When It Comes To Finding LOVE, There Is No Such Thing As A “MINOR TURN-OFF”

Yesterday I was on the phone with my Lesbian friend and her homegirl [let’s call her Aaliyah] and Aaliyah was describing how she might have met the PERFECT woman a week ago. She recently started dating a butch chick who was trying to look like Queen Latifah in Set It Off, but looked more like Twista in the “Slow Jamz” video [but I digress]. So Aaliyah and “Twista” had great convo, enjoyed each other’s sense of humour and even had some burgeoning sexual tension – BUT there was one thing that made Aaliyah’s nani dry up faster than Jermaine Jackson’s high top without activator: “Twista” could NOT stop spitting phlegm ALL over the street EVERYWHERE they went. On one date, she even did that thing where you put one finger over one nostril and blow the snot out of the other nostril. Aaliyah now wants to kick “Twista’s” frowsy behind to the curb, but she is reluctant to do so because she believes the issue is TOO “minor” to end a potentially good relationship over – but she needs to get a grip.

The fact is when it comes to finding LOVE, there is no such thing as a “minor” turn-off and I had to explain that to her. Now, Aaliyah explained to “Twista” from the FIRST date how much it offended and disgusted her, yet no adjustment in behaviour was made which means it’s time for this overnight celebrity to become a memory.

We should be very clear that finding LOVE is obviously MUCH different than finding some new richard or nani. Hell, when it comes to getting nothing but some new nani or richard, the standards we have are ALLOWED to drop, since we don’t really expect to see that person after the one night, week, or month of squirtastic, nut-busting sex. But if you are looking to find someone to spend your life with, someone you can love and who will love you back unconditionally and someone worth creating a family with, anything that impedes the honest progress of your relationship search is a MAJOR thing.

Now I added honest in there, because there is a LARGE difference between a REAL search for love and a superficial one. Some people THINK they are ready for love, but are no where near being mature or coherent enough for a serious, long-term relationship, so there petty concerns are pointless. But for the people who understand the concept of compromise and big-picture ideology, a turn-off is simply a turn-off and you shouldn’t TRY to force it.

In fact, I have some turn-offs that are considered “Minor” in some peoples eyes, such as:

I can’t date a chick who can casually throw an entire bag of McDonalds garbage out the car window on the freeway like it’s nothing. There’s something about her carelessness that really disgusts me.

Nasty-Ass Cars
There’s a difference between a messy car and a nasty car. A messy car just has things everywhere (like CD’s, snow brushes and magazines), but a NASTY CAR has 3-month old half-eaten Big Macs, cockroaches and a box of pads with a trail of ants running inside of it (yes I’ve actually seen the last one).

Women Who Clap Their Hands When They Argue
I don’t know how common this is, but once a woman gets to yelling at me and clapping her hands in sync with her cuss words, I’m OUT bruh.

Now to some people these are small little things that I should “get over” or “learn to deal with” but the reality is starting a relationship conceding something as simple, yet important as a TURN-OFF is a TERRIBLE way to begin a serious, long-term union.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/24/2012 at 5:24 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do YOU Have Any "Minor Turn-Offs" That Can Prevent You From Seriously Dating Someone? What Are They?

  2. petersburgh

    07/24/2012 at 6:11 AM

    I would think that and minor thing that prevents you from dating someone isn't minor to you. If her obnoxious behaviour was minor, Aaliyah would really have to mention it or be thinking about it to that degree and that's my point on that.

    As I said it isn't minor for me but here are a few turn-offs from me
    As you said litterbugs
    Loud mouths- I know when you get with friends you make keep some noise laughing and arguing but if we're watching tv and I can hear you over the tv that's a turn off
    If you are critical of every person that passes, I'M OUT

  3. mena

    07/24/2012 at 9:31 AM

    "a box of pads with a trail of ants running inside of it (yes I’ve actually seen the last one)." That's ridiculous. How many rides did you take in that car?

    Limited vocabulary
    Inability to switch from topic to topic
    Unkept hair and beard
    Spitting in general (unless we are working out together) and then it's spitting anywhere BUT the grass. This irks me to no end.
    TOO nicely dressed (pretty men are a huge turnoff)

  4. NurseJilly

    07/24/2012 at 10:21 AM

    Oh no she didn't do a farmers blow on a date…(thats what we whiteys call that nose blowing)

    Absolutely disgusting!!!

    I have a few deal breakers. Negativity is #1, can't stand miserable people. Spitting is on my list too, just nasty. Chewing with your mouth open literally makes me want to murder people. Passing gas all willy nilly pisses me off too, get your lazy ass up and go to the bathroom. Ok… I think thats it for now:)

  5. ChloeRayne516

    07/24/2012 at 10:53 AM

    " chick who was trying to look like Queen Latifah in Set It Off, but looked more like Twista in the “Slow Jamz” video"



  6. daboo18

    07/24/2012 at 3:55 PM

    Spitting in front of me or on anything but grass.
    sagging way below your buttocks
    Guys that are Too pretty
    Long nails and biting nails constantly

    lol i'm very picky but i do make exceptions to certain things

  7. iluvwhoiluv

    07/24/2012 at 4:14 PM

    I am not a fan of the "sag". I don't want to see a man's underwear or the crack of his ass. No snot rockets or spit. Too much conversational cursing..does every word have to be sh*t, mutha f***a, b*tch, and so on….a man who has to be prettier than I am. I like a man who isn't afraid of the outdoors or working with his hands….I swear I've been with a man who has seen a fly (not a bee, yellow jacket, or wasp) and starts running like his pants are on fire. Burping or passing gas (and not saying excuse me).

  8. Aboriginal

    07/24/2012 at 11:47 PM

    Wait a minute, there are women out there who do not like the tight jeans and pretty boy look??? I think I need to move.

  9. TS123

    07/25/2012 at 12:13 AM

    I think its so rare to meet someone that you like that I wouldn't toss him back just because I don't like how he dresses. Women will always try to redress you slowly anyways. I think "minor" stuff can be fixed or come to some type of compromise.

    Yea i hate the whole pretty boy swag movement. Straight men and gay men all look alike nowadays.

  10. Cindy

    07/29/2012 at 1:47 PM

    Hey Lincoln and everyone reading his blog, i have to admit. I like you for your personality :) And thats a biggie cause you always firstly attracted to the physical (or I atleast I am).
    Saying this because, from what i read you my kind of guy. *smile on my face*

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