If You Believe Love Doesn’t Exist & Marriage Doesn’t Work – You’re Only Speaking For YOURSELF

As I was perusing Facebook yesterday afternoon, I came upon a FB status that read: “Long lasting relationships don’t exist/last anymore in our generation. Agree or Disagree? I’m trying to settle a debate.” Though the question was a great discussion starter, I was appalled at the amount of ignorant and clueless young men and women who had the audacity to AGREE – as if THEIR relationship flaws somehow are indicative of everyone else’s “impending failures at Love.”

My Facebook response came in the form of my OWN facebook status where I wrote:

I Love Hearing People Say Bullsh*t Like “Marriage Doesn’t Work” And “Love Doesn’t Exist”..Please Correct Your Statement And Say, That Doesn’t Work Or Exist TO YOU – Just Because No One Wants To Spend Their Life With YOU Doesn’t Say Sh*t About Me And My Love Life

If you want to talk about FAILURES of this generation let’s start with overreacting to generalized and incompetent statements that are intrinsically disproved everyday by couples who cohabitate in successful, loving relationships all around us. I guess it’s easier to shut your eyes and act as if your own pain somehow symbolizes a lost generation of Love and Affection, rather than opening it and witnessing the awesome amount of mutual adoration that is divvied out in large shares between loving couples everyday.

"I don't know what to do fam...THERE'S AN ICEBOX WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE!"

You want to hear the reality of this generation: We are LAZY and WEAK. We get hurt once and never want to give someone our “All” ever again because we are too Lazy to invest in love and too scared we will get hurt, knowing we are too Weak to fully recover. We date without real conviction, meaningful standards, or higher expectations, and end up with whoever’s just around and comfortable because we are Lazy. We choose the wrong people to give our love to, and then we recoil in self-indignant rage and make laughable Facebook & Twitter statuses like “Eff men, this cold world don’t give a damn so neither do I” or “These h0es out here ain’t sh*t and just want thugs, so Imma be dat, nigga” – not knowing all the while they just look like WEAK children crying and starving for positive attention and to be handheld through their personal drama.

"I'mma do me until the bitter end because no one gonna love me like ME!"

When you say you believe love does NOT exist and marriage can NOT work, all you are doing is just revealing how pathetic YOUR love life is and how insecure YOU are. Some of us out here and living and loving and feeling great, and thank GOD we are too busy ENJOYING all that Love brings to attend your sorry-a*s pity party.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

42 Comments

  1. Tyra Love

    01/20/2011 at 12:52 PM

    Very well said!!! I agree with you 100% :)

  2. nadine

    01/20/2011 at 1:09 PM

    I love this…very inspiring!

  3. MzDebbieFields

    01/20/2011 at 1:44 PM

    I really wish I knew why it was so cool to be bitter?? Rihanna says F love and Omarion writes about a heart full of ice and everyone starts acting like they are writing the gospel.#BitterLames

    • The_Mad_HATER

      01/20/2011 at 2:14 PM

      simple…misery loves company!

  4. Nicholas B.

    01/20/2011 at 1:46 PM

    I can honestly say that MOST of my life I was a believer in marriage and knowing that it will work. I don't come from a family where there is a long lasting marriage… or many examples around me that reflect that but I believe that it is something I want in my life.

    I said most of my life because there was a time when that reality wasn't in my scope and that was during the dark days of a relationship failed… I had a shadow of a doubt. Now the key for me was heavy self reflection to realize that condemning myself to a life of relationship solitude without the possibility of parole was only debilitating my own growth. I also learned that I needed to do some work on myself to become a better man not only for a relationship but in general. So after reflecting, and working on myself… I was able to walk free of my self oppression… and live with love. And that's real.

    Much luv people.

    • A Grown Ass Man

      01/20/2011 at 1:51 PM

      "I also learned that I needed to do some work on myself to become a better man not only for a relationship but in general. So after reflecting, and working on myself… I was able to walk free of my self oppression… and live with love. And that's real. "

      Words of a wise man. All to often we never want to look at what role we play in destroying our relationships and we just want to blame everyone else. Props.

      • Nicholas B.

        01/20/2011 at 1:59 PM

        Respect my brother.

    • Kizzy

      01/20/2011 at 2:18 PM

      I LOVE this post, because it reminds me that temporary bitterness is OK, as long as you don't let it consume you and eat you alive.

      Was there a moment or point when you realized you needed that change?

      • Nicholas B.

        01/20/2011 at 2:50 PM

        I don't think there was a point where I could say I had an epiphany… but I think that there is a power of learning to be with yourself… It allows us to reflect on who we are on our own, undefined by who you are in a relationship. So as I began to work on myself generally in terms of career, and goals … it also helped me realize who I need to be in terms of relationships, what I need and what I don't need.

