If You HAVE To Lock Your Phone Around Your Significant Other – Get OUT Of That Relationship

I got two friends in a long term, [seemingly] monogamous relationship with a beautiful child and a great home. Whenever they throw birthday parties for their son, they look happy as hell and give off the image of the perfect couple – until you witness how they act alone. If you were to walk into their house on a random night, you would find them sitting on the couch, while he plays video games and she watches, and their phones would both be on opposite sides of the couch – locked and fully password protected. In fact, they get up and leave the room if they have to actually talk to someone, and if either one of them touches the others phone – it’s about to be a real live Worldstarhiphop fight compilation.

Knowing all of this, I was NOT entirely surprised when dude told me that they haven’t been happy for a minute and are just staying together for the kid’s sake [which is STUPID – but that’s another topic for another day]. They don’t really trust each other, they don’t communicate effectively and they SUCK at resolving problems in their relationship. These were problems from when they first started dating, and they simply were never corrected and became large issues, and the fact that they NEVER could operate around each other without their phones being locked has always been a sign [and symptom] of that.

When these two met, his phone was always locked because he was still smashing chicks on the side so he obviously didn’t want her to find out, and she kept hers locked because her and her friends had a lot of ratchet ass convos that she didn’t want ANYONE to be privy to. As the relationship got more serious, both of their phones stayed locked and out of the room convo’s became the norm. But then problems started to occur. And when BULLSH*T started to occur, the locked phones and private talking only exacerbated an already tense-ass situation.

Now some of y’all reading this might think I’m REACHING with that one, but I think it’s a lot of YOU who are under-reacting and being extremely naive about this issue. This is NOT 1982, 1992 or 2002 – this is 2012, where smart phones have not only become daily, hourly and second-to-second NECESSITIES, but they have also become an EXTENSION of our INTRINSIC SELVES. Our cell phones are the lifeblood of not only our communication with close friends and family, but it has become the SOLE-SUSTAINING FORCE of MANY of our friendships [Ask a Blackberry user what happens when someone they BBM a lot gets an iPhone]. The reality is our phones are an important part of our lives, and when we protectively and guardedly RESTRICT our significant other from even glancing at the phones direction, we are letting THAT person know that we DON’T want them to be privy to an important part of our lives [plus we look like we got a lot of sh*t to hide too].

Now if you are like me, you use your phone for work purposes, so you may lock your phone for professional reasons. If that’s you, then you have nothing to really worry about because it’s NOT just about simply locking your phone – it’s about obsessively keeping your partner OUT of your business. If that’s what you are doing, then you need to rethink being in a relationship with that person, because there ain’t NOTHING like an ‘Unlocked Cell Relationship.’ That might sound corny to y’all, but believe ME it is such a stress free and AMAZING feeling to be with someone who you can talk around, text around and even let them answer the phone for you without any RATCHET-results.

This is the face of a woman who can answer her mans phone

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/12/2012 at 2:11 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think Locking Your Cell Around Your Significant Other Is BIG-DEAL Or Is It Just A Non-Issue? Do YOU Keep Your Phone Locked At ALL TImes Around Your Significant Other? How Do You Feel When It's Done To You?

    • Vicky

      07/12/2012 at 11:47 AM

      Hubby and I both have BB's. Our phone automatically lock after some time of inactivity so no, it doesn't even phase me.

      If you have great communication and trust your partner, there is no reason to believe that they are doing any shady or disrespectful. However, if you have other reasons to believe so, then again, everything they do will annoy you.

    • ChloeRayne516

      07/12/2012 at 12:18 PM

      As a former BB user as of Yesterday!! *sniffles* my phone was programmed to automatically lock after sitting idle for awhile.

      I can see where it would raise a red flags amongst some people if their SO phone is like fort knox but ME personally I wouldn't even think anything of it because I grew accustomed to now programming my phones to lock after a certain period of time.

  2. petersburgh

    07/12/2012 at 6:54 AM

    I think locking around your partner only is a big deal. I say this because my phone locks automatically(I did this to keep my niece from calling her father and friends when I was away from it) and that was from when I was single. It doesn't bother me because if she asks to see my phone I give her, if it rings and she's closer I tell her answer it so I have no worries about such and when it rings I answer in front her even if it is a friend she thinks likes me

  3. Gianna Sofia

    07/12/2012 at 8:53 AM

    I think holding back the phone from your partner is just a thin sheath to a deeper issue. Obviously, it's about trust, or lack thereof, but like Linc said, excluding that part of your life from your s/o is just a bad move and clearly shows that y'all won't end up together in the grand scheme of things. And when it comes to the phone password, if you got a man/woman that acts like Marcus and Angela in those damned Tyler Perry movies, you better run-and quick, because that's just too much to be doing.

