My Man Can Be “Cool” With My Friends – But They Can’t Be FRIENDS [By: Amanda Scott]

As women, we all want our boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands to mesh well with our homegirls. We want to bring him around, have him blow their socks off with his personality, sense of humor and good attitude, so they can all see exactly what we see in him. But seeing an issue my friend is now going through, has made me reconsider exactly how I want my friends to receive my man…

I have a friend named Jazmin (her “club alias” and you ladies know what I mean lol) and she has been going long and strong with her man for over 10 months now! She is mostly with him, so we don’t get to hang out as much as I wish we did, but a couple months back she started to bring her man, Justin, around more and we all took to him. He’s tall, handsome, sweet, and he is funny as heck…so funny he had us all in tears at some point!

When I met Jazmin a few weeks after that, she told me she was a little concerned about their relationship because he had really hit it off with our girl Tammy after the initial meet-up, and now they hang out and talk on the phone, even when she is not around! He really took to our friend Tammy because they have a very similar sense of humor, but Jazmin was concerned that their friendship may becoming inappropriate, but she doesn’t know what to say because she encouraged him to be good friends with all her friends, and that is exactly what he is doing!

Now I don’t know how she should handle her situation, but it really got me thinking about my own life and what I would do in that situation, and then it all came to me…no way in hell would I allow my man and my girl to get that close! I may sound like a jealous, territorial heffa, but they don’t need to be that close. If my man told me he wanted to call my homegirl, I would give him an A+ for effort in trying to be a good friend, but he would get an F right after for being out-of-his-damn-mind!

Of course I want them to be cool, but there is a limit on how close they need to be and it’s not about me not trusting them, it’s about them not putting themselves in a situation to test how much they trust themselves! Managing a genuine male/female relationship is extremely tricky and can be very problematic when the obligatory sexual tension rears its ugly head…and if they meet up without me, they are putting themselves in a situation to test that attraction out, regardless of how much they are loyal to me.

So if a man I date ever wanted to get close to any of my friends, I would have to hit him with this look:

And then nip that friendship in the bud.

– AS

Cheating is not necessarily the END of your relationship, it can be overcome, and if you want to know how make sure to read the book below:

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

49 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/30/2012 at 4:28 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe In Putting A Limit On How Close Your Lover And Your Friends Can Be? Or Do You Not Care?

    Also, What Advice Would You Give Jazmin To Help Her Situation Out With Tammy & Justin?

  2. Mila

    07/30/2012 at 6:17 AM

    lol. i dont give a shit what nobody else says!!! i feel everything you said girl!!!!

  3. petersburgh

    07/30/2012 at 6:32 AM

    I think that's too close for comfort. I can't imagine why the two of them would need to be talking on the phone that way. It's one thing to call to ask a question about something but random conversations when I'm not even there is another.

    I believe she needs to talk to him about it. Encouraging your partner to be good friends with your friends means to get along not get to know in an intimate way because eventually that's what happens with all of the private conversations

  4. SMilez_920

    07/30/2012 at 6:42 AM

    Honestly most men don’t want to be too close to your friends, for the simple fact it puts them in your business even more. Think about it you and your man get in an argument, you vent to your friends, they try to play middle man and talk to him, and it’s just too much.
    I agree with you girl. Unless she knew him before me, there is no reason for my girlfriends to exchange phone numbers and talk everyday to my man. Again I trust my friends and my man, so it’s not about that, it’s about boundaries.

  5. Dorinda

    07/30/2012 at 8:58 AM

    I agree having the se issue right now been with my man 8 yrs and a new friend wants to be his friend he and I disagree

  6. mena

    07/30/2012 at 9:50 AM

    I am friends with my best friend's husband and he and i (when we lived in the same area, would hang out with each other occasionally–maybe twice without her). When did this happen? After I knew him for 5 years. Yep, it took 5 yrs to get to the point where it was ok for us to hang out without her. On top of that, we would ALWAYS let her know that we were going to hang out (again, this only happened twice). I am now the aunt to their little girl. I say all of that to say, homegirl is using the term friend way too loosely. Ain't no way that i would ALLOW for my guy to call up one of my friends after only 10 mths so that they can hangout without me. That trust takes years to build. Bottom line, i don't want to think that my friend is getting a level of intimacy from the man that i am intimate with. That's ridiculous and her "friend" is shady as all get out. No friend would ever do that. Sorry. But it just wouldnt happen. I didn't even start to give my friend's husband a full hug until 4 years ago and she and I have been best friends for 10 yrs. People need to understand boundaries.

  7. Smilez_920

    07/30/2012 at 10:48 AM

    Linc I know you have to play devils advocate , but I know you can smell that something isn't right in this situation.
    Jasmine introduces her new man to her friend " Tammy". Tammy and jasmine man click. They start talking on the phone and hanging out without jasmine, multiply times during the week. Sounds like theyre dating and don't even know it. I mean what do they do on these outings, movies, dinner, red box. Is he starting to hang out with Tammy more than jasmine. Even if they aren't trying to take it there, things happen when you put your self in temptations path.

    As a friend Tammy should know her boundaries, as a boyfriend he should know his boundaries and think about if the shoe was in the other foot.

    The problem isnt with what theyre doing, it's how and why they are doing it so much.

  8. MistaHarsh

    07/30/2012 at 12:18 PM

    10 months why only now he's meeting her friends? I'm sure she's been blabbing about him which created hype leading up to the long overdue meeting and now her friends panties are moist.

    But there's questions that need answers? where is she(jazmin) when these to lovebirds are clicking up? Is she unavailable when this happens? Is she ever invited by either Him or her friend or is everything done on the low? Does your friend have a man? Have you slept/flirted with her men in the past?

    Is 10months a serious relationship? Only if its been established as one, meaning it was discussed. If not he's free to spread is good humor around and reel the fishes in.

    Ultimately she should include herself in these meetings and see if she's the third wheel or the cock blocker. She shouldn't bring it up cuz that just validates HER insecurities AND his and her friends "secret" feelings.

  9. NurseJilly

    07/30/2012 at 1:08 PM

    To be honest I'm all for everyone getting along and my girls all thinking my bf is great and vice versa but there should be boundaries. I don't care how well my man got along with my girlfriends not a single one of them would talk to him on the phone unless they are calling me and he picked up or something. There is no reason for them to be that close in my opinion.

    She should absolutely bring it up to her girl and make her expectations known, if she says nothing then how the hell are they supposed to know that its bothering her?

    To be honest she's kind of in a F'd up position now cause she didn't handle this right from the beginning but better late than never I guess…

  10. Paul B

    07/30/2012 at 8:51 PM

    Actually I agree. I don’t want my woman being friends with my friends, though sadly I learned this lesson a little late. But I did keep at least one friend separated from her. Certain friends got a little too comfortable and demonstrated some disloyalty to me for her not long after she was in the picture. Needless to say, they’ve been downgraded to associates in my life.

  11. Dydy

    08/01/2012 at 10:05 AM

    My friends are my friends, her friends are hers. I WILL make a big stink about it if she tries to get me to meet her friends. To me that's worse than meeting the parents, and I'm never in the mood to field a game of 21 questions that's all about me from friends. Mystery is the spice of life.

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