If You’re Looking For A Good Man – STOP Bragging About How Your PUM-PUM “TUN UP”

OF COURSE she's wife material - she can QUINT it..

As I get older, and slightly more disgusted and disconnected with new urban music and culture, I’ve noticed one troubling shift in the what a lot of ratchet female artists are propagating and what equally, ratchet female listeners are repeating and believing. In my days, women like Lil Kim, Foxy Brown and Lady Saw existed to let niggas know that there are women out there that can OUTF*^K them. So, if you think you are a bedroom bully, just WAIT until you buck up with one of these freaks because they will turn your ass OUT. But I’m noticing that’s not the message anymore – the message nowadays trends more towards “I got a platinum p*ssy which makes me WIFE material!” Ugh, b*tch are you crazy?

This rant was inspired by a vlog I just watched by my fellow Bajan blogger Babbzy who essentially stated that women need to stop asking WHY they don’t have a Cliff Huxtable-esque man in their frowsy-life while they are going into dancehalls dressed like scallywags, dutty-wining on the nasty ass floor. Well ladies, let me explain something about GOOD [high-quality] men: They don’t give a flying F*^K how good your p*ssy is, and by promoting it, all you are doing is devaluing yourself in their eyes and guaranteeing they won’t ever have anything to do with your ass.

Yes ladies you heard me right: In quantifying WIFE material, good men don’t give a F*^K how good your nani is. See, good men are out there searching for good women, and while tight, wet, eye-crossing nani is a dime a dozen these days, qualities like class, self-respect, intelligence, common-sense, ambition, dignity, class, grace, refinement, versatility, broughtupcy [consult a West Indian if you are unsure what that means], decorum, poise, tact and spiritual awareness are so rare and hard to find, that THOSE have become the features of wife material in 2012. Too many women are imitating Nicki Minaj, and not enough are simply embodying Claire Huxtable – so when we come across a Claire, the elasticity of her vaginal walls does NOT become a primary concern.

Let me repeat it again, just in case someone didn’t hear me: When it comes to WIFE material, good men don’t give a F*^K how good your nani is, and hears the main reason why: A good man [mentally, emotionally and PHYSICALLY aware] understands that the one trait a woman can have to completely OVERRIDE a woman with a tun-up pum-pum is sexual open-mindedness. That’s right, a good man will look right past your frowsy, spread-eagled crotch, to find a Claire Huxtable – who is open to exploring her freaky side like Jada Fire or Bella Moretti.

95% of the best sex a man has EVER had, he’s had with a good woman who he loved – but it doesn’t start out that way. Ask any dude about the love of his life and he will tell you the sex ONLY got better – because she was open to learn and adapt to what he liked and vice versa. Her pump-pum may NOT have been tun up at the start but it damn sure got better with time.

So ladies, before you update your next Facebook/Twitter/BBM or Tumblr status to how lethal your nani is, just take a second and REALLY evaluate WHO that message is TRULY going to appeal to – cause it’s not the type of man YOU are trying to settle down with – or who’s even interested in settling down with YOU.

This Is Your Conscience

If you’re looking for a good read on building a quality relationship with your man, make sure to check THIS book out:

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/19/2012 at 4:33 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, I Think It's Fair To Say That A Lot Of Us Have Sex With Someone BEFORE We Get Into A Committed Long-Term Relationship With Them – So With That Said, How Important Is The INITAL Sex To You In Order For You To Keep Dating Them [Considering They Have Everything Else On Lock]?

    Also, If You Don't Believe In Having Sex BEFORE You Are In A Committed Relationship, Explain Why And What Are Some Of The Pros & Cons Of Doing Things That Way In Your Opinion?

    • kash

      06/19/2012 at 12:31 PM

      Its important. if it's like tossing a hotdog down a hallway, or if the ginny smells funky, I'm not seeing her again and I am giving her bus fare home.

      side note – i hate girls would sleep around and then meet a guy that she likes and make him wait. That's not the point. I guy isn't looking for a girl that would make him wait, he is looking for a girl who doesn't sleep around. In order to be wife material you need to have a certain amount of exclusiveness. If everyone can get into the VIP section, how special is the VIP section?

