within herself.

  2. blqessence

    09/17/2010 at 8:11 PM

    Thank you Lincoln for this one! I have to admit I think like this too and its so bad that I don't even allow it to get past the "can I have your phone #". Don't get me wrong, I am not at all rude, or stuck up about. it..I will chat to them, and nicely say to them (lie to them) and say I already have a man. Not only because in my head I am thinking this guy is probably gonna have some bullshit I dont want to deal with…but also going through the I'm gonna have to find a sitter (which for me is not easy) and etc, etc.

    So after this blog…I am realizing me being single is probably mostly my fault (sad to say). lol, but thanks for this one! :)

  3. Lawrence H.

    02/19/2011 at 9:49 AM

    Yeesss I’m dealing with this right now, she always trying to find something wrong. Ladies when you find your Knight stop trying to find a “Chink” In the Armor….

  4. dre

    05/08/2012 at 5:04 AM

    without even getting into the post too deep the title speaks volumes!

  5. evie

    05/08/2012 at 5:19 AM

    Amazing post and something I had to reign in myself at times. I love hard and fast, and in my last situation, I decided instead of running from it, to just let it rock.

  6. Mystery

    05/08/2012 at 9:15 AM

    I need to copy and paste this to half my female friends.

  7. Some Guy

    05/08/2012 at 11:00 AM

    I love this!! I think this is one of my main problems in the dating world (and no I'm not delusional lol)

  8. guest

    05/08/2012 at 6:49 PM

    I agree with this post for both women and men. I guess in other words we should take the mask off first lol..I dont see nothing wrong with dating no doubt you gotta get out there to make it happen. Though it is true in this social networking world nothing is what it seems which sucks for both sexes. Eventually we will grow tired of our friends input in our lives when they have what it seems like we all are trying to attain. There are many slippery characters out there on both sides but thats when our experience kicks in and sifts through the "want" and "dont want" while not throwing away your King or Queen or the popular "I didnt know till it was to late" seeing them happy with someone else. Hey happens to the best of us..good luck out there. Peace and Love

  9. Frochic

    05/08/2012 at 6:54 PM

    'I will concede the point that sometimes a real connection can just be confused with intense infatuation that could be brought on by excessive loneliness and/or horny-ness.' For me, this is how I knew I could let myself fall hard and fast. I was having a great time being single and enjoying my professional and personal life when I met him and fell hard and fast for him. I wasn't looking and actually tried to resist. But damnit if it don't feel good to let go, love and be loved right back.

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