If You Have To Ask “What Are We Doing?” You’re In A DYSFUNCTIONAL Relationship

"Negro why you wanna know how much my salary is now?! I thought we was "just kicking it!"

Like I announced in a blog post last week, this week’s most recent podcast, as well as on my Twitter page, I attended an event called The Conversation Party hosted by Fiana of Approach2link. The event had a good turn-out, featured A LOT of interesting discussion and included ONE moment where I said something that turned out to be controversial – even though it was simple common sense.

From Left: Me, Fiana & my boy Tosin

The comment I made was simply this: “A lot of women are terrible when it comes to determining the right TIME and METHOD to ask her ‘significant other’ for clarification on their relationship status. But the reality is, if you have to ask, your relationship is messed up.” Now I got a lot of heat from other people there because they felt like I was generalizing the feelings and emotions that women have when they ASK that specific question and I was painting all women with the same brush. Well, the reality is I was generalizing – but I was NOT wrong.

The impetus for the question “What are we doing?” is derived from fear, anxiety, confusion, anger, and/or annoyance – but never CONTENT, JOY or HAPPINESS. The reason one person in the relationship is asking the other, is because they are unaware of the nature of their current relationship, and if you are a GROWN ASS ADULT, there is NO excuse for that BS – that simply shows you are currently in a DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship.

Here’s what grown-ass adults do: They constantly communicate through every stage of dating and assure each other that their goals are still inline with one another.

If you are a GROWN-ASS man, you will clearly state what your intentions are with your date right from the JUMP, whether it be wifey or jump-off. The moment you determine that you want to advance from dating her into official exclusive courtship, you LET HER KNOW and decide. If you are no longer interested in being in a serious relationship, open your FROWSY mouth and COMMUNICATE that to her so she is kept fully abreast of what’s going on. THAT is how you show her the adequate amount of respect that SHE deserves and that’s how YOU avoid being confused about the nature of your relationship.

If you are a GROWN-ASS woman, you will clearly state what your EXPECTATIONS are from your date right at the beginning. If you are just looking for a good time or a serious long-term relationship, let it be known right from the start. Don’t just sit back and HOPE he will magically wake up and want a committed relationship one day, make sure your relationship is naturally evolving towards the relationship you truly want. A GROWN-ASS woman has NO time to play ‘Boy Games’ and try to decipher whether or not he’s serious about her.

The POSITIVE result of PROPER communication

Here’s the truth of the matter: If you are over the age of 14 and you are asking your significant other “what are we doing? Are we in a relationship or not? Are we committed or not? Are we exclusive or not?” or ANY variation of that BS – YOU are in a dysfunctional relationship – and it’s YOUR fault you are there. If someone isn’t communicating how they feel about you VERBALLY, I PROMISE you they are communicating how they feel about you through their actions.

This Is Your Conscience

Lincoln Anthony Blades can be found on Twitter at @LincolnABlades and on Instagram at @ThisIsYourConscience