Ladies, This Is The Underrated Truth On Why Some Men NEVER Want To Get Married

Earlier today I read that Halle Berry was ordered by the court to give her baby-father $20K a month in child support. Although I love Halle, I did a little two-step in my living room, just for the fact that a WOMAN can finally feel what it’s like to get screwed by the legal system in a child support case [and hopefully more judgements like this will come along]. The comments section of the blog I was reading this on was full of a lot of surprising comments about how the decision is BS and “poor” Halle is being taken advantage of [although if HE had to pay HER 20K, none of them would say a DAMN thing, but I digress], but the one comment that struck me as weird was one woman essentially saying “See this is why women need to stay away from marrying these broke ass men” which was followed by a whole heap of women LIKING her comment and then subsequently repeating her point about women only marrying dudes with money so when they leave them they don’t end up being screwed over [although Halle was never married to dude]. The point is, it opened my eyes to the fact that MANY women [as well as MANY men] have such a F*^KED-UP perspective on marriage, it’s no wonder some people avoid the institution all together.

Ladies, it’s time to have a REAL, open and honest conversation about marriage and why many men object to it, that is not predicated on outdated, corny and downright insulting ideologies. Whenever we talk about men and their aversion to getting hitched, we always joke around and laugh about the stereotypical male issues with marriage such as committing to one vagina for the rest of their lives,and being a neutered house pet until the day they die, but we never REALLY peel beneath the surface and look at things from a deeper aspect. Although some of men’s objections to marriage are predicated in childish thought, one of the MAIN [and highly overlooked] reasons men don’t want to get married is our insecurity of our society’s allegiance to marriage. 

Allow me to explain. Back in the days [regardless of what their individual motives were] marriage was seen as a life-long institution where two people came together as one until the day they died. Nowadays, marriage sometimes seems like some sh*t you just SHOULD do to be a “good” couple, with the lifelong intent of the act nowhere to be seen. The realization I came to last night is that I have NO faith in our society’s understanding that marriage is NOT just about a wedding, exchanging rings and a “legitimate” reason to have kids, but it’s actually an eternal commitment to one another that is suppose to transcend time. As much as I PERSONALLY feel that I can and will find love, marriage and happiness, I MORE than understand why many guys just say F*^K it, and become anti-marriage. These men do NOT hate the idea of being married – they HATE the fact that so many women approach marriage as the final step of dating, instead of the first step of their now conjoined lives.

So ladies, when a man says he is UNSURE of his feelings about being married, he’s NOT necessarily saying he’s against it – the truth is, there are MANY men out there who are completely for it, but are just simply losing faith that marriage is still a respected, reverent and relevant institution in the minds of OTHERS.

But to those men who feel that, I will say this: If you really WANT to be married, the WORST thing you can do is deprive yourself based on what OTHER people go through.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

77 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    06/21/2012 at 6:23 AM

    Ladies And Gentlemen, Do You Feel Our Society's Perception Of Marriage As A LIFELONG Union Has Changed Today?! Do We Look At Marriage In A Less Important Way Nowadays?

  2. todd

    06/21/2012 at 7:07 AM

    He wouldn't have gotten 20 grand if he was black. We all know caucasians stick together in the court of law. Both black men and women need to think about that before getting involved in an interracial union. Plenty have been screwed already.

  3. ChloeRayne516

    06/21/2012 at 9:03 AM

    Honestly I don't think it's society on a whole but moreso men than women who 's perception on marriage has changed. Women for the most part still look at marriage as a union/bond in hopes of building a family and life together BUT menfolk today see it as a trap for that women to try to COME UP in the end she's taking him to the cleaners.. *smdhhard* how many times have we heard a man say "Ain't no beyotch getting my money".

  4. petersburgh

    06/21/2012 at 9:19 AM

    I think society has changed the perception. Women tend to look at it as security be it financial or to "lock down a man" or whatever have you and men look at it as a trap (Of course I'm generalising here). I find some women tend to focus on the wedding too much and when that high is gone, well pretty much everything else is and some men do it to "keep' the women home while they gallivant. To put it blunt we messed up our own perception of marriage as well as our children's.

  5. single black mother and dating

    06/21/2012 at 9:25 AM

    Child Support means the child is living with him and if that is the case she needs to help pay for the child, also no one request a specific amount for child support it is based on a yearly salary. she happens to make a lot of money so $20,000 is what it amounts to. Off course he does not need that much money per month but the courts cannot adjust the child support percentage law as they choose, its usually 15% of a yearly salary for 1 child and 17% and more for additional children. This is only about the laws nothing personal.

    With regards to Marriage and how it is viewed by adults today, for me it is simple if you came from a emotionally fucked up family then your views on ANY form of commitment is going to be negative, and that is whats going on, adults who are emotionally fucked up dating and marrying and what they really need is to fix themselves emotionally FIRST so they can understand their value to a relationship and the value of a commitment.

