Here’s The REAL Problem With “Slut-Shaming” – Ignoring That There’s Actual SLUTS

Do you realize there's TWO sluts in this picture?

Yesterday was the first time I have EVER heard the term “slut-shaming” while I observed a conversation between a woman with strong feminist ideologies and some dude that was essentially an anti-woman douchebag. They were arguing about how society inherently slut-shames the Kardashians and other women who get sex tapes released to the public, while male celebrities get praised when their tapes are released. She said the ongoing characterization of women who enjoy sex being labelled H0ES was disgusting and he argued that women need to learn how to keep their damn legs closed. It was interesting to hear them go back and forth because they were BOTH so far off the mark of common sense it was LAUGHABLE.

Now that I’ve done some more research on this “slut-shaming” term, I have come across a pretty good definition from Finally Feminism 101:

Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. It should be noted that slut-shaming can occur even if the term “slut” itself is not used. Put in the most simple terms, slut-shaming happens when a person “publicly or privately [insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not conform with patriarchal expectations for women”. If all negative connotations are removed from the word, a “slut” is simply a person, most often a woman, who has had sex with multiple partners.

Hold. The. F*^K. Up.

I was completely feeling the definition until the LAST sentence. I agree that we live in a society that is quick to bash women for not only expressing their views on loving sex, but also making choices about their bodies BEFORE and AFTER sex [from contraception to abortion]. I agree that women are unfairly and disproportionately targeted as being h0es for doing things that men are praised and applauded for. And I also agree that patriarchal expectations for women are excessively constricting on a woman’s sexuality. But I will NOT agree that removing negative connotations from the word slut will simply result in a woman who has sex with multiple partners, when the reality is it will result in women AND men who BOTH make TERRIBLE reckless and STUPID decisions.

A SLUT is nothing more than a person [male or female] who is RECKLESS with their body and makes TERRIBLE SEXUAL choices. As far as I’m concerned a SLUT is analogous to anyone who makes harmful decisions in any aspect of life, such as an overeater of bullish*t food being called a GLUTTON. They consume far too much food and make decisions that are ultimately damaging to their health. Someone who has eaten their way to 400 pounds SHOULD be labelled a GLUTTON, just the same way any person who plays loose-and-fast with their body should be called a SLUT.

What dictates loose-and-fast you ask? Well, first let me provide these facts:

- 34 million people are living with HIV
– 1.8 million die from AIDS every year
– About 20 percent of adult males have herpes and about 25 percent of adult females have herpes
– 80% of people with genital herpes (HSV-2) are unaware of their infection
– Up to 50% of new genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1, mainly through cases of oral herpes being passed through oral sex

In fact, a recent University of Michigan sex study revealed that people who sneak around behind their partners’ backs are less likely to use protection. Cheaters were 29% less likely to use condoms for vaginal sex and 35% less likely to use them for anal. People who cheat, because they are less likely to use protection, are far more likely to give their partners sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Now understand this: There are MEN and WOMEN out there getting into relationships and CHEATING on their partners. There are MEN and WOMEN out there engaging in RAW sex with untested partners. There are MEN and WOMEN out there having sex in groups and practicing UNSAFE sexual habits [like using the SAME condom with different partners]. Sh*t, I have an old co-worker who went to Brazil on vacation and told us this “great” tale about how he had anal sex for the first time in his life on that trip – but it was with a prostitute – with no condom. Oh, and he’s married and frequently has RAW sex with her. If that’s not a SLUT worthy of every ounce of negative connotation that the word can carry, than I don’t know WHAT is.

The truth is there are people who are reckless with their money, reckless with their health, reckless with their drinking and also reckless with their bodies. We live in a world today where your next nut could equal the end of your life AND OTHERS who YOU infect. At a time where so many health organizations are WARNING us about the increasing dangers of “at-risk” sexual activity, it’s pretty LAME to go from intelligent arguing AGAINST slut-shaming to being a shameless slut-advocate.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

46 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/28/2012 at 6:00 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Are Your Thoughts About Slut Shaming? Should We Strive To End Terms Like "Slut/Hoe, ect." On A Whole Or Are They Still Useful For Identifying Reckless People?

