New R&B Podcast [July 1/12]: “Ask A Black Man – About MARRIAGE”

In this week’s episode we discuss MARRIAGE and how much men love AND hate it, why Chris Bosh needs to MAN UP, why I hate the term “Obamacare” and what is the most DESTRUCTIVE force in a relationship.

Are y’all feeling Alicia Keys new tune “New Day” or does it not do it for you?

Also, ladies, what do YOU think are the 3 keys to a great marriage?

And finally, I’M ON STITCHER RADIO! Click the link HERE and make sure you download the app to your iPhone, iPad or Android so you can get my podcast streamed right onto your device!

Hope y’all enjoyed the show.


When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. petersburgh

    07/01/2012 at 6:35 PM

    My outlook on it is I must be COMFORTABLE with both her looks and cooking skills in union. To be in a relationship I must be attracted to her and secondly I would prefer her to be a good cook but if she isn't should I dump her? Luckily for me my girlfriend is both.

    The $2600 is enough but is it sufficient? No it's not. A court cannot decide the worth of your child to you so just because it gave you some calculated amount doesn't mean you must pay that and leave it at that. Are you putting a static figure on your child's worth?

    I don't really know much about the Obamacare but I always knew the American Health care system was messed up and after Michael Moore's Sicko, I felt even worse about it.

    In terms of sex, it should be done as regular as necessary to keep the spark in the relationship. Sometimes it maybe 4 times a day or once a day but I think it works better when the sex drives of both partners are closer together which brings me to this point. Ladies, sometimes you must give in to please your man and men sometimes you have to forgo the nut and understand she might really just be tired.

    Congrats on the new media and keep it going Lincoln and I am looking forward to the Goddess interview with you. She is a good writer so that should be interesting. Enjoy the vacation!!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 1:01 AM

      I Gotta Keep It Real With You…Sicko Changed My Outlook On EVER Considering Living In The United States Full Time.

      The Goddess Intellect Interview Will Be HILARIOUS So I'm Preparing You For That From NOW!

  2. DestinysTruth

    07/01/2012 at 9:41 PM

    <div id="idc-comment-msg-div-393651989" class="idc-message"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(393651989)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a class="idc-share-facebook" target="_new" href="" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(393651989)">Close MessageThis is my first time listening and I have enjoyed your straight and balanced viewpoint on various issues. In regards to the first topic the question about women's looks vs. cooking abilities, I do agree there should be a balance. Secondly, the taking of your spouses' name should be discussed, but I would like to take my husbands' name, but professionally use a hyphenated form of our names. Thirdly, the Chris Bosh child support matter is ridiculous. I truly hope that he is giving more than the court orders and not just monetarily. Fourthly, if there is infidelity in a relationship or marriage it is over for me as well.

    MESSAGE: Your statement about how to get the ring is as real and straight talk as we women need to know and fully understand. Women need to know what they want and if they are in a relationship that does not meet their expectations have the courage to be alone until the right man comes along.
    The Affordable Care Act is a great first step in obtaining a national health care program and health care reform. Just as the Constitution was a work that required several amendments and articles to get it right, so will any major reformation in government.

    Lincoln I look forward to listening again in the future. The music and content was very interesting. The Alicia Keys song was just OKKKKKKK!
    Keep striving for the Truth!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 1:02 AM

      Thanks For The Comment, It Looks Like We Are Eye-To-Eye On MANY Issues – Except The Fact That i'm Actually Really Feelin A. Keys New Day Song!

      Thanks For Listening!

      • @jessicaw1981

        07/03/2012 at 2:23 AM

        Normally I think just about everything you say is brilliant but….errrr…ummm…aaaahh…

        Alicia Keys (homewrecker or not) has never been one of my favorite artists. As a singer I know that 90% of her songs are sung outside of her vocal range. So that mixed with husky grunts of "unh" and "yeah" with a New York accent do nothing for me. #mark me absent on the day we hear this one in concert;

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/03/2012 at 3:18 PM

          She May Not Be The Most Amazing Singer, But Her Soul And Knowledge Of Music Puts Her Far Ahead Of Many Other Singers Out Now In My Opinion.

  3. mena

    07/01/2012 at 11:22 PM

    Side note: PJ from VSB did two episodes and those were the only two that I watched. I liked those episodes though. Also, maybe the questions were a tad soft since the show was made for the Internet. Last thing, the women went crazy on the comments sections of one of the episodes a watched a while back. It was not a great representation for black women.

    Soooo…this is my problem with these black relationship blogs/magazines: the men come off selfish and the women come off crazy. I have only read up on black relationships so I will just speak of this. Black men (generalizing I know) seem to want this mythical wifey: she is beautiful, submissive, caters everyday, makes paper but doesn't make so much as to emasculate her man, puts it down in the bedroom all the time, never complains, etc. She is wifey and only will become wife if she proves herself worthy by being put through every test known to man. If a woman complains or questions these qualities, she is then labeled as crazy and unworthy. And, so many women try their hardest to live up to the standards of wifey that they lose themselves in order to hopefully win the title of wife.

