“If You Want A Successful Relationship AVOID Children From Single Parent Homes”

Vey recently I have witnessed many friends, family members, ex co-workers and even a few exes get engaged and married [spring and summer tend to be the season of love and matrimony for most]. But at the same time, I have also witnessed MANY friends, family members ex co-workers and an ex or two get divorced, break off an engagement or end long relationships with their significant others. I have heard MANY reasons why relationships break down, from financial issues all the way to cheating – but arguably the WORST reason I’ve heard is “my ex came from a broken home and just didn’t know how to function in a happy relationship.” The only thing worse than the fact that I’ve heard someone actually say this – is the fact that I’ve heard it MORE than ONCE by MANY different people.

Whether you are aware of this or not, there are many men and women out there who are [clandestinely] avoiding being in a serious, long-term relationship with ANYONE who grew up in a single parent home. In their minds, children from single parent homes never really received an adequate first-hand insight into how a “PROPER” home should run, and how a FUNCTIONAL relationship is suppose to work. Also, depending on the severity of their parents problems, they may have subconsciously adopted a DEFEATIST attitude towards relationships which causes them to act inappropriately whenever problems arise, whether it’s running from the issues, cheating or being verbally or physically abusive. And these peoples rant usually ends somewhere around “plus, who wants to date someone who’s still OVERLY attached to their parents?”

Well let me be the first to say that the ideology that children from single parent homes are not marriage material is absolute BULLSH*T. The problem is YOU dated someone who wasn’t worth a DAMN – and that person STILL wouldn’t have been worth a DAMN even if both parents were in their life.

My ideology on children who witness trauma or experience difficult living situations is this: You either become that problem or build yourself up to wholeheartedly reject it. There are many children who lived primarily with one parent, while having a strained or NON-EXISTENT relationship with the other, who grew up to be DOUCHEBAGS who repeated the mistakes of their mother or father and ended up putting their OWN kids through hell. But by the very same token, there are also MANY children who witnessed dysfunctional between their parents [or never got to meet one parent], and used their OWN pain as the motivation for being an absolutely AMAZING parent to their kid. As well as being an amazing mother/father to their children and a committed member of the family household [like Will Smith for a celebrity example].

Whether a child grows up feeling neglected by a parent, abused by a parent, or even watching a parent be abused, it creates a painful memory in that child’s mind that defines how they think and act for the rest of their lives. There’s no “being neutral” about it, as it has intrinsically affected them right down to their very core. BUT, if you believe that the ONLY possible repercussion of growing up in difficult circumstances is that you undoubtedly BECOME exactly the thing that hurt you, I would advise you return your dimestore-psychology degree to the bottom of the cereal box you found it in.

All over the world, there are courageous, intelligent and loving people who are products of single parent homes, who could treat you better than anyone else and provide you with the household of your dreams – but you will CONTINUE to miss them if you allow yourself to be blinded by your own ignorance.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

64 Comments

  1. Laura

    07/11/2012 at 3:53 AM

    Coming from a single parent home:

    Preach.

  2. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/11/2012 at 3:54 AM

    Ladies And Gentlemen, Do You Believe There's Any Merit To The Ideology That Dating Someone From A "Broken" Home Will Be Less Successful Than Dating Someone From A Two-Parent Household?

  3. @DoWuSem

    07/11/2012 at 4:26 AM

    Preach!

  4. @IamSomethngElse

    07/11/2012 at 6:15 AM

    You almost pissed me off in the beginning…good thing I continued reading. My mom raised me as a single parent and there's not a thing wrong w/ me. I forgave my father, moved on and now I have stepdad who is thee absolute best example of a real man for me and my children. I may have my issues (who doesn't ) but that doesn't mean I'm not dateable. Great post…always shedding light on the truth.

  5. mena

    07/11/2012 at 8:12 AM

    Sidenote In relation to this piece, I read another blog that stated that they would never date a woman who didn't know her father. I was actually dumbfounded that someone would cast out a large segment of the population bc of this and in turn, cast me away for something that i had absolutely no control over.