    • Vicky

      06/28/2012 at 9:14 AM

      No one has any right to judge any one decisions. People who think they are better than others usually have sh*t to say because they are always right *rolls eyes*. Slut shaming is just another form of judgement.

      Should we strive to end terms? No, there are and always will be sluts and hoes running around. What I think that should happen is that it shouldn't be only associated to women and it shouldn't be used so loosely! "Oh girl, you see what she's wearing? She's such a ho!"….yet, girl A doesn't know girl B

      • J. A. Johnson

        06/28/2012 at 10:22 AM

        I hate when people talk about not judging others. We all have judged someone. We have all called someone else a name. We have all seen something and criticized it in our head or out loud. Judging is a natural human characteristic.

        • Vicky

          06/28/2012 at 10:41 AM

          It's still not our duty to, it's God's – unless you are not religious. Regardless whether you do or do not agree.

          It takes a lot not to judge someone as it is a natural characteristic, however I frown on those who don't have that strength not to

          • TBA

            08/16/2012 at 3:05 AM

            "It takes a lot not to judge someone as it is a natural characteristic, however I frown on those who don't have that strength not to."

            Sounds like you judge others for judging! How do you reconcile that?

        • ChloeRayne516

          06/28/2012 at 12:22 PM

          Truth!!!!

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        06/28/2012 at 12:04 PM

        I Disagree. Public Safety Is A Serious Thing, And We Don't Understand How Interconnected Our Body Parts Are Until Some Bad Shit Starts Going Around.

        For Example: There's MANY Cases Of Infected Men And Women KNOWINGLY GOing Around And Infecting Others. We Judge Them As DOUCHEBAGS Not Because We Pride Ourselves On Moral Superiority, But Because We Realize They Are HURTING People With The Harmful Decisions And Those Choices HURT Society As A Whole, And Create A Never-Ending Stream Of Infections.

        • NurseJilly

          06/28/2012 at 1:48 PM

          I absolutely agree with you. I am a Christian but I definitely reserve the right to judge on certain situations. I'm not judging in the way I believe God will judge but I can sure as hell judge what kind of person I think you are and whether I want someone like that in my life.

  2. Smilez_920

    06/28/2012 at 8:38 AM

    I'm glad that you acknowledge that men make poor choices with their body as well. The things is men an women are equal yet different. I do feel that if you are making responsible and safe sexual choices that you shouldn't be ridiculued but most are not in this day and age. ( raw sexing the whole world)

    Women have things that they can do sexually that are deemed ok that men can not do and vice versa

    For example : if a women Wants to explore having sex with another female it's not look down upon as much as a male wanting to explore his sexual feelings towards another male. I mean how many ladies will date a man who says he use to sleep with men.

    Subsequently if a man decides to recklessly have sex with a bunch a people he is either praised or it isn't a big deal. When a girl doesn't carry herself like a lady and has reckless sex with a lot of men she will get the side eye especially if she ends up pregnant and doesn't know the father.

    • mena

      06/28/2012 at 10:25 AM

      In both of your examples there is one underlying theme and that is of you taking it from someone. As in someone putting an object in you that then devalues your stock which makes you less of a man or a lady. For men, you do it once, you are no longer a man (it sounds messed up but that is the way that many people feel) and for a girl, you sleep with more than a few, you are no longer a lady.

      I also think that even though men are fine with a chick getting it in with another chick, when it comes to someone they see as their wife, it may be something that causes an alarm bell to go off. I could be wrong though. Guys?

