This past Sunday [June 24th] I was blessed with the opportunity to speak at Goddess Intellect’s “Battle Of The Sexes” event again [and ALL y’all who missed it, TRULY missed out on a great night] and at the start of the night I was locked in a very interesting conversation regarding condom usage. I stated that if I had been seriously dating a woman for a month and just before the first time we were about to hook up, she pulled reached in a 12-pack condom box and pulled out the last 5 left, with a receipt next to it stating that the box was bought 15 days ago, I would have QUESTIONS for her. I never stated I would be upset or angry or disappointed, but we would need to DISCUSS a few things. That statement RILED up the women there and I even got locked in a HEATED debate with this one chick during the first intermission because of it. She didn’t understand why I would have ANY questions for the woman in that scenario and essentially attempted to label me an old-school misogynist, but looking back on that entire condom discussion at the event, I NEVER really explained myself properly – so I will do that NOW.
I am NOT looking for a GIRLFRIEND – I’m searching for a WIFE. I remember YEARS ago, I had an older woman tell me she wasn’t interested in dating me because she was NOT looking for a BOYFRIEND, she’s looking for a HUSBAND – which I thought was the stupidest comment I’ve ever heard. I said “How in the hell do you think you are gonna find a husband without being boyfriend and girlfriend first? Why don’t you just get a damn arranged marriage!” And she calmly looked at me and replied “You just don’t get it – but don’t worry love, you will understand when you are older.” And being young and “all-knowing” I felt she was talking a load of SH*T – but now that I AM older, I realize she was 100% correct. I didn’t get it AT ALL, but now that I do, I’m completely on her wavelength.
If there’s one thing that I, and many other men out there, have perfected it’s how to be single and navigate through “The Game.” See when you are single and not completely serious, you go out and date, you have fun and you may even find yourself someone you can stand enough to make an exclusive commitment too and start going out. Being less than 100% serious lends itself to you choosing to date someone who isn’t exactly what you want, or what you’re looking for or what you would even consider long-term potential, but you’re willing to “try a ting” and see how it all works out. That USE to be me.
I’m FAR removed from that guy. That guy didn’t care about long term potential and building a life with you, because I wasn’t seriously pursuing a partner to join him on this journey through life. That guy didn’t care where you were or where you were headed because we just lived day-to-day and took things as they came. That guy especially didn’t give a DAMN if the woman he was seeing was sleeping with Tom, Dick & Harry, because I strapped the condom on tight and could just as easily lay-up under any Tomika, Diva & Helen if I wanted to too. That guy WASN’T serious.
But NOW, I don’t just want a girlfriend that I accept KNOWING there’s no REAL long term potential, because I WANT to build a life with you. And YES, I DO care about who’s tapping your nani NOW, because if your p*ssy is still being flung around the community, you are simply NOT the woman I want to date SERIOUSLY. Understand, I am NOT saying you’re a bad person or you’re NOT wife material, but what I am saying is that if I’m dating a woman for a month, I want us to be focused romantically on EACH OTHER and that’s IT. And before you cry about double-standards, understand that I will NOT be flinging any part of my balls or richard around ANY other women while we are dating. Once we start dating, I’m ALL IN, so how can you be mad at me when I see that you’re still making side bets?
Simply put, I will NEVER ask her where her nani has been in past, because that’s NONE of my business [and vice versa], but I DO expect to know where her nani is going TODAY as well as it’s VERY recent history [as in the timeframe we started dating]. So if I was dating a woman, and we got physical and she produced a condom out of a fresh box, I would WONDER if I’m the only man she’s seeing, yet HOPE that she just bought that condom recently because SHE wanted to get it in with ME and got them for US alone [unknowingly dating an engaged woman for 3 months can do that to a man]. The reality is, I would NEVER find myself in a situation like that because I would clarify MY expectations on exclusive dating with her as SOON as we began to talk.
Now I’m NOT saying a man isn’t serious about life or dating unless he wants to get married because that’s simply NOT true. All I’m saying is that you can CRITICIZE my expectations in what I want out of a relationship all day, and you definitely DON’T have to adhere to ANY of them – but all that proves to me, is that you are simply NOT the right woman for ME to get serious with.
This Is Your Conscience
Becoming a couple is ONE thing – maintaining a successful relationship is another. This is definitely a great read for anyone looking for ways to cultivate a happy relationship.