Rape Is NEVER A Funny Topic – Apparently Unless It’s A MAN

This past week, because of the Daniel Tosh incident, I was subjected to a lot of misplaced anger and rage from excessively expressive anti-rape spokespeople who feel there’s merit and social justice in taking down a comedian over a joke aimed at a heckler, instead of doing something useful to actually further their cause of supporting victims and spreading a MEANINGFUL message through coherent discourse – but I digress. So, last week I read MANY articles on rape, listened to podcasts on rape and also watched vlogs on rape, and after ALL of that I came to one sad conclusion: In our society, rape is NEVER a funny topic – unless the victim is a man.

In my mind, rape is the most HORRIFIC act that can be perpetrated against another human, because it’s so personal, intrusive, dehumanizing, humiliating and violent. Although I believe that ALL things are equal in the realm of comedy, I more than understand the knee-jerk reactions the term evokes when spoken in public society. Hell, anytime someone brings up the fact that they were raped, it feels like the air is immediately SUCKED right out of the room, because it’s such a flabbergasting thing for someone to have lived and experienced. But I’m being polite when I say “someone” because the reality is, most of society ONLY find it depressing when some WOMAN has had to live and experience that, but for men – not so much.

I understand that women make up the majority of rape cases, but the one question I WISH I could’ve asked all the anti-rape advocates is: Where is your support for men who get raped and why is there no campaign to end humour aimed at male rape?

I more than understand why a regular woman or a feminist would inherently view rape through the lens of it being an exclusively female experience, but why exactly aren’t these rape committees (whose number 1 issue is defending rape victims) seemingly ignoring the REALITY that MEN are raped too? Men have become the lost victims of rape and sexual assault, and seemingly have NO SERIOUS allies in this fight to regain their intrinsic humanity.

The reality is RAPE is NOT a woman’s issue – it is a HUMAN issue. Unfortunately in the world we live in FAR too many women are raped and sexual assaulted – but also FAR too many men are raped and sexually assaulted too. And NO, it just is not happening in jails and at the hands of other men. Men are being raped out in society, and sometimes even by WOMEN. But what’s so interesting about male rape is that we can NOT get over stigmatizing male victims as either WEAK or HILARIOUS:

Now I find these comics to be hilarious, but the funny thing about THOSE jokes, is I NEVER hear a PEEP out of activists about “propagating rape culture.” But why not? All jokes aside, can you REALLY tell me that THIS sort of rape (that this inmate describes) is NOT equally as terrifying and invasive as any rape ANY human can go through:

Now my larger point here is NOT to compare how men and women deal with rape, but it is to address a very simple point that far too many people miss when it comes to rape: It’s TERRIBLE for both MEN and WOMEN, and we should be doling out an equal amount of support for ALL victims regardless of their gender.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

27 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/17/2012 at 5:30 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree That Rape Is A Human Issue As Opposed To Being A Woman's Issue? Or Are Far Women So Disproportionately The Victims Of Rape, That It Only Makes Sense To View It As A Woman's Issue?

    • J. A. Johnson

      07/17/2012 at 10:21 AM

      I think it's a human issue. Yes, majority of reported rape cases are women…but at the same time, how many times do we think men are raped and either convince themselves that they wanted it because they managed to get hard, because they didn't full on fight the rapest, or just were too embarrassed to report the rape case?

      It's like domestic violence. People go all crazy about women being beat in a home, but the vast majority of male domestic abuse cases are never reported or even laughed at by the police if the man is bigger or of adequate size.

      Craziest story last year or the year before it…a boy was stripped naked in front of his home by THREE girls. The boy sounded scared and screamed for help and it continued. The girls laughed, and even video taped it. The cops laughed and called it a prank. If it was 3 boys stripping a girl in front of her house in daylight then videotaping it…they would have instantly been arrested and awaiting jail time!!

      • Double K

        07/17/2012 at 11:35 AM

        That story is horrible. Society isn't currently setup for violence against men cause by women unfortunately. Did you know the domestic violence is roughly 50/50 initiated by both men and women; and because men are typically bigger, women are more likely to use weapons or objects. I remember (or don't remember) taking a tennis racket to the back of the head but nobody would ever categorize it as abuse. If I had turn around with a roundhouse, my ass would be the one going to jail.