      • Smilez_920

        06/28/2012 at 10:52 AM

        "In both of your examples there is one underlying theme and that is of you taking it from someone.'
        I didn’t pick up on that until you said it, I was just focusing on the manhood vs. womanhood (lady like) aspect.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        06/28/2012 at 11:58 AM

        If I Found Out That A Woman I'm Dating Use To Date Women And Is Still Attracted To Them – I'm Putting A Ring On it YESTERDAY

        • mena

          06/28/2012 at 12:18 PM

          Really? Why is that? Do you feel that you may get a 3some out of the deal? Is this something that you would want to experience with the woman you may one day call your wife? I would think that a woman you would call your wife is someone you wouldn't want to share with anyone, man or woman. So if you stated that it didn't matter that she was bisexual then that would be one thing but to say that you would place a ring on it yesterday (even though i think you are being facetious) shows a sexual element to why you would wife her.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            06/28/2012 at 12:28 PM

            Honestly When It Comes To Having A 3some With My Wife That Is Neither Here Nor There Since I'm Not Married And Refuse To Act Like I Know What Will Define OUR Freakiness As A Married Couple, But I Am In NO WAY Being Facetious About My Increased Sexual Attraction To Her After Finding Out She's Bisexual..

            The Truth Is, Any Woman I Date Would Have Proven Beyond A Doubt That She Is Of Top-Notch Quality To Me AND We Have A Great Emotional, Spiritual And Mental Connection…The Fact That I KNOW She's Open Physically Is An Added Bonus

          • mena

            06/28/2012 at 12:44 PM

            Ah. Ok. This actually makes sense. *duh* :-)

        • ChloeRayne516

          06/28/2012 at 12:26 PM

          Well Damn!!!!

          Lmaooo, But I believe you.

          Because I've been told this as well — "If you tell me you into girls I'm buyihg you a Tiffany Ring Tomorrow"… o__o smhlol

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            06/28/2012 at 1:17 PM

            If We KNOW She's A Lady In The Streets And She Reveals HOW Freaky She Is Between The Sheets That = Wife Material To Many Men.

        • NurseJilly

          06/28/2012 at 1:49 PM

          LMAO

  3. J. A. Johnson

    06/28/2012 at 10:28 AM

    I like what you tried to do in this post. We need to get information out there about STIs! But at the same time….the problem with your definition is the problem with their definition. What is it? The issue is that its so hard to actually define a slut that we just say whatever we feel fits. I have female friends that say a slut is ONLY a girl that sleeps with guys that know each other.

    Are sluts getting out there and catching STIs? Yes. But so are the innocent. The wife of your ex coworker isn't seen as a slut, but if she caught something from her husband…then she would lean towards the definition because of your loose and fast section.

    • NurseJilly

      06/28/2012 at 10:34 AM

      "a slut is ONLY a girl that sleeps with guys that know each other.".. LMAO @ that comment.

      Its amazing the way some people can come up with these ridiculous definitions to make themselves feel better.

      • J. A. Johnson

        06/28/2012 at 10:40 AM

        Exact same thing I tell them lol. No one wants to have a title with such a bad connotation to it, so they make up nice ways to change the definition for their own benefit. It is fun to challenge their definition and watch them squirm though lol.

        • NurseJilly

          06/28/2012 at 10:54 AM

          Watch them squirm… Evil, and I love it!! lol

        • Smilez_920

          06/28/2012 at 10:55 AM

          Same thing with the word hoe. I mean you could have 2 women with 10 bodies in the same room. One would be called a hoe if she slept with all 10 guys at the same time or in the same year, while the other one might not be considered a hoe if she had sex with ten guys over the span of 15 years.

          • mena

            06/28/2012 at 11:07 AM

            It's also the way a person carries themselves. I know of people that have slept with A LOT of people and by a lot i mean their number is heading into the triple digits but they carry themselves respectfully and you would never know.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/28/2012 at 12:00 PM

      Agree And Disagree. I Never Meant To Insinuate That Just Having An STI Makes You A Slut, But I Think If You Got One Resulting From Unsafe Activity Than It Definitely Does.

      But I Agree Defining A Slut, Glutton, Alcoholic, etc. Are All Subjective To A Certain Sense.

    • ChloeRayne516

      06/28/2012 at 12:32 PM

      "a slut is ONLY a girl that sleeps with guys that know each other."

      But you know what though.. this goes back to what I always say.. "You can't be a HO3 if NOBODY knows" putting your hoetivites out on the streets and/or dealing with people that run in the same circle or who know of each other will definitely get you the "Slut/Ho3" title.

