She may have a lot of dudes around - but that doesn't mean they are QUALITY..
I have a homegirl who is really beautiful, successful, intelligent, a great writer, an entrepreneur, has large breastesses [I'm mentioning that to help my fellow dudes reading this draw an accurate mental picture] and is completely, absolutely 100% single. Whenever we talk about finding love, settling down and having kids, she is very much open to dating different men and doing whatever it takes to let love run its course in her life. One thing she sometimes makes her discouraged about the dating scene is the fact that she doesn’t go out on a lot of dates with different dudes, while she has friends who are perpetually wifed-up and courting different guys. Every time she mentions how this makes her feel bad, I get REALLY confused: Isn’t the fact that her homegirl is CONTINUALLY in DIFFERENT relationships a solid sign that she ISN’T making the BEST dating choices?
But it’s not just my homegirl, I notice a lot of women sometimes get down on themselves because they aren’t attracting the same type of dating-interest as their friends, yet they all seem to ignore the simple truth of the situation: It’s EASY as hell to find a man – if you have NO standards.
If you just want to get long-d*cked in every crevice of your body and have multiple, squirtastic orgasms and get sent home with a coke and a cab ride, then finding a dude should be simple. If you just want some simp-ass negro to take you on a one-two dates [my Toronto slang shining through] so you can fill your belly and send him home with nothing more than a polite hug and the faint, lingering aroma of your perfume that he will use to jerk off to, then finding a man should take NO effort. These dudes are out here in abundance.
But if you are looking for a life partner, like my homegirl is, then you need to realize that YOU and the women who seemingly have NO trouble finding men, are playing TWO different games. She’s in it for hard d*ck and bubblegum, while you are trying to find a life partner, which requires a MUCH more advanced level of screening and scrutiny.
But here’s the funny part: If she’s trying to “play” the same game as you, SHE is actually the one losing, because she hasn’t mastered 1 simple ideology – QUALITY over QUANTITY. I hate when women tell me about how long it’s been since they’ve been on a date, on how few men approach them and get their number and how little attention she gets at the club, because I always end up asking them the same question [the only one that really matters]: Was he HIGH-QUALITY to YOU?
Who gives a F*^K if some chick is outpacing you in the dating scene because she is out EVERY OTHER NIGHT with some dude? Finding a good man or woman takes time, but when you do, that one relationship will TRUMP the other persons entire frowsy dating resume.
This Is Your Conscience
35 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies & Gentlemen, When It Comes To Dating Do You Believe In Quality Over Quantity? Or Do You Believe You Need To Examine A LOT Of Quantity In Order To Find The Quality?
Jul 11th, 2012
@DoWuSem
Co-signed!
Jul 11th, 2012
petersburgh
I think the correct answer to say is quality but some people say this and still run out with the first person they feel attracted to that offer to buy them a drink. I know several intelligent, beautiful women who tell me about their dating issues and when I hear the number of dates and or men they dealt with, it leaves me in awe. I ask all types of questions as in why this many or what determines them going out on a date with someone and the usual response is they're cute or cool. I wondered if it was a woman thing because you have to come with more than that to get me interested but I guess maybe that's the way they do it. The more that come, the better they feel.
The most BS line I ever heard was from a girl who was laughing at another one saying she can't get a man etc, while men were passing through her like the express line in the supermarket. Few things and quick. I bet that other girl taking her time to shop and choose what she wants
Jul 11th, 2012
Tonia
New to your wonderful blog. This post is EXCELLENT and something I wished I realized when I was on the dating scene. I went through those same dating concerns when I had a friend who always seemed to have someone while I didnt. At one point I thought it was me. Next week I celebrate my 15th anniversary and she's still out there flitting arround at 46.
Jul 11th, 2012
Vicky
"I hate when women tell me about how long it’s been since they’ve been on a date, on how few men approach them and get their number and how little attention she gets at the club" <—-Power to those who worked out, but meeting "quality" people in a club is like searching for needle in a hay stack!
To answer your question, the obvious would be quality over quantity, however maturing woman (young woman 20+) who are just figuring out life for themselves may experience quantity to find quality. Example, take a woman who is 30 and a woman who is 20, the 30 year old may be able to "screen" the man better by past experiences (quantity) and either avoid or go for it (quality). I don't want to hear the youngins because I will agree SOME have the ability to predetermine a man, while others are all school girl giggles for the attention alone.
Jul 11th, 2012
Paul B.
Hmmm…I can speak from observations derived from conversations and interactions from being around female friends, and one thing I noticed that set the friends who attracted men consistently from those who didn't wasn't looks, because they all looked nice, but it was their attitude which shows itself through their interaction and demeanor at the event. The women who looked Luke they were enjoying themselves and just knew how to have fun seemed to attract mire men, whether at the club or a restaurant. I think part of attractiveness derives from flourishing in your environment. People who are introverted typically won't do well in open environments like clubs anyway whereas extroverts would do well in those places and others as well.
Of course, quality matters over quantity but some complain about both, and I'm wondering why somebody's looking to meet a husband at the club.
Jul 11th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Welcome Tonia! Thanks For Reading
Jul 11th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Co-Sign!
