Vey recently I have witnessed many friends, family members, ex co-workers and even a few exes get engaged and married [spring and summer tend to be the season of love and matrimony for most]. But at the same time, I have also witnessed MANY friends, family members ex co-workers and an ex or two get divorced, break off an engagement or end long relationships with their significant others. I have heard MANY reasons why relationships break down, from financial issues all the way to cheating – but arguably the WORST reason I’ve heard is “my ex came from a broken home and just didn’t know how to function in a happy relationship.” The only thing worse than the fact that I’ve heard someone actually say this – is the fact that I’ve heard it MORE than ONCE by MANY different people.
Whether you are aware of this or not, there are many men and women out there who are [clandestinely] avoiding being in a serious, long-term relationship with ANYONE who grew up in a single parent home. In their minds, children from single parent homes never really received an adequate first-hand insight into how a “PROPER” home should run, and how a FUNCTIONAL relationship is suppose to work. Also, depending on the severity of their parents problems, they may have subconsciously adopted a DEFEATIST attitude towards relationships which causes them to act inappropriately whenever problems arise, whether it’s running from the issues, cheating or being verbally or physically abusive. And these peoples rant usually ends somewhere around “plus, who wants to date someone who’s still OVERLY attached to their parents?”
Well let me be the first to say that the ideology that children from single parent homes are not marriage material is absolute BULLSH*T. The problem is YOU dated someone who wasn’t worth a DAMN – and that person STILL wouldn’t have been worth a DAMN even if both parents were in their life.
My ideology on children who witness trauma or experience difficult living situations is this: You either become that problem or build yourself up to wholeheartedly reject it. There are many children who lived primarily with one parent, while having a strained or NON-EXISTENT relationship with the other, who grew up to be DOUCHEBAGS who repeated the mistakes of their mother or father and ended up putting their OWN kids through hell. But by the very same token, there are also MANY children who witnessed dysfunctional between their parents [or never got to meet one parent], and used their OWN pain as the motivation for being an absolutely AMAZING parent to their kid. As well as being an amazing mother/father to their children and a committed member of the family household [like Will Smith for a celebrity example].
Whether a child grows up feeling neglected by a parent, abused by a parent, or even watching a parent be abused, it creates a painful memory in that child’s mind that defines how they think and act for the rest of their lives. There’s no “being neutral” about it, as it has intrinsically affected them right down to their very core. BUT, if you believe that the ONLY possible repercussion of growing up in difficult circumstances is that you undoubtedly BECOME exactly the thing that hurt you, I would advise you return your dimestore-psychology degree to the bottom of the cereal box you found it in.
All over the world, there are courageous, intelligent and loving people who are products of single parent homes, who could treat you better than anyone else and provide you with the household of your dreams – but you will CONTINUE to miss them if you allow yourself to be blinded by your own ignorance.
This Is Your Conscience