    • Independent Woman

      01/20/2011 at 2:30 PM

      Cute story.

      I hope you are going to include the part where you cheated on her and acted like the rest of these immature little boys breaking young girls hearts…

      • Nicholas B.

        01/20/2011 at 2:44 PM

        Unfortunately there was no such story… There was no cheating on my part… there was suspicion of cheating on her part. And unfortunately we grew apart.

      • Nicholas B.

        01/20/2011 at 2:57 PM

        Thank you… Unfortunately there is no such part in my story of me cheating. There was suspected cheating on her part. Unfortunately our relationship did not last through our suspicion.

        • Independent Woman

          01/20/2011 at 4:36 PM

          What made you think she was cheating? Did you have evidence?

          • Nicholas B.

            01/20/2011 at 5:32 PM

            Unfortunately there was no concrete evidence of her cheating but a change in her overall behaviour and actions led me to believe there was someone else. But that was just a symptom of larger issues within our relationship.

          • Independent Woman

            01/20/2011 at 7:15 PM

            Have you spoken with her since you broke up? Do you think she would be upfront at all now?

  5. African Queen

    01/20/2011 at 2:01 PM

    "We date without real conviction, meaningful standards, or higher expectations, and end up with whoever’s just around and comfortable because we are Lazy. We choose the wrong people to give our love to, and then we recoil in self-indignant rage…." THIS!!!

    I believe in love and marriage. I was 21 when my first relationship ended due to his cheating and lying behind, but I never thought – not once – that this is it, I'm through. I picked myself up and thought to myself that there must be better things out there. And I was right. My openness to and belief in love led me to my incredibly amazing fiancé years later. I think our generation's bought into the bullcrap we're force fed through television and movies about the one who'll "complete me". That's how we got lazy, trying to find someone to complete you instead working on becoming a complete person on your damn own.

    My parents have been together for almost 40 years (married 35). I know that marriage aint a bed of roses, but requires hard work and dedication. I WANT ALLA THAT!!! I remember watching P.S I love you when Daniel said that we don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone……that right therebmade me cry…..

    • MzDebbieFields

      01/20/2011 at 1:43 PM

      Awww..happy for you girl!

    • A Grown Ass Man

      01/20/2011 at 1:53 PM

      I definitely think it's easier to believe in love when you have parents who are a shining example of faith and adoration.

      • DatchikMalix

        01/21/2011 at 9:16 AM

        AGREE 100000%!!!!!!

      • CeeCee

        01/18/2012 at 7:58 AM

        i believe in love and my parents marriage failed terribly and so did both there second marriages… This post summed up perfectly why both marriages failed. They were too weak to commit fully and too lazy to try when things got hard… because "there are more fish in the sea" I look forward to the challenge of marriage and I will go all in. Love exists, but it isnt an unbreakable bond like they tell you in the fairy tales. You CAN fall out of love, its just down to you and your partner to promise not to (marriage) You dont fall out of love over night, so when you feel the strain it's time to do something together to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

        Only two couples in my family have stayed together sinse the first children to the grandchildren and as african queen said… To grow old with someone IS a priviledge. I expect the same man who holds my first born to gaze lovingly as we visit our grandchildren for the first time. In this day and age its too "normal" to kids having different dads, relationships not working and commitments and promises being broken that people are just too lazy to bother to stay true to themselves and WANT for more then failure

      • iluvwhoiluv

        06/15/2012 at 9:39 AM

        Agree.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      01/20/2011 at 1:58 PM

      show these frowsy young niggas how love is done!

  6. hisandhersinks

    01/20/2011 at 6:20 PM

    I really dont have anything more pentrable to offer besides the fact that this was a unique and profound piece. This is the kind of content we need to be reading when we want to hear about relationships. Just a breath of fresh freakin inspiring air this was

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/21/2011 at 1:49 AM

      Thanks

  7. MistaHarsh

    01/20/2011 at 9:56 PM

    Great article. Too often the person with the loudest mouth thinks they speak for the masses. Don't impose your jaded ways on me. I'll take heed but will take my own path.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/21/2011 at 1:50 AM

      Yup It's Always The Loudest Ones…But What Do They Gain From Trying To Recruit Others Into Their Bitter-Ass Fraternity?

  8. Papaya

    01/21/2011 at 4:49 AM

    I agree!! Temporary bitterness is ok!! There are stages to getting back in track once a loved one is lost!! & this post totally relates 2 a post u wrote I forgot what about..I jus remember saying something about the way our generation expresses love has changed! It being diff from our grandparents’ generation!! Good post! I love love!