      • MzDebbieFields

        06/19/2012 at 12:37 PM

        So you want her to be a freak out of the blue? That's not how it works…the freak you want is created by her sexual experiences

        • DatchikMalix

          06/19/2012 at 8:14 PM

          oooooorrrrrr a couple that watches porn and learns together….STAYS TOGETHER!!!! you don't have to be "experienced" to be a freak…just have an open mind to try new things w/ ur boo.

    • MistaHarsh

      06/19/2012 at 1:50 PM

      I don't think good sex is a redeeming quality. If she was sub zero in all other traits and we had good sex I'm still inclined not to call her again unless I want to have sex again. If she likes to go dutch when we go out and the initial sex wasn't fireworks I'd still continue knowing that I like being around her and work on making the sex better.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        06/19/2012 at 2:14 PM

        Exactly My Point.

        Underrated Post Of The Day

      • NurseJilly

        06/19/2012 at 2:37 PM

        Well said sir!!

    • petersburgh

      06/20/2012 at 6:37 AM

      When you really looking for that serious person, initial sex is important but not qualifying. When someone you're dating blows your mind, you just want to be around them, talking, laughing maybe fool around a bit that sex becomes almost secondary and even if that first time isn't the bomb you work on it. The truth is I never judge anyone on the first time anyway because most people are nervous and learning the person's body as you can't know it in a day.

      I don't really think I'm qualified to speak on the second question cause I think sex should happen when it does. I believe the best sex you can have sometimes is when both people are thinking it or going with the flow. What I can say is that the pros and cons depends on how in sync your partner is to your beliefs either side

  2. mena

    06/19/2012 at 5:15 AM

    Wait a minute?!? So acting and dressing like Nicki Minaj won't get me a husband?!? D@MN! Social media has hurt a lot of people. Before, you could keep your ratchetness down and show it with only a select few people. Now, bc of twitter, Facebook, TMZ, etc, it is placed on full blast. This post is the truth–it's just sad that it even has to be written.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/19/2012 at 5:57 AM

      It IS Sad That It Even Has To Be Written. Common Sense Is Becomingly Increasingly Less Common These Days.

      • NurseJilly

        06/19/2012 at 11:58 AM


      • ChloeRayne516

        06/19/2012 at 12:30 PM


    • ChloeRayne516

      06/19/2012 at 12:29 PM

      "Wait a minute?!? So acting and dressing like Nicki Minaj won't get me a husband?!? D@MN! "


  3. pe.riche.

    06/19/2012 at 7:01 AM

    I agree with the comment above. It IS a shame that this had to be written. And what's worse, I'm afraid many still won't heed the message.

    You're suppose to be a LADY in the streets and a freak in the bed. NOT a freak every d*mn where you go. Everything ain't everybody's business.

    • MzDebbieFields

      06/19/2012 at 12:11 PM

      I don't know if I agree with the article…there are some h0es who are winning out here without class at all

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/19/2012 at 2:14 PM


    • Raven

      10/23/2015 at 7:41 PM

      That's right. Ain't none of ya business how tun up my pum-pum is…or whatever..

  4. MistaHarsh

    06/19/2012 at 7:55 AM

    That last picture had me cracking up. I'm glad this post followed up the last post. On a good man's top ten must haves list good nani is on the bottom or not even on it at all. Its not about the sexual history its about if you see this person progressing with you through all your life changes.

    like I said before you're going to be older a lot longer than you will be younger.

    • MzDebbieFields

      06/19/2012 at 12:13 PM

      I think good sex is higher than low top tens #BeHonest

  5. single black mother and dating

    06/19/2012 at 9:29 AM

    For me sex is VERY important, and I would have to pass on a "good" man if we are not sexually compatible. There is nothing like being in a sexually frustrating relationship where you are not evenly yoke, where once a week is good for him and you need it more.. He does not have to be a porn star in the bedroom, but he must be able to satisfy me. A healthy sexual relationship is as important as everything else.

