I have a couple homegirls going through issues with the men in their lives, and the issues are so closely related, I just HAD to compress them all into ONE post. The language of this post is going to be slightly gross [In an Oedipus complex type of way] but this is a topic I have YET to touch one that affects MANY women and it’s time to speak on it: Ladies, you may be in a relationship with a man RIGHT now, where you are a MWB - A MOTHER with benefits.
Yes you heard me right – you may be a MOTHER with benefits. If the dude you are currently seeing is giving off extremely CONFUSING and CONTRADICTORY vibes that make you wonder how serious he is and if he’s possibly bi-polar, the sad possibility is that he NEEDS you in his life, but not exactly the way you THINK he does. He says he loves you, he cares for you and he never wants to see you with anyone else – yet he doesn’t ACT the way a man serious about wifing up a woman SHOULD act. So today, I want to present you ladies with a highly disturbing look into the dysfunction of some men’s minds.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to decipher if you are currently a MWB:
1. He Loves You Because You’re There For Him – But Is He Ever Really There For You?
A mother’s main ongoing job [in her sons’ eyes] is to emotionally support him through tough times. Many boys and men NEED their mother’s should to lean on, and ear to listen to what they are going through and be the ROCK they need to move forward positively. The truth is, some men don’t have that with their mother – but they have it with YOU. Now, that’s all good if the emotional dependence and support is reciprocated – but if it’s NOT, that means he views your support the same way a boy looks to his momma, instead of how a grown ass man interacts with his woman.
2. He Is Extremely Jealous Of Other Men Getting Close To You – But What’s His REAL Problem?
Most grown ass men in undefined relationships will eventually want that closed-loop to come to a resolution [whether it’s becoming officially-something or just ending the benefits-stage] but in the mean time, he MAY get a little jealous of the fact that you are both able to date and see other people because your relationship is still essentially open. Well, the thing about SON-friends [not boyfriends] is that they NEED their MWB to constantly be the most important woman in their life, even if they are NOT together. His jealousy doesn’t derive from what happens with your nani, as much as it is about him being SCARED that you may fall in love and have NO time to mother him anymore.
3. Does He Pop In-And-Out Of Your Life On A Whim?
SONfriends need their mothers attention desperately at specific times, whereas men in relationships want their woman’s attention all the time. So, as his MWB, the SONfriend can step out of your life on a whim, disappear for a minute while he’s out doing other things [and possibly other women] and then magically REAPPEAR, especially when times are tough.
4. Does He Say He LOVES You, But The Relationship Never Gets Serious?
FYI: Friends with benefits NEVER say the L-word under ANY circumstance unless it’s between the words “I” and “Your wet nani.” If you have a dude in your life that says he LOVES you [convincingly enough to make you BELIEVE it] but he never DOES the things a grown ass man does to show his woman he LOVES her, then he loves you as a MOMMA and not as an actual significant other. The truth is he DOES love what you bring into his life – but he isn’t interested in YOU being much more than a Momma-replacement.
Ladies, there are a LOT of SONfriends out there who you may be talking to right now. He loves you for all the WRONG reasons, he doesn’t support you but heavily relies on your support, and he wants you ALL to himself but he will NEVER give you the high-quality wife treatment you so deserve. The fact is, he wants you as a MOTHER-With-Benefits. He wants you to take care of him, support him, be there for him and give him unconditional love, although he doesn’t give you ANY of the above. If you have NEVER experienced this count yourself lucky and smart, but if you are currently going through a relationship with a dude like this, PLEASE remember you deserve someone who cares about YOU sometimes too.
This Is Your Conscience