Ladies, This Is A MUST-READ: Are You A MWB?!

The ULTIMATE MWB-Relationship EVER captured on film

I have a couple homegirls going through issues with the men in their lives, and the issues are so closely related, I just HAD to compress them all into ONE post. The language of this post is going to be slightly gross [In an Oedipus complex type of way] but this is a topic I have YET to touch one that affects MANY women and it’s time to speak on it: Ladies, you may be in a relationship with a man RIGHT now, where you are a MWB - A MOTHER with benefits.

Yes you heard me right – you may be a MOTHER with benefits. If the dude you are currently seeing is giving off extremely CONFUSING and CONTRADICTORY vibes that make you wonder how serious he is and if he’s possibly bi-polar, the sad possibility is that he NEEDS you in his life, but not exactly the way you THINK he does. He says he loves you, he cares for you and he never wants to see you with anyone else – yet he doesn’t ACT the way a man serious about wifing up a woman SHOULD act. So today, I want to present you ladies with a highly disturbing look into the dysfunction of some men’s minds.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to decipher if you are currently a MWB:

1. He Loves You Because You’re There For Him – But Is He Ever Really There For You?

A mother’s main ongoing job [in her sons' eyes] is to emotionally support him through tough times. Many boys and men NEED their mother’s should to lean on, and ear to listen to what they are going through and be the ROCK they need to move forward positively. The truth is, some men don’t have that with their mother – but they have it with YOU. Now, that’s all good if the emotional dependence and support is reciprocated – but if it’s NOT, that means he views your support the same way a boy looks to his momma, instead of how a grown ass man interacts with his woman.

2. He Is Extremely Jealous Of Other Men Getting Close To You – But What’s His REAL Problem?

Most grown ass men in undefined relationships will eventually want that closed-loop to come to a resolution [whether it's becoming officially-something or just ending the benefits-stage] but in the mean time, he MAY get a little jealous of the fact that you are both able to date and see other people because your relationship is still essentially open. Well, the thing about SON-friends [not boyfriends] is that they NEED their MWB to constantly be the most important woman in their life, even if they are NOT together. His jealousy doesn’t derive from what happens with your nani, as much as it is about him being SCARED that you may fall in love and have NO time to mother him anymore.

3. Does He Pop In-And-Out Of Your Life On A Whim?

SONfriends need their mothers attention desperately at specific times, whereas men in relationships want their woman’s attention all the time. So, as his MWB, the SONfriend can step out of your life on a whim, disappear for a minute while he’s out doing other things [and possibly other women] and then magically REAPPEAR, especially when times are tough.

4. Does He Say He LOVES You, But The Relationship Never Gets Serious?

FYI: Friends with benefits NEVER say the L-word under ANY circumstance unless it’s between the words “I” and “Your wet nani.” If you have a dude in your life that says he LOVES you [convincingly enough to make you BELIEVE it] but he never DOES the things a grown ass man does to show his woman he LOVES her, then he loves you as a MOMMA and not as an actual significant other. The truth is he DOES love what you bring into his life – but he isn’t interested in YOU being much more than a Momma-replacement.

Ladies, there are a LOT of SONfriends out there who you may be talking to right now. He loves you for all the WRONG reasons, he doesn’t support you but heavily relies on your support, and he wants you ALL to himself but he will NEVER give you the high-quality wife treatment you so deserve. The fact is, he wants you as a MOTHER-With-Benefits. He wants you to take care of him, support him, be there for him and give him unconditional love, although he doesn’t give you ANY of the above. If you have NEVER experienced this count yourself lucky and smart, but if you are currently going through a relationship with a dude like this, PLEASE remember you deserve someone who cares about YOU sometimes too.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

17 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/25/2012 at 4:55 AM

    Ladies, Have You Ever Been In An MWB Situation?

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Is There Any Definitive Ways To Tell The Difference Between A SONfriend And A Regular Dude In YOUR Opinion? Do You Believe SONfriends Exist?

    • Unknown

      06/27/2012 at 7:49 AM

      I agree, dealing with one right now.Thanks for highlighting that.

  2. Aquarian

    06/25/2012 at 7:15 AM

    Get out my head Lincoln……I made dem same statements all frigging week!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/25/2012 at 12:56 PM

      You're Dating A SONfriend?! Or Are You Just Counselling A Friend Who Is?

  3. FeleciaMaria

    06/25/2012 at 7:26 AM

    I find this post so enlighting and will be sharing with quite a few of my friends. Thanks :)

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/25/2012 at 12:57 PM

      Thanks For Reading FeleciaMaria..I Hope You Are Not A MWB!

  4. Mz_Mimi

    06/25/2012 at 9:42 AM

    OH SHIT!!! I believe I am a MWB!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      06/25/2012 at 12:57 PM

      Oh Snap..How DId That End Up Happening??

  5. divaontheradio

    06/25/2012 at 2:22 PM

    I had no idea that there was such a thing as MWB, but now that I think of it, I think I could be one… but I'm not sure because the person I believe I'm a MWB actually says he wants more but there are some issues with the relationship.

    I don't think I have an issue with being a MWB as long as I know up front. Nothing wrong with that, everyone needs someone to talk to…

    • 2cool4school

      06/25/2012 at 3:02 PM

      Im really glad you mentioned this, some women have no issues with the MWB title. They may take the guy as being DIY project and relish in the fact that he needs them, or they might have seen alot of women constantly suffering because of their loyalty to there man and feel that he wouldn't make it if she left him. My advice – get a dog

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        06/25/2012 at 3:24 PM

        Hilarious!

  6. divaontheradio

    06/25/2012 at 3:09 PM

    <div id="idc-comment-msg-div-389274284" class="idc-message"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(389274284)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a style="text-decoration: none;" class="idc-share-facebook" href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.thisisyourconscience.com%2F2012%2F06%2Fladies-this-is-a-must-read-are-you-a-mwb%2F#IDComment389274284&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20Ladies%2C%20This%20Is%20A%20MUST-READ%3A%20Are%20You%20A%20MWB%3F!" target="_new"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(389274284)">Close MessageGet a dog, are you going to be paying the vet bill and all the expenses that come with a pet? Having a dog is like having a kid, so your advice isn't realistic …

  7. Kizzy

    06/25/2012 at 3:42 PM

    I could never be an MWB…I need a man not a boy SMH

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  10. Deborrah

    06/30/2012 at 3:45 PM

    Women fall for this mess because they are easily distracted with words. Few women are taught not to listen to a word men say, but instead to watch what men DO. If he ain't DOING crap, kick him to the curb and do it movin! Negros know that most women are rather simple and distracted by shiny things, easily gamed on because females are too trusting of men. Religion teaches black women that men are leaders, to be followed, to be given power. However black women fail to remember that says HUSBAND, not "knucklehead baby daddy or fool you just met at the club last week."

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