      You suppose to move in silence like "G" in Lasagna. :o)

  4. ChloeRayne516

    06/28/2012 at 12:21 PM

    "how he had anal sex for the first time in his life on that trip – but it was with a prostitute – with no condom"

    *RecordScratch* Hold the Fcuk Up!!!!

    Ya see this — that's that BS right here!!! WTF!!!!!!! first of all that prostitute probably was a MAN. *shakingmyhead*

    • ChloeRayne516

      06/28/2012 at 12:21 PM

      *goes back to reading rest of post*

    • Adonis

      06/28/2012 at 12:27 PM

      True

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/28/2012 at 1:17 PM

      That's What I Thought Too

    • NurseJilly

      06/28/2012 at 1:54 PM

      I'm still on that too Chloe… Thats the kind of sh*t that scares the hell out of me.

    • Smilez_920

      06/28/2012 at 2:18 PM

      After he said that all I would have been able to think of is the guy in the "Hangover 2" who slept with the tranny.

      • ChloeRayne516

        06/28/2012 at 2:29 PM

        *Falls Into Grave*

        I know right!!! lmboooo

        that scene was PRICELESS.

        Tranny: We both cum at same time

        Steve: huh. what. how is that even possible?

        Tranny: I cum in you – you cum on floor

        Flat_____lined______

  5. Adonis

    06/28/2012 at 12:30 PM

    Men & women are different, and are defined differently… We are not the same "Lil Wayne" voice… No need to clarify…

    I know the blog-sphere is mostly read by women, and you got to be PC… But differences in men & women will never change & society crumbles when they continue to try to define men & women as similiar

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/28/2012 at 1:19 PM

      I Actually Agree With A Lot Of That…We Complain About Double Standards But Men And Women Are NOT The Same…

    • NurseJilly

      06/28/2012 at 1:56 PM

      I'm a woman and I completely agree with you!! (ducks for cover…) lol

      • Smilez_920

        06/28/2012 at 2:20 PM

        I agree also. This guy I follow always tweets there are no such things as double standard just different standards for men and women. We should be treated equal as human beings and peers. But something's will always be different.

  6. Fembot

    06/28/2012 at 1:31 PM

    Since when is it okay for a man to determine what is slutty or non-slutty for a woman?? This article just attempts to tear women down and obviously ignores the role men play in this scenario..

    GAR-BAGE!

    *Le sigh*

    • Adonis

      06/28/2012 at 1:55 PM

      Attractive men define what women who are acceptable & not acceptable to marry… Just like attractive women who define what men make the cut for s*x…

      Since you are a fembot, don't you consider women in the same league as men, people who can make decisions for themselves… If that is true, then the role that men play is IRRELEVANT…

      Linc ain't tearing no woman down… If anything he wants them to make the best choices for them… Women's poor choices are tearing themselves down…

      FIN

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/28/2012 at 2:03 PM

      Seeing As You Clearly Didn't Read My Post, The Class Rejects Your Faulty Premise..

      <img src="http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/140106-3/Backpacks-thrown-student.gif?"&gt;

      • Vicky

        06/28/2012 at 2:22 PM

        LMFAO!!!!!

      • cynicaloptmst81

        06/28/2012 at 3:12 PM

        LAUGH!OUT!LOUD!

      • mena

        06/28/2012 at 3:22 PM

        So, so cold. :-)

    • Smilez_920

      06/28/2012 at 2:24 PM

      It's not about tearing down women, it actually puts the light on men and their reckless sexual behavior. As a a man or women you have to understand that your sexual behaviors can have a repercussion on other parts of your life. If your fine with what you are doing and it doesn't negatively affect you or others directly then don't worry.

  7. Pingback: When It Comes to Sex…Almost Doesn’t Count Right? « From Ashy to Classy

  8. Tracey

    09/06/2012 at 9:39 AM

    One of the hardest things to deal with is if everyone knows/suspects it.

    I know my nephew can't deal with them because he would literally be in jail if someone were to come up to him and say "I cummed all up in your girl's guts. She's a whore."

    He has a bad temper problem and he can't afford to mess up his life.

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