Earlier today I read that Halle Berry was ordered by the court to give her baby-father $20K a month in child support. Although I love Halle, I did a little two-step in my living room, just for the fact that a WOMAN can finally feel what it’s like to get screwed by the legal system in a child support case [and hopefully more judgements like this will come along]. The comments section of the blog I was reading this on was full of a lot of surprising comments about how the decision is BS and “poor” Halle is being taken advantage of [although if HE had to pay HER 20K, none of them would say a DAMN thing, but I digress], but the one comment that struck me as weird was one woman essentially saying “See this is why women need to stay away from marrying these broke ass men” which was followed by a whole heap of women LIKING her comment and then subsequently repeating her point about women only marrying dudes with money so when they leave them they don’t end up being screwed over [although Halle was never married to dude]. The point is, it opened my eyes to the fact that MANY women [as well as MANY men] have such a F*^KED-UP perspective on marriage, it’s no wonder some people avoid the institution all together.
Ladies, it’s time to have a REAL, open and honest conversation about marriage and why many men object to it, that is not predicated on outdated, corny and downright insulting ideologies. Whenever we talk about men and their aversion to getting hitched, we always joke around and laugh about the stereotypical male issues with marriage such as committing to one vagina for the rest of their lives,and being a neutered house pet until the day they die, but we never REALLY peel beneath the surface and look at things from a deeper aspect. Although some of men’s objections to marriage are predicated in childish thought, one of the MAIN [and highly overlooked] reasons men don’t want to get married is our insecurity of our society’s allegiance to marriage.
Allow me to explain. Back in the days [regardless of what their individual motives were] marriage was seen as a life-long institution where two people came together as one until the day they died. Nowadays, marriage sometimes seems like some sh*t you just SHOULD do to be a “good” couple, with the lifelong intent of the act nowhere to be seen. The realization I came to last night is that I have NO faith in our society’s understanding that marriage is NOT just about a wedding, exchanging rings and a “legitimate” reason to have kids, but it’s actually an eternal commitment to one another that is suppose to transcend time. As much as I PERSONALLY feel that I can and will find love, marriage and happiness, I MORE than understand why many guys just say F*^K it, and become anti-marriage. These men do NOT hate the idea of being married – they HATE the fact that so many women approach marriage as the final step of dating, instead of the first step of their now conjoined lives.
So ladies, when a man says he is UNSURE of his feelings about being married, he’s NOT necessarily saying he’s against it – the truth is, there are MANY men out there who are completely for it, but are just simply losing faith that marriage is still a respected, reverent and relevant institution in the minds of OTHERS.
But to those men who feel that, I will say this: If you really WANT to be married, the WORST thing you can do is deprive yourself based on what OTHER people go through.
This Is Your Conscience