“Bruh, The Man That Put The RING On Her Is The WINNER…”

Since my boys are not very in tune with pop culture and the lives of celebrities, a few of them were SHOCKED to find out that Meagan Good got married Saturday. Most of them were heartbroken that the unofficial love of their lives was now officially off the market [as if any of these negroes – and Italian – stood a damn shot] but it was a comment one of my friends made that I found really funny. He sarcastically stated “Man, whatever dude got to beat that p*ssy up before she got married is a winner for life.” And I found that comment very interesting, because my response to that was “Bruh, the man that put the RING on her is the REAL winner for life.”

I then proceeded to explain to my friends that to my [very limited] knowledge, Meagan is not only a hardcore Christian, but she was [before Saturday night] either a virgin OR a long-practicing celibate woman who hasn’t been with anyone for years. So, her being a woman of high-quality [gorgeous, seemingly down-to-earth, financially independent, principled, etc.] means that she is WIFE MATERIAL. The goal of being with a woman who is wife-material is to HAVE her by your side in the long run – not a night or two. And this is where me and my friends split into two camps and completely disagreed with one another. The other group of dudes have an idea about women and relationships which I not only find TROUBLING, but ultimately SELF-DEFEATING: ‘Any man that has smashed a woman, has the same successful claim to that woman as any man that comes after her.’

Now before me and my friends launched into this argument, I want to preface it with the following statement [the same one we prefaced our OWN debate with]: This conversation is in no way, shape or form about dudes who wife up h0es, scallywags and ratchet chicks – that is a COMPLETELY different argument.

But, although I disagree with their ridiculous point, I understand what they are trying to say. One of the main goals a man has in dating, is eventually getting the draws, therefore, even by only temporarily having those draws, he still accomplished some semblance of his “goal” with her.

Now here’s why that is a completely ridiculous and full of sh*t ideology.

A) Good Women Aren’t HAD – Good Women Are LOST

Any high-quality woman that is currently married was not HAD by her exes and previous sex partners – she was LOST. Only a dumb-ass would sit around and give some frowsy looseball credit for bagging a woman of terrific long-term quality and not experiencing ANY of it. He didn’t win for ANY night – he just lost in the BIGGER picture.

B) Your Richard AIN’T That Memorable, Bruh

This is an issue a LOT of men deal with: Thinking that we will exist forever in the minds, hearts and nanis of any woman we were with at least ONCE. Our ridiculous egos is what drives us to that bullsh*t way of thinking. The fact is, most of us men are nothing more than footnotes in a high-quality woman’s life, if even THAT, after she finds a grown-ass man. So when you high-fiving yourself over the past, you don’t realize you are so many chapters back in the story of her life, you are close to being edited out of the entire book.

C) The Fact That You Equate LOVE And SEX To Being On The Same Level Proves You’re NOT A High Quality Man

And this is the most important point: The fact that you can boil down a woman’s intrinsic worth to her vagina, and then believe that “winning” means sampling it, proves that YOU are not a high quality man, therefore you didn’t win SH*T. Flip the scenario for a second and imagine how you would explain to a great-woman’s, great man how HE is losing by having her. When he gets to have her as his beautiful wife, mother of his kids, soulmate, best friend, life-partner and freak in the sheets, how exactly do YOU have any predominance over him?

Hell, the simple fact that he saw a woman NOT worth losing, while YOUR ass didn’t, proves he’s winning in ways you will NEVER understand.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/18/2012 at 2:18 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Does The "Cheap-Thrill" Crowd Have A Point? Does A Married Woman Or Man's Past Degrade Their Current Relationship At All?!

  2. dddd

    06/18/2012 at 2:27 AM


  3. Paul B.

    06/18/2012 at 2:29 AM

    Yes, and no. On one hand, they have a point relative to the difference in the quality that she was when she was with them versus what she is now. If she's somehow the same woman that chose those "cheap thrills" and knew that's all they were good for and chose them anyway (if she was looking for more, but she may not have been), they might have a point. It simply depends on context. But everybody has their own limits regarding what they're willing to deal with. Personally, I can deal with a woman that has had a past, but up to a certain point.

  4. B.T.

    06/18/2012 at 6:41 AM

    To answer your questions, no and no. Just because you had sex with a woman before she got married doesn't mean a thing, especially if it was in the past. The name of this post says it all: the man who puts the ring on her is the winner. I completely agree with everything stated in this. Lincoln, you come throught with the real once again.

  5. Anna Soull

    06/18/2012 at 8:33 AM

    OUTSTANDING PIECE OF WRITING!!!! Preach wisdom and lead the masses!

  6. @DoWuSem

    06/18/2012 at 8:44 AM

    Preach! Pastor Lincoln.

  7. MistaHarsh

    06/18/2012 at 9:28 AM

    I think people are mistaking Megan for the characters that she plays. However I chuckled at you thinking she's either a virgin or long practicing celibate woman. She's dated Jamie Foxx and RB Thomas Jones publicly and has been linked to rappers too ie 50cent…..but nevertheless her and her husband did abstain from sex until marriage so I give them props… she's been my crush for years.