  9. Shash

    01/21/2011 at 12:17 PM

    You right, completely.

    Its all about self-reflection. People just don't want to do it. Its always easier to project then try to understand why YOU can't find love. Why YOUR last relationship didn't work. Why men have a problem staying or trying to build with YOU. So many girls I know talk about how guys are the problem when I can CLEARLY see the number of issues they have and actions they have taken that will make any man run BUT they don't want to hear any of that. NONE.

    Love exists, relationships work, live-long marriage is a possibility, but just like 10, 20 100 year ago, IT TAKES WORK!!!.

  10. imakesense

    01/21/2011 at 2:13 PM

    Don't let her get you down. You will walk down that aisle with your dimepiece who will cook, clean, eff you, and suck you off, and live happily ever after. Don't give up hope!

  11. ddddddddd

    01/25/2011 at 1:36 PM

    i myself often catch myself saying about my parents "omg why dont they divorce, my dad is so this or my mom is so that." like one little argument should just tank the relationship. but this post and my current relationship helped me realize that arguments can be healthy and they are NORMAL. they are to be expected. you will buck heads and you wont always see eye to eye. but you can just give up everytime something doesnt go your way. how will you ever have anything of substance if you live that way. infact the things you face together and overcome makes the relationship stronger. but were so afraid of failure and too lazy to try that we dont dare to go that extra mile. maybe you could add selfish to that too, we only think about what WE get out of it, not realizing that love takes 2 and its not all about us.

    that being said, Its hard to stay hopeful once youve been badly hurt, but fighting through that and having the strength to have it again makes the rewards you open yourself to later in life all worth it. think of it as, if you stay bitter you could be denying YOURSELF of what you want the most because of someone else who isnt even in your life anymore – that makes no sense. You deny yourself happiness and then blame your stagnant life in misery on others? whats done is done and past is past. dont stay stagnant forever, reflect, heal and move forward. each experience makes you learn and prepares you for the future – it gives you new insight and prepares you for the person god has prepared for you to share your life with.

    its so true when you say our generation is lazy and weak. although madeas family reunion is kind of corny, one of the actresses said a poem and said "love takes courage." we have been raised to believe that everything is instant and just comes easy we forget that we need to work for some things. especially things like relationships and love. these things arent instant. its like love relationships and marriage have been deemd to be easy and instant just like technology. if we dont succeed in it, we try and move on to the next. like if an ipod or cellphone breaks, we throw it out and go buy a new one. things of substance, love trust relationships, do not operate the same way.

    relationships take work and effort on both parts. people forget that relationships. whether in one or out of one, are a battle of constant forgiveness. in a relationship you work with your partner, when youre single or healing from one its still endless forgiveness, of the one who wronged you. forgiveness lets you move forward and move on and grow. whether single or with someone. and in this day and age with all the things challenging hope for meaningful relationships, love and marriage, you need to work extra hard to see through all the negative smog and remember that its worth it.

    thank you for this post. it really reminded me of whats important.

    • ddddddddd

      01/25/2011 at 1:36 PM

      cant just*

    • Beef Bacon

      01/31/2011 at 1:44 PM

      THIS IS the TRUTH.COM! People think that all differences will be reconciles when in fact–they won't. Two people learning to live with each other is no easy task. Why people (young and old) assume it takes only a few tries, I don't know.

      I am sure media has schooled most of us into thinking that quick and easy is the best way…but it is not!

      For those of you who question how our parents did it…they work, forgave and prayed. Love ebbs and flows and you will have those low period, but as long as your partner isn't beating your butt, using drugs or cheating habitaully, there's something to work on.

  12. ddddddddd

    01/25/2011 at 1:50 PM

    truthfully this post made me feel very bad about how ive looked at my parents relationship all these years. whenever they argue i expect that one should just leave, completely forgetting that meaningful relationships require hard work. reading this really put me in check n now im very thankful for them staying together and showing me and my brother a good example. thank u so much for the reality check

  13. NewLove

    02/18/2011 at 11:11 PM

    I LOVE THIS it is well said and really this is so True

    "We are LAZY and WEAK. We get hurt once and never want to give someone our “All” ever again because we are too Lazy to invest in love and too scared we will get hurt, knowing we are too Weak to fully recover. We date without real conviction, meaningful standards, or higher expectations, and end up with whoever’s just around and comfortable because we are Lazy"

    In my case I swore I was in Love @ 16, I'm still married to my first and only man, however I've had to forgive so many times, now I just don't have any feeling theres no Love/Hate. But I am happy for my sisters or girlfriends who can find Love in a funny Marine or a Rapper.
    I'm a believer of Love and still do, I believe just like a Romantic fiction there's alway a price charming out there. We need to still Give Love a try.

