A Good Man KNOWS When To Let A Good Woman GO [By: Amanda Scott]

I am a hopeless romantic at heart…I truly am, regardless of what some of my ex-boyfriends may say! I believe in true love, and love at first sight and having a “spark” when you first meet someone (and all that other traditionally-“girly” crap), but there is one thing that depresses me about new age relationships. It seems that men today are more interested in selfishly trapping women in non-beneficial relationships and then labelling us “b*tches” if we choose to leave the relationship solely based on the fact that we know there is someone better for us out there! OH MY BAD…I didn’t know spending weekends in your bachelor pad automatically means I’m yours forever?? *Shaking my head in disgust*

My best friend (who I’ve written about before on this site) just last month broke up with her time-wasting, unambitious and lazy boyfriend who neglected her and treated her like sh*t, so she could find a better man. Within the past couple weeks she has gone on 2 great dates with 2 great men who are both further ahead in life than her ex, and prepared to treat her much better than he ever did or could! Unfortunately…she still has a soft sport in her heart for her ex and occasionally she feels like she gave up on him too soon just to search for a more “polished” man (like Taraji P. Henson’s character at the end of Think Like A Man). But everyday I keep reminding her that “if he was truly a good man, he would know when it was time to let you go!”

He had more than enough chances to improve and be a better man for her personally and professionally, but he dropped the ball and never even bothered to pick it up. He was nothing more than a selfish dog! At least Michael Ealy’s character in Think Like A Man was trying to love Taraji while improving himself at the same time! But if a man is doing nothing to improve his station in life he should know full well it’s time to let her spread her wings, because love don’t pay the bills and a real relationship is about a hell of a lot more than good sex and corny jokes! That selfish man didn’t deserve my best friend because being a good man is knowing that you and your woman aren’t fully compatible anymore.

Like I said earlier, I am truly a hopeless romantic, but we need to be real here too! One my most cherished phrases is “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” I wish more men lived by this phrase because then a lot more women would learn a very important part of dating: “It’s much better to be single and happy, then boo’d up and miserable.”

Ain’t that the truth!

– AS

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When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/05/2012 at 1:52 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe/Agree In The Phrase:

    “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

    Also, What's The Balance Between Fighting For The Woman You Love And Knowing When To Let Her Go?

    • James

      09/15/2014 at 1:21 PM

      If someone lets me go, I don't care what happens, I am not going back. It takes a lot of thought and energy to act on such a thing, especially for something as silly as a test. Would you test your marriage on this quote?

  2. petersburgh

    07/05/2012 at 6:29 AM

    Well I will start of by saying I abhor clichés ( yes I know you can't live without them). I don't believe in the "let go" cliché because I've seen many people return who were still idiots, still do the same thing and only really came back because they missed some important trait of the person to whom they returned. I understand the way the writer means it but being someone who people regularly ask for advice, I see what I explained earlier happen too often.

    As long as you still truly LOVE that person it will be hard to let go. PERIOD!! Sometimes you know in your heart that it's not working but because you love them you always feel you should try to make it work one last time and so on. It's difficult and even sometimes you let them go physically but not emotionally and that's such a dangerous thing.

    Having a man that's not ambitious is a deal breaker but I always ask a question. Is it that he is not ambitious period or is he not doing what you want or think he should be doing? For example, Lincoln is a blogger but if he has a girlfriend who is a wallstreet woman etc she may consider him to be lacking ambition (sitting down on his lazy ass writing to people he doesn't even know and not getting paid properly for it while I'm on the floor breaking balls). Forgive me for using you as the example lol but things like this do happen. I am all for wanting someone with ambition but I hope it's not confused with what you wish the person was doing as I've heard it all before.

    • Shaun

      07/05/2012 at 8:30 AM

      Ambition is subjective, that's why it's important to discuss these things early in a relationship before love, sex and bullshit confuse things. I do believe a grown woman can diffrentiate between ambition and "doing what she wants him to do". And if his ambition doesn't mesh with her idea, she should move on. Good response btw.

      • Amanda Scott

        07/05/2012 at 12:30 PM

        You may be surprised how many women wish the love of their life was ambitious to do anything other than lie on the couch!

    • Amanda Scott

      07/05/2012 at 1:08 PM

      I think it's important for women to leave men that aren't treating them right, and when she feels guilty, she needs to remind herself that a better man would have not selfishly held onto her.

    • MistaHarsh

      07/06/2012 at 4:37 AM

      Great analysis!