    I understand your friends point of view for a woman who's personal life is on front street. Its kinda hard to see her differently than we are limited to perceive but if she does all the things a good wife is supposed to do how can anyone say dude lost? Ain't like she's past her prime looking to cling on to the best suitor on the way down.

  8. mena

    06/18/2012 at 9:43 AM

    I will say that no one from your past owns you. A relationship isn't slavery.

    ‘Any man that has smashed a woman has the same successful claim to that woman as any man that comes after her.’

    Your friends' comments just goes to show how some men feel that once they hit, it belongs to them; not the woman but the vagina attached to the woman belongs to them. Like think about that for a second. What your friends are technically saying is that any man that gets with a woman AFTER them has a devalued woman. It’s sort of like buying something on Amazon.com—once it’s been used, it’s rating goes down. The more use, the lesser the rating. And that once he's had the object, in a way, he will always own a piece of it. For some men, women are nothing more than objects to be used, abused, and discarded when they are tired of using them…until they find the woman that they fall in love with and want to marry.
    "Does A Married Woman Or Man's Past Degrade Their Current Relationship At All?!" It depends on the two people in the relationship and the confidence that they have in their union. If a woman gets with a dude that has been with A LOT of women, she may wonder if dude is just going to throw her away as well. And the same goes for a man that finds a woman that has been around the block. They may feel that their union isn't that strong b/c of the person's past. So it depends on both parties being confident in themselves and their relationship. You may think it’s dumb to equate sex with love but for many people, men and women, sex is used to show love. So when you pass your body around like it’s appetizers at a restaurant, your partner may wonder if they will be enough for you or if you value them as a partner. Weird but understandable.

  9. Jessica

    06/18/2012 at 11:10 AM

    "The goal of being with a woman who is wife-material is to HAVE her by your side in the long run – not a night or two."

    Love this quote :-)

  10. kash

    06/18/2012 at 11:45 AM

    If the girl who is getting married was a hoe, then yeah, the lucky guy is the one who f'd her and moved on. But if its a descent woman, the opposite is true.

  11. A Grown Ass Man

    06/18/2012 at 11:47 AM

    I think those guys are reaching when they put men and women on the same level, and it's probably out of jealousy

    When they see a great woman find happiness, they just want to say "oh yeah….well I had her too"

  12. The_Mad_HATER

    06/18/2012 at 12:55 PM

    The only type of woman worth marrying is a virgin or a woman who is divorced but was a virgin before her first marriage!! who wants dudes running around the place laying claim to slamming their wifey?! not me!!

  13. HerCommonSense

    06/18/2012 at 1:08 PM

    The only word I can think of to call a man who thinks sex devalues a woman is sexist. It is ridiculous, offensive and belittling to believe that my worth as a person should be judged by what I do with my vagina…especially coming from men who carelessly throw their penises around.

    I'm good on all that, thank you very much.

  14. Gina

    06/18/2012 at 1:40 PM

    I would definitely have to agree with you Lincoln, but the same goes for SOME men. The men who hold themselves at a higher standard are also lost, but the reality is most men will smash anything with a "decent" face and a fat ass–so the market for good men leaves not a lot to choose from. But in regards to most of your points, I won't remember sex with someone, but I will forever remember how they made me feel (more bad feelings than good). Anyway, good post as usual, and I hope that I get married and become a wife one day, not "wifey." (That term irks me to the core.)

  15. imakesense

    06/18/2012 at 4:23 PM

    True words spoken in this post and I get it BUT…

    What stood out to me was you stating Megan Good being a virgin or celibate made her wife material. I didn't know people still have that backwards mindset in 2012.

    By the way 50 cheated on his baby moms with her, the baby moms called meagan and confronted her and she apologized lmao. (Source: interview I read with 50 cents baby momma).
    So we already know her past ain't pure…

    I wish this couple good karma and happiness:):).

  16. petersburgh

    06/18/2012 at 6:22 PM

    I don't think any person has the right to say who is the real winner in this case. I see both points but if I had smashed Meagan and that was my ultimate goal then I'm a winner to me but I can't say that her hubby isn't a winner because his ultimate goal may have been to marry her. Both schools of thought are right in their own way but what I will say is that the hubby now has PERMANENTLY(least by vows) what the previous person might have held for a while and that's his advantage. If I see a woman I just want to smash and I do smash I'm a winner and if I see wifey and marry I am also a winner. However, if I saw wifey and treated her like a girl I just want to smash well I lost out there and maybe that's what the supposed guys before her hubby might be saying now

  17. crystal

    06/18/2012 at 9:48 PM

    So crazy, do men actually sit around and think about this stuff? Why not make marriage simple, troll high schools and marry virgins?

  18. TIZZY

    06/19/2012 at 1:31 PM

    I'm no going to lie. I'm extremely disgusted with men who are not virgins feeling as if they DESERVE to marry a woman who is a virgin. If you happens to meet a woman who is, then so be it, BUT there is something oh so wrong about claiming some ancient right to put your used tool in my new treasure chest. It's sad that if a woman has had a few men in her past and you've had a few women- she is of lesser value and you're untainted. PLEASE grow up…

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