    • Crystals_Back

      07/12/2012 at 1:55 PM

      Completely agree!!

  4. Vicky

    07/12/2012 at 11:27 AM

    First paragraph – proves right there what some of us were saying to Kizzy and Adonis yesterday! Anyways, back to my reading – I'll be back

    • mena

      07/12/2012 at 12:05 PM

      No no no Vicki!!! Two parent homes are perfect. Please correct yourself. :-)

    • Kizzy

      07/12/2012 at 1:53 PM

      SMH it still doesn't disprove my argument!

      • Vicky

        07/12/2012 at 2:27 PM

        In your head nothing will change cause you are so narrow minded

        • Crystals_Back

          07/12/2012 at 2:31 PM


  5. Kizzy

    07/12/2012 at 1:53 PM

    Any man that felt he needed to have his phone locked around me is a man I don't want to date at all

  6. Crystals_Back

    07/12/2012 at 1:56 PM

    If a man lets you answer his phone, date him. If a man let's you carry around his phone for the whole day because yours died, MARRY HIM! LMAO

    • ChloeRayne516

      07/12/2012 at 2:42 PM

      YOU AIN'T NEVA LIED!!!!!


      • CRL

        01/03/2016 at 10:39 PM

        You have never lied.

    • iluvwhoiluv

      07/16/2012 at 9:57 AM


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  8. Dyquen

    07/12/2012 at 10:32 PM

    Aww Hell, this is the truth like there is no other truth greater… With my ex I even let her text ppl from my phone and when the women whom I used to smash before I met her decided to send me random uncalled for messages, I would even have her go ham on their ass simply because it proved my openness, trust and honesty, plus I found it funny as heck. Her on the other hand would just about kick me in the nuts if I picked up her phone to hand it to her so she could answer it. There's a reason she's my ex now. I completely agree with this article.

  9. iluvwhoiluv

    07/16/2012 at 10:05 AM

    I never gave much thought to automatically locking my phone. In most of my relationships, I could answer my phone and use it–in a few, we could use each other's phone if one needed charging or what not. However, there was one relationship where I left my phone to charge to get us something to eat and upon my return, I discovered this person had gone through it when all the person had to do was ask me what he wanted to know. The union got dissolved because I didn't appreciate my phone being invaded and being distrusted when I wasn't doing anything wrong…the other person, on the other hand…well, that's a whole different post, but he wasn't being 100 and we will just leave it at that.

  10. darrell

    07/16/2012 at 11:01 AM

    hey LAB, long time reader, first time commenter….so i see what people are posting and a lot of ppl are saying their phones lock on their own. so, does your partner, bf, gf, husband, wife know the code to unlock your phone?

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/16/2012 at 7:30 PM

      Hey Thanks For Commenting Darrell!

      I Think That Information Doesn't NEED To Be Given, But It Also Shouldn't Be An Issue. In All My Serious Relationships I've Been Given The Password, But Really It Doesn't Matter Too Much Because I Don't Even Care To Know It. Just Glad That She's Not Private About It.

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  12. Nancy

    07/26/2013 at 6:42 PM

    I agree that people who lock the ones they claim to love the most out of their cell phones are more than likely using it to intimidate them or hiding something, either way I think it's a dick thing to do!

  13. synuwae

    07/29/2013 at 12:03 AM

    I HATE admitting I have trust issues. Yet, I do. It upsets me when I see them coming up in my new healthy relationship. I find it offensive that my bf of 2 years locks his phone. It totally makes me feel as though he doesnt trust me and has to lock it up. On the other hand I dont quite trust anyone with my phone either. I once left it in the mall bathroom, with no lock on it and within the hour had my phone back because 3 ppl from my contacts came to the mall to get it for me lol. Whoever turned it in to security is awesome. Thank you security man for calling everyone I know! I dont want to see whats on his phone, been tempted to look, but in effort to not taint the relationship with trust issues from past troubles I dont. His heightened security does scream trouble. Imo

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