    I only read three blogs (one being yours) and when it comes to the things that women do wrong in relationships or why women are crazy, chose to be unhappy, or whatever other crap they can place on women's shoulders, I now tap out and come back the following day. I say all of that to say that the comments that these men made is a lot of the crap I have seen written and commented about on other blogs and it really makes me lose hope sometimes that I will find a husband and not just a really great penis. None of the guys on that particular episode (and questions that you pulled out) spoke about what they could bring to the table. It was all about what, I, as a women BETTER bring to the table in order to find a black man. Granted, that was the purpose of the show but the answers just seemed so self centered and unattainable.

    I feel that a lot of black men think that their is a black man shortage and so they have the right to be an absolute jerk and the sad part is that black women allow this train of thought. I feel that a lot of black men tend to think very highly of themselves and feel that if they do just the minimum then I as a woman should be happy and give 150% since he is even giving me the time of day. It is an honor to be with him and so I better play my role or else he will find someone who will. See how messed up and warped that view is? I am sure that some black men feel this way about black women as well. We need to do better and come to the table with a mutual respect and appreciation for each other.

    3 keys to a great marriage for me: respect, trust, fidelity.

    Nice podcast. Your feedback was a tad harsh but definitely understood.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 1:07 AM

      I Appreciate Your Sensibilities, But I'm Slightly Troubled About One Fact In Particular:

      Why Would You Ever Be Discouraged By A Man's Words, When His Actions Don't Even Live Up To His "Expectations."

      I Really Appreciate This Comment, And I Think I Will Expand On It In Next Week's Podcast During The "Moment Of Clarity" Section.

      Thanks For Listening And Commenting!

      • mena

        07/03/2012 at 6:37 AM

        Trust, I know great black men who do not have this mentality but it's always the loudest ones who have the greatest impact.

        Discouraged in the sense that these comments are repeated over and over and over again. So repeated in fact that they are now embedded in our culture through songs, in magazines, blogs, dumb behind reality shows, etc. This is discouragement at its fullest, when the ignorance becomes so ingrained in your culture that every where you turn, it seems to smack you dead in the face–it starts to become too real for words and you have to wonder how did we get here.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/03/2012 at 3:22 PM

          I Won't Discount Your Experience, I Will Just Simply Say In My Life I Don't See Blogs, Magazines And TV Shows Having A Real Life Influence Over Men's Dating Decisions.

          For Example, Growing Up Listening To Rap And Watching Videos, There's A PREMIUM Placed On Having A SEXY DIMEPIECE For A Wifey And NOTHING LESS – But Walking The Streets I See Dudes, Who Love And Listen To Rap, HAPPILY MARRIED To Women Who Look Like Spliffstar….Everyone Might Be TALKING A Tough Game, But What Are People DOING.

  4. longtimelurker

    07/02/2012 at 9:49 AM

    *standing ovation*
    Mena, this comment is dead on, very insightful and REAL MF TALK.

  5. @jessicaw1981

    07/03/2012 at 2:24 AM

    3 keys to a workng marriage:
    honesty (even if it hurts my feelings,)
    trust (i need to know that you will have my back over family, friends, public opinion,etc)
    sincere friendship (If we're in this for the long haul I need you to be the person I want to tell about my day…even if I'm mad. Be my sounding board for the good, bad and ugly and when looks fail, $ leaves and God forbid calamity hits we should stil be able to make each other laugh.)

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 3:28 PM


  6. @jessicaw1981

    07/03/2012 at 2:25 AM

    I agree with the "Obamacare" label for the healthcare reform. This is just another opportunity to create a stigma associated to our illustrious president's non-american name. People suck….and they ain't slick!

  7. @jessicaw1981

    07/03/2012 at 2:26 AM

    In terms of being wife material I know some amazing women that are the husbands biggest advocate, most loyal business partner and best friend and doesn't cook a meal….ever. Its about your relationship. Not what grandmama n'nem told you a wife is supposed to do. Today we have freedom to write our own rules. Taking a man's name is apart of making your own relationship rules as well. Personally I will take pride in taking my future husband's name (whoever he might be). I think that it will bond us in partnership. And shows that I belong to him and we are family.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 3:29 PM

      100% Truth!

  8. @jessicaw1981

    07/03/2012 at 2:27 AM

    In terms of being wife material I know some amazing women that are the husbands biggest advocate, most loyal business partner and best friend and doesn't cook a meal….ever. Its about your relationship. Not what grandmama n'nem told you a wife is supposed to do. Today we have freedom to write our own rules. Taking a man's name is apart of making your own relationship rules as well. Personally I will take pride in taking my future husband's name (whoever he might be). I think that it will bond us in partnership. And shows that I belong to him and we are family.

    I have more to say but I've talked to much already. I loved this podcast! As always…hats off to Lincoln Anthony Blades!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/03/2012 at 3:29 PM

      Thanks For Your SUpport Jessica!

  9. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/03/2012 at 9:55 PM

    I Guess It Boils Down To The Point That I Don't Believe These Guys Were Articulating Their Points Correctly, Nor Do I Think These Guys Represent Anyone But Themselves. But Ultimately That's Just My Opinion, Because I Have No Clue What These Specific Guys Were Trying To Say – But I Have A Feeling If There Were 4 Other Women In The Room, The Convo Would Have Been Different.

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