ILLITERACY Is NOT Sexy At ALL

Sometimes I have moments in life which make me think “Damn, am I really getting OLD?” and I had a moment like that not too long ago surfing Twitter recently. I came across a young, gorgeous girl’s profile picture and I saw a tall, gorgeous, dark-skin woman with a short-Halle Berry cut, dimples and a Bria Myles body. I definitely don’t mind paying an attractive woman a compliment so I wrote her a nice, quick message to which she responded: “Thanks booboo, it aints juss fear-skinnded girls that are sexy neither.” I REALLY wish I just made that up instead of copying and pasting what she ACTUALLY typed.

But what happened next was the real interesting thing: I deleted the message and kept it moving. To any woman reading this, you might be saying ‘Duh, she’s obviously a mental midget’ but the men out there will understand how large of a gesture that is, because we DON’T [typically] lock a SEXY girl off because of bad grammar – that seems INSANE. I don’t know if this is just a sign of age or maturity, but there is something about being highly illiterate that instantly deflates my erection.

Now understand, I’m not talking about nit-picking common grammatical errors or misspellings. I actually find grammar-nazi’s who over analyze someone’s one-letter spelling missteps on Facebook, Twitter, Text, E-mail, etc. to be highly ridiculous. Like “OMG, you spelled perspicacity with two a’s – you’re an IDIOT!” It’s not about nit-picking, it’s about HIGH-LEVEL illiteracy – when you know a grown-a*s adult with adequate access to a 1st-world education, continually abuses proper syntax, it just becomes – UGLY. And once again, I’m not talking about PH.D level grammar mistakes, we’re talking about sh*t that would get your monkey-a*s kicked off the first round of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader.

Some people will accuse me of being a pretentious douche for analyzing someone’s grammatical prowess on Twitter [seemingly in the same manner I just decried others for doing] and say “it’s not a school essay, they are just typing, geez don’t be so serious.” But let me explain the difference in what I’m saying: It’s not about stressing over a couple letters typed in the wrong place, it’s about the general apathy towards education and intellectualism on a whole that I find ugly as hell, and it manifests itself much clearer in someone’s RAPE of their respective language. I’m sure THIS article might be full of grammar mistakes, but, not to toot my own horn, I’m FAR from illiterate.

But my point has advanced to not only seeing illiterate women as highly unattractive, but literate and verbose women are seeming a lot more sexier than ever before. Obviously that’s within limits, because Macy Gray’s mastery of the dangling participle is not going to make me forget she looks like Carlos Boozer. BUT with that said, I think it’s time we start promoting the positives of literacy, if for no other reason than just letting cute girls know they should avoid going from dimepiece to short-bus status in one sentence.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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