FYI Ladies & Gentlemen: DISTRUST Is A LOT Stronger Than LOVE

There’s NO such thing as “Levels of trust.” Trust is a very simple thing, insofar as you either DO or you DON’T. When you start using words and phrases like sometimes, kinda, occasionally, or it depends, then you are just attempting to justify YOUR insecurities, whether they are real or imagined. It REALLY disappoints me to see couples who can’t trust each other AT ALL, because they typically are unaware of one VERY crucial fact about their distrust: It’s MUCH stronger than their love.

Simply put, a relationship without trust is doomed to fail. It simply can NOT withstand the constant stress, baggage and pain that is placed upon it by the weight of distrust. I don’t give a damn HOW MUCH you love your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc. if you can’t TRUST that when they leave the house they aren’t trying to F*^K you over by F*^KING someone else, then the hopes of your relationship having any substantive, long-term potential is truly F*^KED.

Now there’s two camps I want to address in this rant: The first, are the Overtly Suspicious. These are the people who have NEVER caught their significant other cheating on them, but STILL feel the need to monitor WHO they hang out with, WHERE they were, WHY they came in so late and WHICH one of their friends of the opposite sex calls or text them. You all SUCK because you have NO CLUE how good the love that YOU’RE ruining could truly be. Some dudes might have found the WIFEY they have been searching for their ENTIRE lives, but will RUIN it because they can’t HELP themselves from going through her phone and questioning every other man that comes around his woman. They are TRULY their own worst enemy – but if you ask them, they believe their PAST experiences give them just cause.

The second camp is the Previously Hurt. These are the people who are currently still with the one that did something to BREAK their trust. I understand that these people have been hurt, disrespected, emotionally abused and psychologically assaulted – but y’all need to build a bridge and get over it, or shut the HELL up. Cheating is NOT new, nor is it some phenomenon only specific to YOU and your relationship – a lot of us out here have been cheated on and treated like sh*t, and we ALL had to come to one simple decision: Do I stay or do I leave? That decision is typically predicated on one simple question: Do I believe this person will hurt me again? If the answer is YES, you pack your sh*t and BOUNCE and save yourself any future heartbreak. If the answer is NO, you forgive [even if you don’t forget] and you continue going about the business of LOVING each other.

"I'mma give his ass 5 minutes to check in or I'm roundin' up my girls and huntin' this b*tch down!"

But what you DON’T do, is stay weary of the fact that person CAN and probably WILL hurt you again and then micromanage THEIR life in order to “prevent them” from doing anything wrong. What you DON’T realize is that you are not only pushing them away – but you are pushing them into the arms of someone else.

Think about it – What’s the point of your significant other being faithful to you, if they get the same 21 question routine REGARDLESS of their fidelity? So basically, I will be ACCUSED of cheating every night WITHOUT the good-sidepiece nani? So why am I not cheating again?!

But here’s what many of you accusers don’t understand: The more you assert your partner of cheating, the harder it is for them to talk to you, be open with you, share moments with you and eventually LOVE you. Everything that you build together [especially your LOVE] starts to crumble EVERY single day you continue to DISTRUST each other. Just remember, making accusations is not FIGHTING for the relationship – it’s just simply KILLING it.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

12 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/03/2012 at 3:19 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think There Are LEVELS Of Trust?! Do You Think A Relationship Can Exist With Even A LITTLE Distrust?

    • kadi_licious

      07/19/2012 at 1:21 PM

      If there is no trust then there is no love! A relationship can exist with a little distrust but it'd be an unhealthy one though.

  2. educated female

    07/03/2012 at 6:04 AM

    I agree

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 2:41 PM

      Thanks For Reading

  3. petersburgh

    07/03/2012 at 6:14 AM

    I do think there are levels of trust and I do agree that sometimes we categorize it as such to appease our insecurities but the point I'm making is that I don't think you either trust someone or you don't. We're human and so I do think we can't trust 100%. Can a relationship exist with a little distrust? YES as I mentioned in the previous statement. The problem lies in how we respond to that distrust. Do we interrogate, sneak around looking for clues or do we give our partners the benefit of the doubt and move on

    • mena

      07/03/2012 at 11:14 AM

      Agreed. I don't know ANYONE who trusts someone 100%. That to me is living in a fantasy world and not being realistic. Your last line says it all.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 2:54 PM

      Good Points, But I Slightly Disagree About Trusting Someone 100%, Because I Think It Is Possible.

      I Don't Think You Need To Be Wilfully Ignorant To Trust Someone 100%, I Think It Has More To Do With Your Natural Intrinsic Thought-Process Towards That Person.

      For Example:

      If My Wife Stated She Was Going To The Mall With Her Friend For A Couple Hours, My First Intrinsic Thought Would Be "Yes! I Have The House To Myself For About 2 Hours!" Not "I Bet This Bitch Is Gonna Try To Fuck Her Ex."

  4. @DoWuSem

    07/03/2012 at 6:56 AM

    Well Said!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 2:41 PM

      Thanks Fam

  5. RoseBud

    07/03/2012 at 8:19 PM

    I would disagree with your comment that distrust is stronger than love. If that were the case, the "Overtly Suspicious" individual would end the relationship. On that note, I think that there are levels of trust, and that a relationship can survive with a little distrust.

    I believe in trusting blindly until your partner does something that breaks that naiive trust. Once that naiive trust is broken, it is difficult for any man/woman to gain it back and your significant other will be suspicious of your actions until the trust is regained. And no doubt, regaining trust takes time!

    Trusting someone 100% is more than a just thought process about your partner. I think you have oversimplified it to look at that way. If you saw a text on your wifey's phone from a dude saying how sexy her legs looked in those stillettos from Brown's [or insert nice shoe store name] and how he would love to take her out salsa dancing so she can wear those shoes with him– I'm sure you would be skeptical of the next time she says she's hitting the mall with her girl.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 9:46 PM

      Distrust Is Stronger Than Love, But That Doesn't Mean That People's Wills Are Too. People Are Reluctant To Leave The Evil They Know For The Evil They Don't Know.

      I Think Being Naive And Trusting Are Too Separate And Unrelated Entities.

      If A Saw A Text On My Wife's Phone With Some Dude Asking Her Out I Would Be Skeptical Of HIM – And Only HER, If I Felt She Was Hiding The Nature Of Their Relationship From Me.

  6. RoseBud

    07/04/2012 at 7:36 PM

    To trust 100% = naive trust. When I refer to naive trust, I’m equating it to innocent, unquestioning and unasking trust. A big part of trusting 100% is being child-like and in that context, naive. I don’t think that there is any other way to trust 100%.

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