  14. Pingback: The Blossom of Parting « Nia's Piece

  15. Jayne

    09/05/2011 at 6:58 AM

    LOL. Cohabitating couples have the highest breakup rate of all … and the highest domestic violence rates. Hope you signed a legal agreement to protect your property and income.

  16. Noah

    10/23/2011 at 1:45 AM

    Ahh please, i disagree. No one truly "loves" someone else. Your relationship isn't really working

  17. Janelle

    01/30/2012 at 10:54 PM

    I believe love doesn't exist for me & i will never marry anyone cuz I'm worthless
    No one wants me by their side
    everytime i love someone they always treat me like trash or don't love me back
    all i want is to be happy & make someone happy
    Ive tried,but ALWAYS failed cuz no one wants my love
    I'm kind,compasionate,loving,loyal,honest,I will do ANYTHING for people in need
    I like helping the environment,I like helping charities,I wish there was 100% peace on Earth.
    Now whenever I start liking someone I'm afraid & start acting like that person doesnt exist,
    & I vow to never show em how I feel & never talk to them,I try to dislike them.
    If i ever fall in TRUE LOVE (like you people call it) I will never show it,I will try to dislike them,& if that doesn't work I will move to some other city because most likely it will ultimately fail as always.I will never have children as much as i love little kids cuz what's the point?
    I think that's silly.When I was a little girl I used to always say I wanted 3 kids & wanted to marry my 'prince charming' like cinderella…but now,Um,no thanks I don't wanna get hurt

    Random:I bet im gonna cry myself to sleep on valentines day cuz I'll be seeing all the happy couples saying 'I Love You' while me being all lonely & lot's of girls in my class recieving roses & lot's of valentines while me nothing…It will be Single Awareness Day for me ;(

    I'm sorry If i offended anybody but that's just what i believe: LOVE does not exist (for me)
    & I don't envy other people that have a special someone I think it's so adorable but It makes me feel sad cuz it reminds me that I don't have one while everyone else seems too…Why ?me???!!!

  18. Janelle

    01/30/2012 at 10:57 PM

    I believe love doesn't exist for me & i will never marry anyone cuz I'm worthless
    No one wants me by their side
    everytime i love someone they always treat me like trash or don't love me back
    all i want is to be happy & make someone happy
    Ive tried,but ALWAYS failed cuz no one wants my love
    I'm kind,compasionate,loving,loyal,honest,I will do ANYTHING for people in need
    I like helping the environment,I like helping charities,I wish there was 100% peace on Earth.
    Now whenever I start liking someone I'm afraid & start acting like that person doesnt exist,
    & I vow to never show em how I feel & never talk to them,I try to dislike them.
    If i ever fall in TRUE LOVE (like you people call it) I will never show it,I will try to dislike them,& if that doesn't work I will move to some other city because most likely it will ultimately fail as always.I will never have children as much as i love little kids cuz what's the point?
    I think that's silly.When I was a little girl I used to always say I wanted 3 kids & wanted to marry my 'prince charming' like cinderella…but now,Um,no thanks I don't wanna get hurt

    Random:I bet im gonna cry myself to sleep on valentines day cuz I'll be seeing all the happy couples saying 'I Love You' while me being all lonely & lot's of girls in my class recieving roses & lot's of valentines while me nothing…It will be Single Awareness Day for me ;(

    I'm sorry If i offended anybody but that's just what i believe: LOVE does not exist (for me)
    & I don't envy other people that have a special someone I think it's so adorable but It makes me feel sad cuz it reminds me that I don't have one while everyone else seems too…Why me?

    I'm 16 turning 17 this month by the way :)

  19. Rasheed

    02/13/2012 at 6:04 PM

    @ Janelle ,, you happen to say two things that sound a bit contradictory to me, one is that you re offering love to people (who mostly don't deserve it) and second you say that "love doesn't exist, I mean how you yourself can offer something you don't have, something that doesn't exist. If you believe that this love thing doesn't exist then you can by no means share with anyone.

  20. B.T.

    06/14/2012 at 4:27 PM

    Linc, as usual, you hit the nail on the head. I'm sick of all these people saying the same things over and over and over. If you believe marriage doesn't work and love doesn't exist, that's on you. Leave me outta that equation. As for me I think love and marriage will happen for me someday. So eff all that negativity.

  21. DivineTrader

    08/03/2012 at 9:21 PM

    Here is something to ponder. Suppose there was no such thing as sexual attraction. i.e. Imagine a world where the energy is similar to that of dear friends. Would man and woman live together and share their lives? No, of course not. So, then tell me, what really is the essence of marriage. I'm not talking love here. Just marriage, the concept of which, is absurd.

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