    I will say this, coming from a single parent home isn't easy and you grow up really fast. You aren't living in fairy tale land either. My friends (and myself included) who are from single parent homes are well rounded, successful, independent and happy. We realized from an early age that things don't always go your way. But through the nuturing (and sometimes harsh reality) of our mothers understood that everything isn't supposed to go your way in life. For my friends that come from two parent homes, even though they too are successful and happy, they do seem to be more dependent on their parents at a later age and when things take a turn for the worst, are the least likely to handle it the best. Little things to me are huge things to them. To each their own though. They're amazing people in both segments of the population and some that you should avoid in both segments.

    Great piece. I think that a lot more people hold this view as well.

  6. Tonia

    07/11/2012 at 8:13 AM

    I'm glad my hubby didn't think this about me when we met! Lol! His parents have been married 51 years while I grew up in a single parent hm. I have to admit I had to work out some marital issues early on that I MAY not have had to work out if I lived with 2 functioning parents. However, in the end everything worked out because we both wanted it to. Great post!

  7. Vicky

    07/11/2012 at 8:29 AM

    I grew up in a two parent home, doesn't mean I'm any less of a nut!!!!

    Preach on Lincoln!

  8. NurseJilly

    07/11/2012 at 12:22 PM

    Agree 100%

    I went through some serious sh*# as a kid and have gone the complete opposite direction of all that abuse and negativity. I love this quote, its a reminder of who is ultimately responsible for the people we become in life. I don't care where or what you come from the way you live is 100% your choice.

    "If your parents left you out in the rain as a child shame on them. If your still standing in the rain as an adult then shame on you."

  9. Adonis

    07/11/2012 at 12:32 PM

    If I have to be the voice of dissent… Fantastic…

    There are exceptions to the rule, but the exception PROVE the rule…

    I believe that if a person grew up without their dad are relationship disasters most of the time

    Dealing with a woman growing up without a father & dealing with a woman who had one is like DAY & NIGHT… This is coming from experience & cross-referencing…

    Also, take into account when talking about black men & women who grow up without a father also tend to grow up around or a bit above the poverty line…

    I'll leave it at that… But to say that this philosophy that people use to screen out marriage material partners is "absolute BULLSH*T" sounds like either a lack of research or you drank the exceptional men & women from single parent homes who had long lasting marriages…

    It Happens

  10. Kizzy

    07/11/2012 at 12:41 PM

    Men who grew up without their fathers tend to be weak in a lot of areas…how can you be a real man when you never learned from a real man? As a woman I can't teach a man how to be a man…

  11. Vicky

    07/11/2012 at 1:35 PM

    Grouping everyone together under one umbrella without looking at those who are exceptions is horse vision and it seems to be the only way for certain people to see another point than what they have concluded

  12. Aboriginal

    07/12/2012 at 1:54 AM

    Kizzy, you are full of pure, unadulterated, bull@$*%. You must've missed that train where supposed healthy families are broken up by a divorce and the subsequent child custody issues that stem from that, with the child suffering and sometimes ending up hating either the mother or father, or maybe both.

    I swear, where do people get that anyone raised by a single parent are unfit for relationships? Do you still feel the same way if the person you were dating told you they were raised by one parent because the other passed away when they were young? I hope you aren't that stupid to realize every situation isn't the same, and for your sake, every situation isn't NEGATIVE.

    Oh, btw, I forgot to mention that I sometimes read on the internet about such and such (daughter or son of said celebrity/athlete/entrepreneur/politician), arrested for….. something completely ridiculous and outrageous. Let's not leave out the legendary "do you know who my mother/father is" line that comes from many spoiled brats. As long as they come from a nuclear family these actions are permitted, huh?

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  14. moneypenny

    07/17/2012 at 10:08 PM

    I'm late on this topic, but I have to agree. I don't like to generalize like this, but I speak from experience from being married to the product of a single parent household. My husband's father was not in his life full time. He is damn near 40 and technically married to his mother. She raised him to be the man of the house, her house. She no longer works. He pays all of her bills and works sometimes, LITERALLY, 22 hours a day! We just recently got married, I feel like an outsider. I'm like the chick that stole her husband. He can't be open about finances with me because I think he's afraid for me to know how much is actually going out to her. Ladies, don't raise your boys to be your husbands. Just because you f-ed up your chances at happiness in your youth, don't pass that burden on to your kids! On top of all of that, this dude got daddy issues, he's constantly seeking male acceptance. Lesson for me….look before you leap!

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