FYI Ladies & Gentlemen: DISTRUST Is A LOT Stronger Than LOVE

There’s NO such thing as “Levels of trust.” Trust is a very simple thing, insofar as you either DO or you DON’T. When you start using words and phrases like sometimes, kinda, occasionally, or it depends, then you are just attempting to justify YOUR insecurities, whether they are real or imagined. It REALLY disappoints me to see couples who can’t trust each other AT ALL, because they typically are unaware of one VERY crucial fact about their distrust: It’s MUCH stronger than their love.

Simply put, a relationship without trust is doomed to fail. It simply can NOT withstand the constant stress, baggage and pain that is placed upon it by the weight of distrust. I don’t give a damn HOW MUCH you love your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc. if you can’t TRUST that when they leave the house they aren’t trying to F*^K you over by F*^KING someone else, then the hopes of your relationship having any substantive, long-term potential is truly F*^KED.

Now there’s two camps I want to address in this rant: The first, are the Overtly Suspicious. These are the people who have NEVER caught their significant other cheating on them, but STILL feel the need to monitor WHO they hang out with, WHERE they were, WHY they came in so late and WHICH one of their friends of the opposite sex calls or text them. You all SUCK because you have NO CLUE how good the love that YOU’RE ruining could truly be. Some dudes might have found the WIFEY they have been searching for their ENTIRE lives, but will RUIN it because they can’t HELP themselves from going through her phone and questioning every other man that comes around his woman. They are TRULY their own worst enemy – but if you ask them, they believe their PAST experiences give them just cause.

The second camp is the Previously Hurt. These are the people who are currently still with the one that did something to BREAK their trust. I understand that these people have been hurt, disrespected, emotionally abused and psychologically assaulted – but y’all need to build a bridge and get over it, or shut the HELL up. Cheating is NOT new, nor is it some phenomenon only specific to YOU and your relationship – a lot of us out here have been cheated on and treated like sh*t, and we ALL had to come to one simple decision: Do I stay or do I leave? That decision is typically predicated on one simple question: Do I believe this person will hurt me again? If the answer is YES, you pack your sh*t and BOUNCE and save yourself any future heartbreak. If the answer is NO, you forgive [even if you don’t forget] and you continue going about the business of LOVING each other.

"I'mma give his ass 5 minutes to check in or I'm roundin' up my girls and huntin' this b*tch down!"

But what you DON’T do, is stay weary of the fact that person CAN and probably WILL hurt you again and then micromanage THEIR life in order to “prevent them” from doing anything wrong. What you DON’T realize is that you are not only pushing them away – but you are pushing them into the arms of someone else.

Think about it – What’s the point of your significant other being faithful to you, if they get the same 21 question routine REGARDLESS of their fidelity? So basically, I will be ACCUSED of cheating every night WITHOUT the good-sidepiece nani? So why am I not cheating again?!

But here’s what many of you accusers don’t understand: The more you assert your partner of cheating, the harder it is for them to talk to you, be open with you, share moments with you and eventually LOVE you. Everything that you build together [especially your LOVE] starts to crumble EVERY single day you continue to DISTRUST each other. Just remember, making accusations is not FIGHTING for the relationship – it’s just simply KILLING it.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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