  6. cynicaloptmst81

    06/21/2012 at 10:20 AM

    Man! I went on a FB rant about this mess yesterday. First of all, I am TOTALLY AGAINST the way they calculate how much child support you should get. If you have joint custody of a child, you should NOT have to pay child support. You should simply split all fees associated with the childs upbringing. You're both paying for homes to house the child, clothes, etc. I must be the Ex of the Century! I WAIVED…that's right…WAIVED child support!!! Why? Cause I'm educated and employed with my own good money and I can afford to pay my half of our children's fees without penalizing him cause he happens to make more money than me.

  7. SMilez_920

    06/21/2012 at 10:39 AM

    Marriage… Heck committed relationships in this society have become a joke. I got on twitter sometimes and see all the men vs. women relationship rants going on and just log off. Like someone stated above a lot of people are emotionally unstable. I also think a lot of people view marriage as a sacrifice instead of looking at it as an addition. Instant gratification also plays a huge role.

  8. single black mother and dating

    06/21/2012 at 10:52 AM

    Anyone who waives their child's/ children rights to child support is not thinking wisely. If you do not need the money then you place in in an IRA for the child/children' future, college, starting a business of their own etc… this would be a nice way to give them a head start. A financial freedom is an amazing gift to give to our children.

  9. MistaHarsh

    06/21/2012 at 11:07 AM

    When I heard this I laughed because after Eric benet it seemed like Halle sworn off dating black men and marriage. Now she's dealing with 20k more drama having dated a white man who's her baby daddy….oh the irony

  10. single black mother and dating

    06/21/2012 at 11:15 AM

    Everyone needs a financial adviser ESPECIALLY single parents! Even Affluent women and men accept child support! this is along the line of why children of wealthy families and celebrities qualifies and accepts scholarships…because it belongs to the child. Its great you have that trust with your ex husband that is in fact preparing for your children's future, most people do not have this trust and the courts are needed.

  11. kash

    06/21/2012 at 12:29 PM

    They need to eliminate child support and force parents to be in their children's life. Parents should have to live as close as possible, by law. As well, it should be manditory for children to spend equal amount of time with both parents. Nobody pays child support. They should both work and split the cost of the child. There are many reasons this is a good idea. The one that relates to the topic at hand is that, if these restrictions are enforced, the child benefits and people will become more concerned with the kind of people they sleep with.
    We are a society that tries to avoid consequences. This is a problem because consequences keeps society in check. Right now we are getting looser and looser. Which leads me to my next point.
    By my standards the amount of women that are "wifey material" is at a all time low. As Chappelle says "THE STOCKS OF PUSSY PLUMMETING"… rapidly.

  12. Adrian

    06/21/2012 at 12:56 PM

    SO much TRUTH here, this article is so damn quotable. I'm about to get my Dave Hester on!
    "…although if HE had to pay HER 20K, none of them would say a DAMN thing.."
    YUUUP!

    " …I have NO faith in our society’s understanding that marriage is NOT just about a wedding, exchanging rings and a “legitimate” reason to have kids, but it’s actually an eternal commitment to one another that is suppose to transcend time."
    YUUUPPP!!!

    "These men do NOT hate the idea of being married – they HATE the fact that so many women approach marriage as the final step of dating, instead of the first step of their now conjoined lives."
    <Deep Breath>YYYUUUUUPPPP!!!!

    How is it that of everything I’ve read on this subject, you’re the ONLY one that’s talking sense?!
    Smh. WTF is happening with the world we live in? Smh

  13. cynicaloptmst81

    06/21/2012 at 1:15 PM

    My bad for using your post as a soapbox, Linc (can I call you Linc?), LOL! Let me say something regarding the topic…

    "…the truth is, there are MANY men out there who are completely for it, but are just simply losing faith that marriage is still a respected, reverent and relevant institution in the minds of OTHERS." <— AGREED! However, there is nothing wrong with only fathering children with men that can pull their weight to support them in a manner that you both deem appropriate. And not after you break up but during the relationship!!!! You shouldn't make a life-long anything with folks who can't/won't/don't pull their weight. Why not weigh that as you're picking a husband? Living life is not free, lol. Ain't no women happy with a man she's supporting. That's why J.Lo makes Casper earn his perks, lol. I want a life-long commitment to my partner…my bff. But, TRUST, we ain't seeing eye-to-eye to partner doing ANYTHING if you can't be a strong financial contributor in this relationship!!! Hmph! LOL.

  14. Crystals_Back

    06/21/2012 at 1:49 PM

    Great post and it came at a great moment too! I'm getting married this summer and me and my man have been together for over 5 YEARS…

    The reason I bring that up is because my friends use to tell me that he's taking too long to propose and I had to let them know that no matter how many years it takes, we wanted to make sure that when we walk down the aisle it's forever, not just a season…We now know that we are meant to be together forever and we are fully in love….Your true love is out there but don't think there's anything wrong with knowing every inch about that person inside and out so you make sure you both know what you're getting into

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