    • SMilez_920

      06/19/2012 at 10:19 AM

      I don’t think the author is trying to say that a good man isn’t looking for a woman he is sexually compatible with. He is looking for a woman who has more than just sex to sell. A lot of women don’t realize that the reason they only get men who want to f@ck is because all they have to bring to the table is pu@ssy and nothing more. The women above were acting ratchet, I’m sure if you were a man you wouldn’t want to see a picture of your wife or serious girlfriend from last night at the club and she’s busting it open on the floor with her panties showing.

      • single black mother and dating

        06/19/2012 at 10:42 AM

        I understand the article, I was responding to his questions above.

        • Smilez_920

          06/19/2012 at 10:45 AM

          opps sorry im doing this off my phone so everything does'nt always load ..

      • Raven

        10/23/2015 at 7:45 PM

        Nah, SMiles…You can be decent and still get men who just want the panties..

    • MzDebbieFields

      06/19/2012 at 12:10 PM

      Um, everything doesn't happen immediately….some people can take an entire year before they find their sexual groove…so if you would lose a good man over that then you will let a good guy walk away

      • single black mother and dating

        06/19/2012 at 12:27 PM

        what? a year? NO WAY!!! maybe if we were both virgins!!! also what constitute a "Good Man" is that you are compatible on ALL levels….if its only about paying the bills, I have that covered AND I care for my 2 children!! in the end I think everyone's idea of a "good man" is very different….for some women its that he has a job and he does not cheat…its just that simple for some. Everyone standards is different.

        • MzDebbieFields

          06/19/2012 at 12:36 PM

          So if you meet a good man you will give him a week to make you squirt and then throw him away??? Sorry hun, but no man is perfect…teach him how to make you cum instead of finding a bad man who will do it

          • single black mother and dating

            06/19/2012 at 12:52 PM

            First of all DO NOT refer to me as "hun" and secondly how dare you assume that because I am vocal about sex means I am in bed with a man after a week of knowing him??!! and lastly, what I am advocating on this thread is that sexual chemistry and compatibility is equally as necessary as all the other character traits that defines a "good man" I am a mature woman and I date mature men late 40's and early 50's I am NOT teaching any man at that age a damn thing about sex!! its either the chemistry is there or its not. The End!

          • MzDebbieFields

            06/19/2012 at 1:03 PM

            1st take a chill pill. Thanks

            2nd I didn't say you would have sex with him in a week, but it sounds like you would only give him one week to prove he's good in bed.

            3rd Sexual chemistry has to be built between two people most of the time! It's possible for sex to be amazing right off the bat but sometimes you have to work at it!

          • MistaHarsh

            06/19/2012 at 1:54 PM

            this is an honest question: if sex is so important to you and you're not looking for someone to pay bills or take care of you why are you dating 40 and 50 year olds? If you don't want to rock the cradle, fine why not date 30 somethings?

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            06/19/2012 at 2:13 PM

            Good Point.

          • single black mother and dating

            06/19/2012 at 2:59 PM

            I am am almost 40 years old I am dating in my age group and up to a 10 year difference because I am a single Balck mother therefore I have leave some wiggle room in hopes of meeting a mature gentleman who understands the value of family and family life and would welcome the opportunity to be apart of an instant family. My children are young they are not on their way out. A man in his early 50's maojority of the time had already experience raising children his is usually out of the house and he would love to do it again. A woman who is almost 40 tend to have to date a man slightly older as men today in their 40's tend to date younger women, you know all this. I am looking for what every woman is looking for "her perfect package"

          • MistaHarsh

            06/19/2012 at 3:40 PM

            I appreciate your honesty and everyone's entitled to their preference. I just don't see a man in his 40s or 50s giving you the volume of sex you're looking for and if they can that it won't last since that CPP will kick in soon, I kid, I kid.

            It seems like the other qualities you want in a man are important to you as well and will become more important as you get older. So I hope short term good sex wont cloud your vision when its the other qualities that last longer.