  3. J. A. Johnson

    07/05/2012 at 9:38 AM

    Am I the only one who's initial thought was…."Is she bitter or something? And why is she just outright guy bashing right now?" lol. The writer sounds a bit angry to me. Sounds like she's been messing with the wrong guys and just used this blog to do some venting. And her friend….I don't know if she deserves better right now. If she's openly willing to be with someone like the guy she was with…then what does that say about her? Can't blame a man for being exactly who he was from the very beginning…blame yourself for being with him. I hope the two guys she went on those dates with find a women for them than being in the tango for her while she wants some other dude.

    Oh…and not all guys are like that. Maybe just the guys you were with. Maybe some self reflection is needed lol

  4. Julz

    07/05/2012 at 11:19 AM

    With all due respect to the writer of this post, this post is a overly idealistic at best and downright ridiculous at worst.

    Wanting someone who doesn't deserve you to let you go is basically absolving yourself from all responsibility of even being in that crappy relationship. To expect someone to let you go when they are basically having a joy ride in your relationship and getting all the perks of a loving relationship when they don't do anything to deserve it is just silly. Everyone has to take responsiblity for their part in every relationship they are in.

    If you are in a crappy relationship then its your job to look out for your best interests, accept the situation for what it really is and not what you wish it to be and get the hell out. Move the eff on. Yes ideally we all owe a certain "duty" to the people around us and especially the person we engage in relationships with but a persons number 1 duty and priority is to look after themselves. That includes knowing when someone is treating you like crap and doesn't deserve you. So instead of hoping the other person does the heavy lifting of breaking it off for you, its really up to you to do it.

    • NurseJilly

      07/05/2012 at 11:49 AM

      I love your take on this. I always say if people are unhappy they have to fix it or get out. I'm not waiting for a man to realize that I deserve better than him and "let me go". If I'm not happy its up to me, not him.

    • Amanda Scott

      07/05/2012 at 1:14 PM

      It's the idealism that makes this concept so real for me! I don't expect a stubborn and hard headed man to let a good woman go, but I remind myself that since a good man would "in a perfect world" and this man is doing the opposite, I need to get up and go!

      • MistaHarsh

        07/06/2012 at 4:55 AM

        If she can't figure to get out for herself what makes you think your friend is a "good" woman? Sometimes people deserve each other

  5. Cindy

    07/05/2012 at 12:20 PM

    Think we girls need to be more specific from the start. And i know its not easy, when the sweet talking starts and its been a while since you got it in.

    • Amanda Scott

      07/05/2012 at 1:12 PM

      So true!

  6. ATLienSince82

    07/05/2012 at 1:24 PM

    What about the bad brothas who do a good job at looking like good brothas?

  7. J. A. Johnson

    07/05/2012 at 1:50 PM

    This blog has gotten on guys many times. But its more of giving insight and looking at WHY instead of just pointing the finger and making blanket statements of men in general. That's the difference. And no offense, but you do genuinely sound angry and like you needed to vent about how bad guys are these days…especially since "It seems that men today are more interested in selfishly trapping women in non-beneficial relationships and then labeling us “b*tches” if we choose to leave the relationship".

  8. Crystals_Back

    07/05/2012 at 6:41 PM

    Good piece!

  9. gtman

    07/05/2012 at 9:02 PM

    This is a very ambiguous article in nature. I think if a woman knows she can do better, then she should move on. I dont understand why its up to the guy to make that decision. If you cant get what you want in a relationship, then move on…..plain and simple. And the movie Think Like A Man………Taraji left him for someone who looked good on paper but really wasnt what she wanted. Honestly, if you cant inspire a man to be better, and do better than the level he is currently at, then start to think about your relationship as a whole.

  10. MistaHarsh

    07/06/2012 at 4:50 AM

    Just wanted to say: unless the guy had your friend handcuffed to a vent Samuel Jackson style there's NO WAY a man can keep a woman from moving on with her life.

    Try this excercise: look around you right now. Your job,BF or GF, friends you keep if you don't see jail cells, COs and barb wire You are EXACTLY where you want to be!

    Accountability is a rare trait I see…

    • NurseJilly

      07/06/2012 at 11:14 AM

      Love, love, love this!!!

  11. Paul B.

    07/07/2012 at 12:32 AM

    Ironically when this happens, these same ones will complain about being let go because they can't/don't measure up to what those women need. They're damned I'd they do, damned if they don't.

  12. geoff

    01/08/2013 at 2:17 PM

    A woman will say this, but as soon as the man she "let go" finds a new lady and gets his life together, then she's pissed because he didn't accomplish that success while with her.

    Maybe "she" was part of the problem. Maybe this new lady was his "inspiration" and the previous girl was the source of his "misery." Just saying….

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