        With all domestic disturbance calls they have something called "the predominate aggressor". It states that regardless of who started the incident, the person with the "most ability and inclination to inflict physical injury". The key ingredient to this being height and weight. Combine that with the idea of "manning up" and you got a licence to treat dudes like shit.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/17/2012 at 12:21 PM

          I Actually Wrote About That Statistic A While Back. It Proved WOMEN Often Initiate The Violence MORE Than Men – BUT, The Same Stats Proved Men Typically Took Less Abuse In The Exchanges. So Women Predominantly Start Shit, And Men Typically End Shit Making Us Look Like Savages.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        07/17/2012 at 12:19 PM

        That's Fucked Up But That's How It Is For Men. Dave Chappelle Was Right – We're Essentially Told To "Walk It Off"

  2. petersburgh

    07/17/2012 at 6:35 AM

    I Co-Sign this article. I have too many female who have been raped and beaten and even some who from describing the experience to me were raped even though they don't think it is. When they describe it I get so mad sometimes I have to clench my inner being.

    I understand why the ladies will kick up from any rape issue but the truth is everyone laughs when it is a man that gets raped. I watched that Ross Kemp on Gangs in South Africa which is the last clip you have there and that man is psychotic. He talks as if he thinks nothing is wrong with anything he says and this is about raping another man.

    My idea on the whole situation is this. Everyone thinks the joke is funny until it's on them, their family or psyche. If he had joked on a man being raped I doubt that same woman would have complained

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/17/2012 at 12:22 PM

      Co-Sign.

  3. mena

    07/17/2012 at 10:15 AM

    I am watching Prison Break on Huluplus. Well they just introduced a new character in season 1 and it's this kid that the guards put in with this huge dude just for him to get raped everyday. I am disgusted and hope that this one guard gets his by the end of the show.

    Until more men speak up and out about the abuses they faced as children and adults, the tide will not change. That is what it will take. The reason why female rape isn't funny is bc there is a face on female rape. We all know a girl, probably through less than 6 degrees of separation, that was raped and so it hits home. Male rape isn't funny either but it's easier to laugh it off when it's not close to your heart.

    • Smilez_920

      07/17/2012 at 10:56 AM

      I def see where your coming from. The thing is; what are the social repercussions, if a man speaks up about being raped by another man. I mean how many women would date a man that has been raped by another man in his adult life.
      I mean look at the phrase we use to describe a man's character after he’s been raped, labels like "bit*h" or "Someone took his manhood”. I think more men should report cases of rape it if has happened to them, but it won’t be easy if society puts their manhood at stake when they do come out to speak about it.

      • Double K

        07/17/2012 at 11:46 AM

        This is why so many of those men turn to an easy solution, suicide. There's nothing that they could do but live with the guilt and shame of "letting themselves get raped".

      • mena

        07/17/2012 at 12:00 PM

        Until men realize that it isn't their fault (just like women had to do for people to take us seriously) and speak out about it then nothing will change. I understand the stigma behind abuse of any sort but it only takes a few to make a change for the whole. Also, men themselves need to come together on this. Women had to do it and eventually, were able to go from "we wanted it" to "no means no." Now, that's not to say that there aren't still problems but a change did occur.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/17/2012 at 12:26 PM

          I Think You May Be Slightly Missing Some Parts Of What Smilez Was Saying. Even If A Man Becomes Secure And Self-Assured That His Rape Was Not His Fault, The Next Big Hurdle Is Going Out In Society And Dealing With People Snickering At You And Behind Your Back.

          When A Woman Gets Raped, The Vast Majority Of Our Society Is There To Support Her. When A Man Gets Raped, He Becomes The Butt Of Jokes And Basically Starts To Resemble Raz B.

          • mena

            07/17/2012 at 12:35 PM

            No i understood the point. What i was saying was the before, women didn't have support. We had to fight hard to gain it. It was unheard of for you to say your boyfriend or husband raped you? How could he? Or, if you were wearing something low and revealing–you asked for it to happen? Women had to fight, and fight hard, for society to understand that no means no and men will have to do the same to combat the stereotypes associated with a man being raped. We all will have to honestly but it will take men to lead the front.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            07/17/2012 at 1:28 PM

            Good Point. I Heard It Wasn't Legally Possible For A Man To Be Charged For Raping His Wife Until Like 40 Or 50 Years Ago?