          • single black mother and dating

            06/19/2012 at 7:49 PM

            I was at the dentist office awaiting part 2 of the root canal and I swear your respond had me shaking more. I will tell you what I know for SURE when someone is in a relationship and is NOT getting what they desire the do one of two things A. Get it on the side or B. get the hell out of the relationship….if sex is not important to you then you will not understand this. I have never lived small I am well traveled and worldly beyond my years I have seen it too many times in men and women equally….there are women who married for love even though money is important to them and end up with lovers who BUY them things! men who loved her but the sex was never to his standards and end up with multiple affairs married for 27 years been having an affair for 22 this is going on in everyone's backyard every second of the day and I call it DRAMA I would rather wait for someone who meets ALL my standards they are NOT out of this world.

            and FYI between myself and the ladies I know, there are too many older gentleman out there who need to teach some of these young men how to be a lover and that its NOT about how big and hard or how fast and furious!! sex is spiritual…but that's a whole other subject.

          • MistaHarsh

            06/19/2012 at 10:00 PM

            you're not getting that desire comes in different forms and cheating can stem from a desire that's far from sexual. There are many couples who have open marriages because they value the other qualities in their partner more than it being about the sex itself and are happy.

            Another thing. Although your standards are not out of this world you do realize you are a single black mother in her late 30s still dating – at what point do you tweak your search or come to the realization that you're secretly not looking to be with anyone?

      • MistaHarsh

        06/19/2012 at 1:41 PM

        you actually sound rational here…

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          06/19/2012 at 2:12 PM

          SMH at your backhanded compliment…only I'm suppose to be making those LOL

  6. Vicky

    06/19/2012 at 10:20 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, I Think It's Fair To Say That A Lot Of Us Have Sex With Someone BEFORE We Get Into A Committed Long-Term Relationship With Them – So With That Said, How Important Is The INITAL Sex To You In Order For You To Keep Dating Them [Considering They Have Everything Else On Lock?

    4 words – Gotta try everything twice!

  7. Anton

    06/19/2012 at 2:26 PM

    Honestly sexual compatibility is important and having a pom pom that tun up, quintable, or Slurpee or what ever else dem does call it these days is an asset that as a man I sure as hell can appreciate. But at the end of the day ladies when you when you step out looking all ratchet and shit what image are you projecting and what am I supposed to be paying attention to? you the person with a personality, feelings and emotions or the poom that your exposing to everyone and rubbing all over the floor i just stepped on? But wait showing off the poom is supposed to be ok rite because how else is your perspective husband supposed to know you can pick small bits of lint off the floor with it…..
    See the sad thing so many women are forgetting is when you do that and you behave like that you lose the main elements that will draw a man of worth's attention to you. you lose your individuality, personality, allure and your appeal and you reduce yourself to just another dime a dozen chick that mite be good for a quickie if that much….And in a world where its hard enough to get people to see you for who you are as a person and not for your body, social status, material assets, etc… I have no idea why you would want to misrepresent yourselves so badly.
    When you show everything you have and all the lil tricks you can do that just means there is nothing special left for me, nothing for my eyes only because after last night at the club any and everyone knows about that grade A tattoo on you left butt cheek. But hey that's just the way I see it

    • ChloeRayne516

      06/19/2012 at 3:47 PM

      Check. Mate.!!!!!

    • NurseJilly

      06/19/2012 at 3:54 PM

      Love this!! Very well said sir.

  8. China

    06/19/2012 at 3:33 PM

    "When you show everything you have and all the lil tricks you can do that just means there is nothing special left for me, nothing for my eyes only because after last night at the club any and everyone knows about that grade A tattoo on you left butt cheek. "

    Glad to know that they are men that are able to have this thought process.

    Women are taught from a young age that they have to compete for a man. For these ladies this is their arena. They take it a step to far with trying to outdo each other. They let themselves get drawn out and loose themselves.
    They are lost in the competition and don't realize what they are actually competing for. A bunch of losers.

  9. DatchikMalix

    06/19/2012 at 8:22 PM

    what does it even MEAN for ones pumpum to be "Tun Up"??? it sounds like a procedure and dangerous…
    …i choose life.

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  12. Raven

    10/23/2015 at 7:08 PM

    Yaaas!!! Broughtupcy!!! I haven't heard that since dating my Jamaican Ex..I fuc*ing love this blog. Lincoln, you have a fan for life.

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