Jul 11th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Although I do believe in QUALITY over QUANTITY..sometimes in life in order to recognize QUALITY you may have had to go through QUANTITY… depending on what stage that person is at in his or her ilfe.
Jul 11th, 2012
NurseJilly
Perfect timing on this post Lincoln. I was beginning to get a little down in the dumps over here… I've been single for a while now and I'm not out nearly as much as my other single friends. I get flack from my sisters all the time for not dating but I just refuse to go out on dates with people I know are not relationship material for me. So I'l be the lonely spinster till a man with some damn integrity comes into my life not the scallywags that seem to be drawn to me.
Jul 11th, 2012
NurseJilly
This right here is what gives me hope. Congratulations on 15 years Tonia:)
Jul 11th, 2012
Candice
So true Lincoln. Some guys I talk to ask me why am I single and I always say if I'm looking for some ass and then it's on to the next? Sure.. That's very easy to find, cheap and plentiful. I tell people I'm looking for a serious relationship so that's going to take longer to find. I would rather just have a few dates with serious minded men as opposed to going on lots of dates with men that are looking for a one night stand or friends with benefits.
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
Women need to go through a lot of men to see what they want and what they need in a relationship #obviousadvice
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
Look there's nothing wrong with dating a lot of men….how else does a woman know what she wants in a man??
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
Why are women getting all the blame but no one is talking about shitty some of these men are??? She's not wrong for going on a lot of dates it's the men who are wrong for being losers and not knowing how to treat a woman!
Jul 11th, 2012
Paul B.
Actually, any woman (as well as a man) needs to have an idea of what she wants in a man BEFORE she dates, that would weed out what she doesn't meed to have in her life. Dating would be to see who matches her compatibility wise. You don't date to get a standard; you date when you have a standard.
Jul 11th, 2012
Jesssss
Omg! Get out of my head right now! I just had this exact convo with a friend in the not so distant past. We were discussing the quality of men approaching me. And my right to pass on someone i know i woudn't want in my life long term. So, it looks like I'll keep waiting.
On point as always!
Jul 11th, 2012
NurseJilly
Paul!!!! You said it perfectly.
Jul 11th, 2012
Smilez_920
Yes and no I'm 21 and when I started getting to the dating stage the feat thing my mom told me is , " you don't have to give your attention to every man that gives you his". Even when it comes to finding what you like, I still think there should be some type of quality involved, you don't have to date every type of guy to figure out your type.
And most of te women who date every type of guy still end up confused/ not knowing why they want.
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
This is exactly what I said and everyone got mad! SMH
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
How can you really know what you want before you've experienced it?? Doesn't make much sense Paul B.
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
How do you know what you want is what is good for you???
Jul 11th, 2012
MzDebbieFields
Don't wait too long
Jul 11th, 2012
NurseJilly
A love for God is something that I will never compromise on when it comes to dating someone. I know that's whats good for me. Other than that I'm not closed off to much else. General characteristics like being kind, polite, respectful, non criminal are all a given as well.
Jul 11th, 2012
Vicky
Your mom is a very smart and wise woman. Unfortunately, not every mom has given their daughters advice about love and relationships. However, if all women were to have that prep talk in a way to make it stick to their teens head forever, then I'm sure everyone can agree that it's quality over quantity
Jul 11th, 2012
Vicky
Paul that was well said but I have to play devil's advocate here for a minute. Here's where the quantity factor comes in. A woman will have her criteria that must be met, no doubt. Now a man meets your physical priorities….tall, dark and handsome….light, hazel eyes, muscular…whatever it is. Then you get to know them, how ever long it may take…3 months, 6 months…you break up because one thing on the "CON" list is present…could be any reason from serious matters like abuse or it could be the way he leaves his smelly socks everywhere! Then you are on to the next one! What if you are extremely picky, stubborn and will not settle until you find Mr. Right, you may go through plenty of men and not necessarily in a promiscuous way
Jul 11th, 2012
Vicky
You are the essence of this article….Your comment is invalid so please *finger over lips*
Jul 11th, 2012
Tonia
Thanks so much! Keep the faith : )!!
Jul 11th, 2012
Adrienne
i wish I could read this forever. THANK YOU for speaking to the plight of the beautifully rich intelligent women looking for the real thing.
Jul 11th, 2012
2cool4school
Hey long time lurker but I had to come out because this comment is the God's honest truth attitude is everything. I started wearing out my natural hair and because of the weather well lets just say it wasn't tame (chaka khan circa 1970s). I guess it made me more carefree because I started smiling more and striking up conversations and my Quality & Quantity has improved like crazy, law of attraction. T
Jul 11th, 2012
Paul B.
I'm just saying that experience can't be your only or even your best teacher, because there are some dudes crazy enough to where dealing with them is a mistake you may not live long enough to regret. I'd caution any and everybody to have a real standard in place for character. Nothing wrong with preferences, but some people lack the sense to know the difference between the two.
Jul 11th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Thank You For Reading Adrienne
Jul 12th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Thanks For Coming Out Of Hiding!
Jul 12th, 2012
Desi
Love this! So accurate, my life in a blog lol
Jul 12th, 2012
Paul B.
*need*
Jul 12th, 2012
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