Here’s The REAL Problem With “Slut-Shaming” – Ignoring That There’s Actual SLUTS

Do you realize there's TWO sluts in this picture?

Yesterday was the first time I have EVER heard the term “slut-shaming” while I observed a conversation between a woman with strong feminist ideologies and some dude that was essentially an anti-woman douchebag. They were arguing about how society inherently slut-shames the Kardashians and other women who get sex tapes released to the public, while male celebrities get praised when their tapes are released. She said the ongoing characterization of women who enjoy sex being labelled H0ES was disgusting and he argued that women need to learn how to keep their damn legs closed. It was interesting to hear them go back and forth because they were BOTH so far off the mark of common sense it was LAUGHABLE.

Now that I’ve done some more research on this “slut-shaming” term, I have come across a pretty good definition from Finally Feminism 101:

Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. It should be noted that slut-shaming can occur even if the term “slut” itself is not used. Put in the most simple terms, slut-shaming happens when a person “publicly or privately [insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not conform with patriarchal expectations for women”. If all negative connotations are removed from the word, a “slut” is simply a person, most often a woman, who has had sex with multiple partners.

Hold. The. F*^K. Up.

I was completely feeling the definition until the LAST sentence. I agree that we live in a society that is quick to bash women for not only expressing their views on loving sex, but also making choices about their bodies BEFORE and AFTER sex [from contraception to abortion]. I agree that women are unfairly and disproportionately targeted as being h0es for doing things that men are praised and applauded for. And I also agree that patriarchal expectations for women are excessively constricting on a woman’s sexuality. But I will NOT agree that removing negative connotations from the word slut will simply result in a woman who has sex with multiple partners, when the reality is it will result in women AND men who BOTH make TERRIBLE reckless and STUPID decisions.

A SLUT is nothing more than a person [male or female] who is RECKLESS with their body and makes TERRIBLE SEXUAL choices. As far as I’m concerned a SLUT is analogous to anyone who makes harmful decisions in any aspect of life, such as an overeater of bullish*t food being called a GLUTTON. They consume far too much food and make decisions that are ultimately damaging to their health. Someone who has eaten their way to 400 pounds SHOULD be labelled a GLUTTON, just the same way any person who plays loose-and-fast with their body should be called a SLUT.

What dictates loose-and-fast you ask? Well, first let me provide these facts:

– 34 million people are living with HIV
– 1.8 million die from AIDS every year
– About 20 percent of adult males have herpes and about 25 percent of adult females have herpes
– 80% of people with genital herpes (HSV-2) are unaware of their infection
– Up to 50% of new genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1, mainly through cases of oral herpes being passed through oral sex

In fact, a recent University of Michigan sex study revealed that people who sneak around behind their partners’ backs are less likely to use protection. Cheaters were 29% less likely to use condoms for vaginal sex and 35% less likely to use them for anal. People who cheat, because they are less likely to use protection, are far more likely to give their partners sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Now understand this: There are MEN and WOMEN out there getting into relationships and CHEATING on their partners. There are MEN and WOMEN out there engaging in RAW sex with untested partners. There are MEN and WOMEN out there having sex in groups and practicing UNSAFE sexual habits [like using the SAME condom with different partners]. Sh*t, I have an old co-worker who went to Brazil on vacation and told us this “great” tale about how he had anal sex for the first time in his life on that trip – but it was with a prostitute – with no condom. Oh, and he’s married and frequently has RAW sex with her. If that’s not a SLUT worthy of every ounce of negative connotation that the word can carry, than I don’t know WHAT is.

The truth is there are people who are reckless with their money, reckless with their health, reckless with their drinking and also reckless with their bodies. We live in a world today where your next nut could equal the end of your life AND OTHERS who YOU infect. At a time where so many health organizations are WARNING us about the increasing dangers of “at-risk” sexual activity, it’s pretty LAME to go from intelligent arguing AGAINST slut-shaming to being a shameless slut-advocate.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

46 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/28/2012 at 6:00 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Are Your Thoughts About Slut Shaming? Should We Strive To End Terms Like "Slut/Hoe, ect." On A Whole Or Are They Still Useful For Identifying Reckless People?

  2. Smilez_920

    06/28/2012 at 8:38 AM

    I'm glad that you acknowledge that men make poor choices with their body as well. The things is men an women are equal yet different. I do feel that if you are making responsible and safe sexual choices that you shouldn't be ridiculued but most are not in this day and age. ( raw sexing the whole world)

    Women have things that they can do sexually that are deemed ok that men can not do and vice versa

    For example : if a women Wants to explore having sex with another female it's not look down upon as much as a male wanting to explore his sexual feelings towards another male. I mean how many ladies will date a man who says he use to sleep with men.

    Subsequently if a man decides to recklessly have sex with a bunch a people he is either praised or it isn't a big deal. When a girl doesn't carry herself like a lady and has reckless sex with a lot of men she will get the side eye especially if she ends up pregnant and doesn't know the father.

  3. J. A. Johnson

    06/28/2012 at 10:28 AM

    I like what you tried to do in this post. We need to get information out there about STIs! But at the same time….the problem with your definition is the problem with their definition. What is it? The issue is that its so hard to actually define a slut that we just say whatever we feel fits. I have female friends that say a slut is ONLY a girl that sleeps with guys that know each other.

    Are sluts getting out there and catching STIs? Yes. But so are the innocent. The wife of your ex coworker isn't seen as a slut, but if she caught something from her husband…then she would lean towards the definition because of your loose and fast section.

  4. ChloeRayne516

    06/28/2012 at 12:21 PM

    "how he had anal sex for the first time in his life on that trip – but it was with a prostitute – with no condom"

    *RecordScratch* Hold the Fcuk Up!!!!

    Ya see this — that's that BS right here!!! WTF!!!!!!! first of all that prostitute probably was a MAN. *shakingmyhead*

  5. Adonis

    06/28/2012 at 12:30 PM

    Men & women are different, and are defined differently… We are not the same "Lil Wayne" voice… No need to clarify…

    I know the blog-sphere is mostly read by women, and you got to be PC… But differences in men & women will never change & society crumbles when they continue to try to define men & women as similiar

  6. Fembot

    06/28/2012 at 1:31 PM

    Since when is it okay for a man to determine what is slutty or non-slutty for a woman?? This article just attempts to tear women down and obviously ignores the role men play in this scenario..

    GAR-BAGE!

    *Le sigh*

  7. Pingback: When It Comes to Sex…Almost Doesn’t Count Right? « From Ashy to Classy

  8. Tracey

    09/06/2012 at 9:39 AM

    One of the hardest things to deal with is if everyone knows/suspects it.

    I know my nephew can't deal with them because he would literally be in jail if someone were to come up to him and say "I cummed all up in your girl's guts. She's a whore."

    He has a bad temper problem and he can't afford to mess up his life.

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