Dear Mitt Romney, It’s Time To Fire Your Staff Bruh

After witnessing the horrific week Mitt Romney’s campaign is experiencing at home and abroad, it’s clear he needs to FIRE his staff and start from scratch. If Mitt Romney continues on the path he currently is on, not only will he get kicked right in his magic underwear come election time, but he also risks becoming a public embarrassment – but not in that fun-lovin’ Palin way. Mitt needs a direction – and I believe I’M the one that can give it to him.

If I could meet with Mitt, here is EXACTLY what I would tell him:

Mitt, things aren’t going quite as planned for this election and we need to take some radical steps in order to ensure you get into the White House. Truth be told, right now nothing can ENSURE you access into the white house except dressing like security, because you’re making an ass out of yourself. Mitt, I’ve written down some points that can help us rally back so we stand a chance. So listen up, tell your wives you will call them back, and pay attention.

First, You see all those Black voters spread across America? F*^K EM. We are not spending ONE more second trying to get their vote, because your previous staff F*^KED UP royally by releasing, what was, the most intellectually-offensive piece of contrite TRASH I’ve ever witnessed in my life:

Bruh, Black people aren’t STUPID. We know that video was cut and paste more than Kelly Rowland’s cleavage. The few Black votes we COULD have got are OFFICIALLY gone, so from now on, no more targeting Black people. Let’s just keep working on suppressing their voter rights. And that brings me to number two…

Second, NEVER say “Obamacare” EVER again. Besides the fact that it’s seen as an offensive pejorative by MANY Americans. the second these damn Democrats start pointing out it is essentially just “ROMNEY-care” we are F*^KED. Look, you ain’t done a whole hell of a lot to be proud of in office, but you DID have a great healthcare system as Gov. of Massachusetts – so let’s start BIGGING that up more.

Third, Don’t say a DAMN thing unless it has been approved by a member of our staff. Your comments in London damn near lost the election before it even began. You NEVER bash the country you are about to visit, [a.k.a. pulling a Mel Lastman] when you could have easily boasted about how you ran the Olympics in Salt Lake in 2002 and just left it at that. Keep your Mormon mouth closed unless otherwise instructed.

Fourth, Bruh it’s time to release a sex tape. I mean, a tape of you just beating the break’s off Ann’s tall-milfy behind.

Why? Because America thinks your fountain pen is more interesting than you, which will result in them not being able to say awake long enough in the voting booth to find your friggin’ name. You will get the young vote for giving her a squirtastic orgasm, and then you can repent your sins and DOMINATE the religious sect.

Fifth, bruh you need – Jesus. F*^K it, I QUIT. I’mma head over to Obama’s campaign and give him the easiest campaign advice he will EVER receive:

Just sit back quietly and let that idiot bury himself.

This Is Your Conscience

Lincoln Anthony Blades can be found on Twitter at @LincolnABlades and on Instagram at @ThisIsYourConscience