          • mena

            07/17/2012 at 2:32 PM

            In the 80s and 90s in the western world. Sad huh? This was just made into law no more than 30 yrs ago.

            "However, as of 1999, 33 of 50 U.S. states regard spousal rape as a lesser crime"

            Now guess how hard it is to prove?

            Rape is the one act of violence that can strip a person of their dignity, self esteem, and possibly soul and still leave the person alive.

            Men need to speak out about this if it happens to them.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            07/17/2012 at 3:43 PM

            I Think The Onus Is Also On Us As A Society To Make ALL Rape Victims Feel Less Apprehensive About Coming Out And Admitting What Was Done To Them.

            Men, Women & Children Need Societal Support To Help Them Personally Be Stronger.

      • mena

        07/17/2012 at 12:09 PM

        "how many women would date a man that has been raped by another man in his adult life." This is the main problem and i am going to have to agree with you 1000%, people assume that once you have been abused, you will abuse. It has been shown that that is sometimes the case but not all the time. This is why women and men who have been abused, or were the abuser, probably suffered some type of abuse in their childhood. So the stigma that is associated is a huge one. Coupled with the fact that no one wants to deal with someone they feel is damaged goods and you have a recipe for silence and the perfect conditions for the cycle to be repeated.

        Could i date a man that was raped? I honestly don't know. I am just trying to keep it real here. I want to say that I could but that doesn't mean I won't have to come to some big realizations about myself, my own stereotypes, and how much i am willing to put forth into the relationship. I will say this, if he never sought therapy or some type of help, the answer would be no.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/17/2012 at 12:28 PM

          Another Stereotype Around Men Who Are Raped Is That They Are Simply Gay Guys Unwilling To Come Out Of The Closet In A Straight-Forward Way.

          • Double K

            07/17/2012 at 12:32 PM

            I was about to make the same point. It's the most hurtful statement not because they are called gay, but because they are essentially blaming the victim. It's like calling a female rape survivor a slut. See how terrible that is? People don't think of it the same way for some odd reason.

          • mena

            07/17/2012 at 12:37 PM

            No. I definitely see it and it sucks.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            07/17/2012 at 1:29 PM

            Exactly.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        07/17/2012 at 12:23 PM

        100% Agree.

  4. Double K

    07/17/2012 at 12:04 PM

    Kudos, Link, for bringing this up. I was just talking about this the other day, not actually in relation to the Daniel Tosh thing. Nobody ever talks about rape like this. If it's going to be funny/not funny, then it's got to be the same across the board. People that laughed at the jokes above should see the humor in other rape jokes. Humor is meant to point out things that are terrible, but when it comes to rape, totally off limits to some people…except for when it's a man.

    I got two stories on how society treats these situations.

    1. I often teach people over Skype on various computer topics. One day a guy I was teaching tells me his 15 year old brother is "getting good pussy" from his teacher. WHAT? It took about two weeks of constant begging the guy to do something before he actually did.

    2. If you are a candidate for hypotension then you should regularly try to have a logical conversation with a radial feminist. Stating all that was said in this article during a talk, I was met with some of the most cold blooded reasonings I have ever come across.
    In regards to man rape; "It's violence of man against man. Maybe they can see how the other half has to life for once, because it's in men's nature to do evil so it isn't as bad." or in regards to child molestation. "He's going to now grow up and do the same thing."

    I think the general problem is just plain ignorance and the expectation for men to be able to deal with whatever life throws at them without complaint otherwise look like less of a man for it.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/17/2012 at 12:31 PM

      You're Better Than Me Because I Would Have CUSSED That Feminists Punk Ass Out For Propagating Rape Culture The Same Way They Do To Other People.

      She Can NOT Claim To HATE Rape If Man-Rape Is A Joke To Her.

      • Double K

        07/17/2012 at 12:39 PM

        Sometimes people say something so ridiculous you can't help but laugh it off.

    • NurseJilly

      07/17/2012 at 2:12 PM

      Good point with the 1st scenario. There is still such a divide on what sexual abuse is for males and females and it needs to stop. A young boy having sex with an adult female teacher should carry the same punishment as a young girl and a male teacher. Its crazy how people rationalize this for boys and would be up in arms if it were a little girl.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        07/17/2012 at 3:44 PM

        Exactly!

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