You Know Why You’re Undateable? Because You’re In PROFESSIONAL PURGATORY

I Just pray she's on her way to work - at a career she LOVES

To all those of you who could not attend Battle Of The Sexes this Sunday here in Toronto, you missed an AMAZING event. There were a lot of hilarious and honesty comments from the audience, but one of the main insightful comments I remember hearing came from a young woman who was stating the questions she initially asks a man she could be interested in when she first meets him: 1) “What do you do?” and (2) “More importantly, do you love what you do?” That woman deserves a medal for having an abundance of common sense, because she knows the one thing that far too many people seem to overlook: Someone who is locked in professional purgatory is possibly the most undateable person you can ever encounter.

Now, a lot of you are probably wondering what professional purgatory is, so let me explain: This occurs when you are locked in a job you thoroughly dislike, that is not your passion and doesn’t even provide you with an enjoyable work atmosphere, but you stay there because you NEED a job and even worse, you really DON’T know what you want to do or where you want to work. All you know is that you get an empty, hollow feeling every time you walk through your office doors, but you realize you’re caught between ‘a hard place’ of having to pay bills and ‘a rock’ of not knowing how or where you can ever even find a job/career that would bring you enjoyment and/or peace of mind. You are in PURGATORY right now, and whether you know it or not, it is NEGATIVELY affecting your relationship, and if you’re not in one, it’s negatively affecting your CHANCE to be in a healthy relationship.

One truism that I constantly believe about life is that EVERYONE in the workforce can EVENTUALLY work a career that brings out their passion and makes them happy. This does NOT mean everyone will ball til they fall and push AMG’s down the block, but it DOES mean that EVERYONE has the opportunity to one day NOT go to work feeling like they are one argument away from Bowling For Columbine in their office. And when you finally find that job, your disposition will change and your approach to your personal life will improve by leaps and bounds. But just in case you DIDN’T know, let me tell you a little about how your FROWSY-ASS works right NOW:

You TRY to go to sleep early [which pisses you off because you have to prepare for a long ass workweek at a place that drives you crazy], but end up staying up late just to wake up pissed off and questioning yourself like “Is this real life?” and contemplating all the possible scenarios that could happen to you if you just said “F*^K IT – I AIN’T GOIN’ IN TODAY!” Eventually you remember how many bills you have due and you drag your sorry ass out of bed. You clean up and start your day and as soon as you leave your house [especially realizing what the commute is ahead of you] this is usually the time your irritation metre is at it’s absolute HIGHEST. Your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, wife, whoever the hell just honked at you, can ALL get cussed out as far as YOU’RE concerned. You walk through the doors at work, eyeball your boss who is giving you side eye for walking through the doors 2 minutes late, and think “I wish this Mutha—a would start some sh*t today!” Then you slave for 8 hours, endure the second half of your hellish commute, get home and hit the couch hard as hell feeling exhausted and simultaneously unfulfilled by the days events.

Speaking from first hand knowledge, that is a life I was all too familiar with, and I KNOW a few of you know what I’m talking about as well. The older you get, with your professional happiness still being undefined, the higher the chance your negativity will eventually seep into your personal relationships and DESTROY any chance of being happy. If you’re in a relationship you will always be complaining OR worst, letting your disappointment with your unsure career path manifest physically and emotionally, which will DRAIN your significant other. If you are single and stuck in professional purgatory, it will be DAMN HARD to actualize the best YOU, you can be [as corny as that may sound] which means when people meet you for the first time, they are meeting a slightly more bitter and significantly less enjoyable YOU.

Go find the job you love - and stop being so damn FROWSY all the time

The reality is, what you do is INCREDIBLY important from a relationship standpoint, NOT just because of how much you make, but because you spend SO much time AT work, that your feelings about THAT job and THAT career shape the totality of your personality.

In dating, it IS important to make sure you know and like what your date does for work – but don’t forget to ask them if they LOVE what they do, because that will instantly determine which version of them you will have to put up with.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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